When the dark voice inside your head tells you to turn and run and hide from the big, scary world, it can be easy to give in. People can see you. People are watching people. People will laugh at you. Staying sheltered inside your room is far less scary than exposing your naked soul for all the world to judge.
Unfortunately, running and hiding means that when you lay your head down for the last time at the end of your journey, your life will be filled with regrets. Not of what you’ve done, but of everything you’ve missed.
If you want to be able to rest
Today, you’re going to get 4 steps for overcoming your insecurities, but it’s going to be different than anything you’ve read before because rather than giving you a quick bandaid to deal with each insecurity as it appears, you’re going to learn how to eliminate them from their core so they never limit your life again.
The Truth about Insecurities
The standard advice about overcoming your insecurities is to develop a direct action plan to confront each one head-on.
- Insecure about your looks? Sit in front of the mirror every morning and tell yourself how good looking you are
- Insecure about your body? Hit the gym and work yourself into whatever shape you’re aiming to be
- Insecure about your intelligence? Study really hard until you’re the smartest person in the class
While this advice sounds logical on the surface, it will never help you overcome your insecurities because it doesn’t cut to the core of the problem.
The real problem isn’t each individual pain that limits your life, it’s the core behind the insecurity. Being insecure about your looks or body or financial situation or intelligence isn’t some random, one-off, generic misfire, they’re all rooted in one common problem: caring too much about what other people think.
- You’re insecure about your looks because you think other people will judge you negatively
- You’re insecure about your body because you think others will look and laugh
- You’re insecure about your smarts because you think you’re going to say something dumb and people will make fun of you
All of these issues are caused by the same common core and following the standard advice of tackling each one head-on won’t fix the problem because it doesn’t solve the core issue.
- Becoming better looking doesn’t stop you from caring what other people think of you, it just gets them to think more positively about you
- Hitting the gym doesn’t stop you from caring what other people think of you, it just gets them to think more positively about you
- Becoming smarter doesn’t stop you from caring what other people think of you, it just gets them to think more positively about you
At the end of the day, regardless of the amount of work you put in, you’re still dealing with the same core issue: caring too much about what other people think about you. This means:
The path to overcoming your insecurities isn’t tackling each insecurity one-by-one every time they appear, it’s learning how to stop caring what other people think about you so your insecurities disappear from your life forever.
This is the core solution. This is how you eliminate your insecurities for good. This is how you get off the hamster wheel and find a real, long-term solution to your insecurities.
Why you care what other people think
The path to letting go of what other people think is a relatively simple, and it starts with understanding why you care what other people think about you.
The reason you care what other people think is rooted in the first foundation principle of LifeOS: everything you do, you do because you think it’s necessary to get what you want from life.
You care what other people think because on some level, somewhere deep within the soft, grey folds of your beautiful brain, you believe that you need other people’s approval, admiration, and appreciation in order to be happy. You might not be conscious of it, you might not know when or where it started, but somewhere deep inside is a desire to get validation and love from those around you.
You are a desire driven creature with needs and wants and right now, you’re trying to fill those needs and wants by getting the validation and approval of others.
How to stop caring what other people think
Believing that on some level, you need to get the validation and approval of those around you to feel happy isn’t a problem on its own. If you were incredibly good at getting others to validate your life choices and to shower you with compliments every time you demonstrated competency in the most basic of life skills, you’d be happy and fulfilled all the time.
The cause of your frustration is that you’re obviously terrible at it and that makes your life frustrating. You suck at getting people to like you and validate you and that’s why you care so much about what they think. If you show them your weaknesses and let them see your private pain and concerns, your chance of getting them to approve of your life choices drops significantly and you’re left wallowing in misery.
There are two solutions: one obvious but flawed and one not-so-obvious, that is the long-term answer you need.
Solution 1: get better at making people like you
The first and most obvious solution the pain and frustration you experience because you’re terrible at getting people’s approval is to simply get better at finding validation and significance in the eyes of others. You could become some Instagram influencer or movie star with millions of random strangers dying to shower you with gifts and praise.
Doing so will fill your life with compliments and validation meaning your insecurities will be invalidated by your adoring fans.
This is obvious and flawed. The reason it’s flawed is that it still suffers from the core issue that every limitation in your entire life is grounded: not being in control of your life experience.
If your happiness, satisfaction, and sense of fulfilment are based on what other people think about you, you will always be at the whim of their changing thoughts and opinions.
Your adoring fans could love you one day making you happy and excited and then, through no fault of your own, move on to some new flavour of the month leaving you
This doesn’t mean being Dependent on things outside your control to feel happy is wrong or stupid. It’s just an ineffective way to live your life.
This reliance on things outside your control is called Dependence and is foundation principle 2 of LifeOS. It’s the common core issue in every area of your life. If you’re struggling to feel happy and fulfilled or excited in any area doing any activity, it’s because you’re Dependent on something outside your control for your happiness.
Solution 2: stop caring whether other people like you
You care what other people think because
- If you feel safe and secure regardless of how people treat you, you stop requiring their input
- If you feel confident and strong regardless of what other people think, you stop needing their validation
- If you feel free to live your life on your terms, regardless of who gives you permission, you stop seeking the permission of others
This is as hard as it gets.
When you can feel happy and fulfilled regardless of what other people think of do or say, their thoughts and opinions become irrelevant.
This is foundation principle 3: the solution is Independence. When you be happy and fulfilled and confident regardless of what other people think or say or do, the problems and issues associated with getting approval and validation from others simply
Your insecurities whilst they may or may not exist in your life, stop being barriers to living your life on your terms.
How to eliminate your insecurities
So far, we’ve covered three key points
- Trying to fix each individual insecurity is a waste of time because they all stem from the fact that you care too much about what other people think
- You care about what other people think because
onsome level, you think getting their approval and validation is necessary to be happy
- The secret to being able to let go of what other people think and watch your insecurities vanish into nothingness if finding ways to feel fulfilled and happy that don’t rely on what other people think
The question now is: how do you do that? How can you step outside this frustrating and limiting life pattern of Dependence and become strong and powerful and free? The simple secret to doing transforming your life lies in the core foundation of how your brain operates.
Most common personal development solutions to any problems involve sitting in the safety and comfort of your home practising or thinking or rehearsing your new actions in the hope that in the heat of the moment, when the pressure of the world is on your shoulders and you need to perform, that all your bedroom-repetitions will pay off and you’ll magically be a new person.
This is a wonderful sounding idea and can even provide some benefit, but it ignores the fact that your brain’s process for creating new connections requires evidence and emotional significance. Your brain needs to see real-world evidence that you can find your fulfilment and happiness regardless of what other people think and to solidify that evidence in your unconscious, it needs to give you a strong emotional reward.
This means that in order for you to stop being Dependent and start being more Independent, you need to get out and live your life. You can’t sit at home in the dark repeating
Walking this path is scary, but simple. You can do it in four steps:
Step 1: Admit to yourself that you have insecurities
The first step in the process of removing your reliance on other people’s perceptions of you is to admit your insecurities. You can’t solve a problem until you admit it exists and so you first have to admit it exists.
So, to kick off this process of overcoming your insecurities, write out a list of everything that you’re insecure about. Everything that you try and hide and run from as soon as you notice it start to rear it’s
There’s no point in waiting, let’s start with that: take 5 minutes now to write down a list of everything that you’re insecure about. Find a piece of paper, grab a pen, and note them all down.
If you’re unsure of what you’re insecure about, ask yourself: what don’t I want my friends to know about myself and my life? Think about anything that you wouldn’t want
Step 2: Admit to others that you have insecurities
The second step in the process is the scariest of the lot: post that Facebook post we just talked about. Take everything you’re hiding from the world, put it into writing, and air it out for the world to see.
This is the ‘scary’ part I was talking about.
Take everything you’ve been hiding from the world and put it out there. Don’t hold it back. Don’t hide it. Don’t run and bury in the back corner of a cupboard where no-one will see it. Unleash it on the world in all its glory.
This is a critical step because it’s core to ending your reliance on other people’s perceptions of yourself.
You see, at the moment, you’re not really living. You’re not deeply connected to your core
This headspace will make it impossible for you to find ways to feel happy and fulfilled regardless of what other people think because all of those pathways rely on you being deeply connected to your vision of your ideal life. You need to be consciously aware of what you believe is right and wrong to give yourself validation. You need to be deeply connected to your goals and objectives to experience the power and strength that come from achieving them. You need to be intimately in touch with your deep drives and desires to form powerful connections with others. And you can’t do any of these while you’re stuck in your head pretending to be someone you’re cool and tough and strong.
Hiding your insecurities is consuming your brain space with meaningless bits of unimportant information rather than being connected to who you are and what you want, and the easiest way to move past it is to admit your insecurities.
When your insecurities stop being a
Yes, it’s scary. Yes, it’s going to be tough. But it’s the fastest and easiest way to let go of what other people think and move forward with your life.
Step 3: Eliminate all those from your life who try to take advantage of your insecurities
There’s no point in pretending that everyone you meet is going to gently and calmly reassure you that you’re a valuable part of their life and that your insecurities don’t matter.
There are some real arseholes out there who will mock and ridicule you for your insecurities. But that’s fine. That’s who they are and that’s probably the only way they have in their life to feel good about themselves.
By them trying to take advantage of your insecurities about being overweight or having pimples or being
They’re showing their real colours so you don’t have to worry about what they’re thinking about you any more. They’re showing you that they’re not the kind of person that you want in your life and you can eliminate them without wondering whether or not you’re making a mistake. You can cut the dead wood from your life so you’re free to keep moving forward without anything dragging you back.
“But what if no-one accepts me???”
That’s a possibility. I’ve never met anyone who’s run into that situation before, but it could happen. And if it does, it’s a really great thing. It shows you that these people do not now, nor have they ever really cared about you. They were just keeping you around to make themselves feel good. You’ve been wasting your time with a pack of arseholes for FAR too long and it’s about time you did something about it.
Step 4: Prove to yourself that you can be happy and fulfilled regardless of your insecurities
Now that you’ve dealt with the baggage from the past, you can start to move forward.
As we discussed before, the reason that you were insecure about body shape or financial background or weight is
You now know logically that’s completely incorrect and it’s time to prove it to yourself. It’s time to set your vision of your ideal life and push towards that with everything you’ve got. Find the fulfillment and satisfaction that come from being the complete master of your reality, regardless of what other people think of you, and your insecurities will stop becoming an issue.
You won’t magically get a better body or become richer or smarter, you’ll simply stop caring whether or not you do.
You’ll prove to yourself that you can be happy and fulfilled regardless of your insecurities and so you’ll stop caring what other people think. Their opinions will become pointless and insignificant blips on your radar that you’ll barely notice as you start living a remarkable life.
How to live a remarkable life
There are many different steps on the path to living a rich, rewarding, and remarkable life, free from the doubts and concerns that come from being reliant on other people’s thoughts and opinions, and they all start with one thing: creating your vision of your ideal life.
If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll never get there so you first need to work out where you’re going.
There are many challenges, issues, and roadblocks you can run into on the path of setting your vision and they’re detailed, along with the solutions to these issues here.
It’s a brief walkthrough of the process of creating your vision of your ideal life and will give you the foundations necessary to start letting go of what other people think and overcoming your insecurities. If you’re ready to move beyond the doubt and fear and pretending, start your new life here: How to create your vision of your ideal life
Starting with Step 1
The first part of the journey of kicking your insecurities is often the scariest so to get you in the mood for taking action, I’m going to help. I’m going to list my insecurities below so you feel more comfortabel starting your process. Have a read of mine and then share yours in the comments underneath.
I’m insecure about:
– My skin. I had really bad acne when I was a kid and I still have the scars of it today.
– My ability in bed. Sometimes, I just can’t perform. Not always, just sometimes.
– My age. I look around at other guys my age and everything they’ve achieved with their life and get insecure about the fact that I don’t have a house or really any assets to my name.
Things I used to be insecure about:
– My mum. I was one of the only kids I knew whose mother is a lesbian.
– Being poor. We never had much money when I was a kid and it constantly put me in situations I didn’t want to be in. I was always going to the principal with notes asking for financial assistance to go on excursions and always wearing hand-me-down clothes.
– Still being a virgin at 21. Speaks for itself.
So, what are you insecure about?
270 thoughts on “How to stop being insecure in 4 simple steps”
I really agree with step 2. Some of the most powerful connections I’ve had are where I open up my weaknesses to other people and they do the same. It just reminds us both that we’re imperfect and we’re ok with that.
BTW, I’m really glad you shared your insecurities with us (it can’t be easy to share that over the internet). It reminds me that we’re all human and have imperfections…and it shows me what kind of amazing life you can still lead if you don’t let it limit you.
– Never had a girlfriend/ any meaningful relationship
– My academic ability
– My looks (Im quite average looking – I always thought that was the problem, I don’t know why.)
Great to hear mate. It always amazes me, even to this day, that everything were looking for is often behind the very thing we’re running away from.
The kinds of connections that are possible when you open up is truly increible and I hope more guys are able to find it.
And you’re right. I still find it hard to say ‘Yes, I have these insecurities’ but I know that by doing so, I’m helping myself get them out of the way and helping other guys also find the strength to express thiers.
I recently cut my hair really short (like Shailene Woodley) and I am on winter break so kids at school haven’t seen me with it and I’m scared of what they might think about it :0
I’m “a bit” (and by a bit i mean a lot) late but one of my biggest insecurities is that no one will ever care.
I went through a bad break up and it just made me think: ‘she broke up because you are awfull and no one will ever care as much as she did’. I know it’s not true but i can’t shake this feeling.
Of course i’d prefer a pretty girl but all i really want is someone who is true and dedicated. And every relationship i have only seems to last a couple of weeks. Any advice?
Im insecure about my small penis, my poor financial situation and poor living condition where I have no privacy..
I’m insecure about how I am sitting in my underwear at 3:am, empty Cheetos bags and mountain dew cans everywhere, peeing in bottles, binging on xbox while being 43 years old and if my mom catches me, I will be grounded again for a month
Im insecure about my hairline getting smaller and smaller and sometimes im insecure about my head shape. Sometimes i feel like im just not good enough for women or the once i think is pretty( even tough sometimes i dont actually wont them, because they dont seem like a good person. I still want the validation that they want me).
Well I’m so insecure about my nose
– being wrong or making the wrong decision
– that I’m actually selfish
– that I’m boring or weird
– that no one will love me if they see how dark and twisted I actually am inside
– my face shape
– that I’ll never be successful
my insecurities are
-my nose, sometimes I look in pictures and it doesn’t seem that big but i feel like it is my moms nose is long skinny and pointy, and she used to get made fun of, my brothers nose is huge and people say we have the same nose shape, but I asked them “is my nose as big as his” and they all told me no and i dont think it is either. I don’t get made fun of I think it just makes me a little more ugly I guess I dont really know.
-my legs, I have always been a twig my whole life and this past year I’ve grown to 5’5 and am 109 pounds but I feel like its all legs because my thighs touch and I want a thigh gap because I feel like my legs don’t match.
-not being the best athlete
-sometimes feeling invisible, but I think I think that because I am so insecure that I am quiet and not super social, and sometimes i feel like I’m just not myself because I remember 6th grade I didn’t care about a thing I was crazy, funny, which I still am but not around everyone, mainly around friends. and i only have 2 main friends I don’t like to hang out with anyone else because I feel like they aren’t true friends every girl in my school is two faced.
-not good enough for my dad, him and my mom are divorced and he just got married 5 years ago and have 3 little kids and I see them every 2 weeks so it’s like theyre his kids and me and my brother don’t even matter.
– my moms boyfriend, he is old and we have never liked him he’s been around here for 10 years. none of my friends even like him.
-my neck lines theres no way to get rid of them and i feel like they are really noticable
– I feel like boys don’t like me and if they do they aren’t boys I like or they are just jerks. I’ve only kissed a boy thats it.
-mouth, my lips are so small I’m too embarrased to do duck lips because I’ll look stupid. and I feel like my mouth is crooked, and my smile is ugly because they are small. but my teeth are perfectly strait so thats a good thing. this boy told me last year that my nose is crooked so yeah. my ears are weird too. I don’t know sometimes people will tell you things you dont even realize about yourself and then you just suddenly notice them and they become your insecurities..
and man I am soo tired of social media because it does affect how you feel about yourself because I see a girl and I’m like man her nose is perfect or she has a thigh gap. And how some will say I have no makeup on to make you feel like your ugly with makeup on. So Just wear or don’t wear makeup its your option either way everyone is beautiful we just don’t need to be rubbing it in eachothers faces if one is prettier than the other. okay I could probs go on but Im done for now.
-Not being the best
-Not being accepted
-Not being listened to
-That others are better in bed
– That my girlfriends will get fat
-That people don’t think my girlfriend is attractive
-Not being a man
-Not being loved
-That society is trying to tell us that black people are alpha males
-What other people think
I am a black person but I really don’t get how society does that though. I and a lot of black males I know are very insecure. You wouldn’t even believe!
thats honestly laughable considering how society is constantly putting down black men… try again mate
Why do you think they’re putting them down? Lol. There’s something about the genetics of black people, Idk, I’ve never seen a skinny or weak black person in my life, at least not in my neighbourhood
Hey man, i know this was a while ago but i think i know exactly where your coming from. Pm me as it would be cool to chat a little more someone who views things the same way i do.
Hey, so I know this is a few YEARS after your post, but I just ran across this article and thought it was great!
I’m also insecure about the fact that I’ve never had a girlfriend/meaningful long term relationship, and I’m 25.
That’s pretty much my biggest, deepest, most pervasive insecurity, and it infects almost every other aspect of my life. It’s terrible! I need to share more. I don’t share with anybody except my very close family members, and since I live on my own that’s not very often. My insecurity is growing out of control.
All of my life I have been dealing with my height. A lot women always tell me I’m attractive but I’m not tall enough to fit there standards. If I was 3 to 4 inches taller I wouldn’t have to deal with the same thing over and over again. Genetics suck especially when you can’t control them.
I hate the fact that my wife flirts on im and almost set up a meeting with a 24 yr old guy and the only reason that I know is because I intercepted the I’m and she grabbed her phone from me when I questioned her about it she would only tell me the parts that I wouldn’t make make a big deal about
She still tells me after 1 week that she has no explanation of why and she won’t evendors tell me the just of it. I told her to just come clean. So, she’s risking
19 years of marriage over this .should I just drop it or punish her by sta ying away
From her? HELP ME PLEASE
My advice would be to confront her honestly and calmly about it and not let your emotions get the best of you. Ask her if she really is cheating on you and do what you know to be right. If she is that’s up to you if you want to put up with it but I’d give her an ultimatum, either stop cheating or you’re going to leave for good.
Emphasize honesty and trust in your relationship, but if you know for sure she’s cheating and she won’t stop or talk to you about it I think it would be best for you to leave. You could also try to get a counselor to discuss your relationship and try to work problems out. Just my two cents.
Even I have the same problem,I always thought that I have a bad face colour and I always used to think that,due to my face colour no one will accept me but I never thought that inspite of my outer beauty,I am much more prettier from inside!!…
-being small for a guy & worrying about women’s thoughts on this (5’8).
-Slight receding hairline despite myriad compliments that my hair is my best feature, thus breeding more apprehensiveness of the loss of my hair.
-Big ears, which my hair hides.
-My body, which devours my libido.
Holy shit!! I feel like this post was written just for me because I can totally relate with the points of view about this topic!!
I’ve admited my insecurities to myself and others in the past and it was tough because I’ve spent too much time with people that didn’t accept me (I’ve been bullyed most of my life so I used to hide all my feelings) but it also made me feel much better when talking with the “right people” because it was like I was letting go “heavy backpack on my back”. With nothing else to say, these are/were my insecurities:
-I’ve been virgin until 23 (I’m 26 now)
-I’ve only kissed 2 girls
-I’ve only slept with 2 girls
-receding hairline (I’m not paying that much attention to it anymore)
-occasional PE. Much better now anyways
-dancing skills. I suck at the dance floor (much better than years back)
Thank you very much for this post Logun and thanks for sharing your insecurities with us as well
Awesome mate. Great to hear it made a difference.
william k. waiamau i was just like that when i was in high school i must say i was else bullyed all my life through school or at home from family’s or friend’s from school it was very hard to deal with some time as a young men grow up were you get pick on at home or at school were the other kid’s do not like you around them when you out side on the p[lay ground and you want to play with some body and they would clled you are so stupid or drum it had me think that i was less then humana now i’m happy and enjoying life to the fullness with some one who make me very for fill with love joy
– My stretch mark scars that I bear from when I gained a lot of weight in my teen years.
– When I’m in public I often think about running into people I haven’t seen for ages, and having awkward conversations with them, so I get nervous about it. This is a major skill I perfected in my younger years, which I’ve gotten better with, but it’s still there.
– I feel I should be in better shape even though I am in good shape already. I feel like I should have a six-pack to go along with the rest of it hehe.
– I haven’t been with many women, and this bothers me sometimes cause I’ve been socially programmed to believe I should be. But this only gets to me a little bit sometimes.
Yeah, that’s all I can think of now. Not an easy thing to do by all means…
here is some thing want to share is that we all need to be our self and try not to be something we really are not we need to prayer and ask of our father above to help us to deal with the thing that we are going through in our daily life even if is not the easy thing to do at the time
Great post as always 🙂
– The way i walk, hard to describe but i get insecure about it now and again especially if someone is walking behind me as i think they could be judging me.
– Lack of friends/social life im 18 and feel like i should be doing typical teen stuff.
– A virgin and little experience with women.
Im sure there are tons more but i’d say those are the main ones, Thanks for the post!
i think what we all need to do as we feel like some one is out there to make judging us we need to put tat behind us and keep going forward stand tall with your hard straight a hard keep on smiling and the rest our father above will do his very best to get us through anything we need from his
This was like 5 years late XD and you’re like 23 now probably, but I have the same problem!!!
-I feel like i walk weird and i hate it so much
-I have like 1 friend and we barely ever talk, (and i’m 17 i should be out with a job and friends)
-and i barely graduated high school with a few F’s
don’t know, just felt like sharing my story so you know you’re not alone.
I’m insecure about:
* The size of my head. It’s been getting better through the years (the insecurity, not the head), but sometimes I just get hungups about it. Like, today.
* My looks. Speaks for itself.
* Not being considered mature enough by a woman, and this connects to:
* Having almost zero experience with women, being a virgin, and sometimes I just see other guys who are like 5 years younger than me, still in high school and have been fucking for years and seem totally natural with women and they just flow, and I’m like comparing myself to them and it sucks.
I am 21 turning 22 in a month
I am insecure about:
Being a virgin and longest relationship was a week.
Having acne and still do but i am addressing that.
I have no more friends living in my town around my age
I play video games A LOT and feel i wasted my life away with them.
No drivers license.
Possibly more too. Ugh good to get that off my chest.
I noticed my anxiety pick up just posting this but screw it. Just gonna roll with it
Awesome mate. That’s how you really get to the core of your insecurities – acknowledge they’re their, feel the anxiety, and push through.
Jajajaja!! Im not alone :-D.. These are my insecurities:
– All of the 99% of my friends I lost when i Start to be real and genuine since i read SCS and the end game… that put me sad, but damn, life keep going… But I do more things now…
– Im very antisocial because i was bullied in strongways in my chilhood for my partners in school, to the point that i dont really need friends now, i have 2 o 3, but, in the end, the true now is, i dont need them… But sometimes that put me sad..
– My father is enginer of buildings but he never was rich and all his friends are, and he lack of normal commercial attitude..
– My self become very fat very faster if i dont do exercise, thanks god for me im work in freights in the truck of my dad…
– Im leazy, is hard for me to be in work state all the time when im up…
– Im consider my self some kind of pretty but my unhapines for dont have a normal entrance of money put me sad and thats make unsexy for girls and for myself, i dont care that to much, but in the end, i want marry some day and have some kids, i dont think i will reach ilumination in these life…
– Im very lazy jaja…
– In a 60% of my present i let me bullied for somebody how is someone that i need something material from him… thats because im not rich yet 🙁
– I hate that my fammily dont help me with my commercial ideas that i know them are great and rentable…
– Im very influentiable guy, in a big part of time I forget my personal point of view of myself…
– I f..ck very litle, just 3 o 4 times for year…
– I cant leave porn and masturbation, in 4 or 5 days i start again with that shit…
– One time i love a lot to one litle girl of 16 years, I was 25, i used all my love potencial with letters and that stuff and she just treat me like the crap more unnimportant of the universe, they like my opennes but her ways of the world destroy mi direction.. Is my fault, but damn, thats hurts…
– Im very emotional, ha thats good 😀
– My brother treats me like shit, he never loved me, just when we was childs, jaja, i dont know why, but, thats how things go… I love him, but he is a damn arsehole…
– Im very slow in comparation with others… I have big arma and lot of muscle, but im slow for understand the things, even the AI philosophie takeme 1 year for understood…
Well that… What can i did, i think, just keep living and try to do my best… Cheers for all, i never say all these trues to anybody, jajaja, my ego again 😀
you ever think about taking Get Real Josef?
Oh this should be fun, though sharing my insecurities is already something I do with my closest friends.
– I have very little independence despite already having my own job, bank account, etc… (my father controls most of my life, though I’ve managed to break more and more shackles).
– My father is constantly putting me down.
– I’m short (1.70m, or 5’7″ for you silly americans)
– Never had a girlfriend, 22 (though I did kiss 1 girl, and had a few interested in me).
– No car.
– Child like face (mixed with the height makes people think I’m 4-6 years younger than I am).
– Can’t grown a beard.
– Can’t dance for shit.
– My dick isn’t straight (well it is, but it’s like 15º to the side).
– My pubes are very thick and grow up my dick a bit (I’ve thought about having them laser removed, but then there’s insecurity number 1…).
– My balls are slightly smaller than normal.
– Slight phimosis (It used to be full, but I’ve stretched it a lot).
– Can only last 12 days in the no porn challenge.
– Lazy and unfocused (gets worse each year).
– Slightly fat (mostly a beer belly :p).
– Some stretch marks in my legs (I used to be a lot fatter).
– Very worried about what strangers think of me, unless there’s at least 1 other idiot doing the same thing (at which point it suddenly becomes perfectly ok for some reason).
– Can’t really swim well (though I did manage to learn how to swim).
– I was bullied a lot by my cousin when I was very little (and he was my only “friend” at the time), that left some deep emotional scars.
– Quite a few hurtful moments involving women (pretending to like me till her boyfriend came back and then laugh, invite me out to the beach only to be there with some dude despite knowing I liked her, or another start kissing a guy I hated in front of me despite knowing so, etc… Plus plenty of condescending or downright humiliating comments)
– Bad at sports
That’s all I can think of atm. More than enough to hold me down hehehe. Most of them could be fixed if I just moved out of the house.
At least for the hurtful comments by women, I’ve managed to meet some great ones, one of which is one of my best friends. That helps a lot. Don’t be afraid of having girl… friends guys, real ones. They help.
Im 2 weeks without porn!!! Yeeeeea!! The problems are in the morning jaja
I’ll give this a whirl
– My skin. I’m pale with little facial hair and circles under my eyes.
– My receding hairline
– My teeth. I have a snaggletooth and weak enamel.
– My ability in bed. Only gone all the way with one girl two years ago.
– My age. (27) I look around at other guys my age and everything they’ve achieved with their life and get insecure about the fact that I don’t have a house or really any assets to my name.
– Being poor.
– Not having a vehicle.
– Relative lack of social experience
– Little experience and/or knowledge of manly things like sports, cars, the outdoors, hunting, women, or reading people.
– A pervasive fear that I’ll fail or creep out anybody I bring into my life.
Interesting to see what comes out.
-I feel that I am ugly, I have a strange shape in the mouth, very dificult to describe.
-I think that I have a strange body while I am walking, and everytime I see myself walking trough a mirror, I hate it and try to “hide” it.
-I feel that I am too thin, and that my arms suck.
-I sometimes feel that I only can have conversations if I am talking about funny things.
-I don’t have discipline.
-I never go out of the confort zone.
-I am very bad with girls when I try to have something more than a friendship.
-I never approach I girl I find interesting.
-my acne. I have had it for 5 years and It makes me want to hide out . Its also super painful and i feel like people stare at it and not me. Its my worse insecurity because for the last 5 years i have never seen my face clear there has always been at least 2 zits on my face, so i get down about that on myself.
-My mom brings me down about my acne and says put down remarks about my acne.
-being poor. Have been my whole life.
– my ability to keep mates.
– being bad at math
So sorry your mom said anything negative to you. Maybe you can try to let her know it affects you. And she can be supportive in helping you find ways to heal your acne!
I don’t know whether this post is recent or not, but anyway… I believe this can help me, so here are my insecurities:
-Fat. Not very fat, just a little above my ideal weight, but it really bugs me that I don’t have the discipline to lose weight even when I know it will make me feel much better about myself;
-Only had two girlfriends and they were the only girls I’ve ever kissed;
-Haven’t kissed a girl or anything close since my last girlfriend (almost four years now);
-The virgin thing. Although I’m not even worried about this considering the fact above;
-I’d love to be able to dance, but I’m not. At all.
-I have this deep belief that no girl I’m interested in will ever be interested in me;
-Virgin for 21 years and counting;
And the one I will probably never be able to share with people I know:
-I’m ridiculously hairy. I have hair all over my body and it’s the thing I’m most embarassed about. It’s not normal or even accepted, especially in my hometown, where all everybody wants to do is go to the beach. I used to love swimming, but now I can’t take my shirt off in public. I try my best to hide my body and can’t imagine what I’d do if anyone I know saw it.
So, this is what I’ve got. Don’t know if anyone is gonna read it, but, either way, it’s nice to put it out there.
Thank you so much for this opportunity to share my insecurities and for this website, it has helped me tremendously already.
Good on you mate. It takes balls to admit that kind of shit.
And don’t stress about the girl stuff. I didn’t kiss a woman till I was 21 and was a virgin till then too (unsurprisingly).
Great to hear you’re getting value from the site. Make sure you join the forum and start chatting with guys there. I’m sure you’ll find the support you need.
great on you for admitting all of it, takes balls.
and why not try getting some of that hair waxed or shaving it if it bothers you that much?
Well, funny you should ask. I actually tried that on the beggining of 2012.
It kinda worked, I even went to the beach with my friends (which is surprising).
But this issue goes a little deeper…
First, this problem won’t ever completely go away since it’s all over my body and there are still places I can’t/won’t wax, like my arms, legs and private area. But I guess I can deal with that.
Another thing that bothers me is my facial hair, more specifically, my beard. It grows way too fast and it’s way too thick. Shaving it is useless cause it never looks like a clean shaved face and when I do shave it, my face feels like I rubbed boiling oil on it. I can’t even touch it for a while. But what annoys me is that I don’t get to choose whether to have a beard or not. It’s just always there.
Finally, the main problem is that whithout the hair, the weight thing becomes the focus. I don’t know why but I look so much fatter in the mirror without hair. Even though it hurts like a bitch and it’s expensive (since I have to wax it almost every two weeks), I would actually be willing to tolerate the pain in my skin and pocket if I got to lose weight and look good with my shirt off.
The thing is, I hate gyms and most people who work out at gyms. I also don’t have enough time to exercise in my everyday life(I know it’s a lame excuse). Bottom line, I can’t seem to get myself to diet and exercise to lose the extra weight that makes me so miserable. And it sucks.
Sorry for the long reply. It’s just that this is the only place I think can help me with these issues.
So, thank you again for everything. You guys are awesome!
Alright man I gotcha.
What if you became more accepting of the hair you have and just accepted it as a natural part of who you are?
If you took your focus away from what do other people think of how I look, accepted that you’re just naturally very hairy, and focused on doing what you wanted in that moment regardless of how much hair you have?
Think it’d make things easier?
Also, if you accepted that there are people you don’t like at the gym and that you have a hard time dieting & losing weight, and took steps to make it happen?
Such as doing sit-ups, push-ups, and pull-ups at home, getting in decent shape there, and then maybe progressing to the gym later?
Also doing small things like cutting back on soda/sweet drinks/candy and slowly losing weight that way? Til you can progress to a healthy diet overall?
Think it’d make things easier and more manageable?
That would help a lot, but accepting stuff is not as easy as it sounds.
I think the issue is that whole connection thing. I learned that shame is the fear of disconnection, I’m ashamed of my body because I think it’s too different from other peoples’ bodies. And I’m afraid that if they saw it, they would laugh at me and make me feel worse about myself and I wouldn’t be worthy of connection. But I’ve been keeping myself from living the life I want because of other people and that’s what I need to change. Focusing on what I want to do instead of worrying about what other people think is truly one of the greatest challenges in my life so far.
Now, About the gym problem…
Starting with small changes and then progressing from there is a really good tactic for pretty much everything in life. It definitely makes things easier and lowers the chances of giving up on whatever the task is.
I decided to start going to he gym at least a couple times a week because I don’t really have time for other activities. I am also gonna try to accept the environment there and hate it a little less. After I get in a more decent shape I might start doing exercises I enjoy more like swimming.
As I learned from the Attraction Institute, I am determined to take the necessary steps to make my life better. I am determined to stop being a victim of my reality and start being the creator of my world and experiences.
Also, I think the key is in my purpose. If I want to lose weight just to look good and get girls or whatever, it probably won’t work. Since I’m doing it for other people, the sacrifice is not worthy. Now, if my purpose is to lose weight so I don’t need to worry about it anymore, to eliminate one of the things that’s in the way of me feeling good about myself in order to live a fulfilling life, all the effort will be worth it and I will be able to keep myself motivated. Because the pain of being unhappy with my life and hating myself is much greater than the pain of taking action to change this situation.
I really hope I’m right cause it’s what I’m going with this time.
Those are some great realizations and goals man.
Since it’s an issue of connection for you, and you think you’ll feel disconnected if people don’t approve of your body, then why not find another way to experience the connection you’re looking for instead of through approval/validation of your body from other people?
Why not express yourself, your deep desires, feelings, dreams, and what truly matters to you?
Do you think if you felt connected through doing that then what other people think of your body wouldn’t matter as much and you wouldn’t fear being disconnected?
Just a thought.
That is probably the best solution. I used to do that, but at some point in the last few years I started changing and became someone who doesn’t care about pretty much anything. It’s weird cause I don’t know exactly why it happened. I created a feeling inside of me that nothing really matters and nothing ever will. I kinda blocked myself from the external world.
So, expressing myself is not something I usually do cause “it doesn’t matter” what I think, believe, feel, etc.
And I don’t know how to change back.
I’m sorry, we’re only talking about my problems. Do you have any issues you need help with? (I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to help, but I promise to try)
And thank you so much for your help, man. I really appreciate it!
No problem dude, we’re here to help.
how about you start a thread on the forum say, in the inner game essentials section, so we can all give you advice in a more manageable setting.
PM me when you do.
I’m literally 20, and it’s been difficult living my life. I’m actually a nice guy, and I think that’s the root to my problems. you see, I’m insecure of a lot of things, such as, my forehead, it isn’t actually a forehead it’s like a 7 head. I have nice features other than my forehead. I have burnt marks that look like scars on my stomach, because I grew up in Africa and I recently to America when I was 5. Growing up in a society like this where perfection matters is difficult to deal with. I can’t express my feelings to anyone, because I feel like they’ll never look at me the same. I don’t know what I want to be in the future. Did I mention I have a crooked hairline that looks like it was drawn with a marker. And I wrote this today because a friend of mine made a remark about my hairline receding, it hurt me because I’m young and my childhood was terrible because of forehead jokes. When I finally grew out of it, now they’re telling me it’s receding. I don’t know what to do honestly and it’s leaving me in despair, what’s this feeling in my heart.. :'(
I don’t know if (a) you still have this insecurity–I hope not but (b) about the hair thing, get it lasered or shave your back to make you feel more comfortable. It hurts and it’s expensive but it’s worth it.
Mine are really different to the rest:
– My metabolism is ridiculously fast. I eat like every 2 hours, sometimes I’ll be heaps hungry then sit down and eat hardly anything and be full.
– I get folliculitis which is more a comfort thing rather than an aesthetic thing and prefer to wear loose fitting clothing
– I have a tendency to be jumpy and even scream if something drops or I receive a static electric shock. I always calm down but by that time (often a few seconds) people are afraid
– I tend to be slightly intimdated by larger people
– There’s a lot I’d like to accomplish in life and I tend to talk very little about the past or future, generally only how I feel in the present
– I’m can be super forgetful and also remember really intricate details. Because of this (among other) inconsistencies I dislike showing talents too much for fear of not living up to potential.
Everything else I seem to own quite well, working on owning these myself and getting past the first few encpounters where these occur. I’m larger than life which can scare people early on but after this I’m quite a cult figure-type, almost popular character.
@Jammer: I’m totally with you man I also eat every couple hours:D by now I accepted my appetite and this has gotten kind of a running gag where my friends and me can laugh about. We are really having fun with it. Just open youself mate:)
Hi guys I’m 21 and my insecurities are
– my abilities in bed, sometimes i can’t get it up at all or long enough. this is a big one for me. stopped watching porn and masturbating. check out yourbrainonporn.com
– not having a driver’s license
– being lazy
My insecurities are my size.
My height intimidates people and so does my breadth, they ask me if I play rugby and the like. I don’t want to physically dominate other guys, I’m gay, it’s not like me.
My big head makes me look goofy in sunglasses.
My feet are size 11 and I don’t like seeing really nice shoes in the store coz when I find my size they look like boats.
With all this extra size which makes no genetic sense in my family, my penis is small, Going by international averages It’s smallers than average.
With my physical body bringing me no happiness I cling strongly to my personality and skills, I fear that I am overestimating myself, I know I can’t dance but I’d love to, I can’t draw and can’t create the art I’d love to, I think I can sing and I’d be heartbroken If I found out I couldn’t.
I’m also concernced that others can smell my body odour or breath that I’m unaware of.
mate trust me being big is nothing i am 5’9 and i would love to be taller its a good thing i used to get bullied when i was younger for being tiny it hurts bro my insecurities are… my receeding hairline (devastating confidence blow) my legs to muscular and thick
Step 2 saved one of my biggest insecurities:
I couldn’t get a boner… I remember a day I run away from 3 girls naked by my side screaming for sex…
I was dating a girl and everything but sex was awesome. We connected, had fun… but when things got hotter I had to run away. I knew I couldn’t had sex.
The day I told her I couldn’t have an erection went awesome. She accepted me even though I was crying when I told her… and in the next day she became my girlfriend!
Two days after that I lost my virginity. From now on I’m free from this problem, although one of my insecurities is that I don’t think I am good in bed 🙁
– Fear of failing making mistakes in front of others (this includes my english writing – since I am from Brazil).
– Not knowing something I should from university
– Fear of others thinking I am an alone guy.
Well… if you read it… thanks. That means a lot for me.
That’s fucking rad dude. Congrats!
Great article mate, keep up the awesome work!
So here are my insecurities:
1)My height. I’m 170cm (5’7)and feel like girls would only go for taller guys.
2)Being half Filopino and half Spanish, I wish I was white, because I have a preference for white girls so I feel they would only want white guys.
3) My body. 6 months ago I was around 112kg (246lbs) and now I’m 86kg (189lbs0). So I’ve lost quite some weight so I’m a bit more confident, but I still want to lose more fat and gain muscle, and have the nice body I’ve always dreamed of having.
4) Lack of experience. Like most of you guys, I too haven’t been with many girls. I’ve only had 1 girlfriend, she’s the only girl I’ve kissed, and yes, I am also a virgin.
Wow dude, congratulations on the weight drop. That’s amazing! Keep at it.
Kev take it from me you sound young. Enjoy your life and do not worry so much! I am 58 and have a few regrets have had a rough life in respects to women. I lost my high school sweetheart to stupidity and got into a controlling relationship right afterwards and lost her to cancer and then met a beautiful woman 2 years later that I have been with for over 24 years.
We now have issues and may end up going our separate ways after all these years!
If I was to give you advice I would say focus on yourself and your career and save as much money you can and work out to keep yourself looking good but remember muscle outweighs fat 1.6 to 1 pound so do not get so skinny.
I workout almost everyday and I am in better shape now than I have ever been! I am 215 pounds and 6 feet tall and very little fat on me.
Remember focus on you and the rest will fall in place!
P.S. As far as being white I am white and be proud of who you are! Half Filipino and half Spanish sounds great! White women will go for a guy who is true to himself not the color of his skin! Watch out for young women nowdays they can be very self-centered and very much into themselves!
Take care Don
Woah, you guys are pretty good at admitting.
– I suck at having really good friends or any. A lot of my conversations with people are virtual. It bothers me to no end.
– I’m constantly distracted by bullshit. Recruiters, friends who want to start businesses
– 29 and still haven’t had anything serious(girlfriend). I’m not mad about virginity, but women in general?
– I still live at home, but I’ll be moving out next year
– I don’t think that I’m as good at things as I need to be or as people say I am.
– I’m always wanting to do amazing things, but never get to do them. I started small and started watching new movies alone. I’d love to go on a trip alone.
– I procrastinate heavily, but I started using a task list throughout my cell and tablet.
– my phone only rings when it’s about money. I hardly get any calls about just hanging out or to see how I’m doing. Normal things.
– I’m afraid of making mistakes, and sadly, I’m a developer. I should not even bother that thought.
– I’d say overweight, but I joined a league recently and will have my physical soon
Awesome mate. Welcome to the ‘admitters’ club.
I am insecure and scared that I will never be good enough. I am scared that the girl will find another man who is a natural and like him more. I am scared of having my heart ripped to shit because I try so fucking hard to be a man. I am scared she will say “too bad, I found someone better now.” – I am scared it will ruin me.
That and I am poor, I have a job as a Barista which is standard. I want more. I want money and I want success. But I am afraid I won’t get it.
I am also really fucking scared that I am wrong. And the people who know me are right. “Game is for losers. You don’t have a clue. You won’t ever get there.”
Fuck You. I will ignore the critics.
I will be a fucking success because I am the money!
I go for what I want in life and am not afraid of getting hurt in the process.
I will explore multiple relationships – despite the fact they scare the shit out of me.
I will encourage my girl to see other men – and fucking deal with it.
I am scared of being torn up emotionally – and fucked up.
Thanks mate. That took balls.
Go through the fear my friend!
I am insecure about:
Being a virgin at 22. I have never had a girl friend,never kissed a girl.
The fact I never been to a party. My strict haitian parents won’t allow me to have a social life.
My weight. I am not too fat just a bit chubby.
On the first insecurity only my two closest friends know I am a virgin but my casual college friends don’t. matter of fact I lied to them. So I can’t turn around and say “Hey guys remeber when I said i had sex with 8 girls,well i lied all along!” I don’t know man. Plus they guys who are my friends a frat brothers. they will be unmerciful and if word goes out that I am a virgin(my community college is quite small) I will be the butt of jokes. Should i keep this little white lie?
I have a good friend who was a virgin until 24, and another friend until 30. Both these guys are living very productive and fulfilling lives with great women. The first has only ever slept with one other woman, and the second remained a vrigin until marriage due to religious/cultural reasons. Both are glad they didn’t go out searching, but were very insecure about making it a big deal. They just didn’t go bragging about how they’d had a heap of sex or really lamenting having none. Eventually they both wound up leaving the confines of school and cliques, got girlfriends and it didn’t seem to matter.
The first guy kept the white lie going for some years; that he’d had sex with a couple of girls here and there, but nothing serious. When a girlfriend showed up it was assumed they had regular sex. He told me they didn’t, I refused to judge on his relationship. Eventually they did. Same thing happened with me when I was younger. Bottom line, be honest with yourself but if you feel the situation would be better diffused with a lie (especially if you don’t really care about the long term future), then keep it going.
I have experience with pleasing many women, I have a good job, and I feel pretty fit and good looking. But I’m on the shy side and feel insecure that women will leave me for men who are funnier, have better social skills, and regular douche bags. I’m insecure about telling a joke because I feel people will think I’m lame and not funny. I’m insecure about being a minority in America, because I feel like if you are not white, you have to work twice as hard and be twice as smart, otherwise you have no chance as a minority. I feel insecure that my future kids will face problems with racism, and I fear my GF sees my insecurities and eventually will not put up with it and dump me for a white guy who is half the man I am, but is considered better because he is white and has less problems of racism. I am insecure about all the guys that hit on my hot girl friend and that she can easily leave me and break my heart. I love her so much and feel vulnerable knowing how much she can affect my emotions. I feel insecure about her ex lovers who keep trying to contact her and remind her of the good times she had with them. I feel insecure about being insecure and being able to over come them. It certainly feels good to admit them, but will I ever fully be able to fix my broken self-esteem?
Definitely dude, have you happened to read Endgame? The book offered here at AI.
Allright, so I know this is a site for dudes, but I really think this could help me too. I have this fantastic boyfriend that i really love, and i’m afraid that if I’m not able to deal with my insecurity around him, it might be a problem to us. So here’s my first step.
I’m insecure about my looks, though some people are beginning to tell me that they think I look good. I really can’t take a compliment. My legs, my belly, my butt, my arms and my breasts are not as firm as i would wish (like the models in magazines) – and i’ve tried everything! my shape of head is like a square, my teeth are crooked, my feet looks wierd, and I don’t have beautiful, sparkeling eyes.
I’m insecure about my social behavior. I want everyone to like me even, and i’m afraid of people talking behind my back. I’m insecure if people around me really like me or just use me for their own benefit (like school projects or so). I can’t really handle, if there’s something i’m not good at.. I try to hide myself, when people seem to be better than me at something (when I sing, or play guitar, do math, or workout)
I’m afraid that if people see my insecurities, they’ll think I’m a weak person.
When people laugh, I’m afraid they laugh of me, eventhough I don’t know them.
This might all be rooted in the fact that i got bullied in school by other students but also out of school by my older brother, sister and cousin. I’m 19 years old now. I’ve tried to commit suicide several times since I were 6 years old because of my insecurities i think, last time when i were 15.
I’ve finally found love, and I’m afraid of losing it. It’s funny how that works. Please no jokes, guys, and sorry for the spelling mistakes. (English is not my first language).
Hey girl from Europe,
You’re right, this is an important step for anyone – be it male of female. I’m glad you took the time to share.
Just a quick question that might help change the way you look at at least one of your insecurities: does it take more strength to admit your insecure or does it take more strength to pretend that you don’t have insecurities?
Just something to think about.
I’m sorry that you felt like the only way you could deal with your insecurities was to try and take your own life. That can’t of been a great place to be in. Great to hear you made it through and now have the love that you were looking for.
Welcome to the family.
When I first read this article I immediately rejected it after reading Step 2. Before AI, I was a master at getting people to think I was calm, cool, confident guy who had his life together and had no insecurities whatsoever. I was using the material from the Seduction Community and other psychology websites. They (seemed to have) worked on younger people, but when I encountered people my age, I had a much harder time. Which is reason why I came here.
I rejected Step 2 because I was afraid of this step process:
1) The people I know will perceive me as a total faker and reject me.
2) But I’ll feel more comfortable in dealing with my insecurities.
3) When I finally do become confident, people might just perceive me as a faker based on what happened last time.
I’ve always been pretty sad and lonely in life, and I was very socially awkward. I always felt that I had to be powerful or confident or independent before I could really talk to people. Now I’ve come to a place where I realize that not having your shit together is something you can’t run away from. I’ve felt confident and powerful on rare occasions and I felt good enough to talk to the cool people. But whenever I started feeling insecure again, I withdrew from many of my friends. If I’m gonna keep anyone, I might as well be able to show everything.
List of my Insecurities:
– I’m not interesting (i notice when people get bored when I’m talking and move to a different person)
– I ruin things (I’m worried when I join a group in activity that they just quit and leave as soon as I join in. That has happened before)
– My weakened immune system (I get sick more often than others, I also need to blow my nose more often)
– My body heat (I also tend to overdress more than my friends)
– I’m scared that my crush will find a guy who’s less boring, less shy, and just more fun.
– I fear that people will perceive me as not fun
– My house (My house isn’t too designed or decorated. I just have the walls. I worry people might think I’m not cool because of that)
– I fear people will see me as “oh here comes Mr. annoying”
– I fear I’ll be perceived as lame
– My history with Self-Help (Everyone’s been enjoying their lives while I’ve been sitting around in my room reading the latest articles on pickup, psychology, and self-help for months)
– I’m also insecure about my strength. I tend to lose in arm wrestling with a lot of people my age … and I work out!
Congratulations on finding the strength to move beyond your limitations. It usually takes a failure of one pathway to make the switch over and it’s great that you hit yours. Some people can go their entire life trying to hide behind bullshit and go to their grave wondering why everything felt so empty and meaningless.
You’re at the start of an incredible journey.
alright well…might as well join the club
So here are my insecurities currently being a 15 year-old.:
* my hair being super thin from breaking off(a couple months ago..)
*my boobs being petite(one noticeably being bigger than the other)
*second toe being longer than my big toe
* having noticeable keratosis pilaris on my legs and thighs
*having natural extra hair on my legs and thighs
* not having a super flat tummy
*having huge(more than average) sized thighs..
*having unattracive extra hair on my back and around my belly button
* having extra fat in my neck ( even though im not overweight)
*always having a hard time in my english classes
*having poor vision at times
*having unattractive scars in random places of my body ( especially on the heels from wearing painful shoes)
*having left over acne scars on my chest
* im naturally really goofy when it comes to being funny
*i have alot of tongue twisters when i try and have simple conversations(my anxiety problem)
* not having a mature personality
andd…thats about it..i know, alittle TMI..but proud that i had the guts to let alot of major things out. 😛
Hey Natara, You have the honor of being the first woman to join this list. Congratulations!
This kind of thing is good for guys and girls and it’s great that we’re starting to get more women around here.
im insecure about my teeth.have to cover my mouth when laughing. fuckin embarrasing. have no money to get it fixed. my dentures are getting worst. my decaying teeth always ache.fuck it. now tell me how to overcome insecurities. lol
-i feel like i have a smaller than normal sized penis
-no hair on my arms but a ton of hair in armpits/chest
-i can’t pick up girls
-no confidence in myself
-i look and am very much like my one year older brother who goes to the same school
Ok here goes…
I am insecure about the fact I am;
Pale and have generally bad skin
Have pigeon chest exacerbated by the fact I’m very slim even though spent years doin weights and I’m still only 71-2kg
Have a big head/ funny shaped head although as I’ve gotten stockier it’s less apparent
My hair looks very thin and fluffy and only looked good from a specific hair cut I got which I can’t seem to replicate
Penis is painfully small when flaccid but satisfactory when erect
Sometimes (often recently I can be quite socially awkward)
Lack confidence with women without being drunk
Haven’t had a serious relationship and I’m 20 now, feels silly saying but I feel I should by now
Can’t hold down a girlfriend, I’ve had a few very pretty girlfriends that dumped me without a specific reason I think maybe because I’m too needy/insecure
I somehow have quite a cool group of friends and I often envy them for what they have
Posting this made me feel better though
Great to hear mate. It’s easier when you’re able to get shit off your chest.
Insecure about the size of my ears. They are smaller than the average ear and shaped a bit weird..well just one of them now. There we go.
My biggest insecurities
-not having had a girlfriend at 19
-difficulty with approaching girls
-i consider myself to be too skinny
-being awkward in uncomfortable situations
Hi Leigh, Hope you are fine!!
I was not very clear about step 2, –how does sharing my insecurities with others give me REAL and concerete problems to work with??Does it mean that when they also agree with a particular insecurity, then it gives me the assurance that its actually real?And when they dont agree then it was only my imagination
and in step 3 –how can one take advantage of others insecurities?? could u give an example or something?
i must say, after practicing step 2 for few days, i feel its been one of the most powerful tools to be open with people around to achieve connection and power.
I feel more powerful whenever i put my insecurities in front of people. Thanks for this wonderful article..but my above question stands unanswered..regards
Allright here are mine:
– 23 and still a virgin, I guess I had about four or five chances to have sex, didn’t get it up though. Because I was insecure, nervous, watched to much porn, maybe a bit of everything.
– little bit overweight, its not much but still enough to bother me altough I didn’t really manage to do something about it the past few years
– not very confident with women I feel attracted to
– not being communicative enough. People around me texting and calling all the time I do not spend that much time on that. maybe thats a good thing too in one way or another. But I feel more like people don’t care about me enough.
– I’m not doing very well with digital conversations. Just met a cute girl the other night she actually wanted my phone number which was a nice surprise to me of course, but now I don’t know what to text her.
I guess thats about it for know, doesn’t seem quiet as much insecurities than I thought I had before writing them down. Still alot to work on though
Well, I’m insecure about quite a few many things.
1) My appearance. If I don’t wear makeup I feel I won’t be very pretty to others, I try to be as thin as possible without starving myself, and I try as hard as possible to make my hair as shiny as every other girl’s seems to be. I have a bump on my nose.
2) My occasional social awkwardness. I love being weird but if it’s with someone new sometimes I’m afraid they’ll avoid me for it.
3) How much I talk(or don’t). I want to be as fun a person as possible and when I don’t talk to someone, I feel like I’m missing out on a new experience but some days I can’t help it.
4) My voice. Sometimes I fear it’s annoying to others
5) My facial expressions are very vivid, and sometimes I fear they make me look crazy and weird
6) My happiness level. I want to be as happy as possible to myself and others or else they won’t be friends with me? Silly I know
7) I’m very insecure that whoever I’m interested in is interested in me as well will get to know me, realize I’m not all that great to them, and then leave my friendship just like the last guy I was truly emotionally invested in.
8) I’m also insecure about my reputation. I don’t want others to think I’m a flirty whore and avoid me because of it because I enjoy guys’ friendships.
That is all and I feel so much better after typing all that 🙂
I’m insecure about my acne marks. 🙂
My insecurities are as follow:
-not very confident when meeting people or talking to girls
-i have a lazy eye and i just feel wherever I go people are looking at me and judging me
-the way I walk ( I know it seems crazy)
-my smile (i can’t for a picture or to a girl)
– im 22 and a virgin
-lack of being sociable even though when i was younger i would be the center of attention
i feel like this site is helping me to boost up my confidence, and ill deff eliminate those people that try to judge me or make fun of me without even knowing the real me
ive read basically everyones post and i can relate to a bunch of people here and i hope that you can all find the happiness that you’re looking for
Dude, all these things apply to me (except the lazy-eye part and being a virgin at 23 instead of 22 😛 ) exactly. The way I walk makes me crazy, it feels I have to invest so much energy (both mental and physical) just not to look like a total goof.
When I was younger (14-15) I used to be the center of attention (though I was always shy and reserved by nature) as well.
I guess a lot of these social-psychological problems apply to a lot of people here to some extent, but yeah.. It’s nice to see someone else say things I wanted to say.
Good luck to you, too.
I have insecurities that I need to face and overcome, some are out of my control and I need to learn to just deal with them and accept them, and others I have the ability to do something about.
Even though I have a fairly good physical stature I always feel my red hair and pale skin is a turnoff for girls, this lowers my confidence.
I don’t have the muscle tone and definition that I desire, slightly rounded features.
I had a lisp when I was younger, and still lingering aspects of it, often times this makes me not wish to speak with people i don’t know.
I am not very good at holding serious conversations with people.
I’ve had a few girlfriends but could never perform in bed like i want to.
I have well paying job but not in a field i want, Not satisfied with it but I don’t know what I want to do with my life, it always worries me that I don’t have a dream to follow or will never do something passionate with my life.
I have a lot of insecurities about relationships, so many that it’s tearing my current relationship apart. I’m insecure about giving trust again. I lost trust in my last relationships. How can I get over my insecurities?
I need to learn how to trust again in my relationship. How do get over this insecurity
Nice!!! Hmm insecurities, lets see:
My skin. yeah i get pimples and all easily. i am also a bit chubby and trying hard to lose weight. Thankfully i found someone who accepts me just the way i am.
Well i’m insecurity in the first place writing in correct english because i’ from Latinamerica
My second insecurity is to dissapoint girls, because altough i can appear to be handsome or an expert in dates in fact i’ve just dated with few girls, and just have sex with one. I’m 21 yeras old.
At last i’m insecurity to fall in the friend zone.
Its so funny cuz I never really had a very good relationship with my father and it made me really think and believe that men are emotionless heartless and cruel. I never sympathized with men the way I do with women I guess you could say I am the female version of a ‘Misogynist’. However reading this brings tears to my eyes. To see that men really do have as many insecurities as women is touching and I think from now on Im going to stop myself from seeing men as users and abusers of women and just human beings with as much pain & heartache that I have.
So with that said here are my insecurities
* I dont believe a man could really love me for who I am, im scared that if he realizes how emotionally broken I am from my childhood he will think im weak take advantage of me and put me down
* I am 23 and a virgin, by choice while I do have many men who do approach me and find me attractive I never go deeper than the first introduction because I assume that they wont want to get to know me and love me & that all they want is sex from me and nothing else
* I am insecure about my forehead its not HUGE but it is larger than normal and when I was ten I got a scar in the middle of it which makes me think people stare at it even more
* whenever guys look at me and I can tell they are attracted to me I immediately avert my glances because I think they will reject me and lead me on
* I am scared to get emotionally intimate with men because I think they will see me as weak and reject me
*When guys outside of my race approach me (im ethiopian) I really draw a wall up because I wonder if they just see me as a flavor of the week rather than like me for me
* I do model as a career for beauty editorials but im still DREADFULLY insecure about my looks, when men tell me im beautiful/hot I automatically deny it in my mind i believe im just not seen as worthy
* my knees elbows and knuckles are shaded and I wonder if people think im weird for that
* im very shy and reserved so I can see how the men who want to approach me dont, but with so many people telling me im attractive its hard to believe when I grew up being told I was ugly and too dark to be pretty by my mother and men never ask me out on public dates they just try to sleep with me and use me in public which kills me even more because it kind of validates the messages of not ‘being worthy of love’ I received growing up
* My bestfriend who is also a model and super crazy gorgeous always gets approached by men (granted their pigs) but guys rarely if ever approach me so it makes me conclude that I cant really be attractive at all b/c it just doesnt make sense that she always gets approached and I dont as much as her…
that was very difficult to write lmao but I loved the release, thank you all for sharing <3
Thanks for sharing. It’s nice to know that all this sharing is not only helping the people who’re doing it but also those who’re reading it.
And trust me, there are a lot of Men out there who’re real, emotional, sensitive, and open, and looking for nothing other than real and deep connections (well, maybe a thing or two but they’re just a bonus ;-))
As a guy let me tell you that we are not like women in the sense that we would be put off by you if we saw you as weak or your true emotional vulnerability. In fact that would draw me to you. Being a man you have to continually act strong and confident as thats what women want in a man and the moment you show vulnerability and weakness they lose attraction. Be thankful for the fact that insecurity is in your head and not a reality like it is for men
In reading all these insecurities—which mind you have been going on for two years now (first reply was in 2012)—im observing that our insecurities are relatively the same! Even for the women, relatively! Which means that maybe we’re not as abnormal as we think we are! Maybe this is the norm and we dont need to be treating ourselves as fucking outcasts like we do and being so hard on ourselves. Sure there are things to improve about each of us, but i think all the things that we have listed down here NEEDN’T BE FUCKING INSECURITIES!!! We’re all just FUCKING DIFFERENT! We’r all different! Size, shape, appearance, attitude, upbringing. But we’re living in a fucking society that wants us to be THE SAME AND WE THINK THAT OUR DIFFERENCES ARE OUR INSECURITIES! No fucking wonder we’re insecure! But it’s a fucking illusion! Holy shit this is a fucking epiphany…! Now if we dont like something about ourselves, we should just fucking change it! But we needn’t think the world hates us! Oh my god, I love you all! Right now, i love you all so much! Like that’s what im feeling now… I love all you fat, thin, hairless, short, grossly tall, big nosed, small-dick/small-breast, big forehead, acne-ridden, sickly, poor, no-car, no-asset men and women…! Shit, i feel like a blanket’s been lifted from my eyes… We’re all just fucking different and it’s fucking BEAUTIFUL! We’re all beautiful!!! And this is how beautiful I am:
-penis is about 2-inches flacid, 5-inches erect.
-im most of the time not funny, and i want to contribute to group conversations a lot, but i dont know what to say
-i dont fuck like a pornstar, i last 4-7mins in bed
-porn and masturbation addiction
-i like reading and surfin the net more than partying and socializing…
-im bad at business and practical stuff
-i always try to overcompensate for mu insecurities by trying to be funny or witty or cool and end up just looking stupid
-im inexperienced sexually; would have loved to fuck around and experience an orgiastic sex life… Im sexually repressed iow.
-only child, single mother
-no dad to “learn the ropes an play ball” with
-i have unfulfilled dreams
-I feel insecure because of my appearance (I’m ugly)
-I feel insecure about my current fitness
– I’m still a virgin at 18 years amis
– I’ve only kissed a girl in my life
– Watching pornography in the past
– Because of my poor social relationships outside my place of study
– The curvature of my member
-because the humble appearance of my house
– Once I Bind my sense of humor
-sometimes I do not feel the courage to defend my own brother abuses others
me siento inseguro sobre mi postura erguida
no se bailar nada de nada
en mi grupo de cnato desafino
no tenga habilidades en los deportes
en matematicas fisica y quimica aprendo lento y no entiendo , dudo de mis conocimientos
en ocasiones tengo pensamientos que o en alguana parte de mi pasado tenia pensamientos de que no se porque a parecian en mi cabeza sobre lo atractivos que son algunos hombres ( estoy seguro que me encantan las mujeres aun que no se el porque de esos pensamientos)
I feel that sometimes people want to abuse my
I feel like I lost part of my life being behind the computer
another thing to see guys that are compliments to women and yet no
sometimes I feel that I can not defend myself (sometimes)
I am pretty happy about everything except the fact that i have super skinny extremities, my legs are really skinny and i always hide them never do i dare wear shorts..makes me insecure to even commit to girls even though i have had girlfriends in the past i always felt insecure when it comes to getting completely naked.
The comments are very comforting because it reminds me that everybody has something they don’t like about themselves and it is not just me, my insecurities are prohibiting me of the things I love. Like for example i’m 12 and I really want to do lyrical dance but my feet are really ugly and i’m scared that people are going to make fun of me so i’m trying to conquer my all of my fears so I can do the things I love
here are my insecurities
– My feet they’re Really ugly
– My weight
– My Paleness
– I have minor eczema
– My hands
so i’m guessing there is a lot more but that is all I can think of.
God bless all of you, you guys are all beautiful inside and out!
-i’m a 21 year old virgin
-i’ve never had a girlfriend
-i feel lonely; haven’t developed many deep friendships, i’m not in contact with anyone from school
-i’m not that popular (i get along with a lot of people, but that’s usually as far as it goes)
-i share a room with my brother
-i spend most of my time at home, i don’t feel i have much of a life
-i haven’t done much with myself yet
-i have flat feet
-i’m physically weak
-my experience working shows that i tend to be slow and incompetent more than the average starter and i tend to take longer to pick things up
-i don’t follow any sport
We are our own worst enemies …ever heard that saying? You pick yourself apart when most other people have never noticed those things about you. Its a good thing to focus on yourself, now please go and write about 10 things you feel positive about in yourself and your life.
okay: but i don’t like to be proud of some of these because it’s not my doing, but just circumstances. furthermore, i feel most are a bit arbitrary and don’t really matter.
-i have artistic talent
-i look good apparently
-i am less awkward and shy than i used to be
-i have a fast metabolism, and i tend to prefer eating healthy foods
-i have a witty sense of humor (even though it only comes out when i’m comfortable)
-i live comfortably
-i have a good family
-i manage my finances relatively well
-though i’m mildly short sighted i don’t need glasses unlike my mother
-i’m not that susceptible to marketing
-i’ve become quite articulate
-about my boyfriends female friends
– About taking my time with finishing school even though almost everyone I know my age and younger owns a home or has a career or both
– about not having lots of money
– sometimes about my body
– not good or important enough to others
– about being an anxious person
I guess this is a really great way for me to get things off my chest.
Life has always been tough financially speaking. Born in West Africa, around the age of 6 got the opportunity to come to the US (the land of the free) BULL. Even though life in Togo was tough i never felt bad about myself. I get to america and you would think African Americans would be more excepting but they weren’t and because of the discrimination i was left with some pretty ugly scars. I often crushed on white guys but always felt if Blacks cant accept me then a White guy wouldn’t as well, this constant wanting to fixing myself is depressing. I generally know that im a pretty hot girl but pretty hot girl with lots of insecurities isnt Good enough.
8 years of acne – from perfect glowing skin to scar face
absolutely short unhealthy hair- wear extensions to save my life 😀
weird gappy teeth – idk what im going to do
LOST MY Damn BOOTY- dear God
Realized i have terrible friends- I refuse to feel lower than someone so i cutt majority of them off
20yrs old no car no job
I settle way too much in relationships- im not perfect who am i to judge or think i deserve better?? so im stuck in a cycle of dating bad guys who take advantage of me. My list may not seem all that serious to some and look fixable but guess what ??? need a job so i can fix my acne ,gappy teeth and hair problem . Im pretty cute because of make up ,extensions, petite figure and great personality. I wish to be cute naturally- only accomplishments i have is recently becoming a licensed cosmetologist ( salons wont hire experienced stylist) hahahaha JUST PERFECT
I feel that opening up to others and showing your weakness is the only way to deal with insecurity. It’s the only way to learn how to become comfortable with your insecurity’s around other people!
im 25 and was always insecure growing up and i can really relate to the author of this artical in so many ways we both had acne(i got rid of mine with hemp seed oil), lesbian mothers (I was always got poked fun at while growing up about my mom being lesbian), I was always really poor growing up being raised by a single mother, and i never lost my virginity until i was 19 and had only 3 girls in my lifetime and the longest of those relationships lasted not even 2 weeks. the rest was just a one night stand that i wished could of lasted longer then a single night
It wasnt until i discovered hempseed oil cures acne was when i started to feel less insecure. Playing guitar really helps( i played for 6 years). I had a job that pays 73 dollars an hour that im unable to return to work until my back and legs heals(i got in a really bad car accident 3 months ago but im kinda getting better) so being poor ainèt no longer a insecurity, i bought a nissan gtr (fastest car on earth look them up on google), my own house, a 1300$ esp guitar, 1100$ gaming pc, the list keeps goes on. I was always smart in school and got scholarships for music and top male student scholarship and went to university for engineering and had so much to be proud of but yet so much to be ashamed of
These old insecurities are just about gone, there not there no more but only to be replaced by new ones. these new insecurities are now coming from within and can not be fixed from the outside like these old ones. Im constantly thinking i got cancer and i have plenty of reasons to believe that. i think doctors are always lying to me that i dont have it or they just misdiagnosed. all the conspiracy theories I researched online got me looking at society in a completley different way i could of never imagined and these conspiracy theories are endless. All the years of abusing drugs espically mushrooms and acid got me thinking in very bizarre new ways like im being watched by beings in another dimension, is anyone real, seeing faces in the walls, seeing distortions every where, blurry vision past few months when i used to have 20/20 vision, the kinda things this reality cant answer and the list keeps going.
I never used to think like this i used to be funny and enjoy making people laugh most of the time despite my acne insecurites. I cant blame it on the drugs cause when i first get on the mushrooms i use to think silly things like the moon was talking and laughing at me which made me and everyone else crack up and laugh too cause i could hear the moon laughing, and the light posts were trying to give me a back scratch and i get a laugh out of it. now i get on drugs like that im trying to ignore the faces in my neighbors shed poking there fingers at me and thinking im a pile of crap and these drug induced thoughts have crept into my sobre life.
Im still havin paranoid thoughts but it aint no longer about what other people thinks of me its now what I thinks what im thinking of me and what those faces in the walls and curtains are thinking of me. I think i have schizoaffective dissorder triggered by all this build up of agonizing constant insecurities in my life, and from a car accident where i went flying thru the windshield and broke 9 bones all over my body ,negative thoughts coupled with lsd and mushrooms that slowly turned me into a paranoid schizophrenic. Im soon seeing a pyschiatrist to help cause i need someone to talk to and explain the things that i wouldnt normally tell my friends. writing on here helped to also help eliveiate some of the stress that was building up.
dude all you need is a hug and God.
Mate – you’re not insecure in my opinion…you are irrational!!! You just wrote down all these great things you’ve done / are capable of and still you beat yourself up and find faults…that’s irrational 🙂
Newsflash – you aren’t going to be quite as awesome as you want to be, or think you are supposed to be (too easy to think the grass is greener and its not easy to achieve the perception of happiness you have in your head). As soon as you accept you are ‘just’ an amazing human you’ll be amazed at what you can actually achieve. You fail without caring, which helps you try new ways…you mess up and laugh about it…all this might just help you to let go of some of that baggage you carry. You’re awesome.
Oh and forget the God thing – that’s just pretend stuff we tell each other to make ourselves feel better x
Your kinda right. I used to be insecure. Really insecure. Now my doctor is telling me that he thinks I have an extreme case of OCD and occasional flashbacks from combining lsd and mushrooms. I had a really bad trip one time when i took 4 hits of acid and boiled up around 200 shrooms and i seen some scary things. One thing i saw in particular was a big holographic blue demon with the claws and the horns. He was hovering over the table saw out in my shed. One time when I was out in the shed(I was sober this time) he just appeared again over the exact same table saw and frightened the crap out of me. He just hovered there for 30 secs or more and he slowly vanished just as if it was coming from a preojector or hologram. The most common flash back i get is seeing faces in the walls.So this is either mild schizophrenia(cause I dont hear voices that aint there) or most likely flashbacks cause it aint an everyday occurence like schizophrenics have to deal with. But I havent had a flashback in a month since i got on mushrooms again over a month ago shortly after that blue demon flashback(lower dose this time with 40 mushrooms and no acid). I put my myself in a positive mindset and I have been normal since. My ocd is still there but the hallucinations while im not trippin have stopped(knock on wood)
hey, i am insecure about my weight. for as long as i can remember ive been pretty big but now im at my heaviest (30 pounds overweight) and the only thought that consumes my mind is to lose weight or i wont be happy. i look up workout things for hours at a time with still no success. my other insecurity is acne. ive had it for about 6 years now (currently 14) and ive been getting it since 3rd grade and you can imagine how much hatred ive got from people, even my own family. i just want a difference.
use hemp seed oil . i tried every thing from jogaba oil, tee tree oil, peroxide, sacrilic acid, antibiodicts, even eggs on my face lol. I use to have pimples the size of golf balls and when i stumbled across hemp oil bronzer when i was having a hair cut in a hair salon i bought it and gave it a try and my face cleared up big time. i then ordered pure hemp oil online and that worked even better and cleared up all my acne. Just try it the marijuana plant dieffently got some miracle indridients in it and lots of antinflamitories. Hemp is legal to grow in canada so you will have to order the pure hemp stuff from canada or if your willing to give moisturizers or tan lotion that use hemp oil a try you can buy it in the united states somewhere but nothing works better then pure canadian hemp oil.
thanks alot. ill definitely look into it. are you at the point in your life where you content with who you are? because im not, but i’d like to get there
I wont have sex with my girlfriend because im insecure about my body. theres nothing actually wrong with me i just dont like showing people my body im a very self conscious person and i wish to get over this
To all you men get some self-respect change your lifestyle start watching what you eat start working out and get your self one beautiful fast ass car! Life is way to short to worry about if your wife or your girlfriend love you or are cheating on you! Worry about yourself and improving your looks and your actions!
I’m insecure about my personality. Like I guess I just think if people know the real me then they’ll think I’m weird and not wanna know me. But the biggest one I guess is trying to make people laugh. I always feel this obligation to make people laugh and I hate it.
Just be yourself! If people cant except you for who you are then that is their loss. I am with a woman that wants to be on chat lines talking with other men and I do not know if I want to be with a woman like that but after 23 years it is hard to let go! Good luck and be strong!
-I feel like I have a boring personality. With my friends I have a good time but I wish I could be more entertaining with guests or people I meet for the first time.
-I’m short. Around 5′ 6″.
-I don’t have any particular skill or ability that I excel at. I can play two instruments but only at a very basic level.
-I’ve only had 3 relationships in my life and each one ended because the girl still wasn’t over her ex. I’m the Dennis Rodman of relationships. Catching all the rebounds.
-My relationships never last more than a couple of months.
-I’m a nerd. Pretty sure girls aren’t attracted to guys who play computer games, watch anime, and listen to kpop.
Try dealing with pimples on your face the size of golfballs for 10 years and I only managed to cure it with hemp oil. I posted a few comments here before. I am slightly tall, thin and handsome 6 foot 1 but plagued by acne. When my pimples was on a down low i would have more confidence but my breakouts were so bad sometimes I would call in sick to work or school and take a day or two off. And now that my face have been pretty clear for the past 2 years I have been alot less insecure but dealing with a lot of mental issues and slowly recovering from a car accident that kept me off from work for months. But dont give up playing the guitar because it got me thru some tough times and gave me confidence. I picked it up at the age of 19 and 3 years later after picking up the guitar I taught over 13 000 people how to play sudden death by the thrash metal band megadeth that they wrote specificaly for guitar hero and i learned it by hear and posted the 5 star guitar tab on ultimate guitar .com on on ultimate guitar .com. I taught a 6 year old how to play back in black and the only song he knew how to play before that was hot cross buns lol. So he went from playing hot cross buns to back in black almost over night. You just need to know what to practice and learn good technique and it is all in muscle memory and repetition and determination but you wont get many girls playing Kpop tho.
I love this article, it’s made me realise what I have to do..
*My eyes are weirdly shaped and they aren’t blue
*My eyelashes are too short, I don’t feel feminine
*My smile is uneven, and I have a gap in-between my front teeth
*My ‘chest’ is too small for my liking
*I’m a size 4 and I eat like an elephant, I want to be a size 8/10 but I can’t gain weight.
*I have no social life but I’m 19 and at University, I’m an outcast.
Some of them sound silly when I write them down hehe!
Awesome Sophie! It’s funny how irrational they can look when they’re written out in front of you…
Here’s my struggles of insecurities that may have been the cause of my no confidence my entire 26 years of life:
I constantly get reminded that I look asian, wherever I go. I’m scottish and Ukranian but I have to live with my asian looking eyes
I’m too short for my liking 5’10”, or any girls for that matter
I have small hands and feet, little girl hands.
I’m skinny, think I’m 140 lbs, but I’ve always had trouble gaining weight
I look younger than I am. I don’t look like a man, more like a boy
Cant grow a beard
I’m not sure exactly but I’m pretty sure i have a below average penis, not long not short but pretty thin, most girls dont want that.
I’m not very smart, can’t keep up with intellectual conversations
I have genital herpes, so I don’t have the courage to open up to anyone because most people wont accept it.
I’ve had one girlfriend and she broke up with me because she thinks I’m really weird and she wouldn’t be surprised if I’d be alone forever. That was roughly 6-7 years ago
Honestly this hasn’t helped me at all I feel much worse now. I can’t fix a lot of these things. This is making me more depressed.
This isn’t designed to make you feel better. It’s designed to help you start taking action. Remember, this is just step one.
Read through steps 2, 3, and 4, and start taking action. That’s when you’ll start to feel better.
I have had a crush on this one guy for over 3 years now and it’s driving me crazy. No matter how hard I tried and still do to erase him from my mind it’s not working at all! I am very insecure to tell him because I’m scared of rejection, also i am not a confident person I m very insecure about my body and how It looks. Every time I am around him I forget how to speak and my heart skips a beat. I don’t know what to do, in a few month he will be leaving and I will never see him again.
Wow!..The moment i completed reading this article i was like….This is Me!!. I’m really glad to see a place where people can talk about their insecurities so openly, i know I’ve never done that with anyone but i guess its about time i let someone know.
-I am 23 two months ago, and i am insecure about my head size…its 53cm and i am 5-8f. Sometimes i think i am slow in picking up things compared to others.
-I have a bad porn addiction and i masturbate more than average.
-I am bad at maintaining any kind of relationship…and usually am called an asshole.
-My family is weird.
-I have been bullied all my life, which has led me to be anti-social and careless about anyone, even my family, girl or friends.
– I have been sexually harassed at the age of 14.
-I am misunderstood many times and called a psycho, so i tend to remain quiet everywhere.
-I have been beaten a lot in my Childhood and teenage life which has i am sure some effect on me haha.
I feel awkward now. Thanks for the opportunity Leigh.
Wow man, it’s great to see you can keep a positive attitude when you’ve been through all of that. Keep going mate.
Sometimes it gets difficult, I just hope others get read this and be grateful of what they have not been through.:)
I use to be very insecure until I joined a gym started to work out almost everyday and lost over 40 pounds! It has really changed my whole outlook on life!
I’m a 21 years old virgin. I never kissed a woman. I’m insecure about being skinny, very pale, take off my shirt in public places, my hair, my face….
i’m insecure about my looks ( told very below average. Feel sorry for myself to write ‘ugly’). Im skinny but have an abnormaly large belly and no surprise but, i’m still a virgin. Also i’m told i have good lookin friends except me
Hey everyone !
Reading this was really helpful. I never thought that I’d suffer from insecurity one day ! And here I am now
– though I olan on waiting till marriage, I’m still a virgin at 18.
– my teeth are fairly crooked and although people say they’re fine I hate them.
– I grow hair on my chest/stomach well above avg for other guys my age and have to shave all the time
– size of my penis is slightly below avg and I hate it.
– many girls have left me without even giving a reason, I love relationships and really want a other, but I’m afraid of this happening, and seems it might be on its way with the girl I’m currently talking to. Phew. Nice to get it all out there.
Really amazing article, I think it should become part of the AI Best Of list!
Ok, here I go:
-I’m insecure about my future. I want to move to Sweden after school and I’m insecure about if things will go as I plan (being accepted at a University there, finding friends, etc. )
-I’m 17, kissed/made out with a girl only once and I’m a virgin yet
-I’m insecure about telling people-especially girls I’m attracted to- about my insecurities and flows, because I might be not being accepted and loved then- I mean, imagine I would tell a girl or even another guy, even someone I have known for years, all this shit I am writing into this post right now! I creep out at the mere thought of it! Could a girl still be attracted after hearing that all?
-I’m insecure about staying healthy, and having some neck problems
-when I go climbing, I’m insecure about being secured (nice wordplay, hehe) by people I just met at the climbing gym, because I don’t know if they are really competent (I love climbing nevertheless)
-I’m insecure about talking to girls on the street. I mean, I have done it at least 200 times, but I’m still insecure.
-right now, I’m insecure about clicking the submit button, because even though I use a pseudonym, I am afraid of someone I know reading this and backtrack it to me. Be it.
These are my insecurities so far :
-About showing my true self.
-Not have the courage to quit the college, because i don’t like math
-I’m still virgin and never had a girlfriend.
-The possibility that maybe i don’t achieve everything i want.
-That i don’t have too much friends
-About talking what i really feel and being honest( I guess is what people could think)
-Admit that i made a mistake
-The fact that i listen more others than me
-Admit that i’m insecure
_Talk to people that i prefer to listen Taoism and Buddhism in country full of Christians.
-I do things to others that i don’t like to them like me.
-About compliment woman
I realize that I only have a few insecurities, because I’ve been so self-confident in the past:
1) my body, especially in the booty area. I’ve always had a nice curvaceous body. But after I had my son, my body changed. I also work at a gym (not as a personal trainer), so my body doesn’t look like a lot of the other girls at the gym. It makes me wonder if my boyfriend still sees me the same sexy, loving, fun girlfriend as before.
2) my relationship with my boyfriend. He’s an athlete, and he’s very nice looking and outspoken. I have this huge fear but he’ll cheat on me. I’m the loyal type, and I think I give too many chances. But I know that if I were to ever have something so concrete to work with as far as him being unfaithful to me, I would end the relationship.
Brutally honest stuff 22 year old
-I shave my head really well because of my thinning hair, I have a darker skin tone and wonder if everyone can still see my hairline, or if I have a weird shaped skull.
-Or if people think my goatee is to overcompensate for shaving my head, as a distraction when I genuinely love my long goatee because of how it looks, literally has 0 to do with shaving my head, I don’t want/have a beard, mutton chops, a mustache, I want a goatee nothing more nothing less.
-Approaching women, I feel I am not ugly at all (I’ve had women hit on me) but that no women would be very interested in me enough for them to WANT me to talk to them without knowing them at all. Like I would be annoying them to say anything.
-Women my age thinking I’m too old or serious because I shave my head, not being approachable, like I feel I might be too ‘intimidating’ and nobody wants to approach me.
this article helped alot im still not totally fine about my insecurities but its better
im insecure about
1) my acne i have a bad case of acne on my forehead
2) what people think of me im a little weir and quirky and i have tried to suppress that in the past but im getting closer to embracing it
3) my family situation
These are my insecurities:
-I’m insecure about not having a girlfriend, never got laid (I’m 25 years and still a virgin) and never kissed a girl.
-I’m insecure about my grades/intelligence and still am unemployed.
-I’m insecure about approaching women for the fear of being rejected. So, I avoid situations and choose solitude.
-I’m insecure about my future and life.
-I feel insecure when people point out that I’m pretending to be someone who I’m not. (I refute this logic because if you don’t fail, you don’t learn. And if you don’t learn, you don’t overcome/succeed). I try not to react and the only thing I know is to smile and shrug it off. (defensive response)
-I’m insecure about what others think of me. And maybe, by over thinking about their opinions, I give them some power over me.
-I’m insecure about showing the world- the real me, without the fear of being judged.
I feel mainly insecure about my future. I’m turning 26 in a week and I feel like time is ticking and I’m getting old because I always thought (and still think (obviously)) that people my age are expected to have a job, a degree, a car, a driver’s licence, are starting to look for a house. I have none of these (actually have a job but it’s more of a student job, not a “real”grown-up one, started university last semester, top of most of my courses, am in a relationship for over 10 years and going, accomplished and experienced a lot of great things but… it still doesn’t seem great enough). In fact, I feel like my life has already ended when it merely begun… Stupid, right?
I am insecure about:
Feeling not “good” (ambitious, smart, wealthy, interesting) enough.
I admit myself that I have insecurities.
My real first girlfriend I was 22yo
Insecure when we touch me, sweat a lot.
Insecure by asking question.
Insecure with my English speaking.
Feel inferior in presence of hight class people.
Afraid to lose my girlfriend by someone else
(She already quit me for my insecurity)
I am ambarrass when we asked if I have had black-ancestor
1. I don’t have anyone to open up to about my insecurities, those few close to me already know.
2. I can’t look at people. I look down all the time. I don’t want to catch someone’s eye and expect them to feel like they have to burden themselves and acknowledge me.
3. I’ve been told I’m pretty, but I always feel like I will never compare to anyone around me and everyone is just humoring me by being near me.
4. I’m insecure about not knowing anything resembling a decent relationship and that since I’ve been divorced, he’s remarried and I can’t find a single normal man.
5. I feel like it doesn’t matter what anyone tells me I cannot see myself as attractive and why would anyone want to be with me.
6. I’ve had 3 kids and I worry that it’s obvious, “down there.”
7. I get told I don’t need to lose weight but I’m still considered “overweight” by 15 pounds and I think my thighs are too big and my boobs are too small and flabby.
8. I am a very intelligent person but when I’m talking to people I feel very dumb.
9. Insecure that I’m screwing my kids up regardless of how successful I can be.
10. That regardless of how many time I try to work on my insecurities I just can’t seem to see myself any differently.
Those are the top ten. Shall I keep going?!
I’ve recently started talking to someone and my insecurities are beginning to slap me mentally.
-im insecure about my looks, i feel as if my nose is huge, my lips are too big and my eyes are not the same size but no one seems to complain about it.
– i am also insecure about not finding love. I’ve never been in a relationship before and idk how this will work. I feel as if he will leave me cause he will get bored with me like some toy, but he says he really likes me so idk. I’ve slowly startes to come out of the closet to everyone because it is too stressful holding this secret in.
Thanks for helping me with these steps, its been a relief being able to share my insecurities.
I’m so happy I found this website, it’s amazing. I red a chapter of the book “the Game” but I just knew that I couldn’t do that, because that wasn’t me. I want to stay myself, but gain more confidence. Hope this will help! Let’s list them up:
– My skin, I now have a lot of ugly scars on my back and in my neck because of acne.
– My teeth, I needed an operation because all my teeth would fall out. Now 8 of them are fake (those you see when you smile). They are whiter than the others and I always fear people will notice them.
– My smell. As a student, I drink often (2 to 4 times a week) and I think that is the reason I sweat a lot.
– My voice, it’s low and heavy.
– I’m scared to make eyecontact with cute girls. Even if I noticed they look, something holds me back to look back… And also talking to cute girls just give me the Niagara-falls-armpits.
– Sometimes I can’t perform, maybe that’s also the alcohol, but it makes me the most insecure about myself. It’s the worst thing, I want her, but I can’t give it to her.
Thanks for doing this, it’s relieving.
This was great
-I’m insecure with my status with my girl. I feel like I’m a nobody that everyone sees when I’m with her. That she was a big deal and I’m not. I know I’m a good guy but I’ve always wanted to feel that I’m good enough for her.
-I’m insecure of myself because I always feel that I will be left behind, that I’m not good enough for many things. A short fact, I’m a athlete and before, I feel confident about myself because you know you got that much pride then one time, I got sick pretty bad. I was advised to not play for months. When I came back, I wasn’t the same player that I once was. I feel like I’m becoming the one being on the bench than someone being cheered on.
-I’m insecure with my body. I gained weight and became heavier, meaning I also gained visible body fat. Now I’m getting rid of it, I’m also starting to play again and lose some weight. Hopefully things will help me, specially working out.
Thanks for the steps, Hoping to get the best results for myself. Hurrah! to everyone
I am insecure about being stupid. I know im not, im just a little slow at times but people constantly remind me and it starts to hurt.
I am insecure with being a virgin at 23.
I am insecure with socializing with others because i used to be really quiet and have no idea what to talk about. Others have also said im weird when i interact with them.
Im 17 never had a girlfriend , I’ve only had 1 female friend in my life, I’m insecure about my teeth, (my teeth are really bad) my twig arms, I’m too scared to even talk to a girl because I think she won’t talk to me because I’m Ugly, my friends always make fun of me because the color of my skin makes me look Mexican (even though I’m not)
Also deathly afraid of rejection (I would rather run through my school make then ask a girl out if I’m not 1000000% sure she will say yes
After scrolling down and seeing people’s insecurities. It has me thinking about mines. So here is my list:
1)I’m 20 going on 21 this May and I’m insecure about my teeth or my 2 front teeth. I think they are to big and I feel like my teeth could be whitener.
2)Insecure about my attractiveness I have been told by some men that I look funny, but women think I’m attractive(mostly all) So it’s hard to comprehend my attractiveness.
3)Insecure about my smile think it looks ugly sometimes,but I’m working on it.
4)Insecure about my penis size flaccid(3-4in) hard(6 1/4+ inch) maybe more, Thick I think,but I don’t really know, since I haven’t had sex.Lack of knowledge I guess.
5)a bit hairy, have a beard and body hair. Dealing with the body hair.
So there you have it people my list of insecurities. At the end of the day I do my best to accept these insecurities but the keeping coming back and it annoying. By actually doing this method hopefully it helps.
Hey everybody, i was wondering since we all have insecurities and many resembling with each other, why not try and help each other get out of these dark clouds? Have an online session where we all talk about how to deal with these insecurities?
Bueno mis inseguridades son muchísimas:
Soy virgen y voy a cumplir 22 años.
Solamente bese a dos chicas.
Tengo miedo de hablar con gente que no conozco.
Por momentos me siento deprimido.
Por momentos no se que hacer con mi vida.
Por momentos me siento infeliz.
Me siento un fracasado
Siento que no conseguí nada en mi vida y perdí mucho tiempo sin hacer nada productivo.
Things I’m insecure about…
1. My family has always been poor. We live on an income half of what a high schooler would spend money on their clothes and make up in a month
2. I’m asian (Im not trying to be racist to myself, but going to school in an entire white community, its hard)
3. I’m random; when i usually voice my opinon nobody else seems to understand it. I tried thinking I was the normal and special one, but being constantly reminded that by blank stares by people is difficult
4. My dad is a horny pedophile and only took my mom for granted. I hate the fact my blood running in my veins is the same with my dad’s.
5. I’m not stupid, but im not really smart either. Its a proven fact that those who were raised in wealthy families are usually smarter and intellectual than poor families. I hate the fact that im smart enough to know this, but not stupid enough to ignore this fact.
Ultimately, I’m most insecure that my family is poor and i constantly have to wear hand me downs
Well, I think that without our insecurities a lot of us wouldn’t be here and I wouldn’t sympathize for you like I do… So I LOVE your insecurities, they make me feel I’m not alone.
Btw my insecurities (can’t think of more, probably there are):
– I’m 23 and never had a girlfriend, never dated;
– I had sex with a hooker at 22, just not to feel a “virgin” (didn’t like it anyway);
– Some people call me strange (or treat me like I’m a bit infantile) and I feel very socially awkward;
– All my friends seem to have fun and hang out a lot, I’m alone.. Sometimes I get invited or invite people out, but I still feel like “the one who doesn’t know how to have fun”;
– I think all girls who know me find me boring, even though I’m physically very attractive. I feel like I’m attractive only to girls who never spoke to me!;
– I have depression and anxiety/OCD issues (though now I’m much better than my teenage years). Sometimes I want to end my life. I’ve been seeing a lot of psychiatrist/psychologists but that didn’t help me much. Videos/sites like this (also speakers like Tony Robbins) helped me much more;
– I don’t have a job, but I’m at college two years older than most of my mates;
– I feel like I’ never going to have an intimate loving relationship with a girl (or with anyone);
– I’m not sure what I want to do with my life;
– I’m scared to masturbate and ejaculate. My father caught on me masturbating when I was 13 and made me feel stupid (he’s Catholic);
– My parents/grandparents weren’t much socially successful and I’m afraid it’s in my genes, and there’s nothing I can do about it.
1. Virgin 22, people think otherwise and I don’t want to be ridiculed. I have: slept with, cuddled, kissed, women though.
2. Being rejected
3. I’m not 6’0 I’m 5’11.. I think it would be so cool to be at least 6’0
4. Academics, GPA, people thinking I’m not bright, or I’m dumb.
5. Large crowds, (loud crowds, places, bars, parties) I feel like I am sometimes invisible
6. Losing the person I like suddenly
7. Not giving myself a chance because I psych myself out and overthink
8. I live with my parents and commute, sometimes I wonder what college would have been like if I lived with a roommate or alone. It has its perks though.
9. Ok Dancer I don’t know, only when I’m really drunk I guess
10. Other people’s opinions about me, what they think of me after making mistakes even little ones.
11. I can be shy
12. Pimples make me feel insecure
13. I sweat so much its not even funny holy shit
14. Sometimes I have stomach problems but its been a lot better
15. I can be hard on myself
16. I’m not great at keeping in touch. I tend to become the stranger if schedules change during a new semester or if I start a new job. I need to learn how to keep the ones I meet and like
17. I wait until the last minute
18. I feel like I’m annoying to other women
19. Low self-esteem, especially during tests, presentations in front of large groups of people
20. Approaching women
21. I feel like I am obsessed, maybe a little OCD about things
22. Longest relationship was a month, and I was always anxious and thinking that she was seeing someone else.
This is a good post, and I’m sure this will help me:
-I really like curly hair, and my hair is straight. I’ve always wondered what it would be like with hair I wanted.
-I’m slightly overweight and I have little manboobs. I have a bit of a gut as well.
-I have a snaggletooth and I’m self-conscious of it in pictures.
-I have flat feet
-I think that I can’ think about things as quickly or efficiently as other people.
-I feel like I have a small penis. It’s a little over 5 inches erect but it feels small for some reason.
More Serious Stuff…
– I have a friend and we used to be in an intimate relationship. Besides personal insecurity issues with me, we couldn’t hold the relationship together because we’re both so busy with school. We’re both musicians and I feel like she’s way more successful and established as me, even though we’re in the same grade. I just feel like she’s miles ahead. I feel jealous because of that, and it leads to controlling and highly emotional behavior on my part. I’m working to get through it!!
Welp, my list of insecurities will be long and embarrassing but here goes:
1. My physicality: I’m short, not to midget range but really realy short (5’3″). My wrists are small for a male adult (like a girl even though I work out enough to bulk up other parts, maybe due to my bone structure). I have allergy to mosquito bites that creates not-so-good apperance on the skin for some time (some weeks or months due to frequencies of bites I got from that damn insect). This one is not too serious like in my younger years though.
2. Expectations: I had gone to school for special talents in my locality which is a small remote town for my junior and high school years so in some regards, I was a genius in science. Later into college years, I switched schools for some time and ended up graduated from a business school. I’m 28 now (very soon) and I am still struggling to find me a stable career due to various reasons: my luck, not-serious companies or unstable political climate in my working places. Comparing to my more science-inclined friends as well as my business-inclined friends, most of them have a family for their own now, some with children already, with a stable career (like a successful researcher/engineer/developer or a businessman/woman who is earning money enough for them to spend in the way I never imagine! LOL)
3. I am still a virgin! LOL! Due to a symptom called oneitis and I was too scared to push for it or living in my expectation only to realize later on I have missed something else to try to complete my life. I am paradoxical mixed of old fashioned values and modern values which get me into troubles getting misunderstood or finding the society and people we are living in is full of hypocrisy and liars. I don’t like crowd. I am afraid of betrayals and lies cause I have seen and experienced them far too often.
4. I can start a conversation with girls but somehow along the way I will screw it up. I can be awkward sometimes and most of these times are in front of the girls I want to get.
5. I think woth my dick too much when it is coming to relationship LOL and it ends up not get me laid. Although getting laid is not the only thing I want when I try to get a girl (I know, I am a dinosaur. Some girls only wants getting laid).
6. Too much of a dreamer, an idealist trapped in his physical/emotional limitations of my world. Maybe I should have tried my best to become a scientist who lives alone in his ivory tower.
7. I see no end to this.
I feel like expressing myself here might help me so here we go!
I never used to hav bad skin, in fact I used to have lovely skin! I didn’t take care of it! Now I have terrible spots on my forehead and I literally can’t help but pop them.. I may even have excoriated acne. I think I’m overwhelmed by the stress of GCSEs and I also feel really self-conscious around all of my friends because they ALL have perfect skin and I feel like everyone is always looking at my spots and I’m no longer attractive. I just can’t help but pick them!!! I can’t bear to look at them! I’ve watched so many videos on skincare and acne cures and beauty videos and I know every remedy but I’m so impatient. I’ve been drinking so much more water and I even bought green tea (disgusting) and drink a lemon and honey drink every day. Is any of this actually helping my skin? Thank God it’s Easter atm so no one will see my horrible face but even now, I don’t want to leave the house. I’ve pretty much run out of foundation so now I just can’t leave at all. Why am I doing this to myself? I’m putting all my energy into reading about my skin when I should be revising! I’m a smart girl this isn’t how I should be spending my time! Wow I must sound ridiculous but I needed to vent so badly and I hope this will “set me free” because I really can’t cope. My family pick on me about my spots and I just don’t know what to do. I’m lost.
Your body suffers as a mask to cover up what’s really the source of your suffering, which is in your mind i.e. your thoughts and belief systems.
I recommend focusing on clearing out all the negative thoughts and belief systems you have through releasing/surrendering them and through meditation.
Through deep spiritual work myself, releasing negativity, and embracing love and positivity within my thoughts, along with regular meditation and not letting my mind run my awareness, I have healed very much over the years and now live in a confident, peaceful, and relatively happy existence.
I highly advise to begin at the source of your suffering, which your body experiences the manifestations of, and that is in your mind/thoughts. Begin there at the core and begin purifying that, and your body will naturally begin to clear up and heal. You can also try all the physical remedies such as acne cleanser and drinks etc, but those are really just band-aids for the source of the problem, your thoughts and the negativity there that is resulting in physical illness.
I’m getting in intuitive knowingness/feeling that what’s going on here is you have had a lot of negativity in your thoughts/belief systems which manifested in acne and probably other physical illnesses you have, then you think shameful thoughts and have a lot of shame around the acne, which propagates the negative energy in your being and results in more acne which results in more shameful thinking and around and around you go in this vicious cycle that seems to have no end.
Not sure if that’s accurate for you, maybe you can confirm, but it seems to be what’s going on here.
Like I said, gotta start at the source of it, in your shameful/negative thoughts and be willing to release and surrender those, then actually let them go anytime they arise in your mind, and embrace peaceful and loving thoughts, along with peaceful and loving actions/doing what you feel is right within you honestly. Also facing fear is very healing to one’s being as well. Not sure if you’re running away from fear, but all fear is illusion, once you push through it you experience what the fear was hiding all along. This increases quality of life by very much.
But fear as well arises from thoughts, so as you can see the source of suffering lies in negative thinking. Resolve that and resolve your suffering, and move into a state of peacefulness and bliss.
Hope this helps
I’m really insecure about my legs. I used to play soccer and I bike and run a lot so I have all these scars on them and my knees are dark. I hate them and to me they look really fat and ugly, no matter how many times I excersize. I think the scariest thing for me is that I do know what they look like to other people. That’s my biggest concern.
I think the most important step here is step 2. Because admitting your insecurities to yourself is one thing, nobody but you knows about that. But when you can admit your insecurities to others, and allow yourself to be vulnerable by letting people know the things what you’re insecure about, now that’s a whole other level. That’s probably the biggest step anyone can take in getting over your insecurities forever.
1. My physique. I wish I were more athletic so I looked more like those guys on the cover of Men’s Fitness.
2. My nose. When I was a teenager it started to get big and I always thought if only my nose looked better, then everything would be better.
Great article Leigh (LoGun).
Thanks for joining the conversation mate. Welcome.
why hello everyone These are my insecurities: i care what others think about me, so i have to look great i fix my hair a lot, touch my face when i get nervous, i should speak up and be more assertive when talking to others i hate getting praised when i complete a task i dont know why i do this, which is awful, when talking to new employees at work or if im sitting with them eating lunch i feel very insecure about myself what to say they are a older then me. if it gets really quiet i think i have to find topics to talk about or i get nervous, i judge myself for not wanting to talk about topics i enjoy!! that ones a big one, i feel she is just going to judge me for who i am, not gonna lie she is pretty, she probably sees right through me how hard i try to be someone who im not.. again i just hate getting praised for my work ethic.. i can use some tips thanks for reading.
Trying to overcome my insecurities,
Not feeling beautiful,
Feeling stupid, as though being inexperienced and young is something wrong,
Insecure of making mistakes, for some reason when someone tells me ive done something wrong i play it up in my head as though they are attacking me and lash back, this is extremely unproductive,
Im insecure about my ability in bed, which in turn, makes me worse, because i am simply self conscious and dont make effort to try to learn to be better in case i make a mistake.
I am always measuring myself and my beauty to other people,
It makes me feel worthless, because this person has more beautiful eyes, or this one has nice breasts, and mine are small, etc and i will never be as good as them.
I am trying to overcome these things,
Well, I am a 20 year old female. I honestly feel like I am 17. I am dating this guy off and on. He’s 21 going on 22. I know that he loves me but I cannot bring myself to trust him, which is why we are always off and on. Things happened in our relationship. Little things, but to me, they aren’t little. He will be going to a university in September which is about an hour away. I really don’t want to deal with the extra stress that will occur when he leaves. I have extremely bad trust issues. Its so bad. I make up things in my head and it drives me crazy. I absolutely cannot escape my negative thoughts no matter HOW HARD I TRY. It has taken over my life and relationship. I am so insecure and it is killing me. I am insecure about damn near EVERYTHING. I am insecure about my short hair. My teeth are horrible. I really need braces and other work done but I cant afford it whatsoever. I hate my body type. I have a horrible build. It’s like i’m buff at the top but small & narrow at the bottom. I hate my small butt. I feel like no one is attracted to me because of it. I have a horrible mindset and I am a Negative Nancy. I hate to admit it but it is the truth. I am afraid of getting cheated on. I am afraid that ill never be good enough or beautiful enough for anyone. UGH 🙁 i need help…
Feels good to write it down….
1- lack of direction career \job wise. Afraid to make mistakes, or talk myself out of applying for a better job.
2-bit on the skinny side but have gone to gym so now thats taken care of and loving the gym
3- spend too much time wondering if I look OK. Take the feeling of being judged by others way to seriously. Need to just focus on myself.
4-procrastinate. Spend too much time in my head.
5-putting ppl on a pedastal and getting shy around them.
6- can envy others when I should not.
7-lack of independence
8-lack of drive \motivation for certain important things.
9-bit awkward with people, hate small talk.
I guess I’ll join the club.
I’m insecure about…
– What i believe in because its so different from the world that people think its a cult but its just a view point. but I’m afraid of what others will think of me if i tell them about what my family and i follow.
-what other people think about me. rejection from anybody especially the people that care about me and are good friends. I’m afraid I’ll embarrass them or make them feel uncomfortable.
– i have little will power. i dont have the power to go after what i want.
– being obnoxious and making others feel weird.
– weird clothes that i might wear that dont match and make other people uncomfortable around me.
-not being experienced with girls, still a virgin.
– feeling like i might not have the confidence to be good in bed because dont have my pure sex drive anymore from all the porn that ive watch. which it is getting better, greatly. cause i stopped
– maybe having ED.
– fear to tell people that i dont pee straight that well
– fear of not pleasing any girl in bed.
– academically maybe not smart enough to get to college. maybe make a fool of myself in school.
– making bone head mistakes in baseball, the sport that i play. disappointing my team mates.
– cant handle pressure cause i fear others opinions.
mostly everything i fear is base on other people’s opinions of me. which i think i can change as long as i stop running from my fears and start facing them. not afraid to feel the pain and let others know. thank you for this website, for giving me the chance to start taking action.
My insecurity, I have rough face despite what I have done to correct it nothing seems to make it improve and people see me as ugly. 2. I have one bad leg, one is thinner than the other and I can’t walk well (not inborn) for that reason I’m always on long gowns and trousers, I feel like no guy will eva accept me for that. 3. I’m 33 still a virgin and no meaningful relationship yet
It Doesn’t matter what every guy or every girl thinks of you as long as you accept and love yourself besides if they judge they’re doing you a huge favour
-my face. My friends secretly voted me as ugliest person when we were younger and no one ever compliments my face. My friends are also insecure about their faces but people always tell them they’re good looking so I don’t understand why. My face is actually the reason why teachers/professors don’t like me (they think my naturally bitchy face is me being rude.) I’ve also had braces for 5 years, have unattractive monolids, a bump in my nose, weak cheekbones, a weak jaw, and fat cheeks. My face has successfully eliminated almost all my other insecurities because of how bad it makes me feel. It even prevents me from expressing myself through clothing bc I’m convinced my face will make me look ugly in anything and make me seem like I’m trying too hard.
Nothing else makes me feel this bad about myself. I have other things in my life that make me worry constantly or that I don’t have confidence in but next to my face, they don’t even count as insecurities.
Cant believe im doing this….
-19 going on 20 and still a virgin but obviously being objectively good looking. Seriously I get looks from all types of women everywhere I go but i only kissed 2 girls I guess
-Dissappointing my parents, they worked so hard to get me and my brother out of poverty that if I dont go to school I would just be a big failure.
-Having to act black you know? Im a black man by all means but dammit people look at me like im some nigga off the corner.
-My teeth when I was younger my parents couldnt afford braces for me now its hard for me to get them fixed (seriously 19 with braces get the fuck outta here)
-Yea my dick size, its wierd im 6’2 real built slim figured black man but I feel my dick aint big enough lol. I blame porn though
-Being used again by women. I have always been used by women i wanted a relationship out of but…..yea they just use me so now I think there is no such thing as love.
-List goes on im very insecure but I have all this potential so many people tell me this but too pussy I guess.
I was also bullied alot when I was young, being called gay because I had gay friends, I fought alot in school and had to go to impulse control classes. ( still didnt tho lol) I just want to find my own path without this constant weight and fear I put upon myself so that I can achieve.
I really need help with this, as its affected me my whole life.
I’ve always felt I wasn’t pretty, even though I’ve heard all my life that I am, realistically, I’m not a “ugly” or “unattractive” person but no matter how many people or how many times I’ve been told I’m pretty, it just doesn’t resonate with me, I simply don’t believe them cause when I look in the mirror, I don’t see that, I’m not happy with what I see, never was and this has affected me greatly throughout my life. I’m always threatened by pretty, beautiful woman, especially women, I deemed is prettier than me and that’s most women.. I constantly am jealous if my boyfriend see a woman that I think is prettier than myself, I even look at prettier woman and am Afraid for my boyfriend to see her, in my sick mind, I’m thinking he will leave me for her or like her more or even fantasize about being with her, so much so that he will actually pursue it, cause she s prettier. I often see woman I think he will find attractive, cause I know what he likes and it scares me for him to see her or anyone. His is with all boyfriends, I’ve had, it’s not that they make me feel ugly but it’s just how I feel. I wish with all my heart I didn’t feel this way but I honestly can’t help it, and it’s crippling to me, to say the least. I want to no longer feel this way and I don’t know how to not. I just want to be secure about my looks cause my other insecurities are in no comparison to this one, I can handle those to an extent where I’m not bothered by it, but that one insecurity I just can’t overcome.
I am insecured about my legs…I am a tall lady but I have very large muscular calves *tears* like those of footballers and also with lots of stretch marks …am always on jeans and long dresses…have tried to accept this all my life but I can’t it’s so sad n painful because there’s nothing I can do about it….i see ladies wear short beautiful skimpy dresses n I just wish I could but whenever I try wearing something even knee length I always get ridiculous comments about I have a man’s legs…very sad and I feel no man ll want to be with me because of it because everyman wants his lady looking hot in a bikini n bumshot with hot legs not some masculine stretch marked legged lady.
Am also insecured about my boobs…they r saggy and stretch marks..
I don’t even understand why I have so much stretch marks for a slim lady it’s disfigured my entire body…
Am insecured about d way I talk…I talk with my tongue and can’t pronounce some words, people barely hear me n often mock me.
A lot of problem for one person..i kno right.
It’s so hard to share cus not everyone really cares…some people ll take advantage n always want to make u feel less of yourself because they kno how you feel about your flaws.
I just have a few insecurities that I want to get rid of
– Shy to beautiful girls, and strange people in general
– Be 20, never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, an a virgin
– Difficult to keep a conversation with pretty girls
About my appearance nothing to worry about, really happy with myself in this aspect. Really good dancer and guitarrist. I think this will help me a bit to attract girls. Regards!
I was inspired by the courageous admissions posted and decided to muster up a bit of my own.
I’m insecure because I let my fear rule me and hold me paralyzed.
I’m afraid I don’t know who I am.
I’m pretty but I’m not “beautiful”. I’m smart but I’m not “motivated”. I’m sweet enough to be considered a “pushover” but too quiet to be considered “easy-going”. I see everything around me and yet don’t notice when a smile is meant to be flirty not friendly.
I could be whatever I want to be, so I’ve been told.
The problem is I don’t know who I want to be.
I’m 23. It always takes me a moment to remember who old I am because I honestly don’t care and yet at the same time I feel as if my “goofing off” period is coming to an end and I should have my shit together soon.
I’ve yet to learn how to drive because I’m afraid that when I learn I’m going to start the car and go. Just drive until the tank runs out of gas and I’m too far away from home to ever come back.
I’m afraid I go too fast. My first kiss was with a stranger I met at the bus stop when I was 13 who’s name I never cared to ask for. My first time was with a guy I went out with twice when I was 17 and didn’t mourn never seeing again.
I’m afraid I go too slow. I started college right out of high school and yet my lack of direction has me stuck four credits away from a Bachelor’s. I get inklings of attraction and yet stop myself from acting until the attraction fizzles or they find someone else.
I’m afraid of hurt. I was bullied when I was a kid so I’m always extremely careful not to hurt anyone else’s feelings. When my first love left me so that he could go back to his ex, I wrote him a fucking farewell email wishing him luck (seriously). When I realized that my last boyfriend who I had known for years before dating, was dying, I ran away. Went incognito. When I got the phone call the guilt of abandoning him just piled onto the grief and I cried every night for nearly a year.
I’m afraid of failing to live up to expectations, especially my own.
I know I need to suck it up and take a step. Any step, really. It’s just hard, you know?
So yeah. Step 2, is refreshingly therapeutic.
Thanks for the wonderful article and reading my rambling dialogue.
My main insecurity is that i really like to sing but my friend tells me i’m super off key and it makes me embarassed to sing in front of anyone especially my boyfriend.
Thanks for the awesome article.
My confess …I admit that I’m. Insecure about
1) 33 and still not married where all my friends are married with children
2) lonely especially during festival season where I’m alone in a different country.
3) being Asian, Chinese in particular. I learnt English and other European languages to cover that up, I used to make up stories that I’m half white.
4) still on my visa that I don’t have citizenship here yet.
5) none will ever love me care about me pay attention to me
6) I’m not good enough, I archived nothing cuz my dad always put me down, he always tell me ” look at so and so”
7) being single….I even had fake identify of I’m married with kids, created fiction of a happy life. The fact is I’m very lonely.
8) my look. Even many ppl told me I look pretty but my father made me believe I’m ugly and none will love me.
I hope I can release and let go of my insercurity and find happiness And true love.
I’ll give it a try why not,
I have bad skin although it is getting much better as my diet is getting healthier
I have an average size penis but think it should be bigger
I need to gain about 15 lbs of muscle but currently working out 3-4 times a week
I used to watch a lot of porn but trying to cut it out entirely
I’m not bad with women, I have just never had a girlfriend because I am a bit of a womanizer
I don’t know how to introduce this jajajajaj but these are the things i’m insecure:
-Achieving the things i propose to myself.
-Of being valuable to others, or being valuable right now.
-Getting to be valuable.
-My life in this moment (maybe too many setbacks recently :/ )
-Of just dont be liked by women.
-Of being someone that another person wants.
Next step is talking with one good friend 🙂 thanks for reading me.
I’ve always felt insecure about:
– My Looks
– My Voice
– What I wear.
With the last one, it’s mostly when my mum says we’re going somewhere that you don’t have to dress up really good looking for and do my hair and so she makes me wear all those clothes and gel my hair(which I actually don’t like doing) and when we have left, No matter what everyone else thinks, I just feel so insecure about myself because I DONT like how I look. 🙁 and so I get upset
I had a hard time finding my insecurites, then it struck me.
I am insecure about the way i talk naturally. My dialect is a mixture that does not make much sense, and is one of the first things people ask me about when they first meet me. Some people struggle to understand me at the begining too. Also i struggle with sentence structure when im writing and speaking, and often i can pronounce a word stupidly wrong.
Thank you for this article.
I’m glad I saw this article. I’ve got such an insecure life, but I fake it that I know hat I’m doing. I also read the article about becoming the Alpha, and what I got out of it was that YOU are stopping yourself from becoming the man you want. And that is true. So I try and try to get myself out of my way, but I just can’t seem to make it.
My insecurities are:
I try to be the Alpha, but I just can’t seem to. I’m trying to compete with my ex friend, who seems to have everything under control. I want to “dethrone” him.
I’m always felt out of the “group”. But all my life I’ve said that I never want to have to be accepted by them, and I’m trying hard to do that. That’s why I try every time to establish myself as the guy who doesn’t give a shit, but it’s so hard.
I’ve been so put down by all of this, and I really want to give up, but at the same time I really want to keep going. What do I do?
Some insecurities I’ve been dealing with recently:
1. My weight-My mother is constantly putting me down about it even when I go to the gym regularly. I don’t lose weight as fast as my mother would like me to, so I’m constantly trying to wear loose clothes to avoid being insulted or ridiculed by her.
2. My academics-I do get decent marks, but my mother is never really satisfied. I know she wants me to do well, but even when she knows I’m trying my upmost best to do well, she still puts me down about them. It makes me feel like I’m not doing well enough, and I feel 10 times worse when I receive lower marks.
3. Jealousy-School is definitely a place to get discouraged. I feel like absolute shit when I get home because when I’m in class and the people around me are getting higher marks than me constantly, I feel like what’s the point in trying? I get jealous and really discouraged, which results in me getting lower marks because it’s hard to stay motivated when everyone around you is always going to be one step ahead of you.
These are just a few of many insecurities I struggle to come to terms with on a regular basis. I feel whiny when I talk to my friends about them, and my family doesn’t seem to understand. I feel alone sometimes, but I’m trying to come to terms with them. Hopefully, I’ll stop feeling so shitty about my life one day and start feeling more motivated to get up and do things. Any suggestions on how I can deal with my insecurities better?
-Not having a dick/not being a real man
-Not being approved by heterosexual women
-my self shame about opening up
-being too stuck in my head
-being silent/not connecting
I’m secure that I’m not pretty enough or good enough. My beauty is covered. I don’t have confidence in myself. Everyone around me thinks I’m great my friends think in beautiful the guy I like gives me so much attention it’s all I always wanted but I still feel insecure
– My weight. Even though I lost a lot of weight and I’m down to the size I want to be, I still feel insecure when I see a girl that’s skinnier than me.
– My hair. I never had nice expensive weave, my natural hair is more kinky than curly, and it’s a nice length but the shrinkage is real.
– The way I talk. I talk so soft and I always feel like I sound weird especially when I hear a recording of myself.
– My clothes. I feel like my sense of style is ugly. I always tried to dress like other people. I’m still trying to find my own sense of style.
– My humor, I feel like if I make a joke people wouldn’t get it or they would think it’s corny…
– My boobs lol i wish they were bigger and fuller
– My thighs. I always felt like my thighs were bulky and unattractive.
– My smile…It’s slightly gummy and I have an overbite :/
– My shyness. I am shy when I first meet someone but around my friends I’m loud and confident. I wish I was like that all the time.
– Social life. I don’t get out much and I don’t have a lot of friends
– I overthink too much and I turn every situation in my head negative.
– I was never an A student in school. I’m horrible at math and slow at counting money.
– I have a hard time expressing myself. Sometimes I can’t find the right words to say.
– Being sexy. I feel like I’m too awkward to be sexy.
You wouldn’t happen to be someone I know would you.
After reading all this article from AI everything is starting to makes sense though haha. My main insecurities are being close to a woman really. Just as it happens they are cute and around my age, but heck, when they even just touch my arm i got “straight” down there and they knew it. It’s so damn embarrassing for me that made me spiralout of control (weird). But i started to think ahh… whatever. And for whatever reason all those girl are just like “oh” moment and… well thats another story hahaha, and for the rest thats still creeping me :
– I have a mouth thats looks like duckface selfies
– so i got the nickname ducky
– what makes it worse is that girl who chased and creeps me out invented it
– being 17 yrs has ever dated 1 gf in junior school and had a wonderful new years eve at 00.00, still a proud virgin though…. a shame because i was approached by a number but got turned in the end ‘cos i’m not that good at…
– speaking in front a girl
– which is because i’m poor, i always thought i’d never had the money to literally do anything with her on a date (even one of my dates are actually just strolling through the city, whilst eating the food she cooked like mini camp of some sort and she’s like living on a 3 story house so….)
– always worrying what people thinks about me, even though i didnt really care what they said…
– having a tree in a bush kinda thing down there
– being afraid of having no talent whatsoever despite the fact i had helped my entire class doing some blog and making games project on the computer (pretty fucked up isn’t it?)
and the one thats being recently fixed by just reading this website :
– i kinda freaked out when my best friend ( a girl obviously) lifted up her skirt in front my face, since i thought its over, and its been haunting me everytime i see a girl wearing skirts (which is everyday in high school…) well i wish i had known this site since 4 yrs ago probably that virvin thingy is out of the equation. lol. but heh i didnt know if anyone will ever read it but hey, its for my own advantage anyway.
P.S. sorry for bad writing because i do write it from my psvita behehehe
My insecurities are:
-I have a girl’s ass. A few guys have commented on this. It’s embarrassing to swim in a spedo.
-I have man boobs.
-I have very thick hair all over. Shaving makes it thicker. Waxing will be too embarrassing and painful.
-I have a skew toe and am mindful of it when barefoot.
-I have bad breath and have tried everything.
-My skintone is uneven with sundamage.
-My eyebrows are very bushy, I’m scared of being called gay if I pluck them.
-I’m very tall but my penis is average (15,5cm) and it looks small.
-My shoulders are narrow, and very non athletic looking.
-I’ve never had a girlfriend and can hardly have a conversation with girls I’m attracted to.
-I’m very bad at school
-I have no homies to chill with because I can’t relate to anyone. I’m always at home on weekends
-I’m a virgin
-My mom has always been single ( since I was 3 ) and she’s always in my face because there’s no husband to distract her. My sister takes her side and they both are very annoying.
-I am scared that I won’t be successful and that I am too greedy about how much money I want to earn after school.
-i am obsessed with making lists about goals in my life and making routines I can’t stick to. It’s awkward, I don’t talk about it
-I’m poor and i don’t have money to go out and i live in a small house.
-I can’t get job because I won’t have time to study even though I hardly study because of bad time management, consistency and self discipline.
-I am addicted to masturbating and i can’t stop
-sorry for the long one but that is a good weight off
My insecurities list:
– My fear of throwing up while eating one on one with women: I get nautious when I eat with a women 1 on 1. Because of this I get scared of being judged and fear throwing up as being weak.
– Not being alpha male enough: the fact that I have insecurities.
– Not having enough muscular tone: I feel im too skinny:
– My height: 1.78m
– The fact that iam an emotional person: Iam closely connected to my emotional side and feel this comes as weak to others.
– my dry skin, causes bad achene: makes me have really red skin.
– The fact that I havent had a girlfriend in 4 girls…..
– The fact that iam into reading books and self help development stuff: makes me feel like a nerd. Not one of those “cool kids”.
– That I have only had sex 2 until now in my life: Currently aged 19
– My ability in bed: afraid of expressing myself and taking the action I desire. And the idea to be finished too quickly and come over as inexperienced to a women.
I am insecure about my life in general about everything. I am insecure about myself and whether I will be able to live a life which could be admired by others. I am insecure about being able to accomplish what I want. I am insecure about being able to bring value into this world before I die. I am insecure about dying and not being remembered or known for something. I am insecure about myself. But I know that I can start believing in myself again and feel powerful, and strong, and happy. Because today I was able to admit my insecurities and Im not afraid of sharing my insecurities to the world.
P.S. I am insecure about my size down there ?
My life is pretty fucked because I was given a shit draw at genetics.
I’m a thin guy, barely 5’8. More like 5’7 and 145 lbs. I used to lift a lot to compensate and got up to like 155 and looked muscular cause I’m short. Anyway I think about my life every day I probably need some sort of therapy because im so depressed now that it affects my every day life.
I had sex for the first time at 23 and it was to a girl I met online. I had sex to another girl a couple months later and she said she couldn’t really feel me inside her. My length is barely okay but my thickness is thin.
I’ll never find a girl who really enjoys having sex with me
My height is a huge turnoff
My thin build is a huge turn off (at least I can fix this)
I’m very hairy on my
Legs and back
I have sunken eyes, big ears, big nose, but my face I am actually somewhat okay with. I just don’t look good when I’m so thin. I need to bulk up to cover my big head and especially ears with a bigger body.
Anyway my biggest concern and the thing I worry most about is relationships.
I have never had a meaningful relationship at 25 and my dick is somewhat thin. My job requires me to sit at a computer. I’m an intern at 25 and never had another job. My lack of experience in the corporate world is showing to my boss.
I don’t have any friends. When I say this I actually mean no friends. No girlfriend ever. And no way of meeting women, because that usually happens with friends.
It’s been like this for a while that im sure my depression is somewhat visible when speaking to me. That or I look like
I have zero personality.
The biggest things for me are I wish I had friends so I could meet women, I hate to disappoint my family and never meet anyone and not have a
Basically I’m a loser
*I have too big of a heart
*I am not pretty enough
*The way I have to slow down and try to formulate my thoughts into words.
*My depression and anxiety
This is by far the most informative article tagging everything that is presently looming in my life. This made my day and gives me hope for the change I so desperately seek.
Well i used to be so happy i didnt even noticed everything that was wrong with my body until this past summer when i saw that everyone looked so perfect and i was like whats wrong with me why dont i have any of that i got into a depresion for a few weeks a really bad one i was thinking that if my body is so bad why am i alive i thought about cutting and that it wouldnt be so bad if i died. When i looked at my family none of them had my problems theyre skin was perfect and then i noticed that i got everything from my father i just could not believe it. When i look at i friends i just feel bad that theyre so perfect and im a disaster. My insecurities are that i have strech marks all over my body and that i have scars from being clumsy and flalling all over my legs and on my arm im just afraid that nobody will ever accept my body and all of my many flaws i literally have a flaw in every part of my body and i just dont know how to accept it.
If anyone reads and replies thanks it means a lot
My friends. I’m afraid I will grow old alone and lonely. I haven’t been on a friends trip for so damn long.
My gf. I’m afraid that she will cheat on me because she did it with her ex before.
I’M INSECURE ABOUT MY TEETH AND WHAT OTHERS THINK.I WASN’T THIS INSECURE WHEN I WAS A TEENAGER BUT NOW IM ALL INSECURE AND I CARE WHAT PEOPLES THINK.Help ME.MY ANXIETIES ARE KILLING ME AND I FEEL LIKE IM GONNA GET DEPRESSION.
Im insecure about my height,my weight and my Facial struture.I wasn’t this insecure when i was a teenager boy but now im all insecure and care what peoples think.
BUT My BIGGEST INSECURITE IS THAT I’LL NEVER FIT IN AND I’LL NEVER BE SUCCESFUL MAN.
Wow… Reading all of these made me think how i making my insecurities big problems and worrying about a lot. Fuck that we are all fucked up and trying to hide our true selves to fit in a society. Even though nobody is going to judge me instead they will love me more but still im choosing to look better.
Here i go:
-Im 21 my first and only sex was 5-10 minutes i dont even remember how i was feeling. I want desperately to enjoy a deep, connected sex with a stunning beautiful body.
-I had sex with two hooker at the same time, they were unattractive and fake. I can’t believe i paid them more than average.
-I always think girls and other people are checking me out so trying to look cool and confident. If i had only stop this and told her what i think i would get amazing results.
-I go out and walk hours only to approach women and nothing happens for months.
-My penis is curved both down and left. It looks weird and makes me feel like less a man.
-I have a fit body but i am thin and average heigt. Makes me feel i can’t be a strong, masculine man.
-I am told my friends my sex adventures which doesnt exist or ended up as failure. I made them believe i am a ladie’s man.
-Have no purpose in life, i do not know what feelings are, who i am, what i am, where i am, where did i come from. I have read about evolution, spirituality and all these only confused me more, i am terrified by the reality of a universe.
-I am taking pocket money from my mother. I have no job and no desire in a career. I dont know what i am good at. I am so afraid im going to end up as failure.
-I feel desire for young, little girls sometimes.
-I have porn and masturbation addiction.
-I think i am better than most of my friends and people.
-I think i am not interesting enough.
-Also i feel i am inferior many times.
-I fear to share this with my info.
My insecurity, and I am here because I finally realised, is to show my emotions, to show people my weaknesses. When you open to someone you are vulnerable, you can be hurt, and I always was afraid of being hurt and also of people noticing my fear. So I built a shield and I acted as the most confident guy ever, and people bought it, ffs even I ended up buying it! But who knew about Paul’s feelings? Was He ever in love? ‘Cause he never told anyone… Oh yes I had crushes, and yes I loved my friends, but i didn’t want them to know they had such relevance in my live, so they couldn’t hurt me. And that fake confidence brought me to a point where if i ever felt ashamed of something, like public speaking, I had to come up with a quick explanation of why i wasn’t being the confident guy i was supossed to be, or, in case of not finding a belivable answer, just dissapearing, which is how i left my friends after a situation that showed them that i wasn’t the most confident guy on the block as everyone thought, rather i was also human and insecure. Also I am virgin at 23 even when I know for a fact there were girls that wanted to be with me, a crazy one even confessed to have masturbated thinking about me, and i liked her and yet DID NOTHING! I always felt insecure for my body acne and the scars it left, so here I am missing all the good stuff that could have happened to me due to fears i wouldn’t accept…
But that’s enough of it, i want people to know the real me, i’m alive, i feel, i fear, i love and i’m tired of pretending to be an icehearted man.
Also I try to open to my family, show them love, but they look at me shocked, probably ’cause they think that’s not me and they don’t know how to react. They always showed me love, but i didn’t show it back, yet they loved me. Now, if i do show it back they feel visibly uncomfortable, my own grandmother feels unconfortable if i hug her the same way my brother does, which is showing lots of love.
I’m 35 and I have a ton of insecurities. In my 20’s, I was a confident young man; I didn’t have money, I had a terrible job, and I lived with my parents but I had a blast. I used to date girls (6 – 9’s) regularly, I was outgoing, I used to voice my opinions, and then I met a great girl whom I loved and ended up proposing to. Things were fine until she broke it off. From that point on, my life has been on a downward spiral. One bad thing after another. I’ve become insecure, I feel I’m incompetent in my field (I’ve been fired from a great company. I found another company, but still no progress.) I pursued an entrepreneurial venture and failed. I lost absolutely all the money I had saved. I’ve been living with my sister and she has been practically supporting me for months. I’m approximately $50K in debt. My family grew apart, so we practically no longer speak. All these things have affected me enormously. I read books and posts from this site that I believe they are very helpful, but the problem is in me. I just don’t seem to progress, develop, grow, move forward. I have been so insecure about all this that I’ve rejected a great girl that persisted to be in a serious relationship with me just so that she doesn’t find out about it. I know it’s wrong and that we cannot be helped if we don’t open up, but I just don’t know how to go about it. I don’t know how to get out of this situation. I believe she deserves someone better with his shit together and not someone who has absolutely nothing and doesn’t seem to get out of this rut. And yes, suicidal thoughts have crossed my mind, but then I just won’t do it. I’m not a bad looking man, I used to have an amazing sense of humour and now I’ve become in this dull, cold, and dry grump that is afraid of living life. Anyone out there, I don’t even know what help to ask for, but I need something.
1) That I make women uncomfortable when I try to talk to them in a flirty manner.
2) Man boobs with glandular lumps under the nipples. Had them since I was 12. I’ve been overweight at times, but they don’t go away even when I’m relatively in shape. Scourge of my life.
3) Messy and Lazy. I can’t bring anyone home right now to see my messy bedroom.
4) Slightly Obsessive about women I like.
5) Large head, with huge forehead and high (not receding) hairline like Peyton Manning. Looks very unnatractive from certain angles.
6) Only 5’8″ . So many women on dating sites say they only want a guy who is 6’+. Very discouraging.
7) Red hair and freckles. The majority of women say that gingers “just aren’t (their) type.” Pale skin, freckles red hair looks gross, sickly, not masculine. Very discouraging.
7) I’m basically only friend-zone material.
8) Uncomfortable in my own skin when trying to dance, or just standing and talking.
Oh yes, and I’m still a virgin at 43. I’ve considered suicide because of all this.
I am sure you will find somebody soon..
Keep your hopes up.. 🙂
Thanks Sherio! Things are going much better now. I met a wonderful woman in January and we’ve been going strong ever since. No longer a virgin. 🙂 Sometimes I deal with anxiety-induced E.D., but that has been steadily getting better, and she is so understanding and supportive. We’ve had a pretty good run this past week, 1-2 times a day.
So to anybody else out there who was in my position, keep your chin up, and do your best to be a good, fun person. Things can turn around, even at age 43.
I am insecure about a lot of things like most people but I can live with them and know that everybody has insecurities, it’s part of being human. The one insecurity I can’t seem to get passed however is my dick size I am 6″ erect and 4.5″ around which I feel is on the thinner side. The thing is I would be fine with it, if it wasn’t for the fact that all women seem to want or prefer a guy who is larger than average. I get this idea from media, internet forums and articles on what women post and real life experiences.
My ex girlfriend once mentioned to me (not wanting to hurt me) that she made her peace with my size shortly after she cheated on me with a hung black and told me it was the best sex of her life (thats the basic version at least).
I hate when women attempt to console a guy by saying girth is more important as that is SIZE and when they say be better at some other aspect of sex like oral, this just further demonstrates the importance as you have to work extra hard and compensate, for your lack in size.
and I feel this is something that no women ever speaks of, but I have noticed my whole life that girls always go for cocky dickheads and in each case I have seen this to be true it always turns out that the guy is really good in bed, and I have never known a case or heard of that kinda of guy having a small or smaller penis.
I believe women look for confidence in a guy because it must mean he is probably well endowed and gonna fuck the shit out of them. Women don’t admit it to themselves or think about this directly but from the way they act and what they say it seems to be a universal truth.
What sucks about this insecurity is that it’s real it’s not just in my head and there is nothing I can do about it, furthermore it’s not the case where every woman is individual in there preferences, this is pretty much an across the board female preference. I feel like I don’t have the right to be confident because of it.
the last girl I opened up to about it told me my dick was perfect (could tell she was lying she obviously isn’t going to put me down to my face) but after went on to say that ideally she would like something long and thick so clearly I wasn’t perfect.
I’d be interested to hear other peoples opinions on this.
From what I’ve read 6-7″ is average. Sounds like your in the ballpark. experience you can be too big, it’s more sizing that works right for the woman’s size. Believe it or not women come in different sizes too, both length and girth and they differ in the spots they like stimulated. For example the “best size” from my limited experience seems to be that when you bottom out you are just hitting the outside of her cervix. That can get all three “spots.” Again not all women are the same, some don’t like that and if you are too long you end up hitting the cervix proper which I understand can hurt. Likewise with being too wide, things can rub, get irritated and width is only hitting one or two spots max, and that only if you know what you are doing.
There are plenty of women where more than half their arousal is not just vaginal penetration, excluding even the whole mental aspect. Even this article talks about many things that are mental turn-ons. Sex has a large mental component for both sexes IMHO, I think men tend to forget that (again hence this article) because we are visually aroused fairly easily so we tend to not recognize this as mental arousal when it is.
Lastly, in my youth I was larger than average, now pretty much average on an average day. Believe it or not its better now, even for me.
Well statistically speaking average is 5.1″ at least in the states even though I am not from there, just using that as a reference. I’m not sure where you got 6-7 from although it does seem like thats the average women experience.
I know there are a ton of other aspects to sex and originally I really felt that it’s more important about who your doing it with and the emotions and attraction you feel for your partner and I thought women viewed it the same but then go on youtube and type in ‘does size matter’ and in pretty much every video that pops up all the girls will say it does. and in my experiences and the women I have been with it seems like it does.
Funnily enough I typed in ‘does boob size matter’ to see what most men would say (even though they are not comparable) and barely any guy said it did matter. leaves me with the conclusion that women are more shallow than guys. they make it sound like if they met Mr.right and he was under average it would be a deal breaker.
Anyhow it is not my length that concerns me that much it’s my girth. and according to most women thats what’s important. and I can do all the motion in the ocean shit I am good at everything else but it still seems my size limits me when it comes to penetration.
My ex used to tell me that she could never really feel much when she was on top and unfortunately I had witnessed a video of her having sex with the hung guy that she left me for and she was on top and I have never made her make sounds like she was making with him….. fucking demoralising.
I’ve got too many insecurities to list. Im 43, a virgin, and never had a girlfriend – or any relationship at all. I’m short (5′ 7″) and although several women have told me I’m attractive and that “so and so really likes you…” I can’t stop thinking of myself as grotesque and fundamentally unlovable. I hardly ever go out because I’m sure nothing will ever happen or that I’ll just say ‘Hi’ to a woman I find attractive and she’ll run away or laugh at me. That’s a start … there are many more.
Can’t recall where I got the 6-7″ number, it may have been 5-6″; just recall 6″ being the average I found. Didn’t really do research beyond my own curiosity. So just searched again and got 5.16″ for avg length and 4.6″ for girth, sounds like you are not small at all.
I think your ex is messed up. Leaving you a sex-tape of her with another guy, that’s very, very low, sleazy and weird, and not in a good way. That she would do this says to me she likes to mess with peoples’ heads. So you can’t take anything negative she says to you at face value as true. She knew she was on camera, you don’t think she might have been acting it up a bit? Don’t even get me started on how there is not as much correlation between noise and satisfaction as you think.
I also wouldn’t take you tube as much indication of much, it’s a self selecting group of attention seekers. I suspect the kind of women where size is not the end all be all are not going to upload. It’s like positive and negative reviews; satisfied folks are more likely just to “buy again” while a pissed off customer will take the extra step to let the world know how dissatisfied they are.
On girth on feeling it, but women come in different “girths,” or tightness down there. The less tight, the wider they may desire.
I don’t really want to share exactly how I came about the video and that whole story but lets just say I know she enjoyed it more and she was just being honest with me when it came to sex and my dick size or how much she enjoyed it or didn’t. for years she would say it was perfect but I could always tell she was lying and later yeah it came out that she wished it was bigger.
Anyways I appreciate you trying to help nonetheless.
-face – everything,
-lack of talent
-lack of friends/ reletionships
ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhg working on it.
Ok well I’m insecure about my looks. I’m 19 and female and think that I’m not pretty at all comparing myself to others does not help in the long run. I hate the way my nose looks on me that its not cute and small like all of my friends and I hate how my hair looks down cuss I think that my face looks weird and sometimes like my cheeks are fatter and sometimes feel that it looks better up. I’m also fair skinned and well I look terrible in florescent lighting since then I look super white like a ghost and it shows all of my flaws and just makes me look bad and hurts my self esteem so bad like the past day I went on a trip with my bf and his family and the bathroom at the hotel had florescent lighting and I got really upset thinking that I really looked that bad and I was not wearing any makeup then. I usually don’t wear makeup that often cuss I feel like that I should pretty without makeup but in this case I think I’m ugly anyway. My bf and friends and family say I’m pretty but I just have a hard time believing them and I always think people around me are judging me and laughing about how I look. I also hate photos cuss in a lot of them I look different some I can look ok in but I’m not a photogenic person. Iv been dealing with this for almost 6 years and its not getting any better help 🙁 (Iv also tried some of these steps and tried them well they did not work really)
Love this article.
My insecurities ;
– my second last toe is quite smaller than my last toe, on my right foot (which is why I always wear closed shoes to hide it)
– I hate my nose
– I have a big butt. (I just wanna have a normal sized butt.)
– I am 21 and single while all my friends are happy with their boyfriends and here I am, so lonely. Ugh!
Some men seem to feel comfortable in their insecurity and are looking for more every day
My main insecurity is that I’m missing my teeth from my canines back, with little to no way of fixing them. I was a very rebellious kid and naturally I didn’t listen to my parents when they told me to brush my teeth and now I’m suffering the consequences…try that one on for size..
I’m insecure about:
-My big stomach. My dad always used to tell me that I won’t ever be able to get abs because all of the guys in my family all have a big stomach
-Also i’m insecure about my lack of experience in bed, i’m not a virgin but sometimes i feel that I can’t satisfy my girlfriend.
well, I like to say thank you for your advice. I have been quite paranoid,insecured and depressed about the size of my head. this has affected my relationship with friends,my parents, and my academic performance. I start sweating and feeling uneasy immediately I go in the midst of people probably thinking whether they’re looking at my freak head or something.I looked at one of my pics when I was 12 and I looked like an alien with that round hydrocephalous head of mine , no wonder I got teased in school for being fat and a big head . I watch myself in the mirror all day and doing nothing to help my mom who is a single parent to me. I couldn’t stand the idea of staying with my dad in th US and going to high school with mean school mates in the states, so I lied to my dad about how I was eager to return to my native country Ghana and to relocate with my mom. 6 years on, its been one of the worst decisions of my life cuz I found out Ghanaians have very small heads and are quite critical of a big head like me. I get stares and laughter sometimes when in town and I try to ignore them even tho deep down its hurting and feels like CRYIN… I know I shouldn’t be like this, some people like me and I have had good comments about my face but they go like your face is ok but you got a big head.
I am a big guy at 6’1 (head height really counts tho) with a 23 or 59 cm head circumference. but regardless of how built one is, a big head is a big head. I resting and expecting God to get rid of this chain of depression in my life and to have that joy I usef to have
I’ve always been insecure about my forehead. I’ve been bullied and made fun of about it for a long time. People can be really cruel.
However, I’ve also been learning to cope with it and accept who I am. I’ve learned that people like that are toxic and they need to be out of my life. My entire family has big foreheads, and that comforts me as well.
Plus, my boyfriend loves me for who I am. Even the huge billboard on my face! As long as he sees me as perfect, that’s all that matters.
And honestly, the only thing toxic people like that point out on my face/body is my forehead. I really want to get over this insecurity and start accepting myself for who I am: A beautiful woman who doesn’t take crap from losers like them!
I’m turning 18 soon, so this’ll be the perfect goal. 🙂 Thanks for the lovely post, darling.
I’m really insecure but I pretend to not care and be confident when people insult my insecurities if only they knew I’d cry myself to sleep because they said that.
-I’m insecure about my weight I’m overweight and I feel bad about myself in clothes
-I’m insecure about my acne I feel ugly and I just want to hide my face
-I’m insecure about my financial state my parents are poor and all my other peers have fancy things and relatives
I’m insecure about my depression and anxiety I feel weak and crazy I feel like it’s going to change everything and how people view me and I’m not ready for it
If I ever told my friends about my insecurities they would just call me a pussy and that I should toughen up. Maybe I need new friends?
I’ve been in insecure about my teeth all through my middle and high school years. Since I moved out of my parents place I really have to get over it now lol
I am so insecure about my teeth. I have a gap between my front teeth and that’s why I don’t like to talk so much
I’m very insecure about my looks….
It makes me difficult to talk with girls…
So I feel less valued than others.
I’m 16 year old guy, my girlfriend of 3 years just broke up with me. I’ve always had deep insecurities that I’ve brushed aside about my family, the way I view myself, and what I feel I deserve. Deep down I’m insecure about feeling happiness because I don’t deserve it and I’m scared that being happy with who I am now will push others away. Although I’ve convinced myself it’s nothing, I’m deeply insecure about my height. I’m 5’5″ and even worse I’m insecure about looking childish. Because I’m so short and I’ve been told before that I’m clumsy and dumb and immature even though I try my best, I feel like a child trapped in a tiny 16 year old’s body. I’m insecure about not acting my age, like I’m some stupid idiot who can’t fit in with anyone his age. I’m insecure about telling people I’m insecure because I hate to admit it’s real. I’m insecure because I loved her so much but deep down I felt that I didn’t deserve her, and she wanted me to be the person I want to be and supported me but I didn’t do it fast enough before college and real life is coming to a start. All I wanted was her, partly by insecurity but I know I really loved her and now I’m desparate to fix myself.
Thank you so much for this article…very helpful at the time I need it the most.
Here are my insecurities:
My body – I feel like I don’t have enough curves or that I have too many stretch marks.
My nose – I feel like it’s like a pig’s nose…it’s small, open and vulnerable…
My skin – I’ve always had bad acne and I still have scars for it…now I also suffer from bad eczema
My parents – I envy those that have parents who communicate openly and show their children support no matter what they do
My financial situation – I don’t have money and never had a lot of money growing up. I lived off hand-me downs and ate leftovers for days. I wasn’t allowed to go on a lot of trips because we couldn’t afford it.
My intelligence – I feel like I make dumb comments and sometimes I don’t get common sense
I’m going to send this to my closest friends because I’ve realized thanks to your article that I’ve been trying to act strong for far too long.
Great to hear it was helpful.
Being ‘strong’ can be useful as a short-term strategy if you have something you just have to fight through, right now, but in the long run, all it’s going to do is ensure you spend the rest of your life struggling to maintain a facade while you’re miserable on the inside.
You can’t solve a problem until you acknowledge it exists and take it on directly.
Best of luck with it.
– I’m insecure that I don’t have as many friends as I would like to.
– I’m insecure about my anxiety.
– I’m a 23-year-old male of Mexican American descent, here in the states. I feel highly insecure because my parents own a Mexican restaurant here and I work with them part-time (this is my only job at the moment), helping them run the business. I feel highly insecure bringing up where I work: Mainly, because I’m still working at my parents business undecided, and uncertain at what it is I want to pursue as a career – so I remain very indecisive. Also, here in the states: being ‘Hispanic’ is somewhat looked down upon because of all the negative stereotypes, assumptions, and negative perceptions people have surrounding Hispanics and then will associate them onto me. Finding myself feeling insecure when people ask where I work because then I begin to think people will look at me as a ‘dirty Hispanic’.
– I don’t have any close friends
– I’m very insecure about my passive traits: Very insecure. It’s something I dislike about myself. I grew up with a dominant mother and all my life have only resented my father for letting people walk all over me.
– I’m insecure about my weight.
– Around my friends, I’m insecure about telling them I like to read books on the side. I feel them might criticize me.
– I’m very insecure about telling people what I currently do for work
– Telling people i’ve traveled the world by myself because I didn’t have anyone to join me on my travels. I’m afraid of what they’ll think of me if I tell them: that I’m probably a weirdo or a freak.
– About being ‘nice’ or ‘passive’. I always felt insecure and compared myself to others who I felt were more assertive than I was and had more self-respect.
– I’m highly insecure about being socially awkward, shy growing up.
– I’m highly insecure that at 23, I haven’t decided what I want to do with my life – what to pursue as a career: feeling lost. Stalling my education and career – seeing as how mates of mine have already graduated and furthering themselves in their career. I’m still stuck in this hamster wheel – of a ‘think tank’- unable to move forward.
– Never had a Gf/ any meaningful relationship.
Great article! Here my list of insecurities:
– I have had bad acne over the last years.. its getting better now but i am still insecure About my Skin.
– yellow teeth
– My toenail once ripped off and it Looks Pretty ugly now in my opinion
– Sometimes when i am nervous in social situations, my Hands start to shake. I am very insecure About that and try to constantly hide it.
– awkwardness in conversations
– I quit School and dont really know what to do with my life Right now
– being a virgin
– when People dont text me back
There are more Things that i am insecure About but i think These are the biggest.
I will work on accepting them and also telling them to other People, which is very hard for me to do.
-I’ve gotten fatter
-All my life I’ve had really bad acne and now I’ve got scars on my face, chest, back and the backs of my arms!
-My teeth are yellow
-2 says ago, I turned 18 and I’m fucking terrified.
-I’ve never had a job
-I’ve never had a boyfriend
-My family is insanely religious and I don’t think I believe in God. But if I dont, then everything I’ve ever been taught falls apart and I’m going to a fucking bible college.
– I want to be a musician but I can only sing, write and sort of play the guitar and everything seems so complicated and I dont know if I’m good enough and I dont have anyone to bounce ideas off of…
– I think I’m bipolar or manically depressed because my mood swings are so extreme but even though I’ve asked for help multiple times I wont get it because we dont have the money and my parents just tell me that it’s a demonic attack and I need to fight it (they’re fucking insane) or just snap out of it and be happy. I have no hope for the future or anything
I just want to fucking die, I dont see how things could get any better I dont have ANY friends or anyone to talk to, I can’t even talk to the free suicide helpline because I have a bad internet connection. I just want to die.
I have already been open to people about my insecurities
1. I have no job yet despite being good at studies. And the job I want takes time and lots of study.
But my so called friend keep calling up and say thing which I find rude and dishearting.
2. Having poor finances I can’t go out or have masters. . And I have to concentrate so can’t look for other jobs.
3. I really can’t sustain good relationships. People I like don’t like the real me and 100s of scraping off people haven’t helped yet.
Its more about how bored and unfullfiled I am . Will I ever find people who will accept me?
Waiting and preparing for my goal is taking up lots of patience. And i am began to doubt where is this lonely life going.
If someone sees loopholes in my thinking process. I did be. happy to get an insight
my inability with girls, my awkwardness, my too try hardness, my past addiction to porn, my silent pervertedness at times, my big ego about my future self, my thought that everyone is looking at me
Well, here does nothing…
– I’m insecure about whether other people(especially girls I find attractive) think I’m ugly and unattractive or not. I don’t look bad but I got ugly jokes so much when I younger that it stuck with me all these years. This insecurity really hits when I’m wearing glasses.
– I’m insecure about the fact that I’m not as fly as other guys. Insecure about the fact that my clothes usually aren’t as expensive as others.
– I’m insecure about the fast that I have no car or a job at the moment and that no girl would really want me because of it.
– I’m insecure about the fact that my dick isn’t porn star size in inches. I’m average but it’s not a fucking monster
– I’m insecure about that fact that I’m still a virgin.
– I’m insecure about my voice when I sing, regardless of the fact that I sing in a church choir every single week.
– I’m insecure about the fact that most of day is made up of me sitting in the house on my phone and computer watching Netflix, playing x box, and procrastinating on whatever screenplay I’m writing.
– I’m insecure about my love and passion for my favorite movie genres. I get nervous when I start talking about the kind if movies i like because i usually think that no one really likes the stuff i like and that I’ll get ridiculed for it.
– I’m insecure about my love for r&b, gospel, and pop music (especially chris brown) because I always think others will ridicule me if they find out.
– I’m insecure about my voice not being super deep.
– I’m insecure about my incompetence when it comes to fist fighting.
– I’m insecure about the fact that my shoe collection isn’t fat(and really isn’t a collection, I only have a few pairs and most of them aren’t even brand name shoes).
– I’m insecure about my the fact that I don’t have abs and defined muscles like Michael B Jordan or a professional athlete.
– I’m insecure about my intelligence. I’ve been called “slow” and dumb in middle school so much that it has stuck with me through all these years.
– I’m insecure about not being able to bench press passed 100lbs(I actually don’t know whether I can or not, I’m just afraid of what others would think if I can’t and they find out).
– I’m insecure about whether or not other ppl(guys and girls alike) will like me during social interactions.
– I’m insecure about my leg hair. I have really good hair genes.
-My opinion, thoughts, interest: i thought that if i shut up for others and not raise my voice, own interest that it would make me and other people, overtime i feel miserable as shit.
-Being sincere about my intention: i would get a “feeling” inside of me, i guess an adrenaline rush everytime i try to confront people about what i dislike or tell a girl that she’s pretty.
First off I want to say great blog! I had a quick question which I’d like
to ask if you don’t mind. I was interested to find out how
you center yourself and clear your thoughts prior to writing.
I’ve had a hard time clearing my mind in getting my ideas
out there. I do enjoy writing but it just seems
like the first 10 to 15 minutes are lost simply just trying to figure out how to begin. Any suggestions or tips?
1. My small height. The world seems taller being a guy at 5’6.
2. Not so good looking.
3. Less Strength.
4. Low Self Esteem and Self Confidence.
5. Not sharp minded.
6. Never had a girlfriend. Never kissed any girl.
7. Addiction to masturbation.
8. Full of negativity.
Also, very late to this.
My insecurities are
1. My weight – I’ve been overweight all my life and was bullied as a kid for it for years. I got fit a couple years ago, but gained a lot of weight back.
2. My intelligence. My brother came to know my grades in high school a couple years ago and being a narcissistic asshole has never even one day stopped to make me feel dumb and literally tells me things like “stop using big words to sound smart.” Fuck that cunt.
3. Validation. I’m the middle child, and only girl of two boys and my parents mainly my mother have always made me feel obsolete and invisible.
4. Whether people will like me or not. Since gaining weight I always feel insecure and uncomfortable in public, I always feel like people are judging me and my mom is a major component of that since she has constantly reminded me that people are judging me for my wait. Really need to move out of this shit hole family.
I’m insecure about my breasts not being as big as I’d like.
You’d think that as old as I am (female in my 60’s) that I’d be over this by now.
But, my ex-husband (married over 30 years, divorced for almost 4), and recent ex-boyfriend both commented on my small size (that’s one of the reasons they’re both ex’s).
I’m not flat-chested, not even that small; but apparently not as big as either of them preferred.
I had almost gotten over the insecurities my ex-husband had instilled in me, then the recent ex-boyfriend (dated for almost one year) wouldn’t stop making demeaning comments, so that threw me into a downhill spiral of being insecure about my size all over again.
I’ve read all about “if someone really loves you, size doesn’t matter”, and “some men like small breasts”, and a million other blogs, posts, etc. saying the same thing.
That still doesn’t help me feel secure about my breasts.
Thank you Logun for your magnificent post. My insecurities are …
-My eye somewhat diverted, for playing so much on the computer, thankfully I abandoned it because I no longer found essence in video games.
-My sexuality. Very rarely does a guy attract me.
-My economy, I don’t have a stable job.
-My skin color and my hair.
-My disease, which is anxiety disorder.
Postdata I closed my Facebook account two weeks ago, but I would write it there. I always expected you to answer Logun sometime, I admire your ability to help.
My biggest insecurity are my social skills. Im a combination of shy weird and boring. Cant small talk and am terrible at faking a conversation. I dont have anything to talk about because I spend most of my time thinking about self care and how to be less insecure.
Hi Rebs. It is a pleasure to have you in LifeOS, I went through a large part of my life, it seems fantastic that you comment here on this site, since it is to begin a stage of your rewarding life. I also thought I was shy, bored and a freak of society, but I realized that it was because I spent all the time analyzing the world that I was to blame for it. What I helped is to start meditating to close that side of the analytical brain and know that it was really my passions, I did so, and magically the brain was telling me this and this, I obeyed and felt more and more fulfilled. I am sure that even the most boring person in the world if you talk about what life is passionate about speaks to you with such enthusiasm that it is very valuable to hear it, your first goal is to feel the things you want to do in your life and follow them. Then the rest goes through magic, I hope I have been concrete, and I hope it has helped you with something.
Due to my job, I cannot post my insecurities on Facebook (they’ll tell me to take it down). Any suggestions on working around this? For the time being, I’ll list my insecurities here :).
1. I am not only insecure about my body hair (hardly any on top, too much everywhere else), I’m insecure about my looks altogether. My smile, face shape, etc.
2. Not being worthy/good enough
3. I don’t feel like I fit in with any group of people
4. My work/talents/ideas are not good enough (or good at all)
5. I’m constantly afraid of losing my wife, mostly because I am so different than most of the men in her life and I am not your stereotypical “man”. I’m not a super-handy person, I’m not aggressive or competitive, I’m not a hunter/fisher or huge into sports (except the Cubs), I’m not super-fit or cut, I’m not very physically strong, etc. I’m sensitive, like to talk about feelings, care deeply about others and their well-being, etc.
6. I’m afraid of failing as a parent/setting my kids up for failure. I have a 14, 12, and 11 year old – feel like they are all screwed because of how I have raised them and how I have not been very intentional with them in the past (have been so worried about myself and “surviving”)
7. Horrible with money, always broke. Never matters how much I make, we never have enough. I’m compulsive with money and don’t manage it well at all.
8. I’m not always able to perform in bed (this is a new one for me as this became a problem a little less than a year ago and I’m only 36 – doctor has ruled out physical issues, purely psychological). It isn’t always a problem, but sometimes.
9. I feel like I’ve achieved so little for my age and for the “potential” everyone has seen in me, including my current boss. I also have not provided my wife and kids with very many memorable “experiences”. We don’t travel, rarely vacation (see money problems above).
Ok so I also can’t post my list on Facebook so i’ll just post it here (btw very nice article)
– my weight (especially my small butt and my tummy that’s bigger than my butt)
– whether people from my uni think I’m easy and a slut
– whether I’m smart enough to study neuroscience
– my back acne
– my body hair (i have too much but I do wax it so whatever)
– i judge myself everyday for being the alumni who comes back gets drunk and sleeps around (just did it only once actually but still)
– i get too flirty when I don’t mean to (i think it’s to seek validation and attention from men, which in the end just makes me feel more shit about myself)
– my parents finding out that I’m not as good of a girl as they think I am
– I am very judgmental, towards myself and everyone
see i know I have good qualities too but I just don’t know where I am right now (im 21 btw)
is this normal??
I would like to congratulate you for what is mentioned in this article, you have to have courage without doing it honestly and with every word from your heart. I was never a father and I am never going to do it, it is something that I never care about. But for the rest I can say that you probably feel bad about what you live behind your thoughts. One tip, if you lack the money, think about investing and going to a wholesale supermarket, so you have provisions for at least several weeks. Meditate, that helps a lot to recognize and become aware of who you are. At least 15 minutes before starting your fantastic day and 15 minutes before going to sleep. I usually do it lying next to some audio that I find on YouTube. I recommend guided meditation. Regarding that you do not fit in any group and this I will emphasize. I am sure that you do not let show your true personality, I am sure that everyone in the world is outgoing but very few prove to be, focus on who you are and stop analyzing, stop thinking and move towards what your heart (if I said heart, I didn’t say mind, because she goes another way) she wants you to go. I hope you have a beautiful, fantastic, great and outgoing day full of emotions! Greetings from Argentina to wherever you want you to be.
Hello Dear Lena. Question: How can I change those things day by day. At first you will notice that you think every three – four hours approximately, then every two, and so on. It is normal to say that when you judge your mind and body all the time, until you say so, read: “I judge myself every day for being …”, I recommend active meditation, it is to meditate while doing daily tasks. It is something that helps to be aware of oneself in the present and not judge yourself for what you are, you automatically accept what you do and what you are. Thank you for writing, your enthusiasm is much appreciated. Have a day full of emotions and have good luck.
I know I’m super late to this post but thank you so much for posting this. I’ve been struggling with many of my insecurities for the longest times. I was worried about my looks, my academic record, my social capabilities, and lack of self discipline. I was constantly beating myself up for my lack of success and always felt that i was a disappointment. Finally, today i decided to talk to my parents about all my insecurities. I had approached the discussion prepared for yelling, disappointed faces, and possibly disowning. But when I actually spoke, none of that happened. My parents were super supportive of me and helped me solve many of mentally issues! Thank you so much for giving me the push to reveal my insecurities and allowing me to trusts my parents more! I never realized how great my parents were. Thank you so much again!
I am insecure about my family’s financial condition, my receding hairline, that I have a transgender brother, also to fit in a community as an outsider
Great article. Thanks! Here goes:
– I am insecure about my social skills and that people will find me boring
– I am insecure about my looks, I have a flat nose, monolid and chubby cheeks
– I am insecure about how clever I am, it takes me much longer to learn the same things than other people
Great article, was very helpful.
I (20M) am insecure about:
– my height
– my weight
– my masculinity
– my physical attraction
– penis size
– poor social skills
– not many friends
– not popular/cool
– immature for my age
Thanks for your article. It helped me a lot, as did everyone’s comments. I was feeling really insecure and alone and reading everyone’s comments made me feel less alone—like I’m not the only one with insecurities.
Things I’m insecure about:
– my looks (I’m not as pretty as I’d want to be to hold my spouse’s attention, love, and affection. My husband has checked out other women a lot and even acted attracted to my sister; he’s also said how he sees attractive women everywhere). I try to work out and take care of myself but we live in a world with impossible standards of beauty.
– my voice (my husband acted excited about a friend who can sing well; he also got really excited when he heard my sister’s voice on her album. I’m taking voice lessons but feel I’ll never be enough for him).
– my social life. I have some friends but because of stay at home orders I feel so alone. Sometimes I feel all alone in the world. I feel like nobody cares. Even before the pandemic I felt lonely a lot, but work is so busy and my husband wants so much time but he doesn’t care about what I think or how I feel. He’s told me I’m stupid and boring. Before I got married, guys wanted to date me and would compliment me. I don’t know why I chose someone who doesn’t really value me. But I feel trapped. And one of my sisters bullied me all growing up and still bullies me. I used to always be there for her but not I try to minimize contact. She has told me she thinks I’m socially awkward. She told this to me at the worst time of my life when she knew I was already struggling with some major tragedies in life that were outside of my control. Sometimes I feel like this world is so cruel and nobody really cares. I used to be optimistic. I used to have big dreams. I used to believe anything was possible. I used to be excited about my goals when I was younger. I used to be outgoing and had a decent social life—friends and dates in college. I used to feel passionately about life and my hobbies. Now I just want to hide away alone and nothing seems like it matters anymore.
To all you men who worry about not having a lot of experience with women, I admire that. My best guy friends before I got married (I don’t keep in touch with any now), have only ever slept with the women they’re married to now, or maybe one other woman before meeting her. Women I know who are beautiful and smart and fun and thoughtful have told me they like it when a guy is innocent. It makes them feel safer. So please don’t be down on yourself about it. Women want to be loved for who they are individually. They’d rather not be with someone who sees women as numbers to conquest. You will find the right one.
Thank you all for your honesty.
I’m insecure about being less pretty than my friends. I always had this insecurity growing up. For some reason, I always felt the need to be and feel the prettiest, and maybe it stems from being the least attractive back in highschool and feeling inadequate and now I’m trying to make it up by trying to out-pretty everyone. It sucks how I know that I am perfectly normal the way I am and look but for some reason I strive for perfection. That mentally destroys me because it is so draining to always worry about what others think of you. I just wish I would stop comparing myself to my circle or to anyone on social media. I just want to be happy with the way I look and live my life confidently. I’m tired. I’m just so sick of the insecurities that are gnawing at me from every end. And I have society to blame. I feel like we’ve been programmed from such a young age to compare ourselves to others and strive for perfection when we’re alright just the way we are. If I wish for anything, it is to be at peace with myself with the way I look. I know I’m capable of so much growth and love, if only I gain the confidence I need back.
– my laugh/smile (sometimes)
-coming out as stupid
-my ignorance on some topics like politics or religion.
– people thinking im fake even tho im being genuine.
– when i try to talk about psychology or something that i know about, i get scared some people may not take me seriously, like my relatives. (scared of being judged)
– trying to be confident but coming out as arrogant and intimidating.
– my embarrassing and stupid moments.
-i hate that im shy sometimes
-how my voice changes/ becomes weak when im nervous and i start to clear my throat a lot.
– i talk a lot sometimes and i open up quickly.
I used to be insecure about
– my body
-my lisp (not that strong )
– my body
– my average looks
– I’m shy and sometimes awkward
– I have never been in long relationship, I had only one girlfriend and I was virgin until 28…
– nobody will ever love me
Wow. This is scary because I’ve never publicly put my insecurities out there.
– I’m too short
– My hair is receding
– My life isn’t organized
– I don’t make as much money as I want
– That I don’t feel secure in my ability to keep please a woman because it’s great a first but they all seem to get bored after a while
Well done, mate. Taking the first step feels huge but the more you do it, the more you’ll see that it seriously does not matter at all.
I’m also accepting my insecurities that
couldn’t do, anyway. I’m insecure about
— Being fat Like I’m not that fat. I’m just thicker than most of the girls… there’s something hilarious in my life. I change my body form almost every year. sometimes I’m fat. sometimes extremely flat. When I’m writing this, I’m fat and people reminded me that and this kinda makes me feel insecure.
— Being not able to wear fancy, cool, revealing clothes. I belong to a town, here actually almost nobody wears revealing clothes but many wear enough to look cool. I just don’t have confidence to wear those fancy clothes. And I feel jealous of the girls when they wear pretty clothes. like I would look more hot if i could wear the same clothes they have.
—Haven’t waxed yet, others of my age would’ve done it infinite times. I’m 18.
— I was actually a shy girl.my parents couldn’t think of me even leaving the scarf behind if i was wearing a kurta. Now i deadly want to wear sexy clothes, But i don’t know how to tell them..You know indian parents acts too dramatically on the topics we never discussed, suddenly. And also, how they’ll handle me and their old thoughts simultaneously.
— I want to be financially stable as early as possible, I’m 18 and started feeling ashamed of asking money from my parents even for my fee. This pinches me so much.
— In my whole life, I haven’t worn any make up. On the name of make up, You’ll barely found only kajal, clips ,lip gloss in my kit. I want to buy a lot of makeup, But same money issue. I don’t want to use my parents money for my luxuries.
– I feel like my boyfriend will leave me someday, what if he starts liking other girls, what if he would’ve kissed other girls, what if some sexy girl approaches him, also if he doesn’t find me attractive. He loves me so much. But I keep assuming the things so much. Don’t know why. I think the best is to let it go.
— I care a lot about what people think of me..how they see me as a person etc.
— I feel bad when someone asks me for help and I can’t. And also, I don’t know how to say ‘no’. But by this year, overcame this insecurity i guess.
This was my confession. JUST MY WHOLE LIFE HERE.
U r so relatable….
I have almost all the insecurities u just mentioned plus social anxiety and not being as good as others in a particular field…
Can i contct u fellow indian ?? R u on facebok ?
I feel insecure bout
1. My skin and my fat face.i have had acne since forever and inschool nobody really liked me.they thought i was ugly.
2.not having friends..i bever had any friend my whole life..i m not good enough ..ppl dont like tlking to me.
3.i m not smart enough…i dont work hard even rhough know i shud. And regret it when see others working really hard in their lives.i thinki will never be able to do it.
4.i feel insecure when i look how girls are beauty with brains..like they r good at so many things..they r smart beautiful everything that a guy wud want..
5.i feel inecure that i dont have a great relationship with my family..my parents.like i am quite rude sometimes that i know ..but i cabt help it..
6. I cant organise my things nd ides that i get and i dont plan anything..i think i have got successful at things by chance in life…coz maybe i m just lucky sometimes
7.i am insecure about my personlity..i m boring person and dont have much to talk about with ppl…
8.i dont explore much due to which i know limited things..and i really struggle with doing basic things like buting tgings at some shop..coz i am afraid that ppl wil jusge me.
9.i have anxieties.
10.i m 19 and a dropper. So basically i am older than my classmates
Pls do tell me how to handle my insecurities.
I feel insecure for:
1. I feel nervous when I talk with other people, I think I’m not funny and don’t bring anything interesting to the conversation.
2. I feel ugly
3. I don’t like my body
4. People some sometimes don’t understand what I say, mostly because of my accent, I have trouble saying some words
5. I don’t know if I can become Who I want
Thank you for making this post.
I am insecure about:
1. Being bald/ not having a full head of hair
2. Having a high-pitched voice
3. My ability in bed (not lasting enough)
4. Having a small penis
5. Being a virgin at 26
6. Not having achieved enough at my age (not married, no kids, still living with mom)
7. Not being skinny enough/ fit enough
I’m insecure about my looks, my financial positioning, my lack of a car, my lack of education, my intelligence, the number of friendships I have, my “success” in relation to other people my age, the number of experiences in relation to others my age, the wealth of the family I come from. My relationship status and the quality of women I seem to hook up with. I’m insecure about my ability to socialize and meet new people in comparison to others. My family ties (how close I am to my family). My family’s culture and religion. The way I talk and the color of my skin, my voice. Not being able to ball out like everyone seems to be able to.
Thanks so much for this.
1- socially awkward
2- not much experiences with women
3- ashamed of my lack of achievements at the age of 28. Most of my schoolmates either have gotten married, have jobs, or doing their Msc while I’m still struggling to finish Bsc after 10 years of graduating from school