I know what you are thinking, you aren’t her father so why do you need rules and boundaries? No you won’t be playing the role of daddy but you can go ahead and give her a nice spank on the ass anyways.
People treat you the way you train them to.
Ever have a friend that was too nice and as a result people walked all over them? Think about how those same people treated you. Unless you are the nice guy who is a human doormat, they treated you much differently because you have self respect and a back bone.
Why did they treat him with such disrespect and not you?
Even though the people were the same, they treated you is different because you trained them to treat you that way.
Creating rules in which to adhere by is all about self respect and love. You tell them what is and what is not acceptable when they interact with you, not only for women but for everyone.
With women it WILL create a lot of attraction. Without rules the attraction will be KILLED and she will make your life a living hell.
Some might do it for the former reason but it’s not wise to use it as an attraction technique because it won’t be congruent. You will be putting on a fake mask of masculinity and you will be quickly exposed.
You should set rules and boundaries to make your life peaceful. It should be for your own self respect and sanity, NOT just to get her panties wet.
I am a really simple person with simple needs. I desire for my life to be as peaceful and calm as it can be. Right now my life is pretty peaceful and setting rules for how people should treat me has made this possible.
I have heard some horror stories from guys that let women do whatever they want and never tell her what is and is not acceptable.
To effectively have rules and boundaries you must NOT fear losing that person. When you fear losing someone you will only go so far to keep your boundaries before caving and giving in.
If you cave and allow unwanted behavior to happen the woman will lose respect for you. She will understand on a deep level that you fear losing her more than you value respecting yourself.
When that moment happens your relationship is on a downward spiral and will end soon enough. She understands on a deep level that she can do WHATEVER she wants and get away with it.
Get over your fear of losing anyone. When you transition from being a doormat to someone with a pair you WILL lose people in your life.
They will tell you that you have changed or are weird but its all bullshit. They are just upset at their inability to control their little whipping boy.
But isn’t that manipulative and controlling?
Setting rules and boundaries is simply being HONEST. When she decides to flirt with your best friend, on the inside you HATE it but you don’t do anything about it. Why? Because you don’t want to lose her.
You are selling out your integrity and honesty in order to keep someone around. You are lying about your real desire for her to not flirt with your best friend to get what you want- that’s true manipulation.
Why should I set rules and boundaries?
Whenever we give our power away to others and take crap from them, it closes our hearts and causes us to pull back. It’s painful to be open with someone and have them take advantage of us or treat us not so nicely.
When you don’t own your strength by setting rules your heart closes, making it harder to forgive and love people. Whenever a person disrespects you or gets away with a little too much and you do nothing about it your self esteem WILL DROP.
You put up with the crap because you don’t love yourself enough to not let people treat you that way.
After a while it becomes a catch 22 situation. You need high self esteem in order to have the energy to set and enforce those rules but your self esteem drops every time that you don’t.
Eventually you just don’t have the energy to do anything about it. You want to make changes but you just don’t have it in you to do so.
Trust will be lost in the process of not setting and enforcing your personal boundaries. Trust in others and trust in yourself will start to disappear.
If you can’t trust yourself enough to have a back bone with others you will keep people at a distance. You will become extremely paranoid about being taken advantaged of.
The whole point of a relationship is to be open and close with someone, to grow and trust each other and to love one another.
None of this can be done if you don’t trust yourself enough to know that you wont let anyone mess with your heart.
She wont be able to trust you because how can anyone trust someone who is weak and never stands up for themselves?
People ONLY respect those that respect themselves.
Without the trust that comes by having self respect she will have no choice but to keep her distance. She can’t open up to someone who isn’t be strong enough to protect her when she is vulnerable after opening up.
Nice people are some of the angriest people you will ever meet but their anger is mostly internal. They constantly beat themselves up and have tons of resentment towards others that is rarely seen because of how nice they are.
The truth is they aren’t really angry with other people, they are angry with themselves for not developing a spine and putting up with too much crap. They let people walk all over them and ask for more because they don’t want anyone of to disapprove of them.
That fear of disapproval and fear of losing others is so strong that you would be amazed at the amount of disrespect they allow.
By not having and enforcing your own personal rules you will end up with friends or women who will make your life miserable.
Without rules, women will use your dignity as a dishrag to mop up any remaining shred of masculinity out of the sink.
Transitioning From Doormat to a Person of Strength
Start small and take it slowly. If you are dating someone DON’T go gung ho and blast her with 50 million rules and expert her to follow all of them at once.
Going too fast too soon might freak her out. Slowly integrate them into your relationship.
If you are just starting out in your relationship get the rules down as soon as possible. It’s far better to start a relationship off right than to try repair the damage.
Write out a list of things that you will and will not tolerate from other people. Here are a few of my own:
-Only energy allowed in my relationships is love
-Treat me respect and I will do the same to you
-Be nice or be gone.
-If you cant talk to me in a calm, relaxed manor then you must calm down before we talk
-Honesty, integrity and compassion aren’t optional
The first time you let someone know that they over stepped your boundaries you WILL be nervous and scared. Don’t expect yourself to be zen like when you are standing up for yourself for the first time.
Over time and with much practice standing up for yourself will become as easy as asking someone for the time.
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Let me know about your experiences with keeping your boundaries and your self respect. See you in the comments