How to find your deep desires in 3 simple steps

Getting in touch with what you really desire is one of the core elements of…

…becoming naturally attractive to women.

After all, if you don’t know what you want, then you can’t experience it. And if you can’t experience it without her, then you’re always going to be needy and dependent on her to give it to you.

I’ve had two separate conversations this week with guys asking what they can do to work out what they really want.

So, I thought I’d share this really easy technique for working out exactly what you want so that you can take the first and most important step in becoming naturally attractive to women.

Here’s how it works:

The first thing you need to know is that on your deepest level, what you really want is an experience.

It can be easy to look at the flashy, nice, things that you want and assume that they’re what you really want. But they’re not. They’re the surface level.

What you really desire lies behind those objects and actions. You desire experience. All those flashy, nice, shiny things are just a way for you to have a specific experience.

You think you want a really impressive car? Sure you do. But why? What would you experience by having a really impressive car? How would you feel if you got it?

This can be hard to work out so here’s how you get in touch with what you really want.

1.Write a list of everything object and outcome that you want.

Seriously, take time to sit down and write it out. It just needs to be a dot point list of everything you can think that you want.

For example:

I’m going to go with a really hot girlfriend. I’m sure most of you guys can identify with this one.

2. Describe what your perfect scenario when you get that object or outcome

Imagine yourself getting that object or outcome. What does the situation look like? Where are you?  Who’s there? What are they doing? Go into specific detail about the whole situation and the events leading up and proceeding you getting the object or outcome.

If you have time, go through every item on the list and work it out. If you don’t just do the 5 most appealing things.

For example:

I’m in a nightclub with a whole big group of my mates. I see that girl across the bar and I know she’s the one I want. I put down my drink and without even looking back, or thinking about what other people are thinking, I walk across the bar, straight up to her, and start talking to her. Straight away, she starts to give me those puppy dog eyes and within 5 minutes we’re making out. 10 minutes later, we’re walking out of the bar and everyone is staring at me. They’re all jealous, especially my mates. They all wanted her but I got her.

 3. Notice how you feel in that imagined future.

Go through every scenario you imagined and work out what you would exprience in that situation.

Whatever sensation you experience in that imagined future is what you really desire. It’s the core desire behind the surface level object or outcome.

Do you feel validated?









What do you experience in that moment?

Whatever you experience is what you really desire and you think the object or outcome is what’s going to give you that experience.

For example:

I would feel powerful and in control. I would feel like The Man. Like I was untouchable.

My core desire would be to feel powerful, in control, untouchable, like I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, and no-one can stop me.

Why you NEED to know this

This is FUNDAMENTALLY important to understand because it gives you the clues about what you need to do to become naturally attractive.

A naturally attractive Man is a Man who is able to give freely to the world without asking for anything in return. The only way you can give freely to the world without asking for anything in return is to already have everything you’ve ever wanted.

You can’t give yourself the experience you desire if you don’t know what experience you desire.

That’s why this is the first and most important step.

4 thoughts on “How to find your deep desires in 3 simple steps”

  1. Right now I’m feeling sad and frustrated. A hot girl I once knew and dated is having her birthday tonight. She lives far from me and, well, we have not really spoken regularly in over a year. But, recently, we have been speaking a bit more. And, as is usually the case with her, she calls and texts for a bit only to simply disappear and no longer respond to messages.

    I know what it is like to be in her favor. When she is attracted to you, she is relentless. She will pursue you until she gets what she wants. Then, once getting what she wants, she moves on to the next more attractive and exciting and NEW person, event, people.

    You know that when she is with you it is because she has CHOSEN to be with you. This is so powerful because you feel RELEVANT.

    The feeling of being in her favor is also a feeling of POWER and CONTROL. I got the girl that many many guys only dreamed they could have. To be in her favor is to feel relevant, important, or, in other words, accepted.

    Few women I have met since her have been able to offer me what I desire, this overwhelming sense of power, control, relevance.

    The feelings of sadness and frustration I feel right now let me know that I do not yet have enough power, control, relevance in my life.

  2. Leigh, this is kind of unrelated, but after reading Endgame I have done quite a bit of soulsearching and asking myself “why?” for the reasons I do things… trying to find the unconscious motivations for my behaviors.

    One of the things I’m unsure about is why I shouldn’t masturbate. I mean, I know why I do it (to feel pleasure), and it is something that I like to do (not really love but still…)
    I really don’t think I’m giving up short-term gratification (masturbation) for long-term gratification (relationships with women). For example, I’ve never had the thought: “too bad this conversation is going shit, I can always just rub one out at home”.

    At the same time, I don’t think that the man I want to be in the future masturbates because he does not have to hide anything from the world. I don’t see anyway to be caught masturbating by my parents/friends/future girlfriend and not try to hide or be ashamed by it.

    Does that mean I should stop doing something that I enjoy now because it goes against the man I want to be in the future?

    I’d think the answer would be yes, but in Endgame you said that we can’t “fake it till we make it”, we need to keep being real with ourselves until we realize the errors in our ways and decide to change because it seems like the right thing to do.

    Any insight appreciated

    • You’re right mate. That is off topic. Just to keep this thread on topic, would you mind posting this up on the forum?

      There’s quite a few guys on there who’ve given up masturbation and found HUGE changes in their life and I’m sure they’ll be able to give you insights into the benefits of it.

      But, just to make sure you get a quick answer, it’s not to do with hiding it from people or using it as an escape, when you masturbate, you deplete your levels of testosterone – the hormone that controls sex drive and aggression.

      Without that sex drive and aggression, you’re going to be missing one of the key tools that will help you transform your life and become the kind of Man that women are naturally attracted to.

      You’re not going to push through fears, take on challenges, and go after what you really want in life.

      But post up on the forum. The guys there will really help you out with this one.


  3. Absolutely wouldn’t mind posting it on the forum, but I did try to register yesterday and I don’t get a confirmation code when I go to the sign-up screen. I sent an e-mail to but haven’t got a reply yet.

    Sorry if I’m spamming the comments or being impatient..


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