I was dating a girl some time ago. And, as most couples do, sooner or later her and I had a slight disagreement
(I poured a drink on her sister’s head in the middle of Hugo’s – in retaliation for her throwing ice at me … mature, I know)
My girl got understandably upset and, on the way home, said something to me which I found disturbing:
“Let’s not fight again .. let’s just make each other happy”.
That sounds so romantic in that Cinderella-ish, “happily ever after” kind of way .. and that expression is built into our language, as if the formula for happiness is:
Step 1: find the right person
Step 2: be happy
I don’t like that. For two reasons.
First, it assumes that happiness by self is something that is not possible – or, at least, very difficult to reach.
Second, it places the responsibility for happiness on someone outside the self. Is it really fair to charge another person with the duty of providing happiness in your life?
That other person, be it a man or a woman, is just another human being, with their own flaws and issues – and by becoming our boyfriend / girlfriend, do they really sign up for the job of being the purveyor of happiness to you? Hell no.
It is only a matter of time before we realise that, but if we place that expectation on the person in the first place, there’s only one destination for both of us:
Disappointment and resentment.
I’d like to submit that happiness is something that must stem from the self. That will lead to relationships of mutual growth, rather than co-dependency and fear of loss.