Today’s man doesn’t have a lot going on for him. He doesn’t have a mission, hobby or passion for life. He works a job that he wishes he could quit. He goes out and gets drunk with his buddies wishing he had better friends. He feels stuck in his position in life wanting, waiting, wishing for something better to come along.
Out of no where comes a beautiful woman who wants to spend time with him. He is thrown off guard by this pleasant surprise, so much so that he completely forgets about everything else. Most of the time when a guy starts dating a new woman she becomes HIS WORLD.
Soon after meeting her he begins to lose any sense of self he once had and puts her first above all else. Everything he had done before he met her has been put on the back burner for his new flame.
He ditches his friends at the drop of a hat to spend some time with this girl who he has only known for a short time. He takes off of work to go to the beach with her even though he can’t afford it.
Little does he know that this type of behavior is exactly what will drive her away and turn her from a loving girlfriend to a lost ex. He is thinking everything is ok while she is looking for the fastest exit out of there.
NEVER MAKE ANY WOMAN THE NUMBER ONE PRIORITY IN YOUR LIFE. Putting your girlfriend or date into the number one spot will kill the attraction quicker than anything else. For many reasons:
1. She knows that your self esteem is not high enough
When you put a woman in the number one spot you are basically saying her happiness and well being is more important than your own. You might think it is romantic or cute to put her needs above your own but it isn’t.
It sends a direct message to the woman that your self esteem isn’t high enough to take care of number one: yourself. Low self esteem men rarely get the girl. Even if they do, they unable to keep her around.
2. Fear of losing the girl
If I don’t do what she says or put her first she might leave me- If you do end up putting a woman first and she does leave you should consider yourself lucky.
When women are put in the number one spot everything goes to absolute hell where cheating, lying, manipulation and NAGGING become the day to day routine. The small attraction that was once there is completely gone.
At that point you will be better off if she decides to call it quits. I have seen and heard some absolute horror stories when the woman decides to stay in it for whatever reason after the attraction level has hit zero.
3. It’s Dishonest
Humans are basically selfish creatures, we look out for our own survival and do things for us. When you put others needs above your own you are lying to them about your own desires.
For example, your date or girlfriend says hey lets go get hot dogs and you hate hot dogs but you go along with it because you don’t want to upset her. You are being dishonest and lying to her about what you truly want.
People rarely do things for others without attachments. Most of the time they do for others because they want something from them, be it attention, love, friendship or sex. They believe that they are being nice but their niceness comes with a price and almost always has an agenda.
Being selfish and putting your needs first is simply being honest and honesty is something people can trust. Trust builds attraction on dates or in a relationship.
4. Not knowing any better
Society, parents and religion have all shoved the romantic notion of sacrificing everything for a woman to prove to her your love down your throat . This fairy tale story ONLY works in the movies, never in real life. In real life, as MANY of you can attest to, it kills the attraction.
Majority of people get their dating/relationship model from their parents. Unfortunately most of your parents relationships aren’t healthy and lack attraction.
Mommy orders daddy around while daddy spends his nights fantasying about a life that doesn’t resemble his. He imagines how it would feel to be in a LOVE filled relationship where the ATTRACTION is still going without all the arguing and mothering.
Most men figure that this is the way a relationship should be. They have no idea about the possibility of having long lasting attraction based interactions with women-they simple don’t know any better.
5. It’s downright needy
Nothing reeks of neediness more than dropping everything in your life to be with a woman. Men do this because they are trying to fill a whole inside of themselves. They feel they lack in someway and need a woman, a car or money to finally feel good about themselves.
When you lose your identity in a relationship you are making the woman the center of your world. This puts an extreme amount of unnecessary pressure on her.
When you put her above all else it makes the woman feel like she is obligated to be with you forever. She feels like she owes you the same commitment that you have made to her.
If the relationship takes on a ‘together forever’ it will start to freak the girl out. She will start to act a little strange but it reality she is planning her exit strategy. Don’t be surprised if she sits you down and says we need to talk.
I suggest that you do two things if you are or have in the past put women first above ALL else:
1. Become Selfish
I don’t mean be selfish and eat all the chips in the bag but more putting your desires and priorities first.
2. Get your priorities in line
“The most important person in my relationships is ME”
That should be the frame to keep in mind whether it’s a first date or it’s your two year anniversary. ALWAYS put yourself above ALL else because at the end of the day when you close your eyes and go to sleep there is you and you alone. You may have been with this girl for ten years but you have been with yourself for a lifetime.
Become selfish. Become honest and do things for yourself. Make yourself the most important person in your life.
Touch her because YOU want to. Kiss her because you want to. Go out to a bar because you want to. Don’t go out to a bar because you don’t to-whatever it doesn’t matter as long as you are doing things on your own terms.
*note: it doesn’t mean that you don’t ever do anything for her, it simply means that you do things because you want to. Example: you give her a gift or a back rub because you want to enjoy the pleasure she gets from receiving a back rub or a gift. Don’t do it because you want to get her to stay with you or like you.
Get your priorities in line
1. Your health– without your health you can’t have a relationship in the first place. Don’t sleep with a woman if you are tired because you would be putting her needs above your own. She might enjoy the sex but the attraction and respect she has for you will go down every time you do it.
2. Your integrity– Never sell out your honesty or core values for a woman. Even if she doesn’t like that you stuck to your guns she will respect you for it and the attraction will grow.
3. Your mission- Never break your mission for a woman. She needs to know that your mission is greater than her or your relationship. An example of this: Just as I’m typing this my girlfriend called to talk to me. I told her I was writing and to call later on because I was on my mission.
For more information on being on your mission check out How to Find and Live Your Mission:
4. Your relationships with women, family and friends
She may say that she doesn’t like that you are selfish and put yourself first but the truth is she will LOVE it. She will love it because she has finally found a man who isn’t weak or needy, doesn’t put her first and has a strong sense of self and purpose in life
44 thoughts on “Putting Her in the Number One Spot: Biggest Dating/relationship Mistakes Part Five”
Nope! This is the worst advice.
This site says that it is different from the Seduction/Pick-up community, but it’s essentially the same thing. Being selfish and always putting yourself first will make the woman feel unappreciated. Yeah, I have tried this method many times, and each time, she got fed up and/or cheated. I’m not unattractive by any means. I’m at least able to catch the attention of women…but this method is a no-go.
This article is basically telling you in the most detailed way possible how to avoid being a beta male. But you know, I’ve found that some really good girls just want a guy to be himself. Doing this faux alpha selfishness thing has never worked and will never work. It’s a given that your health should come first, that’s kind of a default. I don’t know many men who would sacrifice their health for a woman. This article contradicts itself. Some men don’t have a mission worthy of putting before a woman. You guys know what I’m talking about.
Some men will read into this and see it as an ‘okay’ or a confirmation that they can ignore their wife or girlfriend. To some men, sitting on their ass, smoking, drinking and playing video games with their buddies IS their mission. I think one should find a greater mission for himself before even looking for a woman. This article is knowledge men already know sprinkled with a little of the seduction community’s pointers and tips. A little disinformation is still disinformation.
Oh, and if a girl is really great, you SHOULD feel afraid to lose her. Just don’t tell her that you are 😉
Thanks for the detailed response mate. I used to be in the same bandwagon as you until I realised something very important:
If I’m not happy and fulfilled independently of the women in my life, then I’m always going to rely on them to feel fulfilled and happy.
If I’m relying on the women, then that means they’re not free. It means I”m placing pressure on them to change who they are to give me what I want.
That’s not the recipe for a happy and fulfilled relationship.
Two unhappy people coming together and relying on each other to make the other one happy creates a demanding, needy, frustrating environment.
To independently happy and fulfilled people coming together creates a loving, caring, empowered environment.
I’m not saying that you have to live your life like this or that this is the only way to do it but if you want to create a fulfilled and happy relationship where neither party feels pressured to be or do anything they don’t want to and both have the freedom to live their life on their terms, then I highly recommend you think about it.
i agree that this is not good advice. There is a matter of demanding respect and expecting a woman to follow when you aren’t setting proper boundaries. But being straight up selfish will not create attraction or sustain a failing relationship. It is important to show respect to receive respect and be willing to show when lines have been crossed. But this is really the only way to get passed issues.
i couldn’t agree more. when a guy does not make time for me, i am OUT of there!
As a girl, I completely agree with you. I have recently broke up with an ex who didn’t make me his priority. If I am not his priority, there is absolutely no need to reciprocate. This article is completely misleading. If you wanna be in a happy, healthy relationship, don’t act like a stupid alpha male.
A few questions…..
1. Was he also a priority in your life, or you just expect it from him ?
2. If you are his priority in life, that means that he lives only for you…does this sound normal to you ?
3. Are you also living for him ? if so, than why did you left him ? after all, he supposed to be the reason for your existence, no ?
We can see very quickly that the idea “If I am not his priority…” is not applicable to real life, but only in manipulative relationship when one uses the other, this is no way to “happy, healthy relationship”, putting other people on the pedestal (including you).
This article sucks! Take it from a woman lol
I liked the honest response
I’m sorry, but that’s idiotic. if you’re so concerned about losing someone too much, you’ll never feel free to decide for yourself what is best for you. it won’t make her feel unappreciated if she’s realistic about it, it will make her realize that you have a life outside of your relationship with your family and friends. I’ve found that it is incredibly important to keep your life before your relationship intact. no good woman ever makes a man decide between her or his family and friends. That’s why I agree, it’s not because she isn’t important, but that YOU are. It’s nice to think about her, butwhatis it worth if she doesn’t feel the same way for him? that’s do double-standards sexism. Also, don’t criticize a anyone for their hobbies, that’s suppressing their personality and interests and FYI, guys hate that…
I call Bull Shit. This is horrible advice, especially bc it is for horrible reasons.
#1 – the whole damn thing is framed to put your needs first “as your women will love it” – That is desperate desperate desperate. If you want to do your own thing, do it. Don’t do it as a way to “keep” another person interested.
#2 – most women will NOT love it. They want to be part of a partnership, they want a companion- not a toddler. As a woman- don’t listen to this guys. We want SHARED needs, SHARED priorities, SHARED lifestyles because those things aligning show a promising future.
#3 – DO NOT (repeat) DO NOT put a relationship with another woman over your love. That will trigger major fears in your relationship and she will make your life more miserable than you knew possible or leave you in a hot second or both.
Important to make sure both parties are equally respectful of the other. If that’s not occurring the honest “needs” talk did not happen or wasn’t fully agreed upon.
I cannot agree with this article enough. Feeling needy in dating or relationships is a sure sign that you are putting someone else first and that you don’t love or respect yourself.
Being selfish with your needs makes you happy, healthy and stronger to support others. People who understand their needs first, understand the needs of others and can healthily respond to them – or walk away.
Men who treat their partner badly (abuse, neglect) have the same problem as those who treat them overly nice – neither group is happy with themselves. They use others to try and fulfil themselves. It is NOT attractive.
This article, and your comment, I feel are grossly misguided. I’m in a relationship where I very often put my other half first, and that is not a sign of weakness or lack of self-respect. I am incredibly secure, and even happy, with my looks, body, mind etc. etc., and gain fulfilment, and it is because of this that I can be entirely comfortable with putting her first when I need to; I am confident in my ability to make her happy, and I’m so happy most of the time myself for reasons outside of the relationship (though the relationship does still make me happy), and this means I have the strength of mind to focus on her when I have to. The idea spending lots of time with your lady shows a ‘whole’, as the writer of this article so expertly puts it, that needs filling is misguided to say the least; it shows you are compatible enough to be able to live life together, rather than leading separate lives and rendezvousing every now and then as a minimum effort to move things away from ‘fuck buddy’ territories.
If they want a meaningful relationship, women want a shared life, as others have said. They do not want you to be chasing you all the time, they want affection and strength simultaneously, passion and excitement but also sensitivity. They don’t want to feel like you’re playing some childish game with them because you’re too insecure to be yourself or open up to them. Have opinions, stand your ground when you need to, it’s good to have a real substance to you, but trying to walk all over them or leave them scrambling after you in your wake is no way to behave if you want anything to last very long.
All that said, it’s absolutely fine not to ‘open up’ too early into a relationship, sometimes it’s essential unless you read that they definitely want that. The issue is that people think it’s all games for far too long sometimes, and eventually your other half will get fed up, and even bored. There’s plenty of better ways to keep things exciting, and following the rules in this article for too long actually will completely prevent you from being able to do those things. The chances are she’ll actually be thinking she is NOT the most important thing in your life 9 times out of 10, and doing the odd little thing to make her feel more important to you is much more exciting for her.
there Is some truth to thIs artIcle ..but It Is geared toward amerIcan women.where It’s all based on mInd games. wIth women In other countrIes lIke eastern europe you never have to play these fuckIng mInd games.because they are raIsed In a patrIach socIety…where they are traIned to respect men.and the men naturally have the elements descrIbed In thIs artIcle. the usa has demasculated men through many means..prImarIly femInIsm.
Do this do that don’t do this don’t do that. Fuck off. Be yourself. Be a good person. Confidence? Overrated. Be relaxed. People say confidence is sexy. Fine. If you are truly confident. Don’t be something you are not. Even of you’re not confident. What is confidence anyway? It’s different for some. Calmness is confidence really anyway.
People want different things. Some women/men want a good body. Some want a good mind. Some want both. Look after yourself, chill, have some fun and you will attract the RIGHT People. I emphasise right.
Men don’t like manly women and women don’t like womenly men ( some of each gender do ) don’t be too sensitive or too strong etc.
At the end of the day be yourself and be willing to be a partner. After that if they don’t like you for who you are then fuck them. Be respectful, but strong. Nice, but no ones bitch. Speak your mind and don’t get walked over.
My exgf cheated apparently because I didn’t make her my priority her new guy is in her back pocket and her in his
She is 46 attractive by any mans standard he 57 obese,unattractive and reasonably wealthy least my income and hers combined wealthy..he buys her everything takes her everywhere she lives a life of leisure
So it leaves me to wonder with female entitlement mentality on the rise perhaps do we men need to shift our priorities or remain single and look after self first ?
This article is everything a weak man should do. Grow a pair. Know your value and discover a partner that loves your value equally or keep moving brother man.
I have guy friends that put their girlfriend first I’m so sick of it well my one guy friend does the one guy that does it all the time really isn’t a friend he’s more like someone I know but don’t see very often one is like a brother but the other one I might kick to the curb if he doesn’t starttreating me equal to his girlfriend
Good post, keep
I wouldn’t even give ehatever guy acted like this or treated me this way the time of day… worst advuce ever.
What a dick head article. She will leave you because her happiness comes first and she’ll get sick of being treated like a piece of trash.
If you’re a woman, you can do this to a man all you want. If you’re a man, no.
This guy is confused. His girl friend will leave him soon, if he is lucky. Most likely he will be cheated on before getting dumped.
The worst advise ever! Is this guy bitter or what?!?! Beginning with “NEVER MAKE ANY WOMAN THE NUMBER ONE PRIORITY IN YOUR LIFE”. Following this alone will kill your relationship. The author clearly doesn’t understand what making her a priority means. It doesn’t mean “kiss her ass” or be at her “beck and call”. Just consider her feelings first…that’s it. If a man makes a decision that effects his woman in any way, and she finds out AFTER the decision was made, that’s where the problems occur. It comes down to common courtesy, period. Men prioritize respect before love and women are the opposite. Courtesy speaks volumes to us and in turn, we respect our men.
I couldn’t disagree with this enough. Sounds like the person just didn’t like the other. When it’s real, we want all these things, at least I can say I do. It’s not needyou to put your women 1st, it’s how relationship is formed, it doesn’t mean u should forgetext other people in your life, that is extreme. It just means that your relationship is strong enough to make a life together.
This is awful advice. Wow.
I love how the men even says this is awful advice. I was raised that women put their men first and men put their woman first. Im not saying quit work to go on dates, obviously we all need jobs to be able to take each other on dates.
This is the worst advice ever made.
This is terrible advice. I just left the man I love because he took someone’s advice and he made sure he didn’t put me before anything, so he decided to put his career before me and applied for a position that would take him somewhere I legally cannot move to because of a preexisting legal agreement I have. After he did this, I realized there is no future of a family as we discussed because I can’t depend on him to not ditch me whenever a new opportunity arises for him. I don’t want a man to have his world revolve around me, but I sure as hell won’t agree to stay with one who is willing to trade me in for certain aspects of his life.
Also, many women don’t cheat, and a doting man has never made me want to cheat!
No self-respecting women will tolerate a relationship where she is not high on the priority list, period.
This is a very interestig article.Even the the comments are eye catching.all kinds of opinions listed here.a good read keep them coming.thumbs up on this one
This is horrible advice! You shouldn’t give up your hobbies, family or friends for a relationship, but there is a balance. Your girlfriend, if you want to keep her should be a priority. Being selfish is a turn off to healthy minded people
I’m a 61 year old female, dated many men, married to my ex-husband for 30 years, recently broke up with a boyfriend of one year, and one of the reasons I broke up with him is because of the advice you’re giving in this article.
This article sounds like it was written by a narcissist; and my ex husband had narcissistic personality disorder, so I know.
My recent ex-boyfriend showed narcissistic tendencies, that’s why he’s an ex.
If you love someone, you do absolutely put them and their wishes above your own.
If you’re going to be selfish, as this article says to be, then don’t even bother finding someone to date because your selfishness will cause the person to exit the relationship; or should cause them to exit the relationship faster than it can get into “relationship” stage!
This is amazing advice couldnt agree. More be on your purpose.
Once you stop caring she starts chasing
This is actually very good advice. Women love much differently than men do. They put a much higher value on what a man can do for her. If you are on a mission, purpose or agenda that includes more than forming a relationship in life, that is very much attractive to women.
Never put anyone, man or women, on a pedestal or a #1 priority in your life. This basically says you need this person in your life to make you happy. Work on all other things in your life and you will see that women will respect and love that part about you.
Perfect advice for young men these days would be “If you chase career/money you will never lose women, if you chase women you will always lose money.” If you think differently then you really don’t understand how the world operates.
This is excellent advice. I’ve recently started being “selfish” and for the first time ever I’ve managed to keep a good looking woman who in the beginning stages demanded she be my priority! When I bluntly explained to her that my health and job are my priority she didn’t like it however she respects me. With respect and honesty comes trust and love as the article explains. Its worth noting that this gf who loves me is 37 years old and Im 36. She claims Im the second man she’s truly been in love with her whole life! She even went as far as saying how much it turned her on “that I wasn’t all over her” in the beginning when we met as opposed to most of her exes who would treat her like a queen and put her on the pedestal. LOL. So yes guys letting a woman get her way 100% of the time is no no. N a sure sign you have no spine or balls. But still be sure to have her high on your priorities list and make time for her if you truly love her.
This is HORRIBLE advice! Being selfless is an amazing, rare quality that will make women respect a man. This author has it completely wrong! So, so, terribly wrong.
There’s a big difference between self aware and being selfish. Women and men both need to figure that out.
This article is right there are other things that should be a priority like friends and family no matter how serious the relationship is it’s never okay to put the friends at the bottom of your priority list I had a guy do that before needless to say I’m no longer friends with him
When you are in a relationship with someone, they should be a priority. I walked away from my last partner because he kept putting his career (among other things) ahead of us and I realized his selfishness would be a constant issue in any future we would have. There’s something to be said about being responsible and practicing self-care, but as a woman I can’t stand being in a relationship with someone who puts me like 8th on the list.. it’s so lonely. So no thanks.
Putting your relationship first doesn’nt mean you have low self-esteem, on the contrary, when you out love first you are doing what’s best for you. So I guess making tour girlfriend sentiments your priority isn’t weak, that’s how a relationship works. It’s all about sharing. Doesn’t mean you are weak either, if romantic relationship is number one, then you won’t stay with someone who isn’t serious and and doesn’t love you for who you are. And if she leaves you because you made her number one in your life and not let’s say your job, then she didn’t deserved your love and wasn’t in it for rhe good reasons. A lot of people are in a « relationship » for other reasons than love. That advice is a big joke. Can you imagine a man putting his little self over his wife and kids?
I really want to try this out. I put her first in everything and got fucked. Ended up being a sad sack of shit. It would make total sense that this would work.
The best thing would be finding a balance, The point is be yourself. Love your woman, treat her nicely, spend quality time with her ,treat her like a queen etc etc..but make sure you don’t lose yourself in the process and become a bitch. Hold on to your values and stand your ground.
Yeah….there’s something to be said for keeping your identity and making he sure you’re happy and fulfilled in any relationship. That goes for men and women – it’s called avoiding codependency. But the phrasing of this article seems to go beyond that to say, never put her first, be selfish at all times. I have news for the author – that’s exactly the recipe for breakup/divorce. My ex was selfish. I admired his drive and independence, yes, but after we had a child, his selfishness meant that I was the one sacrificing EVERYTHING. My fitness, my career, my sanity. I never had time to do anything for me because he was always putting himself first and assuming I would take care of our child. It led to bitter resentment, and eventually, the end of what used to be a very good relationship. So go ahead, be selfish and see what kind of pain you end up in. The saddest part is, our daughter sees him as a selfish man as well. She’s bonded to me because he wasn’t around and spending time with her enough when he was out on his “missions.”
Not a good article
If you ignore a woman that’s called gaslighting. This article is spreading the wrong message
I thought this article was meant to be an attempt at comedy when I read it until I got to the end and realised he’s serious. It’s scary that there are things like this on the internet and that people believe what they read on the internet. The author seems to not understand that there are three entities in a relationship…him, her, and the relationship. So when you do things you may not particularly feel like doing, like going for a walk together, or eating fish n chips on the beach at Sunset, you are doing this for the relationship, not for her. Building trust credits is essential in a relationship to ensure the woman feels loved because when she does, her man reaps the rewards.