Holding Onto the “Wrong” Girl: Biggest Dating/Relationship Mistakes Part Two

The first week or two will be amazing and the girl will seem almost perfect but this is before her pain body comes out to play.

People are very good at hiding their imperfections and faults that would make you second guess your choice to be with that person. No matter how good of an actress or how well hidden her dark secrets are, the undesirable and deal-breaking behaviours will rise to the surface.

When the pain body does come out you may find yourself in a situation where you think it might be time to move on. VERY OFTEN, men make the mistake of not moving on for several reasons, regardless of their fear of commitment:

1. They still hold onto the perfect girl image.

It is very painful and frustrating to the ego to find out that the person you are with is not as good as you once thought. From this, the mind will make rationalizations for her unwanted behavior because it can’t or won’t face the possibility that she might not be right for you.

2. The fear of becoming lonely and single again is too much to bear

This is a neediness issue. You need someone to make you feel happy or fill that gap inside of yourself. At the core of this is a fear of dying alone and being miserable.

The irony is that if you can’t be happy alone you won’t be happy with someone else.

3. You have already invested so much time in her that you feel like you don’t have the energy to do it again with a new girl

You feel as though you have wasted all those hours teaching her what you know only to end up with nothing in the end.

Time is never wasted on an incompatible partner because you learn and grow from this experience. Every “bad” relationship will get you one step closer to one that works.

4. Trying to save her

This is a big issue for men, especially the “nice” ones. Knowledge by reading this site will help you with your relationship but YOU CAN’T HELP SOMEONE THAT DOESN’T WANT HELP.

It’s a sad fact but many people are comfortable with their pain and miserable lives. They don’t want help from you. Your help will actually make the relationship worse off than it already is.

Men often go into sympathy with women who have issues. They want be superman and rescue their Louis Lane from the perils of pain.

My take on helping others is this: I will help anyone that truly wants to change. I don’t care how deep or difficult their issues are as long as they try.

I am not a martyr trying to save the world. I won’t help anyone who doesn’t want to try to change themselves.

Trying to save someone who isn’t willing to help themselves is like trying to move a pen with your mind. Hours, days and months of frustration with the pen not moving one inch.

All of your efforts will go to waste and leave two people worse off than they were when they first met.

5. Avoid getting down on themselves for picking the wrong girl

6. Trying to make up for past mistakes

Guilt and shame get associated with painful mistakes. It’s a human tendency to “punish” ourselves in an attempt to not make the same mistakes twice.

When a similar opportunity arises we often try to make up for our past. We believe by doing the “right” thing this time around we will somehow be able to let go of some of this guilt and shame from our mistakes.

This is done often through new relationships that aren’t healthy. We try to prove that we can do and are a lot wiser.

The irony is that they are making the same mistake by holding onto the wrong girl.

6. Not wanting to hurt the woman’s feelings

Face it, break ups hurt but dragging a bad relationship out will hurt much worse.

Bad relationships come down to incompatibility between two people. Its best for both people involved to not try and force a relationship that clearly doesn’t work and allow themselves the freedom to search for one that does.

“I’m not for everyone” and wouldn’t want to waste someone else’s time on a fruitless excursion.

What most men don’t realize is that facing the possibility that they are holding onto to the wrong girl and being honest with themselves is far greater than being in an unhealthy relationship.

It is quite time consuming and painful to try and float a sinking ship that will inevitably hit the bottom of the ocean.

The path to relationship mastery will be met with many mistakes. It took Edison 10,000 tries before he figured out the correct way to make a light bulb. When asked about it, he said I learned 9,999 ways NOT to make a light bulb.

Holding onto a girl that isn’t right for you is like holding onto one of the mistakes on your road to learning relationship mastery. Mistakes happen and the perfect girl for you will come when you least expect it but she won’t be able to come into your life if you are busy wasting time stuck in a bad relationship.

Show some love in the comments. Feedback and Discussion are HIGHLY encouraged; its what makes this blog alive!

Check back for Biggest Relationship Mistakes Part Three

*EDIT* There is a very nice conversation going on in the comments that is worth checking out.

6 thoughts on “Holding Onto the “Wrong” Girl: Biggest Dating/Relationship Mistakes Part Two”

  1. Thank you for the words of wisdom..I understand more of my situation and well there is a little twist in my situation. I have a child with the girl I am involved with…I deffinately and still think that it can work but like you said “the nice guy” I’m that guy and I don’t wanna hurt her. I know what or how that feels..thank you once again..

    • I’m in the exact same thing. Must be something in the air. (Evil! Lol) I met a girl, I felt bad because she liked me so much, so I started hanging out with her, 3 weeks later, she broke her leg in a car accident texting and driving. I felt like I needed to be there for her smh… Long story short, I got her pregnant and I don’t want my son to live in a broken home but I can see my entire life suffering from being with the WRONG WOMAN! I hate my life now, I can’t go anywhere, I can’t do much at all. Everything is questioned, she’s gained weight thru the pregnancy and is totally insecure now, lazy, won’t work out, mad because I work out. Quit her job, screwed my investment money. Man I’m in deeeeeeeeeep doodoo. Me and you need to Get Out! I’m just afraid she may seriously kill herself or be mentally broken. I can’t even fathom a right time to tell her I need to leave because this isn’t working for me. I play scenarios in my mind every other day. Looking forward to breathing again and being single to pursue a successful life to bless my children and myself. I’m praying for you, you pray for me

  2. Awesome article! I just found the rightway to save my James Bond! I hope it’ll help me and him as well. If am ever gonna meet you I’ll definitely buy you a chocolate! 😛
    Keep smiling. Keep writing 😀

  3. Thank you for this. I tried to “shape shift” a woman I knew for 2 1/2 years as a friend although I had a wild crush on her – a relationship that started as a friendship with no physicality I thought was the perfect way to “set” the proverbial “table” for the right way to do things. When the physical arrived, it was amazing, however the disappointment of falling in love revealed so many sides to her – raging and unfounded jealousy, relationship sabotage (drama that always presented me as someone with an “alterior motive”) and statements about loving me and wanting a future with me, but never giving me more than 2 hours per week of her time and one overnight per weekend in which she kicked me out by noon the next day despite the fact that her son didn’t’ come home until 5pm the next day. She had a 10 year old son who I adored yet her actions to increase the time we were together NEVER supported her comments about “marrying me someday.” Essentially, to further any relationship the time together must ultimately be increased, especially by the time 10 months rolls around, which is how long we were together before I got the heave-hoe. Her reasons for not doing this were hers, and I had no choice but to honor them. Ultimately, she unloaded me claiming that she felt “pressure” from me for challenging her to spend more time with me and her son. It continues to hurt, however I do not apologize for expecting more time with her. Saying you want to grow with someone, but never increasing the time you are together, is like saying you want to make money without working for it. Basically you can’t have one without the other. I wasn’t “needy”, but instead, couldn’t quite understand how her comments weren’t supported by her actions. Earlier I used the word “shape shifting” – I was guilty of that, as defined by the fact that there were so many “danger” signs as we became lovers, however I was constantly trying to morph her dysfunctions into something that was “okay” simply because she was so attractive, and great in bed. I projected this fantasy I had and recognized the warning signs but chose to think they would “get better” only because I WANTED them to get better. Yes, I miss her and I did love her and I think in my heart I still do, however I am more excited about when the time comes that I see her exit as a blessing in disguise. I particularly liked the author’s comment about “The irony is that if you can’t be happy alone you won’t be happy with someone else.” I never learned to be happy alone (however, am on that journey now) and made the mistake of thinking that when I had the right woman in my life I would be complete which is flawed thinking. When you count on someone else to make you complete, you create an expectation of them that just isn’t fair to them. My expectations I thought were commensurate with her visions of a future with me, but obviously in the end those things could not be reconciled. In the end, count on yourself. True maturity, is when you fall in love with a woman that complements you, versus completes you. Determined to get that right, and eventually I will.

  4. This article truly describe the same situation i am facing right now, the same kind of thing is happening in my life. I am a kind of that guy “nice one” who don’t wanted to ruin the situation but always compromise with all those odds. I have some most broke situation but still i hold her on her every mistakes. Whenever she broke my heart i was the one who couldn’t even get angry and express my emotions just because if i show anger than she would be feeling bad and guilty. I respect her feelings and never tried to let her cry because of me and always made her happy, her happiness was in my most priorities. Apart from all the pain which she had given me, i always cared about her first. She always being friendly with others and encourage them to go at another level and when i find this then she always pretend to be innocent and say that she was just talking and its not her fault if someone start talking like that. These things hurt me so much that sometimes i think to brake up but again i stop because i love her so much and do not want to loose her. I have given so many chances to her to let her change herself but, she always do the dumbest thing. My mind tells me that it is enough but at the same time heart says to hold. I am stuck in the fight between mind and heart, and don’t know what to choose in between. But i am for sure that one day, when it will not be enough to tolerate i won’t be able to hold the relationship anymore. When she left no choices, i would choose the right one for myself.

  5. Be wise, keep to yourself.
    The women I’ve tried to date and my own mother is delusional.

    Growing up the eldest son of a single parent divorce and seeing how much resentment and pain my mother has harbored towards my father simply for not being what she wanted him to be.

    I’ve tried to undo this generational trauma my entire life and ultimately learned I can spent so much time with myself. No one else in my family unit can spend a second alone and the most sincere truth is look at women they need constant attention and time or they are unhappy. Even if you exude every bit of masculine goodness you can — it wont be enough.

    Young men take witness to the truth of the modern man, the best way you can be is to live a monastic life amongst society. Legitimately wish someone had educated me on just how evil women could be rather than being brain washed into thinking men are the evil in this world and all women are innocent caretakers. What a joke!


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