When I first started my journey into improving my relationships with women I had a lot of very limiting beliefs about women that made my journey a lot longer than it needed to be. They came from all different sources and were developed at different times, but they all contributed to me struggling and pushing in the wrong direction for a very long time.
To help you make sure you don’t fall into the same traps, here are 7 things I wish I knew about women before I started my journey.
NOTE: I talk about ‘women’ throughout this post but I’m not talking about ALL women. I’m talking about a very specific group of women – confident, strong, feminine women. Why? Because they are the women I’m attracted to and therefore, the women I’ve spent the most time with and learned the most from.
Thing 1. Women are not the same as Men
I know this might seem silly but it needs to be said: Women are not the same as Men. There is an inherent, biological difference between Men and women that means we are not the same. We do not have the same brain design and therefore, do not have the same drives, desires, mechanisms running beneath the surface.
I was raised by a 70’s, bra burning, feminist mother who constantly preached that women were the same as Men and could do everything that Men could do. Whilst I believe that women are equal in every right to Men, there is no way they’re the same. They’re not even close. The brain development of women and the brain development of Men take RADICALLY different paths from as early as the 8-week gestation mark and then never meet up at any point.
Women are different to Men. They don’t view the world the same way. They don’t interact with the world in the same way. They don’t experience the world in the same way.
I spent a lot of my life treating women the same way that I wanted to be treated and not getting anywhere with it. It wasn’t till I understood and acknowledged the difference between us that things really started to change for me.
Thing 2. All women are different
This might seem just as obvious as the previous point but it’s an important one to make.
The PUA community would have you believe that there is one magic structure or technique to attract all women and that if you follow their steps, there will be panties flying at you from all directions. When I first got into the community, I initially bought into this idea. I was looking for that magic line, that quick trick, that flawless structure until something hit me:
In order for one line or one technique to work, every woman would have to be the same. They would all have to have the same desires, the same drives, and be at the same point in their life.
But this just wasn’t true.
- There are some women who crave deep and powerful connections
- There are some women who desire excitement and passion
- There are some women who just want to feel safe and protected
And, on top of this, what a woman desires changes by the day, the hour, and even the minute!
- A woman can desire excitement and passion, then have a negative experience and feel unsafe and desire safety and security
- A woman can desire deep and powerful connections and then see something exciting and want to be part of that adventure
- A woman can desire safety and security and experience it and all of a sudden want excitement and intensity
All women are different and they all want different things. And not only that, what they want changes minute-by-minute. Any technique that instructs you to do anything other than pay attention to her and give her what she needs in that moment is based off a flawed logical foundation of believing that women are the same.
I wasted a lot of time treating all women the same and wondering why things worked beautifully one time and poorly the next. It wasn’t till I really started paying attention to what each woman was going through and what each woman desired that I started to form incredible relationships with women.
Thing 3. ‘Like’ and ‘attracted to’ are two very different things
Just because a woman likes you as a friend, it doesn’t mean she is or will ever be attracted to you.
A woman does not need to like you as a friend to be attracted to you. Women like nice, safe, fun, guys who treat them with respect and who are polite to their friends. Women are attracted to powerful, confident, strong Men who push their buttons and take them on an emotional rollercoaster.
Women can be, and often are, attracted to Men they don’t like. And they’re often friends with guys they will never be attracted to.
I spent a lot of time trying to get women to like me without ever working on being the kind of Man they were attracted to and then was left wondering why they still said “I don’t think of you in that way…”
Thing 4. Women love sex
This one was actually kind of amusing.
I was a virgin till I was 21 and equated the fact that women didn’t want to have sex with me as women not wanting to have sex. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Women love sex. More than you can ever believe. And they’re FAR kinkier than you would ever believe.
I spent a lot of my time thinking that women didn’t like sex, that they were doing me a favour by letting me have sex with them, and that I had to convince them to have sex with me.As you can imagine, this made attracting women hard work. I went in with the mindset that I was trying to extract something from them that they didn’t get anything from giving to me. It wasn’t till I realised that women loved sex, just as much, if not more than I did, and that women want to have sex with attractive Men who they deem worthy of having sex with, that the game flipped itself on it’s head.
Instead of being stuck in my head trying to convince women to unlock their secret chests and hand out prized possessions, the game changed.I could focus on being the most confident, powerful, free version of myself possible and watching as the women I had been desperately chasing started lining up.
If you’re struggling to get your head around the idea of just how much they love sex or just how kinky they are, check out “My Secret Garden” by Nancy Friday. That book will blow your mind apart.
Thing 5. Disrespect can be the greatest form of respect
I was raised to believe that I needed to respect women – that I needed to be nice, polite, kind, and gentle. And that was the only way to treat women.
Whilst I definitely believe that treating women with respect is important, just in the same way I believe it’s important to afford respect to everyone, being nice, kind, and gentle is not the only way to treat women with respect.
Sometimes, treating women with respect can be calling them filthy names, slapping and biting then, and treating them like dirty little sluts. And they love it.
For me, treating someone with respect means honouring their deep desires and drives. And whilst some women desire to be treated nicely, politely, and in the same way you would treat another man, there are other women who desire to be lustily pursued and used like dirty little sex objects by Men who they deem worthy.
Respecting women is a positive and necessary step in building healthy and meaningful relationships but don’t be fooled into thinking that the only way to respect women is to be nice, gentle, and polite.
I spent a lot of time treating women with my mother’s version of respect and wondering why they got bored and walked away. Those ones didn’t come back until I learned what they really saw as respect.
Thing 6. Women are not indecisive, they just don’t care
I used to put women on the spot: “You decide sweetie, whatever you want.”
The response I got was never the one I was hoping for: “I’m not sure… Maybe this, maybe that, let’s do this! Oh, no. Not that. Let’s do this!” All I wanted was a decision and she would never make up her mind. I labelled women like this as ‘indecisive’ but I was wrong.
They weren’t indecisive, they simply just didn’t care. To them, it really didn’t matter what decision was made so they were happy to jump between choice after choice without any real commitment. The only thing that was important was that we were doing something together. It didn’t really matter what we did. It didn’t really matter where we went. Just as long as we were together and having a good time.
I was asking women what they wanted to do because I wanted them to be happy. I didn’t realise that asking them was just making us both unhappy.
I stopped asking and started making decisions and everything was so much easier.
Thing 7. She’s waiting for you
Early in my journey to becoming a more attractive guy, I realised that the kind of women I really desired were the feminine, girly, emotional type.
I loved to share their delight in the beauty in the world. I loved to hold them when they were sad. I loved to watch them as they danced and performed, just for me
I’d see them play and laugh with other guys but when I started talking to them, all I got was their logical, intellectual, side. It baffled me until I sat down and thought about this deeply. What was the difference between them and me?
Why were women feminine and radiant around them and logical and masculine around me? Then I realised: it was because I wasn’t creating the space where they could be feminine and radiant.
In any relationship, someone needs to take the masculine role and someone, the feminine role. If I’m being wishy washy, unsure, changing with the wind, then I’m taking the feminine role. That means the women need to take the masculine role of making decisions and setting direction.
When I realised this and really started to take the masculine role, the natural feminine beauty started to shine. Women became more playful, more relaxed, more emotional, and more radiant around me.
It was there all along, I just had to create the kind of relationship that let them bring it out. They became the kind of women I was looking for when I became the kind of Man they were looking for.
They’re the 7 things I wish I knew about women. If I knew these 10 or 15 years ago, my journey would have taken half the time and probably been twice as easy.
Which ones of these are you struggling with? Or are there other ones not on the list that you haven’t learned yet?
Share yours below and I’ll write articles on how to deal with the most common problems.