Why You Will NEVER Become A Man

How long will it take you to become a Man?

And I’m not just talking about an adult male here. Age is not a factor. I mean that strong, powerful, authentic, courageous Man that lives a purpose-driven life, forging ahead with his vision for how the world should/could be.

A month? A year? Maybe 10 years?

I’m sorry to disappoint you, but if you’re giving yourself even a day, you may as well be giving yourself 10,000 years because you’ll never become a Man. Ever. You will spend the rest of your listless life dragging your sorry arse from one meaningless life moment to another making no progress other than updating your Instagram feed.

This isn’t through a lack of effort or desire. It’s because if you’re giving yourself any amount of time before you become the authentic, committed, courageous Man that you know you can be, then somewhere in that beautiful brain of yours, you believe there’s something you need to collect/achieve/do before you ascend to the lofty rank of Man. There’s some arbitrary set of goals to achieve or checklist to tick off before the crown will be lowered upon your shining locks in front of a gathering crowd and you will descend from the altar with your new title.

It’s this belief in needing to achieve or do or collect something that is the reason why you will never become a man.

This is your core problem.

What is a Man?

Let’s play with a hypothetical here: let’s say you make $125 million selling your stock options in the tech unicorn you just sold to a massive multi-national conglomerate before sleeping with a supermodel on your private yacht and winning the Superbowl after single-handedly defeating ISIS and freeing the civilized world of its reign of terror. You’d be a man, right? You’ve made it. You’ve ticked just about every ‘Man’ goal known to mankind and you can now relax and enjoy the spoils of your conquests.

You retire to your bungalow by the pool, enjoying the sights and sounds of the Victoria’s Secret crew having a pillow fight in your loft and the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders massaging coconut oil into their toned and bronzed bodies.

You snap a few photos, post one on Instagram (with the appropriate filter), and try to recline for your afternoon nap. This is a short lived adventure as the chatter amongst the DC girls let’s your know that one of them has spilt their coconut oil onto your brand new $4,000/square foot Italian sandstone tiles! As the slippery puddle inches down the incline towards the sparkling waters of your infinity pool, you feel an anger building inside you. You try to control it but the rage sneaks out between frustrated and agitated breaths and explodes in a ball of fury.

“Do you know how much those tiles cost? It’s not fair for you to treat my things like this. I’m very important and powerful and I could get you fired!”

Between your ranting and frantically trying to dab the last remnants of the oily slick from your recent purchase, you notice that not one single Instagram notification has buzzed your phone letting you know that someone has liked your tweaked and perfect photo in the last 20 minutes. Your blood boils.

“Everyone, get out!” You scream before deleting the photo and calling your agent, demanding a new, less messy group of eye-candy be sent over.

Tell me: at this point in time, regardless of all your achievements, are you still a man? Yes, you’ve ticked all the man boxes and saved the civilized world from imminent destruction, but you’ve also just thrown a tantrum like a 2-year old. So, are you still a Man?

No. You’re not. You’re a child. You’re an incredibly accomplished and successful child, but you’re still a child behaving like a spoilt brat whose toys have been taken away and is being forced to eat broccoli.

This is because a Man isn’t defined by the number of objects he’s collected or the number of activities he’s done. There’s no specific set of things he has to purchase, do, or achieve to become a Man. A Man is defined by how he lives his life in this present moment and that can only happen in this present moment.

You can’t ‘become’ a Man because a Man isn’t defined by what he’s done. You are either being a Man in this present moment or you are not being a Man in this present moment.

It’s not a level or endpoint defined by the number of trophies you can collect or the notches on your belt. Being a Man is a way of life. It’s a conscious choice in every moment of your day, from when you first wake to the last moment you lay your head down to rest.

You are either living your life with integrity, authenticity, dedication, independence, and courage in this very second or you are not. You’re either pushing through your fears with determination and courage in this present moment or you are not. You’re either deeply aware of where you’re going and what you believe to be true in your heart in this present moment, or you are not.

How to be a Man, right now

There’s nowhere to go, nothing to achieve, nothing to collect, nothing to create to be a powerful, confident, strong Man. There is only: How will I live my life in this present moment?

Look around you. Look at the walls that surround you, the desk you’re sitting at, the clothes you’re wearing, look at everything that exists in this very moment and ask yourself: How am I going to live my life in this very moment?

And then once this very moment is done, ask yourself again: How am I going to live my life in this very moment?

And then once you’ve finished with this easy moment, when there are no challenges to face and no hurdles to overcome and you’re finally standing toe-to-toe with the tough decisions that usually cause you to turn and run, where you have to stand firm in your morals and beliefs despite there being an easier way out, ask yourself: How am I going to live my life in this very moment?

And not ‘How do I want to’ but the very real, present moment, committed version: How WILL I live my life in this present moment?

Because if you’re reading this and you’re wondering why women aren’t drawn to you and why sometimes things feel so challenging it hurts and why sometimes you feel so alone that you want to cry, it’s because you’ve been making a different decision in the present moment.

  • You’ve been choosing, to be weak, you’re choosing to be needy, you’re choosing to be dependent, and you’re choosing to be clingy, in this present moment
  • You’ve been choosing to run from your barriers, you’ve been choosing to hide from challenges, in this present moment
  • You’ve been choosing to live someone else’s version of the ideal life rather than passionately pursuing your dreams, in this present moment

If you ever hope to be a Man, you need to make a different choice.

The journey will never finish

This is why your journey will never be done. This is why you’ll never be finished.

You will never have enough cars or slept with enough women or have enough money in the bank to become a Man, and you will never be able to relax knowing that now, everything is complete. You will have to make the decision, the tough decision, in every present moment for the rest of your life.

You can choose to live your life with integrity, honour, and courage, and be the kind of Man you know you can be for 30 years, and then you can decide to be a dependent and needy child and be back at square one once again. There is no end point because the only time your present moment will ever finish is when you’re dead and buried.

How are you going to live your life?

So, as you move forward for the rest of the day, there is only one question you need to ask: How am I going to live my life in this present moment?

Become consciously aware, in the present moment, of what you’re doing and how you’re choosing to live your life. Stop yourself in those moments where it’s easy to choose Dependency and weakness and ask yourself: what am I going to choose, right now?

  • Will I choose to let fear rule my life or will I choose courage?
  • Will I choose to blame others for my life situation or will I choose to take responsibility?
  • Will I choose to try and impress others with my accomplishments or will I go out and actually accomplish something significant and important?
  • Will I let others determine my self worth or will I determine my own self worth?
  • Will I let excuses limit my potential or will I find ways to achieve my goals regardless of my life situation?
  • Will I do what’s easy or will I do what I know to be right?
  • Will I wait for others to give me permission to life my life or will I give myself permission?

In the tough, scary, and intimidating moments where your fears and challenges are staring you in the face, will you choose to be a weak, dependent, needy child, or a strong, powerful, Independent Man?

And then, what about the next moment?

And then, what about the next moment?

And then, what about the next moment?

And then, what about the next moment?

Because that is the ONLY way to EVER be a Man.

If you’re ready to be a Man

If you’re ready to stop letting fear and doubt and your rapidly expanding collection of insecurities dictate your life choices and you’re ready to become the confident, strong, and powerful version of yourself that you deserve and the world needs, there are two steps you need to take.

Step 1. Connect with your vision

The first step in becoming a confident, strong, powerful Man is setting your vision of your perfect life.

Being a Man requires making tough decisions and often choosing the most difficult route, even when an easier path exists. To find the motivation and drive to make those tough decision and choose what you know is right, rather than what is easy, you need to know it’s all going to be worth it. You need to know that your tough decisions are helping you make progress and grow.

The easiest way to find the motivation to make those tough decisions and be confident that they’re taking you towards your goals is to set your vision of your perfect life. When you have a complete and compelling vision of the life you want to live and the world you want to live in, taking the tough and confronting path becomes the easy and natural choice.

If you’ve never created your vision of your perfect life and want guidance through the process, there are two options.

Option 1. The basics of creating a life vision

If you just want a quick outline of the process before you launch headfirst into it, there’s an article here that will give you the basics: How to create your life vision

Option 2. Complete guided walk-through of creating your life vision

If you’re the kind of person who thrives with specific instructions and a complete breakdown of what is not just a simple and straightforward process, you can get it here: Insight.

It’s a 10-stage progression designed to make sure you cover all bases and avoid wasting time and are left with a vision of your perfect life so powerful that it makes you jump out of bed every morning.

Step 2. Make conscious decisions

In order to make the tough and confronting decisions about how to live your life in the present moment, you first need your awareness to be of the present moment. You can’t be stuck in your head trying to analyse who did what and what they said and what you’re doing once you finish work. You need to be firmly grounded in the present moment with your awareness of the choices and options available to you.

Becoming more aware of the present moment is simply a skill. And like any skill, the more you practice, the better you get at it. The most common way to ‘practice’ being more present is through meditation. Meditation, in its purest form, is simply training your focus to be directed towards the sensations, thoughts, and experiences of the present moment.

If you’ve never meditated before, it’s really simple to get started. You can find hundreds of guided meditations on YouTube that will be good enough to get you started and help you develop the skill of making conscious and deliberate decisions in the present moment. One quick note: make sure you stay away from meditations that are built around visualisations, mantras (repeating words), or trying to make you feel good. These typically just get you more stuck in your head than being in the present moment.

If you can’t find a suitable on on YouTube and would like to try a guided meditation designed specifically to help you develop your awareness of the present moment and your ability to make better decisions in the present moment, you can find one here: Focus Control Challenge

It’s a 10-minute guided meditation specifically designed to help you develop the skill of focus control, allowing you to stay grounded in the present moment and make better decisions about how you’re going to live your life.

March 7, 2019

28 responses on "Why You Will NEVER Become A Man"

  1. So hard, so true, thanks for the point of view my friend!!!

  2. This is one of the simplest, yet most profound and important realizations.

  3. Tomorrow I’ll do it. Right now I want to sit in my room and sulk.

  4. Best article on the site.

  5. I love this article. I read it every other day. I really like when you call the stuff we collect, garbage. Haha! I had a laugh and had to share it with my friend. So very true. Supremely written. Thank you

  6. Thank you for those words!

  7. This is profound.

  8. It was 12 AM when I read it. I got my ass up, stopped procrastinating and starting cleaning up the house, something I want to do but avoid doing.

    I’ve done everything I wanted to do, and now when I wake up tomorrow I’m going to continue this. I have a shit load of fears through out the day that I can have fun with. It’s time to be aware of them and take charge.

    Typing that sentence out just made me feel like I have a knot in my stomach. I’m always fearing something, and I’m sick of it. I’m sick of letting it stop me from being a man. It’s hard to explain, but the fears feel so damn strong, almost overpowering. But I guess that could just be me being weak.

    It’s always the same fear, the fear of socializing. I don’t even know if it’s the fear of socializing. I honestly don’t know where it comes from or what I’m even fearing. All I know is that when I want to speak, I feel fear. I always second guess what I want to say. This is in general, with everyone.

    I’m sick of this shit, so I’m done with it. I want to take action now but there’s one thing on my mind:

    When I want to say something, and I feel fear and stop, should I say what I want to say anyway? See, right now I’m having the fear of seeming unnatural if I do that. My mind is now telling me I’m not going to know what to say if I seem unnatural and they’ll think I’m weird because of it. Fear after fear. It’s incredible! I want to MAN the fuck up right now!

  9. It was a revelation.

  10. I read this article and Rudyard Kipling’s “If” every other day.

    • It’s a beautiful poem. I’ve read it a couple of times now and I always come back to it.

      Great to hear you enjoyed the article.

  11. Hi ! This is an awesome article, but raises some questions in my head …

    You see sometimes through the day I see this beautiful or attractive girl that catches my attention, but something happens … I don’t think it’s fear anymore or anxiety I mean those emotions are still there but I can now overcome them and continue … I have read Endgame but I still don’t understand this, By reading this article I found in myself the motivation needed to take action, since there’s no other way, but back to the girl, I see that girl and I guess approaching her it’s the though choice right ? I have done that before and something feels weird like no matter what I say I’m still trying to get something from her and since I’m not going to say “Hey can you respond to me nicely so i can feel good about myself for a while ? Oh and have dome sex with me ? Thanks ! 🙂 … Haha well i could but that’s not going to get me very far … So what’s the though choice ? Approaching her and making her responsible for how i feel ? Or not approaching and take control of how i feel ? .
    P.S. If is the second choice how would that be ?
    Awesome work with the site !! Really really thank you ! 😀

    P

    • What about choice three: living the kind of life that means your experience isn’t dictated by how other people respond to you?

      • Oh ! you know it’s funny i have read Endgame and i think that most of the articles in AI and till now i come to realise that it takes time at least for me to realise this kinf of stuff, maybe that is what “Turn Up the Volume” means, but i think the biggest change i’ve noticed is that I now realise that it’s just a matter of choice, of every day taking a conscious choice.

        But to do that you first have to know what is it that you want … what my idea of my perfect world is … I know i have a long way to go, and many things to realise, do you have any advice ?

  12. If she likes you and you have sex, great.

    If she doesn’t, still great, because someone else already is.

    LoGun is right on this one.

  13. Good job, the ebook is marvellous.
    I have been searching weeks in order to find something else than “the Mystery” and “PUA methods”, as they seem too shallow and temporary. Thanks again.

  14. I really loved this article. Where I have confusion is that if “I do what I want when I want, women will just want to be around me.” I don’t want to come off demanding or self centered. But I also don’t want to be unconfident and passive. I’m missing th middle ground here.

  15. Basically, as I read and read and read articles about this website, I don’t really think I need to read any more.

    Basically, the authors and the articles say four things (about men):

    A) The less fucks you give about the world, the manlier you become.
    B) The more activities of daily life you perform on your own, the manlier you become.
    C) The more you do what makes you feel good and what feels rewarding (for you), the manlier you become.
    D) The less you let a woman influence your thoughts and actions, the more she admires you for it. And the manlier you become.

    I think that’s about it.

  16. “This is why your journey will never be done. This is why you’ll never be finished.” Loved the article Leigh, I couldn’t stop my hands from clicking the share button. Very Insightful knowledge. Thanks a lot 🙂

  17. The world had worn me down.

    This has re-ignited the fire in my belly that i used to have. I’d always rejected that PUA stuff that my friends would tell me about. Even so, it crept into my consciousness just enough to mess sh** up. Then i found “Her” a month or two ago. (and you know the rest) A little while ago i began Googling that stuff to see what she might think i thought. [It’s an uphill battle to resist the PUA tricks. and i needed to know what i was resisting. But i had nothing to lean on, nothing proactive.] So the tricks crept in and f***** up my thinking.

    Then i found Attraction Inistitute, and this stuff, and felt new strength return. I’m grateful for all you guys have done. It’s not the validation i was looking for. It’s better.

    It’s reinforcement of the fact that there is no “Map”, no fate but what we make.

    Thank you.

  18. We don’t need to seduce we simply need to be real and up front

  19. Sir , very few people will ever truely understand what you have just written.
    Absolutely inspired and sensational.
    You have basicaly said in a nutshell, Why are you waiting for external factors to rain down and annoint you “a man” when you can be “that man” right now.”
    This is a limiting belief, that we cant express ourselves as men because we lack the tools to do it.
    Whilst the tools at some point are important IF YOU REALLY ARE A MAN YOU DON’T NEED THE TOOLS TO DEFINE YOU, RATHER YOU DEFINE YOU NOT YOUR ASSETS.
    Fantastic

  20. This is best, really insightful;
    I am hoping and praying this is taught in Nigeria. The men here need to hear this.

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