You’re not the only one who…

I know from my years of trying to transform my life, that it can seem like you’re the only one who gets this wrong.

This post is an attempt to show you that you’re not the only one.

I’ve put together a list of all the pointless things I’ve done (and still do) in my years, despite knowing better.

Please add your list in the comments below. The more we can add to this list, the more it will help other people find the strength to take action.

You’re not the only one who…

–       Speaks before he thinks

–       Says stupid things at inappropriate moments

–       Has had a beautiful woman interested in him and has done something inappropriate to push her away

–       Stood on the side lines and watched the woman you desire leave with another guy

–       Has felt angry at himself for not knowing how to change

–       Felt the frustration of thinking you’re doing well with a woman, only to have some guy turn up and sweep her off her feet in two seconds

–       Felt like a failure for not being able to attract the women you desire

–       Had a perfect opportunity sitting right in front of him and has let it go because you were too scared to take action

–       Sat on the side lines wishing that things could be different

–       Let fear dictate how he lives his life

–       Wants more friends in his life – both male and female

–       Wanted to change but simply could not find the right answers

–       Doesn’t know how to have more

–       Wished there was more people who were interested in personal transformation to talk to about this stuff

–       Felt lonely going to bed at night

–       Felt constrained by the world

–       Felt constrained by your own mind

–       Blamed someone else for how they felt

–       Wished that one little thing didn’t happen

–       Make a decision that you later REALLY regretted

–       Felt terrified of being vulnerable and opening up

–       Has pinned all your hopes on one woman, only to have her say ‘I just don’t like you in that way…’

–       Didn’t want to look like an idiot

–       Gets stuck in his head

–       Holds himself back because of what other people might think

–       Wants to find a way out

This is a list of everything I managed to come up with sitting at my desk for 2 minutes. I’m sure if I sat down for a bit longer, I could come up with a whole lot more.

So, what’s your list?

Please share them below so everyone can see that we’re not alone on this journey.




July 24, 2018

16 responses on "You're not the only one who..."

  1. -Feels alone, isolated and miscomprehended among 600 people 5 days a week.

    -Has fallen back to old habits and “wasted” months or years on the wrong friend.

    -Made progress only to have a setback little time after.

    -Felt like being the best on Earth only to fall to a deep low afterwards.

    -Chose to step aside when an opportunity appeared, because of fear or deeply ingrained habits (still fear).

    That’s what I can come up with in less than 5 minutes. Awesome idea Leigh. I *almost* (ha) teared up as I read your list, it’s awesome to see that you are not alone in the world. : )

  2. – Has his student/professional life on track with good grades and multiple research career possibilities

    – Lost friends and made new, even better ones right away

    – Knows what he likes and respects, and what he doesn’t

    – Is good as what he does, and loves it

    – Good looking (at least I think I am somewhat)

    – Good sense of humor, witty, aka “Cocky/Funny” (natural, I was that way before I found out about double your dating)

    – Has “strange” tastes (love for old computers and games) and isn’t afraid to share it with anyone

    – Has had at least 2 girls that with 100% certainty were into him plus plenty of IOIs from other women

    … And yet …

    – Feels depressed out of nowhere

    – Feels trapped in the house, unable to leave without a friend inviting him or having some task to do.
    (I know how to fix this one, I need to leave this house and get the heck away from my parents, already working towards it)

    – Never had a girlfriend. (There was a girl I pretty much only had to snap my fingers and she’d be mine, damn hot one too, only realized everything 5 YEARS AFTER, and it’s not like she stopped being interested in my during those 5 YEARS)

    – Can’t talk to strangers without a “socially acceptable” motive (asking for the time, being introduced by someone else… etc.)

    – Feels very nervous when he has to do something new or meet new people (sometimes can act on it, other times not), even if he acts on it, the nervousness remains.

    – Feels like the world isn’t fair, how it’s much easier for others. Then realizes there are people even worse off, and gets even more pissed off.

    – Trouble taking action, lack of freedom (both “real” and “imagined”)

    Can’t even do the things he enjoys at times (worse than laziness, apathy I think)

    Just copy-paste your’s after these Leight :p.

    I must say, This post was good enough to make me stop lurking and post something. Sometimes the small reminder that you’re not alone can make all the difference. At the same time it makes me feel bad that there are other people in a similar situation as me (or were)

    • Thank you for shaing mate. It takes courage to open up.

      Yes, there are other people out there who have been through what you’re going through but it’s also important to keep in mind that they found a way to overcome it.

      If I can come from where I was to where I am now, then anyone can.


  3. – Wants to have more friends

    – Didn’t want to look like an idiot.

    – Couldn’t find a proper way to take action so he made rules of how to live or do stuff but later stopped following them because they were more harm than good.

    – Believed that his life couldn’t be fullfilling for some reason.

    – Wanted to die.

    – Didnt know how to deal with something.

    – Became a validation whore.

    – Stood on the side lines and watched the woman you desire leave with another guy.

    – Makes excuses for not doing fun things.

  4. -questioned my sexuality due to an inability to connect with members of the opposite sex.

    -compromised my principles/desires in order to get along with a group, another person, or even my own partner.

    -became unhealthily obsessed with a woman that showed interest, which then drove her away.

    Awesome, so many that I have done that have already been covered.

  5. -Instead to act, chooses to daydream about it instead.

    -Doesn’t realize something’s good, until he loses it and then it’s to late to get it back as it was before.

    -Runs away

    …cant come up with anything else, you guys posted most of them..hehehe

    Great list Leigh, felt myself through it and past moments.
    On the contrary as Mariano, i did tear up (kind of joyful, nostalgic tears..nothing dramatic), couldn’t resist after reading the other posts here. :’)

  6. Hey Someone, I read your post there and you’re pretty much in the exact situation as me.

    I’d write up one of these myself but it would be pretty much what you said copied and pasted.

    It’s definitely good to know I’m not alone.

  7. @Someone Else
    Well If I ever manage to solve the issue I’ll be sure to post here how I did it (maybe in the My Story section?).

    I’m betting on the whole “moving out of my parents house” bit for now. They’re just far too controlling, and I don’t even have people I like spending time with here, they’re all on other cities.

    The added freedom + need to take care of my life might help shake off some of this fear, by hopefully making me take action.

    I used to have quite a few friends here but they all took a path in life I don’t want any part of (smoking, drugs, heavy partying, teen pregnancy, crazy dangerous shit… it’s just not me). If I see them we can still have a nice chat and such, but our lives are just going in opposite directions. They went from close friends to acquaintances, and it’s ok.

    It’s interesting how a guy I used to “bully” (not really, but he was kind of the outcast of the group) when I was in school is one of my closest friends now. Our lives change so much in such a short period of time, it’s amazing.

    I learned early as a kid that no matter how much of a geek you are, if you manage to divert the focus to someone else, you become part of the group. It was a defense mechanism, and one I’m not exactly proud of. More so considering I was their friend at the same time. I was a hypocrite and a coward.

    I’ve managed to handle the former, the latter not so much.

  8. -Constantly hurt his friends because he keeps trying to get from them

    -Forgets just how much other people love him, and ends up hurting them because of it

    -has wanted to commit suicide, and has spent nights drinking and cutting his wrist because he’s so angry/depressed and doesn’t know what to do

  9. You’re not the only one who:

    – Pined after a girl for 2 months, not having the balls to tell her you want more from here and then getting the ‘friend’ talk
    – Still routinely puts said girl on pedestal, constantly torturing yourself with images of her and her new boyfriend
    -Who is addicted to external validation, and is now missing a spine and a pair of testicles.
    – Is sick of all fo the above, is trying to take some steps to remedy it but seems to be taking one step forward and two steps back

    My friends, life is too short for bullshit. We are alive, let’s revel in that fact alone.

  10. -not the only one who is needy
    -not the only one who failed in love
    -not the only one who did not achieve the success he wanted
    -not the only one who runs from his feelings
    -not the only one who sleeps at night thinking why is he getting up tomorrow
    -not the only one who hurts people by saying things he never even meant
    -not the only one who is confused about his life
    -not the only one who sees his ex and feels the pain
    -not the only one who fears he will never meet the women of his dreams
    -not the only one who feels burdened by social obligations
    -not the only one who feels lost in crowd
    -not the only one who wants to change for his basic nature but is just not able to

    The list is so long. But these are the thoughts that raced onto the top of my mind

  11. – has developed a dependence on porn, video games, the internet, gambling, food and/or drugs

  12. – Worries about his small penis
    – Worries about open himself others
    -Wanted to cry but didn’t and said myself “i have to be strong”
    – Worries because maybe i can’t cry and i am a stone.
    – Hates the world
    – Hates himself
    – didn’t do which my heart shout me very very high(I love this feeling now)
    – questioned my sexuality due to an inability to connect with members of the opposite sex.
    – feels alone and didn’t say it because i could hurt my friends.
    – Get trapped in my head because i am trapped in my head
    – Flirt with other girls because i thought i need to practise
    – Have done very risky thinks for impress my exgirlfriend
    – Have done thinks for pretend my friends love me.

    P.D Sorry for bad english.

  13. -Always trapped by dogma and does not want to do anything about it
    -Has a physical disability but scared that he might not be able to attract the girl of his dreams
    -Does not know how initiate a friendship with a girl
    -Goes every night feeling lonely only because he does not have the girl of his dreams.
    -Very sensitive (and I hope girls do not like that) and that is not manly thing.
    -Always self conscious (this by the way relates to point two).

  14. Thanks for sharing guys here’s my god awful list 😉
    You’re not the only one who:
    -Is terrified of telling people how sad he really is
    -Covers up his sadness with jokes
    -Fantasizes about his own death
    -Is stressed out
    -Who is fed up with people’s expectations of him.
    -Who is fucked up on the inside

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