Do you know the exact moment when you lose her?
Can you pinpoint the precise second when her radiant smile turns to a scowl and you walk away empty handed?
No, it’s not when you first make awkward eye contact.
No, it’s not when you nervously walk across the bar.
No, it’s not when you stumble through your opening line.
No, it’s not when you ask the same, polite questions that the last guys asked her.
She’s lost FAR before then.
She’s lost when you wake up in the morning and just follow the same routine you’ve followed for the past 5 years because you’re too stuck in your head to notice just how miserable you really are.
She’s lost when you let the arrogant guy in your office put you down and don’t stand up for yourself because you just don’t have the balls.
She’s lost when you stop trying to be better than you were yesterday and start focussing on not becoming worse tomorrow.
She’s lost when you don’t do the things you truly love because you’re too afraid of what other people will think of you.
She’s lost when you put your dreams and passions on hold to follow the life plan set out by your father.
She’s lost when you stop asking ‘What do I really want to do?’ and start asking ‘What should I be doing?’
She’s lost when you let opportunity after opportunity pass you by because it’s easier than sticking your neck out.
You don’t lose her when you stumble over your lines, you lose her when you live your life in a way that means that the only you have going for you is the series of rehearsed lines you memorised from some internet guru.
You don’t lose her when make awkward eye contact, you lose her when spend so much of your life caring about what other people think that the only eye contact you can make is awkward.
You don’t lose her when you run out of things to say, you lose her when you live the kind of life that gives your nothing to talk about.
You don’t lose her when you fail to approach, you lose her when you care more about what a group of strangers think about how you live your life than you do about creating the life you want.
Your problems with women don’t just happen in the split second when notice the hot blonde in the tight black skirt strut across the bar.
They’re problems that you cultivate in every moment of every day.
You live a boring and routine life and wonder why your conversations are boring and routine.
You let other peoples opinions dictate how you live your life and wonder why you struggle to approach when there’s people around.
You allow fear to dictate the life choices you make and then wonder why your approach anxiety is so crippling.
You spend your life living by other peoples standards and then wonder why you care so much about what she thinks.
If you’re not getting the success with women you want, it’s not because you have a problem with women. It’s because you have a problem with the very specific mechanisms you live your life by.
– On approval from strangers
– On your parents vision of a perfect future
– On validation from mates
– On the media for your moral compass
– On permission from you social circle
– On everything and everyone around you
And because they’re not just problems that occur around women, you can’t fix them by just focussing on women.
You’re not going to break your cycle of neediness by standing in a bar and practising your sexual escalation with 20 women.
You’re not going to break your dependence on validation by approaching 16 random shopkeepers.
You’re not going to break your desire for social acceptance by memorising quick lines and routines.
You need to look big picture. You need to look holistically.
You need to take a big step back, have a look at how you’re living your life, why you’re living your life, who you’re living your life for, and then take action to change.
That’s the only way you’re going to make a real difference and that’s the only way you’re going to stop the women you want walking out of the club with the guys you envy.
Becoming the kind of Man that women are naturally attracted to takes time, effort, commitment, and an ability to keep going when the times are tough.