Our society’s obsession with quick-fix solutions and miracle cures has resulted in heaps of incredibly promising solutions to men’s dating challenges. These solutions are also incredibly ineffective. They skirt the real causes of the lack of success and leave most men believing that not only are they unattractive, but also incapable of fixing their problem.
To make sure men avoid feeling not only unattractive but completely inadequate as well, the solutions have to address the real issues – the underlying causes of the problems, not just the surface level symptoms.
And here are those solutions:
Dating Advice for REAL Men
Welcome to the no fluff, no filler, straight to the point, no bullshit guide for how to attract women without trying (lying).
It’s broken down into specific stages so you can look back at it when you hit a brand new roadblock, but by the end, it won’t be necessary. You’ll see just how simple it is.
There’s a common theme that runs through everything and if you’re too slow to get it, I wrap it all up at the end.
Most of the sections are linked to other posts on the Attraction Institute blog that expand on the key points if you want more information.
But for now, let’s start with the beginning:
How do I approach women?
You walk up to them, one foot after the other. Simple as that. Take your balls in one hand, your dignity in the other, place one foot after the other and walk up to her.
“But she might reject me!”
You’re spot on. 100% right. She might. Do you know why? Because by some miraculous chance, she might not be interested in you… Or, she has a boyfriend… Or, she’s racist… Or, she’s feeling fat and unattractive… Or, she’s in a hurry and doesn’t have time to talk… Or, you seem needier than her little brother… Or, she didn’t hear you… Or, any number of 1,000,000 different reasons that are completely out of your control.
But, lucky for you, there’s one guaranteed way to never be rejected by women again: How To NEVER Be Rejected By A Woman Again
“But people might see me fail!”
You know what? People might see you fail.
But if you spend your life waiting for the perfect moment when there’s a stunningly beautiful woman, standing on her own, in the middle of the day, with no-one for 1000m, and she’s naked, calling your name and begging you to straddle her, you’ll die a miserable and lonely death.
It’s never going to happen, so the way I see it, you have no choice. Man up and grow a pair.
How should I start the conversation?
You should recite all kinds of memorised stories to pretend that you’re someone that you’re not. That’s DEFINITELY the best way to do it. Because I’m sure you love it when a phony salesman walks up to you, flashes a fake smile, and tries to pretend to be your mate so he can get his fingers into your wallet. That’s awesome.
You could just say the exact thing you were thinking.
- Do you think she has a beautiful smile? Great, tell her.
- Do you think she has sexy legs? Great, tell her.
- Do you think she has the most beautiful hair you’ve ever seen? Great…. THEN TELL HER.
Am I guaranteeing that she’s going to get on her knees and put your cock in her mouth? No. I’m guaranteeing that within 20 seconds, you’re going to work out if this is the kind of woman who’s interested in this current version of you or if she’s not.
I’m guaranteeing that you’re not going to waste 10 minutes of your life asking about an opinion you don’t really care about, to get her Facebook details so you can invite her to a party you haven’t planned, so that you can watch her make out with your room mate who doesn’t actually bother using rehearsed lines.
What should I say then?
Well, why the hell are you there?
Are you there to sell her fried chicken? If you are, you could just ask her questions about her chicken experiences and then tell her how your product overcomes all problems she’s ever faced with fried chicken. But you’re not…
Are you there to debate the pros and cons of using hybrid sports wagons on the open road? If you are, you could find out her current level of understanding of the performance issues related to the use of a hybrid battery and its issues with delivering consistent power over sustained periods of travel, then share your knowledge on the advantages of the diesel engine, especially when hauling large loads, and then discuss the various merits of each. But you’re not…
You’re there to find out if this woman is compatible with your life.
That’s really all you need to know.
How do you find out if she’s someone you love being around? Tease her and watch how she responds. Share yourself and what you believe in. Ask her questions about her life and what she loves doing. Treat her in the kind of way that you want to be able to treat the women in your life and you see how she responds.
Stop fucking around with little games to pretend that you’re some kind of cool, fun, awesome guy who she should get naked for and you start to find out what kind of woman she is.
This step is crucial.
Sure, she might the tightest little arse you’ve ever seen. Sure, she might have the kind of tits that Men have fought and died over. But, she also might be a complete psycho.
But, you’re never going to know until you talk to her.
SO START ASKING ABOUT ALL THE SHIT YOU WANT TO KNOW.
Should I just ask her questions?
That would end up with her feeling like she was just interviewed for a job and knows nothing about you. Not great. She’s still going to be wondering if you’re some kind of psycho so you have to share something about yourself.
When you’re certain she’s not going to cut your balls off and put them in a locket around her neck so she never forgets your special night together, start telling her stuff about your life. Tell her some stories that are relevant to what she’s talking about.
If she’s talking about some great holiday that she went on, share something about a great holiday you went on.
If she’s talking about some things she loves, share the things you love.
Make this a two-way conversation.
“But what if I don’t have anything to share?”
Then get up off your arse and start living the kind of life that gives you things to share.
Stop waiting around for some magic thunderbolt to strike you on the head and turn you into some kind of magic Casanova and get into the real world. Go and do things you love. Talk to people you find interesting. Find a rewarding and fulfilling job. And stop being a dependent little boy, waiting for society to hand you a great life on a plate.
An awesome side effect of doing this is that you’re actually going to meet women whilst you’re doing this that you have things in common with.
How do I get her number?
There’s a really amazing technique that was developed sometime in the mid 11th century by French sailors who were sick and tired of pointing at objects they wanted. It’s called ‘Asking’.
It’s where you want something that someone else has and you request that they give it to you. I’m not sure if you’ve ever done this before so it might be a bit difficult for you but give it a shot.
It goes something like:
“Hey, I think you’re really cute and fun and I want to see you again. What’s your number?”
One of three things will happen when you do this:
1. She’ll say “No.” If this happens, tell her “That’s a pity because you’re really cute”, wish her a good life, and go and find someone who’s actually interested.
2. She’ll say “Maybe.” If this happens, tell her that maybe she should just give you her phone and maybe you’ll put your number into that because maybe you can see through her thin façade and maybe you know that she actually wants to give it to you but just maybe she wants you to work for it a bit more because maybe that’s just what women do. When she does, call your phone and you’ll have her number. Also, tell her that she better pick up when you call because she only gets 2 chances and then maybe you’re going to start dating her best friend.
3. She’ll say “That sounds great.” If she does this, save her number in your phone, wish her a fond farewell, then call her and say “Hey, I just met this really cool chick and she just gave me her number but I’m not sure whether or not we should meet up. What do you think, is she worth it?”
“Don’t I need some kind of special technique to get her number?”
No. You only need a special technique to trick a woman into giving you her number if she doesn’t want to give you her number and you’re trying to weasel it out of her.
If she doesn’t think you’re a complete pyscho, doesn’t have some other dude she’s already snuggling up to at night, and is interested in finding out if she wants to have your naked body on top of hers, then you could just thrust your phone in her general direction and it would come back with digits on it.
“But what if she rejects me?”
Then you’ve saved yourself 5 hours of your life and eliminated HUGE amounts of unlimited stress trying to get a woman who doesn’t like you to answer the phone and meet with you.
Instead of sitting at home, working out the right time to call, planning an awesome adventure, and getting yourself all worked up, only to have her never want to talk to you again, you can spend your time finding women who do want to talk to you again.
Should I call or text?
It doesn’t matter. At all. If you have something quick to say that can be summed up in under 144 characters and doesn’t require a lengthy response, text her. If you need to discuss something or want to know something more about her, then call.
Anyone who says you HAVE to text has never dated anyone over the age of 19 and anyone who says you HAVE to call has FAR too much time on their hands.
It’s your life and your choice. Do whatever gets your man parts tingling.
What should I talk about on the phone?
Talk about things you like and things you want to talk about. If she starts blabbering on about something you don’t care about, cut her off, tell her that German scat porn isn’t really high on your list of priorities, and start talking about what you want to talk about.
If she starts talking about something that really interests you, then join in.
“But what if she doesn’t want to talk about the stuff that I want to talk about?”
Then you’ve saved yourself a few weeks of your life pretending to be interested in things that really have no impact on your life, having a boring and unfulfilling time trying to pretend that French poodles in fluffy collars are really fascinating, just so you can subject yourself to more weeks (if not months), having to put up with this.
If you talk about what you want to talk about, you’re going to automatically weed out any woman you don’t like talking to.
“I can’t just be honest, there are things about my life she’s not going to find attractive!”
Really? Then why are they still part of your life?
Why do you still live in your mum’s place? Why do you still let her do your laundry? Why are you still sitting on your fat arse, ashamed to take your shirt off in public? Why do you have a job you don’t like and why do you still waste your time playing x-box to run away from the loneliness in the rest of your life?
The problem here isn’t that you’re being open and honest; the problem here is that you’re living a life that you can’t be open and honest about.
Get your own apartment instead of sponging off your mum the rest of your life, get a job you’re proud of instead of wasting your life away behind some repetitive and mundane task that will be replaced by a computer in 3 years, get your lazy arse in a gym and get out and meet people you actually enjoy hanging out with.
Then you can just be honest and not have to worry about lying about your lazy, dependent, attitude.
If you want to get this sorted, try this: What Are You Going To Do About It?
What should we do on our first date?
Do something that you enjoy doing.
If you do something you think you’re supposed to do because it was #1 on Cosmopolitan’s list of the 10 Greatest First Date Ideas, then you’re forcing both of you to be supremely interesting and funny all the time to cover for the lack of external stimulation.
Take the pressure off and do something you love. Go somewhere that has amazing food and invite her along. Do something that you enjoy doing without her that you think she might enjoy as well and get her to join in. That way, if she turns out to be boring, you’re going to have a great time anyway.
BUT, if she turns out to be a cool chick, it’s going to make life just that much more exciting.
And if you want to make it more awesome, keep this in mind: Living A Life Of Adventure
What should I talk about on the date?
Well, that depends on why you’re there…
- Are you there to find a new best mate? No? Good, then don’t talk about the footy.
- Are you there to find a new accountant? No? Good. Then don’t talk about mathematics.
- Are you there to find a new business manager? No? Good. Then don’t talk about facts and figures.
You’re there to enjoy yourself, so leave the boring shit at home and be light, play around, and have fun. Push her around like you’re 12 year olds in the playground. Tease her like she’s your little sister’s best friend. Have fun with her.
I’m guessing that you’re looking for women in your life who you can have fun with so have fun with her and see if she can play back.
How deep should I go when I’m talking to her?
You can go as deep as you want or you can stay right on the surface. It all depends on what you want.
If you want the kind of relationship that’s deep, then go deep. If you just want to stay on the surface and fluff, then stay on the surface and fluff.
But before you make up your mind, check out this: Deep Connections Made Simple
It’ll show you exactly how deep you should be going and where you should be focussing.
How do I stay out of the friend zone?
Simple: don’t treat her like a friend. She doesn’t put you in the friend zone. You do.
You treat her like a friend without any hint of sexual desire and then when you finally get the balls to make a move after three months patiently and politely listening to her repetitive stories about how her bad-boy boyfriend has cheated on her again, you’re surprised when you hear “I don’t think about you in that way…”
What did you think was going to happen??
The only way to get put in the friend zone is to treat her like a friend. The way to avoid the friend zone is to stop treating her like a friend.
There’s a full article about it here: How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone
How do I escalate sexually?
Easy. When she does something that excites you sexually, tell her.
- If you really like the way she sticks her arse out when she’s going for a birdie on the 6th hole, tell her.
- If watching her hips swing as she leads you down the front path of her house gets you tingling in your funny places, then let her know.
- If the only thing you can think about when you’re watching her lean over her bag to get her phone out is nuzzling in between her beautiful breasts, then stop trying to hide it.
She wants to know that you find her sexy. She got dressed up the way she did so you’d find her sexy. Stop pretending that you don’t give a shit and actually say what you’re thinking.
It’s ok if she catches you staring. It’s ok if she notices when you intentionally let your hand linger in the small of her back, just a fraction of a second longer than needed.
- She came on a date with you for a reason – because she likes you too.
- She wants to know that you’re into her so let her know.
- She might feign shock. She might pretend to be offended. But deep down inside, she’s getting just a little wet thinking about how it would feel to have you inside her.
Think about it like this:
- How would you feel knowing that the old fat lady at the corner store rubs her little nub every night thinking about your hard cock inside her?
- How would you feel if you caught the Victoria’s Secret Angels checking you out?
Why does the old fat lady give you an immediate soft-on and the Victoria’s Angels tear the front out of your jeans? Because you want the Angels. All that bullshit about women not wanting to be objectified by Men is crap.
Women love being objectified by Men, as long as you’re the kind of Man they want to objectify them.
They don’t want some slime ball in a bar objectifying them because he’s not the kind of Man they want.
They don’t want some needy, clingy, little boy in a bar objectifying them because he’s not the kind of Man they want.
But if you’ve followed every instruction in this manual up until this point and she’s come on a date with you, then there’s a pretty bloody good chance that you’re the kind of man she wants in her life and will be more than excited to have you objectify her.
Then, when she’s getting more and more turned on, start to turn up the heat. Touch her more. Push her around more. Really get her fires burning.
Then, the split second before she tears off your clothes and mounts you herself, kiss her.
Just for a second. Just enough to give her a taste. Then back off and tell her that when she’s proven that she really deserves more, you’ll give it to her.
***NOTE: I hate having to write this but obviously, if she doesn’t like your advances, back off. I’m assuming that you’re not retarded enough to think that forcing a woman to do anything is cool but I have to write this anyway***
What should I do if she comes home with me?
This might come as a shock, but I’m not actually a woman. I can speak for the women I’ve been with but it’s still just my opinion.
Here’s the opinion of a woman who really knows what she wants: What Women Want In Bed
Read it. Trust me.
But How Will This Make Her Attracted To Me?
Because you will have displayed 7 of 19 essential attraction characteristics and flipped 36 of her survival instinct attraction switches in the exact order necessary to generate 63 points of social proof and elevate your… Whatever.
Most theories on attraction are crap. They talk about what observations they’ve made of attractive guys and clearly list and describe the actions he’s taken without ever understanding what’s really going on underneath.
Attraction isn’t a thought process triggered by following a series of step. Attraction isn’t generated when you flip 11 switches in an exact order. Attraction is an experience. Attraction is how you make her feel.
If you make her feel the way she wants to feel then she will be attracted towards you.
If you don’t make her feel the way she wants to, then she won’t be attracted towards you.
Living your life on your terms will not necessarily make her attracted to you but it will definitely eliminate the one thing you’re doing which is guaranteeing that she doesn’t want to be around you – neediness.
By being happy and fulfilled, regardless of what she says or does takes the pressure off her. It means she can say what she wants without worrying about breaking your mighty heart.
It means she can do what you want without worrying about you turning into a sad sack and making her feel responsible. She can be free, happy, and real, without ever having to worry about it’s impact on you.
Who would you rather spend time with:
1. Someone who demands that you act a certain way, just to make them happy?
2. Someone who allows you to be free, open, and real, and appreciates you for it?
This is how you deal with the ‘attraction’ thing.
If you want to get a full rundown of the finer details of this, check out this post: How To Attract Women
If you run into any situation that’s not covered in this guide, there’s a VERY simple way to work out what to do:
Do whatever is going to make you happy, regardless of whether or not she’s in your life.
That’s the only piece of advice I’ve given throughout this entire guide and it’s the only piece of advice that you need to follow to attract high quality, beautiful, fun, interesting, confident women.
Live your life on your terms doing what you need to do to experience what you want, regardless of whether or not she’s there.
It’s really that simple. Stop waiting for the world to hand you love and happiness. Stop demanding the world give you fulfilment and satisfaction. Stop relying on the world to make your life exciting and pleasurable. Stand up, take control, and become the kind of Man that people actually want to be around.
There’s a quick way you can tell if you’re there or not: If you were a chick, would you date you?
If your answer is anything less than “Holy, mother of god!” as your panties drop to your ankles, then you’ve still got a way to go.
“But isn’t there a whole lot of PUA shit I have to do to attract women?”
No. It’s all crap. All those Pick Up Artist lies are designed to stop naturally unattractive, little boys from doing naturally unattractive things. You don’t need it when you’ve got the balls to live your life on your own two feet.
If you’re a dependent, needy, little boy who’s afraid of the outside world then buying a woman a drink isn’t going to make her forget that in a hurry. If you’re a strong, powerful, confident guy who lives his life on his terms, then buying a woman a drink isn’t going to push her away.
If a woman’s not attracted to you, telling a story about celebrities isn’t going to change anything. If she is attracted to you, then it’s not going to change anything either.
You can read a whole post about it here: The Difference Between A PUA And A Naturally Attractive Man
“But I can’t just do that! I have all these limiting beliefs that are holding me back!”
Bullshit. Yes, you have limiting beliefs. Great. But they don’t hold you back.
You have these beliefs and then you hold you back.
Your fear of being judged by a group of complete strangers that you’ll probably never see again doesn’t prevent you from approaching that cute blonde in the coffee store.
You see a great pair of legs, you realise that you want to approach, you start imagining things going wrong, then you wonder what the people around you who you’ll never see again might think about you when you get rejected, then you start to experience fear, THEN, you DECIDE not to approach her because of everything that’s going on.
Think this is bullshit? It’s not.
If you can experience fear and walk away from her then you can experience fear and walk towards her.
If you can experience fear and say to your mate “I’m not going to approach” then you can experience fear and say “Hi”.
It’s that simple.
In fact, your limiting beliefs are probably the greatest blessing you have. You can read more about what I’m talking about here: Three Counter-Intuitive Reasons Why Not Feeling Worthy Of A Beautiful Woman Is A Blessing
When should I start?
Now. Not in 1 year. Not when you’ve got your life together. Not when you’ve finally got that six-pack you’ve been chasing. Now.
If there are literally no women on the street right at the very moment you’re reading this, move time zones. Or just go to sleep and start first thing when you wake up in the morning.
Why? Because of this: It Could Happen Any Time
There’s no lack of technique stopping you from meeting fun, attractive, confident women.
You have everything you need to know. Put your iPhone down, get off the internet, and get out there.
Get up and take life by the balls.