How to be Direct Without Creeping Her Out

I hear it all the time: “I want to be open, expressive, and sexual when I approach women, but I’m afraid of being a creep. How can I avoid it?”

I’ve written about it a few times in various emails and blog posts, but I’ve always struggled to find a video examples to show you what creepy really is.

Given that this is something that so much easier to understand with video examples, I’ve been looking around for one.

And today, I found it.

This is a great example of how to creep women out:

(Yes, this hard to watch but do it. It’ll help you out)

Now, the fun part – How to avoid doing this.

The first step in understanding how to avoid creeping women out is to study that video.

What about it is creepy? What exactly is it that makes the cold shiver creep up your spine?

You could suggest that it’s the words he’s using. But there’s nothing spectacularly creepy about what he’s saying… You could suggest that it was his age. But you can be 50 and be charming and dashing…

It’s deeper than that. To work out exactly why this guy creeps women out, look at his eyes.

Look at the way he looks around the crowd. Look at the pleading. Look at the quiet desperation.

It’s got nothing to do with what he’s saying or how he’s saying it. It’s got nothing to do with his age, the way he dresses or his grey hair.

The reason this guy creeps women out is the desperation behind everything he’s saying.

There’s no strength, there’s no power, there’s no confidence, there’s no ability to offer happiness or security or freedom to her world.

It’s all about one thing: what can I get from her.

He needs approval, validation, affection, and the security of having a woman want him to feel good. And that’s the very reason why they don’t want to.

It’s this neediness that’s the core of his creepiness.

Now compare it to this:

(Yes, another x-factor clip. I’m addicted to it. So what? Deal with it)

This guy is far more direct and sexual than the last and yet he’s nowhere near creepy. Kelly is all up on it!

And this one:

(Yes, ANOTHER x-factor clip. I told you I was into it)

Once again, far more sexual and direct and not creepy at all.

Why? Because there’s no neediness behind it, there’s no clingyness, there’s no quiet desperation.

It’s simply an expression of desires and drives.

So, the way you avoid being a creep isn’t by never saying what you think, how you feel, or what you find attractive about a woman.

The secret to not creeping women out is to be the kind of Man that actually has something to offer a woman.

Find your own freedom, connect with people, take control of your life, and become the Man of your dreams.

Develop your internal strength. Build your confidence. Live the kind of internally rewarding and fulfilling life that women want to be part of.

That way, when you do express your desires for a woman, it won’t come out as creepy, needy, or weird. It will be powerful, compelling, and strong.

28 thoughts on “How to be Direct Without Creeping Her Out”

  1. YES! Leigh, that Steve dude is really a perfect example of creepiness…

    My honest thoughts: When I watched the video I felt like that guy wanted something. He is wanting and needy. Some cues: he immediately said in a slightly aggressive tone “is this because I’m 50?” Insecurity about his age, right there. He “got offended”, but it’s because he was trying to get recognition or happiness or something from the Judges of XFactor.

    And he’s very very VERY attached… like, the desperation is almost palpable… he’s so attached to the outcome, he doesn’t even seem to be enjoying himself on the stage 🙁

    It’s all about what he can get. E.g. “I’ve been practicing for so long and so hard, GIVE ME APPROVAL. VALIDATE MY HARD WORK, PLEASE! PLEASE! GIVE IT TO ME OR I’LL TAKE IT FROM YOU!” Like on a neon signboard flashing above his head…


    I love the way you used the phrase “quiet desperation”, it’s a very appropriate phrase to describe this Steve guy…

    Anyways, greetings from Singapore 😀
    I’m glad that there’s someone out there spreading the truth 😉

    • OMG not steve, I mean SHAWN! <.< Crap lol what a heck of a typo XD

      Shawn Armenta. My bad haha

      … his desperation was so epic that my brain tried to forget his name as soon as possible. Lol.

  2. Watching that clip made me feel horribly uncomfortable, and I’m a guy!

    I guess the next time in a bar, and if I get into what I call “stare mode” with some beautiful women, I’ll just think of this guy and what not to do. Even more of an impetus if you want to take action…

  3. Holy shit Leigh, this article totally rocks! I watched the clips again and again and I noticed a few things.
    Firstly, there is no need to play aloof, to try to be cool like many PUAs teach. In the 2nd and 3rd video, both guys express themselves and what they feel towards the women openly and honestly. You can see it in their words, in their tone of voice, in the way they feel a bit shy when talking to the women they like.
    Secondly, both Tulisa and Kelly started SHINING and smiling. And, of course, both did what is acceptable in front of public – got kissed/gaved kisses. If Derry were in private with Kelly, God knows what might have happened ^^
    Finally, and this is a bit more spiritually and David Deida’s but… both guys are living their bliss. They are confident and sing really good. I doubt they are born with that and I bet they have put a lot of effort in it. And when they offer they share what they’ve got and offer their bliss to the women, they just sweep them off their feet.
    Awsome mate, and I believe this is a great way to bust limiting beliefs, in line with your last articles. I had some slight limiting belief that hitting on women directly and expressing yourself unabashedly can creep them out but this video goes a long way : ) Please, consider posting more of these. Maybe take some common beliefs and write articles/post more videos that prove them wrong.
    P.S. I know this is illogical and highly unlikely, but what do you think would happen if the girls did not like the singers? I mean, the guys were really into Tulisa and Kelly.

  4. Hey !
    I just wanted to share this with you guys … I was listening to the Inner Game Podcast and I suddenly realized that all of these are just symptoms, all the approach anxiety, all the “don’t know what to say”, not expressing yourself freely and not being real, ALL of these “issues” they are just symptoms and we could keep trying to solve them one by one as they appear or we could actually change what’s behind of all that …

    I just don’t know where to start . . .

  5. Derry is amazing – he’s expressive and even slightly nervous, but he’s not creepy at all. He’s going after what he wants confidently without any hesitation. Look at how into him the other girl is – she can tell he wants Kelly but she is just as interested in him herself.

    At 16 Luke has vision and a mission statement. He’s not all about the girl, she is secondary. I think he followed Derry which led to the kiss, but there’s definitely some charm there that led to the attraction the girl felt. Most guys older than 18 couldn’t have got away with this, I think that while they treated him with some “kid gloves” (Gary in particular), he’s got this relentless expression wrapped in childlike innocence.

    Shawn was funny to watch at the end – all that tension of his open arms expecting a hug… or just a round of applause… and then not getting it… and being visibly crushed by this. I’ve been really into Big Bang Theory, and he’s Wolowitz with 20 extra years. The other thing the stage show reminded me of was driving behind someone who clearly has no idea where they’re going and they just clunk along slowly, slower and slower, hugging the brakes until they finally pull over and you’ve successfully avoided rear-ending them. This guy got rear-ended though, well-deservedly.

  6. Hmmm, not sure if I understand the creepiness of that Shawn guy that freaks everybody out in the theater.

    Why did all of the judges and audience get shocked when he performed his song? I thought he was just lame because I don’t like that type of music, but I wasn’t creeped out. Maybe I was laughing at the cheap entertainment but I don’t get how these judges and people were thinking. The first judge sounded pretty mean too. Judge should be at least encouraging and mellow about the critiques instead of putting someone down like that.. I don’t get this show…

    Can anyone enlighten me what is this all about?

  7. I showed Shawn to my girlfriend and she actually liked it, and him. This is perplexing but she said she liked how he was after the big boos and that his song wasn’t bad.

    I am 100% sure she’s trolling. I’ll do it in real life next time just to check. 😉

  8. This is the best newsletter ever published. The clips in this newsletter adds justice to the infomation contained within the site and what this institute is about teaching.

  9. Leigh, thanks for this fascinating article 🙂

    Im sure I’ve been that creep with women a countless number of times in my life. I’ve experienced so much defeat in my life that I’ve built up this quiet desperation inside me.

    I’ve also felt what it’s like being what I would call “innocent and real” without trying to “get” anything like the guys in the 2nd and 3rd videos. It’s more innocent, it’s more “giving”, it’s more “inclusive”, it’s joyful, it makes life feel more “real”. It makes me feel light and easy as opposed to heavy and burdened by oppressive thoughts when I’m not that way.

    Kinda hard to explain but I think in order to get there consistently, I have to let go of the past, my bitterness, my prejudices, my grudges, my failures, my shame. I tell myself: “Don’t be in a hurry to get results. Enjoy the process of growing and letting go of what is unnecessary and not real about you. Then you can become a pure, real person. Then you can connect with people and form true relationships where people really care about you.”

    • Great to hear you connected with it mate. I definitely know what you mean about ‘lightness’. Being real, being able to drop the bullshit and games, and just let it all out is just so much simpler and easier.

      It sounds like you’re on the right track.

  10. Honestly man, the more and more I read about the stuff you write, the more I get excited about how my life will be after the get real program. I’m in it right now, and just reading this really opens my eyes. Thanks man!

    • Just updated it with the original video. I’d forgotten just how creepy this guy is, so thanks for reminding me.


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