When the dark voice inside your head tells you to turn and run and hide from the big, scary world, it can be easy to give in. People can see you. People are watching people. People will laugh at you. Staying sheltered inside your room is far less scary than exposing your naked soul for all the world to judge.
Unfortunately, running and hiding means that when you lay your head down for the last time at the end of your journey, your life will be filled with regrets. Not of what you’ve done, but of everything you’ve missed.
If you want to be able to rest
Today, you’re going to get 4 steps for overcoming your insecurities, but it’s going to be different than anything you’ve read before because rather than giving you a quick bandaid to deal with each insecurity as it appears, you’re going to learn how to eliminate them from their core so they never limit your life again.
The Truth about Insecurities
The standard advice about overcoming your insecurities is to develop a direct action plan to confront each one head-on.
- Insecure about your looks? Sit in front of the mirror every morning and tell yourself how good looking you are
- Insecure about your body? Hit the gym and work yourself into whatever shape you’re aiming to be
- Insecure about your intelligence? Study really hard until you’re the smartest person in the class
While this advice sounds logical on the surface, it will never help you overcome your insecurities because it doesn’t cut to the core of the problem.
The real problem isn’t each individual pain that limits your life, it’s the core behind the insecurity. Being insecure about your looks or body or financial situation or intelligence isn’t some random, one-off, generic misfire, they’re all rooted in one common problem: caring too much about what other people think.
- You’re insecure about your looks because you think other people will judge you negatively
- You’re insecure about your body because you think others will look and laugh
- You’re insecure about your smarts because you think you’re going to say something dumb and people will make fun of you
All of these issues are caused by the same common core and following the standard advice of tackling each one head-on won’t fix the problem because it doesn’t solve the core issue.
- Becoming better looking doesn’t stop you from caring what other people think of you, it just gets them to think more positively about you
- Hitting the gym doesn’t stop you from caring what other people think of you, it just gets them to think more positively about you
- Becoming smarter doesn’t stop you from caring what other people think of you, it just gets them to think more positively about you
At the end of the day, regardless of the amount of work you put in, you’re still dealing with the same core issue: caring too much about what other people think about you. This means:
The path to overcoming your insecurities isn’t tackling each insecurity one-by-one every time they appear, it’s learning how to stop caring what other people think about you so your insecurities disappear from your life forever.
This is the core solution. This is how you eliminate your insecurities for good. This is how you get off the hamster wheel and find a real, long-term solution to your insecurities.
Why you care what other people think
The path to letting go of what other people think is a relatively simple, and it starts with understanding why you care what other people think about you.
The reason you care what other people think is rooted in the first foundation principle of LifeOS: everything you do, you do because you think it’s necessary to get what you want from life.
You care what other people think because on some level, somewhere deep within the soft, grey folds of your beautiful brain, you believe that you need other people’s approval, admiration, and appreciation in order to be happy. You might not be conscious of it, you might not know when or where it started, but somewhere deep inside is a desire to get validation and love from those around you.
You are a desire driven creature with needs and wants and right now, you’re trying to fill those needs and wants by getting the validation and approval of others.
How to stop caring what other people think
Believing that on some level, you need to get the validation and approval of those around you to feel happy isn’t a problem on its own. If you were incredibly good at getting others to validate your life choices and to shower you with compliments every time you demonstrated competency in the most basic of life skills, you’d be happy and fulfilled all the time.
The cause of your frustration is that you’re obviously terrible at it and that makes your life frustrating. You suck at getting people to like you and validate you and that’s why you care so much about what they think. If you show them your weaknesses and let them see your private pain and concerns, your chance of getting them to approve of your life choices drops significantly and you’re left wallowing in misery.
There are two solutions: one obvious but flawed and one not-so-obvious, that is the long-term answer you need.
Solution 1: get better at making people like you
The first and most obvious solution the pain and frustration you experience because you’re terrible at getting people’s approval is to simply get better at finding validation and significance in the eyes of others. You could become some Instagram influencer or movie star with millions of random strangers dying to shower you with gifts and praise.
Doing so will fill your life with compliments and validation meaning your insecurities will be invalidated by your adoring fans.
This is obvious and flawed. The reason it’s flawed is that it still suffers from the core issue that every limitation in your entire life is grounded: not being in control of your life experience.
If your happiness, satisfaction, and sense of fulfilment are based on what other people think about you, you will always be at the whim of their changing thoughts and opinions.
Your adoring fans could love you one day making you happy and excited and then, through no fault of your own, move on to some new flavour of the month leaving you
This doesn’t mean being Dependent on things outside your control to feel happy is wrong or stupid. It’s just an ineffective way to live your life.
This reliance on things outside your control is called Dependence and is foundation principle 2 of LifeOS. It’s the common core issue in every area of your life. If you’re struggling to feel happy and fulfilled or excited in any area doing any activity, it’s because you’re Dependent on something outside your control for your happiness.
Solution 2: stop caring whether other people like you
You care what other people think because
- If you feel safe and secure regardless of how people treat you, you stop requiring their input
- If you feel confident and strong regardless of what other people think, you stop needing their validation
- If you feel free to live your life on your terms, regardless of who gives you permission, you stop seeking the permission of others
This is as hard as it gets.
When you can feel happy and fulfilled regardless of what other people think of do or say, their thoughts and opinions become irrelevant.
This is foundation principle 3: the solution is Independence. When you be happy and fulfilled and confident regardless of what other people think or say or do, the problems and issues associated with getting approval and validation from others simply
Your insecurities whilst they may or may not exist in your life, stop being barriers to living your life on your terms.
How to eliminate your insecurities
So far, we’ve covered three key points
- Trying to fix each individual insecurity is a waste of time because they all stem from the fact that you care too much about what other people think
- You care about what other people think because
onsome level, you think getting their approval and validation is necessary to be happy
- The secret to being able to let go of what other people think and watch your insecurities vanish into nothingness if finding ways to feel fulfilled and happy that don’t rely on what other people think
The question now is: how do you do that? How can you step outside this frustrating and limiting life pattern of Dependence and become strong and powerful and free? The simple secret to doing transforming your life lies in the core foundation of how your brain operates.
Most common personal development solutions to any problems involve sitting in the safety and comfort of your home practising or thinking or rehearsing your new actions in the hope that in the heat of the moment, when the pressure of the world is on your shoulders and you need to perform, that all your bedroom-repetitions will pay off and you’ll magically be a new person.
This is a wonderful sounding idea and can even provide some benefit, but it ignores the fact that your brain’s process for creating new connections requires evidence and emotional significance. Your brain needs to see real-world evidence that you can find your fulfilment and happiness regardless of what other people think and to solidify that evidence in your unconscious, it needs to give you a strong emotional reward.
This means that in order for you to stop being Dependent and start being more Independent, you need to get out and live your life. You can’t sit at home in the dark repeating
Walking this path is scary, but simple. You can do it in four steps:
Step 1: Admit to yourself that you have insecurities
The first step in the process of removing your reliance on other people’s perceptions of you is to admit your insecurities. You can’t solve a problem until you admit it exists and so you first have to admit it exists.
So, to kick off this process of overcoming your insecurities, write out a list of everything that you’re insecure about. Everything that you try and hide and run from as soon as you notice it start to rear it’s
There’s no point in waiting, let’s start with that: take 5 minutes now to write down a list of everything that you’re insecure about. Find a piece of paper, grab a pen, and note them all down.
If you’re unsure of what you’re insecure about, ask yourself: what don’t I want my friends to know about myself and my life? Think about anything that you wouldn’t want
Step 2: Admit to others that you have insecurities
The second step in the process is the scariest of the lot: post that Facebook post we just talked about. Take everything you’re hiding from the world, put it into writing, and air it out for the world to see.
This is the ‘scary’ part I was talking about.
Take everything you’ve been hiding from the world and put it out there. Don’t hold it back. Don’t hide it. Don’t run and bury in the back corner of a cupboard where no-one will see it. Unleash it on the world in all its glory.
This is a critical step because it’s core to ending your reliance on other people’s perceptions of yourself.
You see, at the moment, you’re not really living. You’re not deeply connected to your core
This headspace will make it impossible for you to find ways to feel happy and fulfilled regardless of what other people think because all of those pathways rely on you being deeply connected to your vision of your ideal life. You need to be consciously aware of what you believe is right and wrong to give yourself validation. You need to be deeply connected to your goals and objectives to experience the power and strength that come from achieving them. You need to be intimately in touch with your deep drives and desires to form powerful connections with others. And you can’t do any of these while you’re stuck in your head pretending to be someone you’re cool and tough and strong.
Hiding your insecurities is consuming your brain space with meaningless bits of unimportant information rather than being connected to who you are and what you want, and the easiest way to move past it is to admit your insecurities.
When your insecurities stop being a
Yes, it’s scary. Yes, it’s going to be tough. But it’s the fastest and easiest way to let go of what other people think and move forward with your life.
Step 3: Eliminate all those from your life who try to take advantage of your insecurities
There’s no point in pretending that everyone you meet is going to gently and calmly reassure you that you’re a valuable part of their life and that your insecurities don’t matter.
There are some real arseholes out there who will mock and ridicule you for your insecurities. But that’s fine. That’s who they are and that’s probably the only way they have in their life to feel good about themselves.
By them trying to take advantage of your insecurities about being overweight or having pimples or being
They’re showing their real colours so you don’t have to worry about what they’re thinking about you any more. They’re showing you that they’re not the kind of person that you want in your life and you can eliminate them without wondering whether or not you’re making a mistake. You can cut the dead wood from your life so you’re free to keep moving forward without anything dragging you back.
“But what if no-one accepts me???”
That’s a possibility. I’ve never met anyone who’s run into that situation before, but it could happen. And if it does, it’s a really great thing. It shows you that these people do not now, nor have they ever really cared about you. They were just keeping you around to make themselves feel good. You’ve been wasting your time with a pack of arseholes for FAR too long and it’s about time you did something about it.
Step 4: Prove to yourself that you can be happy and fulfilled regardless of your insecurities
Now that you’ve dealt with the baggage from the past, you can start to move forward.
As we discussed before, the reason that you were insecure about body shape or financial background or weight is
You now know logically that’s completely incorrect and it’s time to prove it to yourself. It’s time to set your vision of your ideal life and push towards that with everything you’ve got. Find the fulfillment and satisfaction that come from being the complete master of your reality, regardless of what other people think of you, and your insecurities will stop becoming an issue.
You won’t magically get a better body or become richer or smarter, you’ll simply stop caring whether or not you do.
You’ll prove to yourself that you can be happy and fulfilled regardless of your insecurities and so you’ll stop caring what other people think. Their opinions will become pointless and insignificant blips on your radar that you’ll barely notice as you start living a remarkable life.
How to live a remarkable life
There are many different steps on the path to living a rich, rewarding, and remarkable life, free from the doubts and concerns that come from being reliant on other people’s thoughts and opinions, and they all start with one thing: creating your vision of your ideal life.
If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll never get there so you first need to work out where you’re going.
There are many challenges, issues, and roadblocks you can run into on the path of setting your vision and they’re detailed, along with the solutions to these issues here.
It’s a brief walkthrough of the process of creating your vision of your ideal life and will give you the foundations necessary to start letting go of what other people think and overcoming your insecurities. If you’re ready to move beyond the doubt and fear and pretending, start your new life here: How to create your vision of your ideal life
Starting with Step 1
The first part of the journey of kicking your insecurities is often the scariest so to get you in the mood for taking action, I’m going to help. I’m going to list my insecurities below so you feel more comfortabel starting your process. Have a read of mine and then share yours in the comments underneath.
I’m insecure about:
– My skin. I had really bad acne when I was a kid and I still have the scars of it today.
– My ability in bed. Sometimes, I just can’t perform. Not always, just sometimes.
– My age. I look around at other guys my age and everything they’ve achieved with their life and get insecure about the fact that I don’t have a house or really any assets to my name.
Things I used to be insecure about:
– My mum. I was one of the only kids I knew whose mother is a lesbian.
– Being poor. We never had much money when I was a kid and it constantly put me in situations I didn’t want to be in. I was always going to the principal with notes asking for financial assistance to go on excursions and always wearing hand-me-down clothes.
– Still being a virgin at 21. Speaks for itself.
So, what are you insecure about?