11 Reasons you MUST stop living your parents life plan

When your mum told you to study accounting/business/marketing/whatever at college, I’m sure she meant well. When your dad told you to take that entry level position at the local law firm/IT company/engineering contractor, I’m sure he was telling you what he thought you needed to hear.

They wanted you to be happy. They wanted you to be fulfilled. They wanted you to feel significant and valuable. The only problem was that they didn’t know how to give you everything they didn’t have. They gave you the life plan they followed. Sure, it didn’t work out AMAZINGLY well for them, but they’re happy enough. Surely, you just need to follow the same life plan as them and with a bit of luck, you’re going to be confident, strong, happy, fulfilled, and free. Right? Right?

Unfortunately, no. Happiness doesn’t work like that.

Living someone else’s life plan is the fastest and most consistent path to an unfulfilling, unrewarding, and frustrating existence. You only have to open your eyes and walk through the financial districts of any major city and watch the frustrated, robotic ways people struggle through their life or pay attention to the disappointed, sad, and angry guys trying to forget their pain in the bottom of a beer bottle every Friday night to see how well living someone else’s life plan works. I don’t know you and we’ve never spoken but if you’re reading this website, I’m confident that’s not the life you want.

But if seeing the pain and frustration that everyone else is going through isn’t enough to get you off that path and convince you to start walking your own journey, here are 11 reasons why you need to leave your parents life plan behind and start to forge your own destiny.

Reason 1. No-one will ever love, admire, or be inspired by you

If you’re walking the exact same path as 95% of people in your world, how is the partner of your dreams supposed to tell you apart from everyone else? What qualities will they see in you that they don’t see in the person in the cubicle across the hall? What characteristics will they fall for in you that she can’t see in most people drowning out their pain in bars across the city? What traits will they describe to their friends when she talks about this new person they’ve met?

“Yeah, he’s pretty much like every other guy I know. He goes to work, comes home, watches TV, goes out drinking on Friday and Saturday nights and complains about ‘a case of the Mondays’ when he’s hungover on Monday morning. He doesn’t like his life but he gets up every day and does it over and over again.”

Sure, you might be persistent, but is persistence enough to compensate for the lack of excitement, fulfilment, happiness, and freedom? I don’t think so.

If you follow your parent’s life plan, no one will ever love you because there will be nothing to love. No one will ever admire you because there’s nothing admirable about you. No one will ever be inspired by you because there’s nothing inspirational about you. You’re the same average Joe or Jane as the majority of the world’s population and the confident, interesting, in-demand people you want are going to treat you like that.

You will never end up in an exceptional relationship because there will be nothing exceptional about you. You will never end up with the partner of your dreams because you’re not the person of their dreams. Your relationships will be filled with mediocre people who’re confortable wasting the very precious minutes of their short life on this planet doing what other people tell them is right.

Does that sound like the kind of future you want? Is that part of your life vision?

Your parent’s life plan will guarantee that you will never truly be loved because there’s nothing to love about you. If you ever want to be loved, you need to drop it now.

Reason 2. Living a middle of the road life will give you a middle of the road life

I want you to imagine the kind of future that’s rewarding, fulfilling, and satisfying – what does it look like? Who’s in it? What are they doing? What kind of people are they? Where do you live? How do you start your day? Where do you work? When do you finish? What do you do in all your free time?

And does it look anything like the inevitable end point of your parents’ life plan?

If you’ve been following your parent’s life plan, you might have a hard time coming up with a complete picture of the future you really want, so let me make it easy for you:

Is your dream future one where you wake up every day to the sound of a screeching alarm clock, next to a person you don’t really love but are with because it’s better than being alone, signalling that it’s time to disguise yourself in the same uniform you’ve been wearing for the last 20 years and head to an office that you hate, so you have enough money to get drunk on the weekend and forget the pain and frustration you’ve experienced in earning that money?

No, I didn’t think so.

Following a mediocre life plan will at best, result in a mediocre life. You’ll stumble through your time following the rules set out by those who’s life you don’t aspire to have in the hope that by some act of god, yours will turn out for the better. And at worst, you’re in for 50 years of torture before retiring on all the cash you’ve saved, but because you’ve spent the last 50 years doing what everyone else told you to, you have no idea how to enjoy it.

Reason 3. You will never be remembered

Very few people remember the name of the guy who came second in the 100m final at the 1988 Olympics. I can’t tell you exactly how many, but they’re not numbered in their thousands. One thing I can say for sure though is that no one remembers the name of the guy who sat on his couch at home, watching it alone before heading off to bed to start another work day that will be painfully close to the day he just completed.

If you follow your parent’s life plan, you will never be remembered because there will be nothing to remember about you. Trying to pick you out of a crowded memory of average people will be like trying to tell the 126 different shades of beige apart on the paint store colour palate. When there’s nothing memorable about you, no one will waste valuable memory space on you.

Living your parent’s life plan will mean no one will ever remember you. If you ever want to be memorable, you need to drop it now.

Reason 4. There’s far more competition for your parent’s goals and aspirations for you

The mediocre life is the path where you’ll face the greatest amount of competition. 95% of the university graduates are competing for that entry-level position in the accounting firm.

95% of new recruits have aspirations of making it to middle and upper management. 95% of bored and frustrated office staff try to take their 4 weeks annual leave over the summer period in a tropical paradise that they never see because they’re too busy sipping Mai Tai’s by the pool in their unnecessarily expensive hotel room.

But what percentage of people are building a life-changing smartphone app that will bring happiness and joy to thousands of people all around the world? What percentage of people are trying to play basketball with President of the United States? What percentage of people are really in touch with what makes them happy, fulfilled, and free and following that vision? What percentage of people are creating a passive and scalable income stream that allows them to travel the world, whenever they want, doing whatever they want, without ever having to think about where their next meal is going to come from?

The path to mediocrity has the greatest amount of competition. It’s where everyone’s walking. It’s what everyone is doing. It’s the path of MOST resistance. It’s the path of frustration. It’s the path of unnecessarily hard work. It’s the path of struggle.

But only a very small amount of people are shooting for the stars. Only a tiny group are bucking the trend and forging their own journey. Sure, there’s no roadmap and no guarantees, but at least you won’t be competing with 95% of the population for something you never really wanted in the first place.

Your parents’ life plan is the path with the most competition. If you don’t want to spend the rest of your life competing against huge amounts of people for something you didn’t want in the first place, you need to drop it now.

Reason 5. Your parents’ life plan will never be fulfilling

The specific activity you’re undertaking doesn’t determine whether it’s fulfilling and rewarding or painful and frustrating.

  • Communicating with words and listening to a response is not inherently fulfilling
  • Nailing two bits of wood together is not inherently fulfilling
  • Giving an item to someone isn’t inherently fulfilling

Fulfilment comes from the meaning that those actions have for you based on how they impact your ability to get what you want from life.

If you’re communicating with a close friend about basic arithmetic then it’s probably not going to be fulfilling, but if you’re communicating with a close friend about the pain they’re going through after breaking up with their girlfriend and you’re able to find a solution that makes them feel happier, more confident, and more connected, then that will be fulfilling.

If you’re nailing two pieces of timber together because you had nothing else to do with your time and all you could find to occupy your mind was a hammer, a few nails, and two broken tree branches, then it’s probably not going to be fulfilling. But, if the two pieces of timber you’re nailing together form the apex of a new roof you’re just about to complete on the house you’re constructing for you and your family to live in, then it’s going to be rewarding.

If you’re handing a packet of gum to a cashier so you can buy it and get on your way then it’s probably not going to be fulfilling, but if you’re handing your resignation letter to your boss because your side-business is now earning three-times what you were making from your desk job then it’s probably going to be pretty fulfilling.

Actions themselves are never fulfilling. It’s the meaning and significance of an action that makes it fulfilling. This means that in order for anything to be fulfilling, you need to know what means a lot to you and what is of most significance and then follow through on it. This will never happen whilst you’re following your parents life plan.

Firstly, if you’re following your parent’s life plan, it means you either have no vision of what you want from life, or you’re so disconnected from it that it doesn’t impact your day-to-day decisions. This means that no action can ever feel rewarding and fulfilling because you can’t decide whether or not it takes you closer to the life you want to live. You have no framework to determine whether you’ve moved closer or further away from your vision and so every action will carry the same empty and meaningless feeling.

Secondly, even if you do find something that smells like it might be fulfilling and empowering path to take, do you really think the people who’ve spent your whole life making decisions for you are going to condone wasting the effort and dedication you’ve put in over the last 5/10/20 years while you run off on a completely different tangent? No, of course they’re not. They’re going to tell you how much progress you’ve made towards their goals and how shifting paths now will destroy everything you’ve worked for.

Following your parent’s life plan is the least rewarding and fulfilling way to live your life. If you don’t want to go through life empty and unfulfilled, you need to stop it now.

Reason 6. Your parents’ life plan will never make you feel in control

Whilst making your boss look stupid in front of your work colleagues or scoring the winning touchdown in your football grand final might give you a temporary sense of being in control, living your parents’ life plan will never give you a complete experience of being fully in control of your life.

This is because that experience of being the complete master of your reality can only come from knowing the kind of future you want to create and being able to take consistent action towards that future.

Your parents’ life plan doesn’t make room for that.

In the same way that your parents’ life plan with never be fulfilling, following someone else’s direction and only taking action that moves towards that direction doesn’t give you room to come up with your own endpoint or take action towards it.

Your parents’ life plan will never leave you feeling powerful or in control. If you ever want to feel like the master of your own destiny, you need to drop it.

Reason 7. Your parents’ life plan will never be exciting

The formula for excitement is simple: lean through fear in a safe way. When you challenge yourself in a safe, the adrenalin kick that comes with pushing through fear is coupled with dopamine and you feel excited. How much of your parents’ life plan involves leaning through fear?

Sure, you might get a small rush when you do your first presentation to the manager of the small marketing firm you’ve just joined. Sure, your man parts might get a little ticklish (you can get a cream for that) when you go on a blind date with a friend of the receptionist at your work.

But how long will that excitement last for? How exciting will your 14th presentation be? How exciting will the 40th be?

How exciting will your nights on the couch with Ms. Blind Date be when you’ve been together for the last 2 years because you’re both afraid of being alone to break up?

Your parents’ life plan only has a small amount of room for challenge and excitement and once you’ve gone through those small moments, it all dies away. How much excitement are you going to experience when you turn up to the same uninspiring job, day after day? How much excitement are you going to experience when you end up at the same pub, every Friday night because everyone else from your office can’t be bothered to try anything new? How much excitement are you going to experience by sitting on the sidelines, watching the women you crave hook up with the guys who have the balls to push through their fear and talk to them?

Your parents’ life plan will never be exciting. If you ever want to escape the boredom and frustration of mundane repetition, you need to drop it now.

Reason 8. You will never make a difference to someone else’s life

How can you ever hope to show someone how to break free from their self-imposed chains and express themselves completely and openly when you can’t do it yourself? How can you ever hope to teach someone how to have more excitement in their life if you can’t do it yourself? How can you ever hope to show someone how to forge deep, real, and powerful connections with other people if you can’t do it yourself?

Being able to make a difference to someone else’s life starts with being able to make a difference to your life. Sure, you might be able to talk the talk but you’ll never be able to walk the walk. And if you can’t walk the walk, you’ll never be able to show others how to do it.

Living your parents’ life plan means that you will never be able to make a real difference to someone else’s life because you won’t be able to make a difference to yours. You’ll be too busy doing what you’re supposed to do without ever being able to do what you really want to do.

Reason 9. Your connections will be superficial

The deepest and most real connections you will form with anyone is when you share something real and deep about yourself and they recognise and accept you with that and can share a similarly real and deep.

(NOTE: If you’re unsure of how to form real and deep connections with people and want to know the scientific formula for connection, check out this article)

If you waste your life on your parents’ life plan, this will not be an option.

Firstly, you won’t know what is real and deep for you because you never have to consider it. You’ll spend your time living to someone else’s moral code and following their goals and aspirations and never have any time or need to consider your own.

Secondly, even if you did know what was real and deep for you because you’ve conditioned yourself to play safely inside the lines of socially acceptable behaviour, you’d be too afraid to share them r fear of being labelled a pansy/freak/weird.

On top of that, the only people who’re going to want to hang out with you are other people who’re following their parents’ life plan and they’re not going to have anything real or deep to share back. Because of this, even if you were able to get in touch with what is real and deep for you and share it openly, you wouldn’t be able to find anyone else who you can connect with.

Following your parent’s life plan is the simplest and easiest way to never experience a deep and real connection with another person. If you want to know what it really feels like to connect so deeply with another person that you find it hard to distinguish between their experience and your experience, you need to drop it now.

Reason 10. You will leave a legacy of mediocrity for your children

If you do follow your parents’ life plan and are able to find an equally dependent partner to join you and breed with you on your mediocre life, the legacy you leave for your children will be one of mediocrity.

If you follow your parents’ life plan, your kids will grow up believing that the only way to live is by someone else’s rules.

Your children will grow up thinking that their future lies tied to desk in a frustrating job, stuck with a partner who likes you less than you like them, going on group holidays to over-priced destinations that only serve to illuminate the vast gap between the life you want and the life you have.

Is that the kind of legacy you want to live for your children? Is that the kind of father you want to be?

Living your parents’ life plan is the fastest and easiest way to convince your children that they can never be anything more than what societies tells them they can be. It’s the simplest way to convince them that their place in life is predetermined and they can never hope to rise above it.

If this isn’t something you want to do, you need to drop your parents’ life plan now.

Reason 11. You will regret it on your death bed

I’m not going to lie to you, I’ve never been close to death. I’ve never stepped towards the light or been in a situation with the possibility of death was right in my face. So, for me to tell you that you will regret this on your death bed and know it with any kind of certainty would be impossible. But other people have sat with the people as they drift further and further off the mortal coil and can tell you what they’ve said.

You can read all about it here: Top 5 Regrets of the Dying

The author of that article spent many years working with people in the final years of their life and has generously shared their stories and thoughts. Well worth the read.

And if you’re anything like them, as the last flutters of your heart are fading into nothingness, you be able to taste the resentment and frustration that living your parent’s life plan brings.

Finding your life vision

The alternative to living your parents’ life plan isn’t complicated or intricate. In fact, it’s simple: life your life plan. Don’t waste your life following someone else’s rules and ideas about what a good life looks like, find your vision of your ideal life and push towards that. Decide:

  • Where you live
  • Who you want to spend time with
  • How you want to dress
  • What you do with your free time
  • What you eat
  • The passions you pursue

You need to decide how you fill the precious years between your birth and death and start pursuing that vision.

If you’ve never done this and are a little intimidated by the process, I’ve written an article that will make it easier for you. You can read it here: The complete guide to creating your life vision

It breaks down the key challenges people face on this journey and gives you the tools you need to overcome them.

Whilst it won’t automatically transform your life, it’ll give you the foundations you need to start creating a rich, rewarding, and fulfilling reality.

69 thoughts on “11 Reasons you MUST stop living your parents life plan”

  1. When I left school I planned on having 1 year off before going to uni.

    That one year has turned into 3. still with intensions for further education. but not right now 😉

    I’m currently living in London and have discovered my own life path. This article rings true with me on so many levels. It’s all about being true to yourself and to have the balls to do what you dream of. We’re the constructers of our reality. What you believe you can achieve!

    best article on here!

      • I am a 16 year old golfer from India.My parents want me to become a golfer,if not achievable then some good secure job…but my true passion is Mixed Martial Arts and in my country people have not even heard of it.My dad told me that I can never do anything in MMA and the carrer is only till 40 so I will have problem my entire life.My cousin {same age} will get a great job in the states and I will be made a laughing stock….but the only reason why I’m still on thos planet is to become the best fighter in the world..please help me..I have to convince my parents..I am really afraid of talking about this

        • Sounds awesome Vignesh! It is so important to have something that you love doing. To be honest, I don’t think you should be so concerned about convincing your parents, because they probably will never change their minds. Instead you should focus on just doing it and make a plan yourself! How do you want to start? Where can you meet people who also want the same thing as you? And then step by step pursue the dream! And if it turns out not to be as you thought it was, you can always try something else – don’t be afraid that it won’t be as you think – the only way to fail, is to not try! And if you get good at it, you will start getting money – and then your parents will see that you can actually earn money from it, and most likely be very proud of you! But just start by making a plan, and taking responsibility for your own future, don’t think too much of the parents, they only want what is best for you, but they just don’t know what that is, so they go with the safe choice always 🙂

          • If your parents are retired and still complain about money 24/7 and check menu pricing before going to a restaurant but are telling you what to do with your financial future, ignore them.

        • Do it ! Prove your father wrong, and achieve the “unachievable”
          It’ll give you strength like no other .
          You’ve got it .
          I would like to follow your journey
          Add me on on Instagram

  2. Couldn’t agree any more with that. I’m glad that I’ve listened to this advice and started to build my own life towards my dreams. I’m not exactly there, where I want to, but so far my life has been a lot more lively than that.

    Staying true and persistantly to the path that’s in your heart is the quickest way for having happiness in your life. And this is a win-win situation: for you and the world.

  3. Great article but I have some thoughts.

    We are aspiring to be lawyers, accountants, programmers because there is certain amount of those people needed in our society. Sure in our dreams we would like to be rock stars, famous artists, do something that passionate us. Sure some people can be passionate about being accountants but those are rare cases. We need X number of rock stars, XXXXX number of lawyers and XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX number of taxi drivers and cashier. So, my question is, do you think that 99% of people in society must be miserable? Should we have mindset like this: I am doing what I love and fuck the rest?

    • Definitely not mate. You’re not fucking the rest.

      No matter how many times I say this, not everyone is going to want to follow this path. There are some people who just want to stay in a tight little niche and not move outside their comfort zone. I could tell them this a million times but it’s not going to change anything.

      And, on top of that, we need far less of those people than we think.

      We only need so many lawyers because we live in a society that blames everyone else for their problems. If we weren’t so litigious, then we wouldn’t need as many.

      We only need so many accountants because we haven’t fully embraced the power of automation and outsourcing. If everyone was on that band wagon, things would be that much easier.

      So, no, I don’t think you’re fucking everyone else to pleasure yourself. You’re just doing what most other people don’t have the balls to.

  4. I totally get your point. I am fully aware that we don’t need that many of those professions. But our society is not ready for this, maybe in 1000 years, our consciousness in not there yet. I am not sure if our society is going in the right direction right now. I feel like average person living in today’s city is depressed and from generation to generation we are getting more frustrated.

    • You know what? You’re right. Our society might not be ready for this.

      But here’s a better question to ask than ‘is our society ready for this?’, ‘Are YOU ready for this?’

      ‘Society’ will continue to do it’s thing. It’ll keep going. It’s change and move and stay the same. But what are you going to do when it does?

  5. I don’t like this article. It smacks of wishful thinking – the type that leads to thousands of people trying to become Hollywood actors, professional DJs, computer games programmers and rock stars.

    End of the day, society needs more bakers, accountants, doctors and farmers than it does DJs and novelists. Attempting to make your vocation one of creativity and self actualisation is nice self help gimmickry, but ignores many thousands of broken dreams, broken careers for every successful pro ballerina, canvas painter or skateboarder. And if you think uni graduates all go for the same jobs, imagine the competition and shite pay for a job a lot of people think is glamorous, like DJ or games programmer.

    Your parents managed to sustain enough of a stable environment that they started a family, maybe paid off a mortgage. This is no small feat, and with the west teetering, is getting harder by the decade.

    You can roll the dice on this, and maybe turn out like Tiger Woods. More likely is a failure, such as all the wannabe Hollywood actresses that feed into the LA porn industry when Plan A doesn’t work out. The smarter option is to turn pro with your self actualising, creative hobby if you get good enough at it, and give up the day job, but dicing with your future based on self help rhetoric and “you can do better” sense of entitlement is IMO folly.

    • I’m not suggesting that everyone try and be a rockstar or DJ. There are plenty of other jobs that aren’t creative and self actualised that are outside your parents life plan that people can do.

      What if you learned Graphic design and then joined the hundreds of thousands of people all around the world who’re exploiting the advantages that the internet offer by working remotely?

      What if you saw a real issue in society and developed a solution and created your own company?

      What if you learned the art of internet marketing and developed a scalable and passive income stream that allowed you to travel the world without worrying about where you next paycheck was going to come from.

      I would suggest that the problem here isn’t with this article, the problem here is with your lack of imagination when it comes to finding a suitable alternative.

      • Your suggestions there seem much more entrepreneurial (although with a hint of dot com), which is easier to get behind.

        Again, a lot of entrepreneurial ventures fail, or require significant monies to start up. I’d again suggest default to the “test the waters as a hobby, and if it takes off, quit the day job and go pro” approach.

        I remember a woman who did this with her makeup website company start up. She had her boyfriend code it for her. Only when running the website got sufficiently busy that she could no longer run it casually did she quit the day job. I think that this is another angle technology opens – making the bedroom amateur look indistinguishable to the Fortune 500 company to the end user or consumer.

        I’d also like to complement you for the overall direction of the site, here – it has a ring of truth, it works, and it advocates personal responsibility. If I seem hypercritical, it is because you guys are worth the time of day to respond to, and challenge a lot of negative assumptions. Please keep up the good work.

        • You got it mate. It’s not just about quitting your day job and then just throwing buckets of cash at an untested assumption.

          I worked on AI for 6 years part time before taking it on as a full time job and just about every entrepreneur I know has done the same. Step by step is the way to go.

          You have to be sensible and think through your situation before you leap in head first.

          And great to hear you’re enjoying the site and think it’s worthy of criticising 🙂

  6. Small disagreement 🙂 – the person who got second in the 100m final in the 1988 Olympics was Lindford Christie (after Ben Johnson was disqualified for drugs). I’ve watched that race, like, 100 times :).

  7. I enjoyed this site for a time. But Leigh, I think your articles ring more and more with a tint of disappointment, shaming, fear, and generally much of the negativity that you try to combat.

    This site seems less and less empowering by the day, and more and more critical of people who don’t have a similar mindset to you.

    There is truth in what you say. But there is truth in every path, and perhaps I’m misinterpreting what you wrote, but it seems like you’re saying don’t do this or else you will have a horrible life.

    Isn’t that the same fear based thinking that you’re trying to lead people out of? Isn’t that the same attitude that many of the people you want to reach out to may be facing from their parents?

    I’m not saying this article is bad dude. I think it makes a fair point. Just saying, I think the site has lost it’s way a little. But that’s alright. You can always steer back on course. 🙂

    • Wow… You’re so right. I didn’t even notice it.

      It’s funny how it can sneak up on you like that… Thanks for brining this to my attention. I really appreciate it.

      I’ll write something up about this in the next post.


    • So true lol. The article writer is using the same method as how the parents use to control their children. I think before writing something, the writer must think thoroughly. Not just write don’t do this and that, when it contradicted totally with what the writer’s message at the end ( your life is your choice). It’s like a passive aggressive attitude, which is abit selfish.

  8. I like your new article, and I am sorry if that came off as harsh, but I felt that it needed to be said. Negativity generally does seem to slip in when and where we least expect it.

    It takes a lot of balls, stones, manliness, courage, whatever you want to call it to put yourself out there like you do day after day. You seem like a great guy Leigh. I like your blog and just your posts alone have helped me to have more confidence in charging full speed ahead on my own path.

    Anyways. Peace dude. You have my best.

    • It’s never too harsh if it’s what someone needs to hear, and that’s what I needed to hear. So please don’t stress.

      And you know what, I’ve been thinking about this for a while, it doesn’t actually take balls for me to put myself out there every day. It did when I first started, because I didn’t know how people were going to react. But it doesn’t any more. I’ve created an incredible and supportive community of guys and I know that the majority of them will react positively when I share my ideas. I’ve actually become quite comfortable over the last few years and I need to push myself now.

      I’ve just taken up a new challenge (you can read about it here: 65 days of no PMO) and there are going to be more on the way.

      Great to hear you’re enjoying the site. If I slip back into negativity again, please slap me upside the head.

  9. It has been a long time since I became the son that my parents never wanted me to be,over 50 years ago.But if I died tomorrow at least I know I could honestly tell my wife and children I have no regrets and it was a great ride, although at this point there are still a few things I hope to experience.Everything you have written is so true and something I hope my own children have learned from my wife and I. Your parents, in most cases are always going to be there for advice should you ask, but it’s your life go out and live it while you can.This article should be required reading before becoming a “adult”. Great job you have done here…I enjoyed it very much and wish it was around a long time ago.Thankyou

  10. Ha! I’m 2 years late to this, but I found your website after typing in “why you shouldn’t follow what your parents want for you/life plan” on Google. Lol… Thank you so much for writing this. I really needed this. I’m fairly young and have made my parents pretty happy by getting my Bachelor’s, working in corporate America (like them) and being an overall good, proper asian daughter, etc. etc. but I NEED to live my life the way I WANT! I am an artist. I have been an artist (singer) since I could talk. But besides singing, as a creative person overall, my mind just works differently than the 95% of people. A creative’s mind is more entrepreneurial, less structured.. less linear. The more I live my life according to their “checkboxes” of a successful, fulfilled life, the more I feel uneasy. This blog (although a little harsh but I like it) fully opened my eyes and I thank you. Keep it up!

  11. What you have written is the biggest amount of nonsense I’ve ever read. You clearly are out of touch of what it means to be a man, or how to live your life like a man in anyway. A man serves and protects his family, nurtures them, takes care of them, brings honour to his family, especially his parents, and any man would happily do this to his own detriment, but yet ironically this is where happiness is found. You, and anybody who agrees with your selfish outlook on what it means to live life, have clearly not came close enough to loosing there family to realise what life is really all about. So anyone reading this, do not fall for the selfish ideals and lies found in this article. No one will ever love you more than your parents, although at times it may not seem that way, but the live for your happiness, so do the same for them, and you yourselves will live a happy life.

    And remember, people don’t want to live there lives to make others happy….. but only when we live our lives for others, do we truly find happiness.

  12. Thanks for the article.
    I really feel what you are talking about .
    I lived it : “the parents plan”. I’ve been there for a few years. There was happiness too . But after a few years I couldn’t take it anymore. I was living constantly feeling that I am in need of something else.

    I also know that I lacked imagination for a better future for myself. You are right. But, hey! there are tons of materials here to upgrade my imagination.

    Also I think that we all have different dominant types of intelligence. Finding and using these is what makes the ideal life for us. It’s a free road.
    It can be a worker in a company or an independent freelancer. Anything goes, as long as you use your dominant types of intelligence to the fullest .

    Then, on this road, you’ll find yourself living your life to the fullest. And by increasing your dominant types of intelligence you actually increase yourself .

    Money is just what comes from it and the means to survive and improve further.

    Intelligence in the sense that it is about having knowledge and skills that are obtained through education, learning and experience, mostly in the first 7 years of our childhood:
    •Naturalist (nature smart)
    •Musical (sound smart)
    •Logical-mathematical (number/reasoning smart)
    •Existential (life smart)
    •Interpersonal (people smart)
    •Bodily-kinesthetic (body smart)
    •Linguistic (word smart)
    •Intra-personal (self smart)
    •Spatial (picture smart)

    We are not all meant to be carpenters, or musicians, or therapist etc. But we are all meant to shine independently, with the mindset said in this article.

  13. Hey guys
    Great article.
    I’m the same, my parents want me to have a steady job and my family are worried that at age 30 I have never stayed in one long enough.
    I dream of helping people with yoga and being at a computer bores ne to tears but I don’t want to upset them or cause any friction so I am still in a job that is not suited to me and I feel like I’m wasting my life !
    Any input on how to navigate a tricky parental situation would be greatly appreciated. 

  14. May I have your address because when my 15 year old decides playing fortnite all night is following his dreams or how about making millions on YouTube or entering games that payout money when you win. Loads of stuff out there a kid can do to shove his or her parents’ dreams for them up their asses… They can become prostitutes or drug dealers after their delusional dreams kick them in the ass and they end up on antidepressants living in mommy’s basement. I don’t want my kid after college in my basement. Please send your address so I can drop him off there.

  15. Great article, but it does make me wonder… I’ve had a friend that seems to say things like they are not allowed to say “no” to their parents and that for example if they tell them to do something they HAVE to obey. They do feel opposed to it but they put it like they have no choice but to do what their parents told them to do.

    When I told them they should follow their own path and that is how it should be, they just simply say, “yeah, but it’s not”. I really see hopelessness in their eyes and it seems like there’s nothing they can do about it, like their doomed to their parents decisions for the rest of their lives. How do you suggest I deal with this kind of situation?

  16. I think what you say is harder for women. We have dreams too, often squelched by needing to please to be accepted due to societal double standards. As my sisters say “We could also use a wife!” LOL Also, the joke comes to mind of a gruff man asking the woman “Where’s my dinner?” and the wife replying “Where ‘s my life?” On top of that it is hard to do it alone while caring for everyone else, and allies are non-existent-women are vicious with each other holds true- and men basically pal with men, so I guess this leaves one’s dog or cat as the case may be to talk to as a sounding board or places like this, eh?

  17. About the best article I have heard on this subject so far. Thank you!
    My mother died since you wrote this article, and I have no regrets. I had more trouble when she was alive than now she is dead. Hallelujah! Best news I’d heard in years. Oh BTW – I remember the Ben Jonson/ Lindford Christie race like it was yesterday. I was a teen in the 80s and I ain’t gonna let that one go!

  18. How to live the life I want if my vision won’t manifest? I’ve always wanted a family of my own. Turned out that I can’t have children. I don’t also qualify to adopt. I feel I waste my life since I really really hate my life.

  19. My father is not comfortable allowing me to go for a job because we owe bank and he feels it won’t be easy for him to be at the shop. Though it has a small salary but I am willing to start a career in electrical engineering which needs not just theory but practical experience. And his reason is that it won’t be easy for him to be at his shop how do I go about this.

  20. Try doing foster care after some months , you can adopt. I was in foster care and a home before. Many children out there need parents a parent doesnt mean biological it means you love them as your own. Keep your head up, stay strong and remember your life is worth pursuing.

  21. This article is just Wonderful and spot on. Some people have been brainwashed by their parents . Some choose to break their own hearts and others just to carry out their parents wishes not caring about the lives they ve destroyed. Your parents may love you and have great intents but you cant be afraid to break their hearts as they arent afraid to break yours. Get what you need to but return to your true self ,your true love and your desires or why even live At all!… To do so is bondage
    I have to be without someone I love so they can “honor” their parents choices… meanwhile I literally became sick from heart break. I will never understand how any of it is respectable. Their life will be WAY BETTER with me. I’m stable,legal,beautiful, smart,successful and we are in live. So this shit is crazy to me. Why rush your children into something before they are ready? Wanna obey and honor your parents, marry them!

  22. I think many of these are quite superficial. The vast majority of us will never be remembered by anyone outside of our family and circle of friends, and that’s okay. I think the real problem with following your parents’ plan for you is that it denies you the opportunity to grow as a person by making your own choices. This can breed resentment and anger, because there’s a difference between making mistakes on your own, and having somebody else make mistakes on your behalf. It also robs you of any agency or achievement, because if all you did was follow a script, is the achievement really yours?

    • The fact is parents just want us to be able to take care of ourselves. They were once young too and learned to take care of themselves and now it’s our turn.

  23. My father says he will follow me throughout his life,is it a good thing that he says that?
    Im really confused and scared because that may restrict my freedom.
    Iam not saying I want to abandon him, thats the last thing i wanna do in my life and thats just really bad, I just want to live independently.!

  24. So who’s going to pay the bills while you figure it out. You guessed it, the frustrated people at the office working long hours just to provide for you. Never forget your Mom and Dads want to be happy to so this article is a very selfish way of thinking.

  25. I don’t think it’s about not being in white collar jobs but rather not letting people dictate your life where you end up stuck in a loop just like most people. More like being flexible with your life plan even if it seems unconventional.

  26. I am A 13 Year Old From Pakistan, My Parents Have Always Told Me To Become A Cardiologist And Have Always Given Examples Of Family Members, They Say” It Is Entirely Up To You About Your Future Career” But At The Same Time, Without Feeling It, They Emotionally Black Mail Me And Make Me Feel Like A Hopeless Person. I’ve Seen Violence, Abusiveness, Requests, Asking With Love And Have Also Faced Embarrassment As They Bring This Stuff Up In Front Of Others, Have Put Restrictions On Me, Do Not Let Me Do What I Love To Do In Life, And Have Made Plans For The Next 30 Years Of My Life. I Completely Understand That Studies Are The Most Important Thing In A person’s Career But What If They Secretly Have Their Own Plans About Life? This Is Something Brown Parents Like Indians, Pakistanis And Bangladeshis Don’t Understand! So Kindly, White Kiddos, Don’t Complain Cuz Are Parents Love Us As Much As Your Parents Love You, But Are Parents Can Be Very Very Annoying And Sometimes You Are Stuck With Them For Life. By The Way, I’ve Thought Of Running Away But That Is Not Suitable For Where I Live. Now, I Don’t Know What I’m Supposed To Do But, My Parents As Usual Brown Parents, Have Huge Expectations, More Than What You Can Do.

    • My brother, I can understand you. If they said me and your should exchange parents, I will gladly do because, at least your parents thought big of wanting you to become a cardiologist, but mine are thinking so low, they want me to learn tailoring when my dreams are far bigger than that.
      But your brown parents are still better than black parents though. I so much cherish the white’s way of parenting.

  27. I am I want to go to ASFA, a boarding school for teens, but my parents say I don’t have good enough grades. I have told them “I will work my ass of until I get there, and if I fail I wont give a shit about it. I will just work my ass of even harder than before!” Sadly, that did not convince them enough. I really just want them to have faith in me… is that REALLY too much to ask?

    P.S.– Sorry for the language.

  28. I’m glad to have heard and read this inspirational article about life transformation.I am 27 now still living under my parents rules of how to make in life and is not helping at all , I’m sitting in the house idling no work , not pursuing my education so as an expert in life changing how I my going to start my own life that will help me and my own family?

    • I’m really sorry Richmond. I understand your pain. The thing is think of what you want to do for yourself and work towards it. What are you passionate about? Don’t stop until you achieve it. Say to yourself that you’re brave, strong and intelligent and you’re not a mediocre. Surround yourself with people who will take you to the top and let your parents know your plans of wanting to start something for your self. There is time for everything. Now is your time.We came into this world with a purpose so we must live a purposeful life not an idle life. At the end of the day, you’ll find happiness and fulfilment. Much love and take care, Richmond.

  29. All This explains what my parent does to me. I am eleven years old and I have the rights to make some personal decisions. I want to be a musician in Mexico, but no. I am stuck in this forcking usless Nigeria. My Mom is not against me, but my Abuela(grandmother) is my greatest problem. Instead of her to go and plan on how to die she is busy jelosy jellof riceing me. If I draw,she will sease it and flog mefor no reason. If Ising,she will start unessesarry anger. Boy I’VE tried to leave the house,but they caught me and beat me up. I am just a lonely girl whose life is meaninngless. nofather no siblings I am now forbidden to see my cousins.Honesty I do not know why God created me. Ihave asked him countless times to kill me and to kill myself, but all to no avail. All I seek for is happiness and laughter like my fellow kids, but everyone hates me and calles me tse tse fly and school fly.

    • Please don’t kill yourself! That is never the answer! I understand it is hard, but sometimes you just gotta say “Haha, NO!” to what life throws in your face and deal with it. It is not always easy, but if you really want to see why you are here, just listen to me. Tell your Abuela you want to do something about your life and pursue your own dreams so you can really make a difference in the world!

  30. I totally agree with what this writer has said. Everything basically. Some people are frustrated and depressed by living the life their parents wants you to live. Have you ever lived with a parent that locks his or her adults children in the house so they wont go out and achieve anything? Have you ever lived with a parent that bever appreciates what you d9 for them even if you put in so much time and effort without focusing on your own goals beacuse that is how they have conditioned themselves to me towards their adult children. Some parents can be controlling and want you to always do everything for them without focusing on yourself or your goals. And if you’re not careful, you’ll remain stunted, stagnant and unhappy. I have vowed that I’ll never live my life for anyone except myself because what this writer has said I can relate to it 100 percent. You are right for saying that we shouldn’t live our parents life plan but you own very own life plan.

  31. Thanks for writing this, it’s exactly what I needed to hear. I hate my current life. I hate my degree. I wish I was allowed to study something else. I wish I wasn’t so scared of my parents and their opinion of me. I have a very creative mind and I used to come up with inventions a bit easily growing up. I was shoved into a career that requires 0% creativity or hardly any fluid thinking. Just follow the rigid steps you’re taught and you should get results most of the time. every single day I feel a bit more of me die. If I was studying a different course I know I would be excited to research lots and hit milestones in my career, and get work experience etc. I don’t even smile anymore. I now have severe depression and moderate anxiety that I never used to have. It’s a struggle to get out of bed. I hope that if I can finally follow my own path I’ll finally be happy again

  32. I’m going through some rough shit right now…. I just finished my teachers education and want to further by going to university.
    My mum wants me to come home first and I don’t want to… She is even coming to my school the day my exam will end…. I don’t know what she’ll do… I’m scared of telling her I don’t want to live with her for now as what she does affect me emotionally, psychologically and physically.
    Some people advised me to go back home with her when she comes to fulfill all righteousness… But I’m not happy when I go home.

    Can you tell me what to do please

  33. But i feel it’s not like we can’t have a good exciting life with parents, i mean i live with my parents i have some restrictions too but it’s never boring they don’t tie me in stuffs they want me to do and not everytime but most of the time they let me free to do whatever i want. Maybe because im connected to them in such a way. It depends guys how we are with anyone, I believe.

  34. My mom Right now stop talking to me she’s a very horrible person. She has a mental disorder and it makes her say things about people that are mean to about you. I ordered pitas from this place today called pita pit. My mom couldn’t go to pick them up cuz she has fleas from our dog so she told the lady on the phone that I’m austic. Which I am not her mental disorder makes her say mean things she doesn’t realize that are mean about you.

  35. It never fails. There’s always someone who thinks he is special, has all the answers but only for those like him, the one with the “balls.” Average and conventional is only “boring” or “not exciting” for those who are not particularly clever nor creative, those who only think they have “balls.”

  36. What do I do with my life plan overlaps with what my father’s life plan for me is?

    I miss Mexico and want to make it my home, but my father seems to idolize and fetishize Mexico and the rest of Latin America as this, Mecca of easy living, and it was his idea for me to go in the first place. Now I’m worried that I can’t tell whether or not if I really want to be there, or if I’m just acting out my father’s wishes.

  37. My mom I want her right now to stop talking to me and to stay out of the basement I used to live upstairs now I live in the basement and I want my mom to stay out of the basement and to stop with her ridiculous bug and parasite nonsense there is none she has a mental illness and I would like her to tell her doctor she does and for her to make an appointment to see a therapist.


Leave a Comment