How To Find Your Core Desires And The Passion To Pursue Them

If I told you I’d developed a brand new method for finding your core desires that’s faster and easier than any other method I’d ever seen, would you want to know more?

What if I told you it was also one of the simplest and easiest ways to motivate yourself to push through tough barriers and challenges that stand in your way of fulfilling them, would you be interested then?

And, best of all, what if I told you it was 100% free?

If you’re not interested in hearing, you’re probably in the wrong place. And if you are interested, you’re in for a rude shock.

Why? Because this new method is one that you’re already VERY familiar with.

It’s called: Pain.

That’s right. Good, old pain.

It’s the secret to getting in touch with your core drives and desires as well as finding the strength to push through the challenges that stand in the way of you fulfilling them.

There’s how:


Using Pain To Find Your Core Desires

If I told you that there’s no way I was going to let you eat any more of my bag of poo, would you experience pain?

No, of course not. Why? Because (and I’m really going out on a limb here) you don’t want to eat poo.

What if I said you had to eat poo or I was going to shoot you? What would you experience then?

Anger, disgust, rage, fear, sadness, excitement (hey, you wouldn’t be the first one)?

Why? I’m going to guess it’s because you care about not eating poo.

What does that tell you about the life you want to live?

I can’t say for sure but I’m going to guess that you care about being healthy, strong, and being able to make choices about what you put in your mouth. You care about having freedom and autonomy to dictate the course of your life and I’m infringing on it.

This is what your negative emotional response tells you.

If you had no emotional response, you’d know that it didn’t matter.

You wouldn’t have an emotional response to a branch breaking off a tree in my back yard. Why? Because you don’t care about it. You don’t have a deep, core desire for my tree to have lots of limbs.

You wouldn’t have an emotional response to me spilling orange juice on my kitchen floor. Why? Because you don’t care about it. You don’t have a deep, core desire to preserve my precious orange juice stocks.

But you do have an emotional response to being rejected. You do have an emotional response to getting abused. You do have an emotional response to people laughing at you.

Why? Because you care about this on your deepest level. Purely and simply. There’s some part of your deep core that is effected by these situations.

The more intense the emotional response, the more intense the desire.

Your emotional responses are the easiest way to work out what is really important to you.

Pain is the most powerful of them all.

Have you ever had to watch the girl of your dreams walk into a bedroom with your best friend?

I have. And felt every minute of it. I also learned a HUGE amount about myself.

I learned that I care about having choices in my life. I learned that I care about being able to determine who I spend my time with and when I spend my time with them. I learned that I don’t want to spend my life being hopeless. I learned that I don’t want to be a victim any more.

Have you ever had the girl of your dreams tell you that she’s dumping you because she’s met someone else that she’s actually excited to be around rather than feeling like she has to struggle through your time together?

I have. And felt every minute of it. I also learned a HUGE amount about myself.

I learned that I don’t want to come second place. I learned that I want to be the kind of Man that excites women. I learned that I care about being able to have choice in my life. I learned that I have the potential to attract the women I want but I’m not living up to a fraction of my potential.

Have you ever had a girl tell you that she just doesn’t think about you in that way? What does that tell you about your deep desires and the world you want to live in?

Have you ever seen the girl of your dreams and didn’t approach then felt the inevitable pain as she walks out of your life? What does that tell you about your deep desires and the kind of Man you want to be?

Have you ever thought a girl was a sure thing only to watch her make out with some guy she’s only just met? What does that tell you about your deep desires and the kind of Man you want to be?

Have you ever tried to be cool and suave and charming only to be laughed at when it came off forced and fake? What does that tell you about your deep desires and the kind of Man you want to be?

Pain is the clearest window into your deep desires. It’ll illuminate your passions and drives faster than any other method.

If you really want to become the kind of Man who is strong, powerful, and confident and lives his life on his terms, you need to know where you’re going.

Pain is the fastest way to find that endpoint.


Pain For Motivation

Despite what you may have been told, humans are not logical creatures. We have the ability to use logic to do all kinds of wondrous things, but that doesn’t mean we make logical decisions.

Far from it actually.

The decisions and choices we make in life are driven by feelings and emotions and we then use logic to rationalise these decisions once we’ve made up our mind.

If you need any convincing of this, have a look at ANY successful advertising campaign by any of the big brands (Nike, Coke, Etc…), what are they selling?

Here’s one for you to watch.

They’re selling experience, they’re selling emotion, they’re selling excitement, passion, power, and self-determination, and getting you to associate those experiences to their brand.

There’s no mention of logic in that commercial. They don’t tell you the boot statistics. They don’t tell you how much further you’re going to curve the ball in their shoes. They don’t give you facts and figures about the percentage increase in control that you’re going to experience with their boots on your feet.

It’s all about emotion and experience.

Why? Because they know that it’s these experiences that you use to make decisions about your life.

You might logically rationalise that the shoes are better for you once you’ve made your purchase but it’s all about experience.

But it’s not just positive emotions that drive your decisions. Negative emotions are as powerful, if not more powerful at getting you to take action.

This includes pain.

If you perceive that something is painful (in a way that you don’t want), you’ll avoid it.

You won’t stick your hand in the fire, you won’t punch yourself in the mouth, and you won’t approach a girl who you think is going to reject you.

There’s one exception to this rule: if you believe that taking action that might cause you pain is less painful than your current situation.

You won’t stick your hand in the fire unless you believe it’s going to be less painful than your current situation.

If you’re stuck in a burning building which is locked shut and the keys to open the padlocked doors are currently in the fire, you’re going to stick your hand in to get them out.

In that situation, taking action and risking pain is going to result in less pain in the long run so you just do it.

But, if they’re someone else’s keys that don’t open any doors and you’re currently not even in a life-threatening situation, then you won’t.

In that situation, taking action is MORE painful than not taking action so you don’t do anything.

It’s the same with approaching girls.

If you’re currently swimming in a world of pain from watching girl after beautiful girl walk out of your life whilst you sit on your arse clueless, useless, and hopeless, and you believe that approaching women will cause less pain than the current situation you’re in, then you’re going to get up off your arse and start approaching.

Why? Because the pain you associate with approaching is going to be less than the pain you associate with continuing your current way of life.

But, if you’re comfortable, free, happy, and connected then the drive and determination to push through painful situations isn’t going to be there.

Exposing yourself to pain will give you the drive and motivation to push through painful and difficult situations.


In Conclusion…

My brand new, supercharged, ultra powerful method for getting in touch with your deep desires and finding the drive to go after them is exposing yourself to pain.

Not running away from it.

Not blocking it out.

But allowing yourself to experience pain and using it as a powerful learning tool to drive you towards the life you want.

If you feel lost and out of touch with your deep desires, are lacking the drive and determination to push through and go after them, or even both, then this is where you need to start.

It’ll help you become the Man of your dreams.

And here are 6 simple steps to help you start:

1. Write out a list of everything that causes you emotional pain
2. Ask yourself “Why does this cause me pain? Why is this important to me?”
3. Then ask yourself “What does this tell me about what I value in life?”
4. Then ask yourself “What does this tell me about the life I want to live?”
5. Then ask yourself “What does this tell me about the kind of Man I want to be?”
6. Then ask yourself “What actions do I need to take to create that kind of life and become that kind of Man?”

That will give you the foundation to start moving forward.

Share your answers below.





DISCLAIMER: Obviously, this needs to be done carefully with the support of caring people around you. This is general advice for mentally stable people with solid support networks around them. If you ever feel like the pain it too much to handle or that you don’t have the personal power to take action in your life then this post definitely isn’t for you and you need to talk to a professional about dealing with that.

10 thoughts on “How To Find Your Core Desires And The Passion To Pursue Them”

  1. Excexllent idea Leigh!! In these moments of my life Im creating more publicity things for my busines, because, now, now create my own money in my own way is what make feel good, there is no other way that i feel good… I love with all women but for loved them in a great way i want feel good and love for me, and that give me my business when things go well… Abrazos to all :-D!!

  2. Thank You! An interesting way to get in touch with pain/anger/frustation/boredom etc. and i will definetly give it a try.

    I can only speak for me and i must admit that i never learned to deal with this kind of “negative” emotions. Your post comes to the right time for me. Thanks for that


  3. Actions:
    1. Give compliments freely
    2. I’m genuinely interested in their lives and family
    3. I respect their point of view by relating and connecting with them
    4. Tell others I like them/love them and say “why”!
    5. Buy a drink for a friend or a girl I like because I want to.
    6. Actively listen to others and come up with/memorize good questions to get them talking.
    7. Buy a gift for someone I care about

    That’s what I plan to do to be the man I want to be.

  4. I feel like this applicable with the feeling of nostalgia so I did both.

    1.I feel nostalgic and missing of those days is because I miss the level of power I seemed to have over what I have now. I seemed to be able to express myself more and experience deeper connections.(ex Being the president and hopping from chick to chick)
    2.This tells me I value the experience and feeling of power and connection. I value having a wide array of people to talk to or simply involved in my life and I value deep connections.
    3.I want to live a life where I can experience both of these feelings fully at my will.
    4.I want to be the kind of man who can create those experiences for himself and therefore not lose them.
    5.I need to unrepress myself,express myself,stop jerking the meat,be on point with the activities I do and push the limits,and follow my fears. I need to challenge myself,be open, be real. When talking to others be there with them and actively listen.

    1.This causes me pain because things are simply not how I want them to be. I feel powerless and isolated. Either alone or lazing around or scared.
    2.I value being in control in life,being powerful,having things workout the way I want them too whether it’s having a girl want or miss me or getting the things I want.
    3.I want to live a life where I feel powerful and I’m smashing barriers doing the things I want. I want a deep fullfilling happy life.
    4.I want to be a man who’s independent, who’s powerful,directed,and does actions,is unrepressed DESPITE what comes up. Because that’s where true power,true control comes from.
    5.copy and paste 5 on nostalgia.

    Bottom line? I gotta get off my ass,start kicking my ass,unrepress myself, get out there and just start taking actions. Words don’t change shit. People can’t change me. Only I can change me. They can only show the way. Only I can lift myself up.

  5. 1) Not approaching women
    2) Not expressing how I feel
    3) Hiding what I want to say and what I want to do
    4) Treating others badly
    5) Not pushing through my fears

    – These cause me pain because I’m not expressing myself, who I REALLY am, and if I treat others badly I feel bad about myself, and I don’t want to be ruled by my fears. i want to conquer and eradicate them.

    I value treating others well, and expressing myself fully and completely in EVERY area of my life.

    I want to live a life of expression and treating others as I want to be treated.

    I want to be a Man who’s kind and expressive, who doesn’t hide or play small for others or who gives in to his fears.

    – I need to continue to express myself, continue to approach women I find attractive, and continue to push through my fears to become that kind of Man.

  6. Great post Leigh!

    However there are a few pieces I don’t agree or understand:

    – I’m the guy you described as swimming in a world of pain. And I don’t see how approaching women could cause more pain than my current situation. BTW I have no problem approaching. The problem is after the initial approach, when I don’t know what to say or do. It seems I just don’t have the skills required. And that’s why I do not start approaching. So does the pain theory apply on this case?

    – The guys I know who are naturally successful with women are comfortable, free, happy and connected. And even though they approach a lot. I guess approaching is not painful at all for them. So maybe the thing is find a way to become approaching less painful?

    – About exposing myself to pain, do you think I should keep approaching failure after failure? How is that giving me drive and motivation?

    • Man……. stop being a loser! Just go there and fuck the system! Regarding skills after approach, they want the same as you, if you are a quite guy you should look for talkative ladys! Let them lead! Look directly in the eyes, listen to what they are saying and just say how you feel about it! Easy peasy


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