In the darkness, as you stare across the bar, desperately wondering how to get the attention of that impossibly out-of-your-league blonde bombshell, your mind is racing. What do I say? How do I act? What should I do? You’ve read articles and asked your mates, and you still can’t come up with the right answer. Not because you have the right information, but because you’re not asking the right question.
All these questions you’re asking actually have a deeper undercurrent; something that will cut through the confusion and get you to the core of your issue: How do I attract women?
You don’t really care about what you should say or how you should act, as long as they get you results: doe-eyed, wet-panty, delicate-touch-of-your-arm, attraction. You want her to want you, and to want you badly. You want her dripping wet, clutching at your arm, begging you to take her home, regardless of what her friends are saying. That’s what you want. Not some cheesy pickup line and a handful of body language tricks to mask your anxiety. You want results.
And that starts with understanding the basic fundamentals of attraction.
How to attract women: A Beginners Guide
Attracting women isn’t as complex, intricate, or confusing as it would seem on the surface. In fact, it can be simple, straight-forward, and even logical – when you know how.
And if you want to take the hard work out of turning accidental eye-contact into, flirty smiles and even a feminine hand resting casually on your arm, the first thing you need to do is forget everything you’ve ever been told about attracting women.
According to the ‘seduction bibles’ floating around the internet, mischievously traded between confused 14 year olds in seedy internet chat rooms, to attract a woman, you need to activate her attraction switches.
Yes, that’s actually the way they talk about attraction; like women were some piece of Ikea furniture you could ‘turn on’ by following the instruction manual and making sure all the screws were in the right places (pun intended).
This is actually a load of crap – made up by some confused little boys who couldn’t tell the difference between what they did that made a specific woman attracted to them at a specific point in time and the actual mechanism of attraction.
Saying that you have to flick 5 / 9 / 14 ‘attraction switches’ to attract a woman because they were the things you did to attract one woman is like saying you need to kick a ball forward, then backwards, then with your right foot, then your left foot, then really hard with your right again to score a goal in soccer.
What you did once to achieve an outcome doesn’t mean that that’s how you achieve that outcome every time.
If you walked onto a soccer field and just kicked the ball the same way you did the last time you scored a goal then you’re going to miss 99.999% of the time. And if you blindly follow this flawed ‘attraction switch’ theory, you’re going to miss out on attracting the girl, time and time again.
This is because the theory of attraction switches ignores the most fundamental rule of attraction: attraction is a feeling, not a thought.
If you can make a woman experience what she wants to experience, then she will be attracted to you. If you can’t, then she won’t.
That’s it. That’s all there is to it.
- If a woman wants to feel excited and alive and you can give that to her, then she’ll be attracted towards you.
- If a woman wants to feel safe and secure and you can give that to her, then she’ll be attracted towards you.
- If a woman wants to feel free and unrestricted and you can give that to her, then she’ll be attracted towards you.
When you can give a woman what she wants, she’ll be drawn to you like a magnet. If you can’t, then at worst, she’ll be neutral and at worst, she’ll be pushed away from you.
Now, you’re probably thinking: “So what? This isn’t revolutionary. And this doesn’t say anything about attraction switches.”
And you’re right, it’s not revolutionary. Which makes it even more puzzling how the guys who came up with the attraction switch theory missed how obvious this is…
The fact that attraction is a feeling makes the ‘attraction switch’ theory completely wrong on two counts.
Attraction Switches are a Load of Crap Reason 1:
Women want different experiences
Do you think the following women want the same experience?
- The 18 year old party girl who’s just broken up with her high-school sweetheart and is exploring all the possibilities that come with moving away from home to college for the first time
- The 27 year old bookworm who just started to explore her love affair with Edgar Allen Poe and other great literary geniuses
- The 35 year old cougar who craves the attention of younger men because he husband of 11 years spends more time on the Xbox than he does with her
- The 29 year old who’s been trapped in an unsafe relationship with an abusive boyfriend for the last 2 years and has finally found the strength to move on
Do you think you could just flip the same switches with these women and they’d be on their knees unzipping your fly?
Do you think you could just follow the same manual to turn all of these women into blubbering messes?
No. Of course not.
- The party girls who wants to taste freedom and so to attract her, you’d have to give her the experience of freedom
- The bookworm wants to experience a depth of connection so to attract her, you’d have to give her the experience of connection
- The cougar wants to feel appreciated and important so to attract her, you’d have to give her the experience of appreciation
- The abuse victim wants to feel a sense of power and control over her life and so to attract her, you’d have to give her the experience of power and control
Each woman is different and each woman wants a different experience. This means there is not a step-by-step set of switches you have to flick because each woman has a different set of ‘switches’.
Just in the same way you want different things out of life than your parents and your mates, women also want different things.
But, it doesn’t just stop there. This goes even deeper…
Attraction Switches are a Load of Crap Reason 2:
The experience women want changes day-by-day, and even moment-by-moment
Answer this: when you woke up this morning, did you crave the exact same thing for breakfast as you did for lunch? Or, over the course of the day, have your desires changed?
Of course you didn’t.
Why? Because people change. All the time. Every day.
And that means that the experience they’re attracted to changes as well.
- The party girl who wants to taste freedom might see her ex-boyfriend making out with another girl and all of a sudden desire to feel significant and important
- The bookworm who craves connection might get her fill and all of a sudden desire to do something exciting and outlandish
- The cougar who desires to feel appreciated and important might find her sense of significance and then crave an adventure
Women (just like guys) change. Their thoughts change, their feelings change, and their desires change.
You can’t just follow one set script and process to attract women because even if all women did desire the same experience at one point in time, that desire is going to change. And when that desire changes, what they’re attract to will change.
But that’s not all. There’s one more point you need to know about attraction switches
There’s no one exact set of tools or switches you can use to attract any woman because every woman is different.
Every single one.
Different women want different experiences at different times of the day and to give them the experience they want (and have them attracted to you because of it), you can’t just follow a script or a prescribed set of actions.
So now comes the usual question:
“How do I attract a woman by giving her the experience she wants?”
This is where most pickup books would just in with techniques about to demonstrate this and how to internalise that, and frankly, once again, they’re all crap.
Why? Because the actions you take don’t determine how you make women feel.
- You can introduce yourself in a way that makes her feel creeped out and you can introduce yourself in a way that makes her feel excited and alive
- You can tell a story in a way that makes her feel pressured to laugh and give you a positive response and you can tell a story in a way that makes her feel excited.
- You can ask her for her number in a way that her feel unsafe and unsure and you can ask for her number in a way that makes desired and appreciated
Your actions don’t determine how you make a woman feel.
And no, it’s not your haircut, your style, your knowledge or your bank balance.
It’s something far simpler… Think about it like this:
- Which kind of people do you feel most excited and alive around? Is it routine, boring, monotone, safe people or is it exciting people who’re living on their edge and pushing their boundaries?
- Which kind of people do you feel the most safe and secure around? Is it nervous, anxious, and flighty people or is it calm, confident, and strong people
- Which kind of people do you feel more connected to? Is it closed off and standoffish people or is it open and expressive people?
What you experience determines what the women you’re interacting with feel. What you experience determines whether or not women are attracted to you.
You can’t give women the experience of safety and security until you feel safe and secure yourself.
You can’t give women the experience of excitement and really living until you feel excited and alive.
You can’t give women the experience of freedom and openness until you feel free and open.
It’s just that simple.
This means that…
The Secret to Attracting Women is…
…first giving yourself everything you want.
It starts with creating a life that’s exciting and challenging, where you feel powerful and strong and open and free and connected to people around you.
It starts with challenging your insecurities rather than letting them you challenge you.
It starts with moving towards your fears rather than moving away from them.
It starts with opening up and sharing yourself rather than closing down and hiding.
Becoming the kind of Man that women are naturally and effortlessly attracted to starts by becoming the kind of Man that you want to be.
To attract women, you first have to become attractive. And that means becoming attractive to yourself.
Now, I’m not saying that pickup artist tricks can’t work. Of course they can. You can learn to hide and conceal and pretend and manipulate and get short-term results with gullible women.
But if you’ve ever dreamed of getting long-term results with intelligent, self-aware women, then there’s only one way to do it.