“What do women want? Why are they so confusing? What’s wrong with them????????”
If I had a dollar for every time this had been discussed in a pubs, on internet forums, and thrown around quietly between mates, I’d rolling around, throwing fistfuls of cash at playboy bunnies right now.
If you’re interested in seeing that, please forward your $1 to… 🙂
But I’m not rolling around in cash, so let’s get on with this. There’s nothing wrong with women. And there’s nothing confusing either. Understanding women is simple and straightforward.
You just have to be able to see what’s going on behind the surface. And when you do, everything makes sense. So, to give you that knowledge to make understanding women simple and straightforward, I’m going to break it all down for you today.
I’m going to go over the very basic fundamentals and the expand it all out so you can see exactly how this core element effects every area of women’s live and why they don’t make sense to you.
So let’s start with the basics.
NOTE 1: What you’re about to read is my personal perception of how basic brain development and chemistry relates to core differences between masculine and feminine people. Not, Men and women, but Masculine and Feminine. Men can masculine or feminine, Women can be masculine or feminine, and they can both be both.
I use the terms Men and Women only for convenience sake, but feel free to replace the word Man with Woman and visa versa. I’m also in no way claiming this is true because it’s something that lies beyond the scope of scientific ‘truth’. I’m just claiming that it’s my perception. If you agree with it, great. Find a way to use it. If you don’t, great. Find an explanation that works for you.
NOTE 2: I was going to write it out for you, step by step, but seeing as it’s already covered in Endgame, I’ve just copied and pasted three relevant sections for you. Obviously, all three of these quotes are taken out of context and are missing large sections of supporting information.
Endgame Quote 1: page 20 – 21
“Well, they’re not actually as confusing as they seem on the surface. On the surface, all women seem different. Some want rich men, some want powerful men, some want to date celebrities. It can seem really confusing, right until you start to dig a little bit under the surface. Think about it. Up until a few minutes ago, you thought you were looking at a whole lot of different issues in your life. So could it be possible that this problem you have with understanding women could have a core issue as well?” He shifted in his chair to sit more upright.
“Sure, I guess. I have no idea what it could be but I’m willing to listen.”
“Whoever said that women just want these things, didn’t really understand why people want things. They seem to approach this idea of ‘attraction’ like it’s a logical decision; like a woman wakes up one day and thinks ‘You know what, every time I see a guy who has a large bank balance, I’m going to get wet.’ It doesn’t work like that. Attraction isn’t a thought. It’s a feeling. Women want the things they do because of the way they make them feel, just like you do. The key to finding the core is understanding that it’s about the feeling, not the object. So how do you think these things, this power, money, or fame, make women feel?”
Steven sat back in his chair. He had to think for this one.
“I’ll tell you what; let me make it easier for you. How do you think a woman feels when she’s around a guy with power?”
“Well, if he’s got power I guess she’d feel safe like everything would be okay. She wouldn’t have to worry about anything. If he’s got power then he can take care of her. She’d feel looked after–safe and secure.”
“Good, now how about a guy with money?”
He thought for a second. “Yeah, I guess it’d kind of be the same. If he’s got money then he can provide for her. She wouldn’t have to worry about how she was getting home or getting stuck anywhere because he could look after it. She’d feel looked after, and safe.”
“What about these mythical ‘Alpha Males’ that the PUA’s seem to be so caught up on?”
He smiled and nodded his head. “Yeah, it’d be the same. Safe, secure, looked after. I get it. It’s about feeling. That makes sense.” He sat back and thought. He seemed to be getting it. “So it’s all the same feeling, just through different avenues.”
“The feeling you’re talking about here is one I call certainty. It’s the feeling she gets when she’s certain that everything’s going to be okay–when she knows that she doesn’t have to worry about any issues, she doesn’t need to take control of any of the specifics and she can just relax and be free. It’s not to say that she couldn’t take control if she wanted to, it’s just that she doesn’t have to. This is at the core of just about every single one of these desires. When she feels safe, secure, free, certain that everything’s going to be okay, she feels happy. Does that make sense?”
Endgame Quote 2: page 23
“Certainty is only one part. It’s the most crucial part, and I’ll explain that later, but it’s still only one part. You’re right though. Happiness isn’t quite enough. Happiness can get really boring if it’s just the same thing over and over again. There’s another path that people crave–uncertainty.”
This is where I lost most people “Hang on. You just said people crave certainty, and now you’re saying that they crave uncertainty. Did you sprinkle a little too much crack on your cereal this morning?”
“Can it ever really be ‘too much’?” His blank stare told me that he was actually asking a serious question. “Okay. Uncertainty isn’t the opposite of certainty. Certainty is knowing that everything is going to be okay. Uncertainty is the not knowing what’s going to happen next. It’s excitement and surprise at what could be around the corner. It’s not knowing what’s going to happen next. It’s anticipation. Think about it like a roller coaster. Certainty is the perception that everything’s going to be okay, knowing that the roller coaster is going to get you back to the start in one piece. Uncertainty is not knowing what’s going to happen on your trip around the track. Does that make sense?”
He took a minute to process it. “Oh, I get it. Certainty is about feeling safe in the present moment and uncertainty is not knowing what’s going to happen in the future.”
Endgame Quote 3: page 27 – 29
“Every single baby starts out the same gender in the womb. There’s no difference between male and female babies, we’re all female. I did, you did, Sylvester Stallone did, and we all did. We all start out in the world as a little girl and it’s not till eight weeks that things start to change. The hormone that drives a baby’s development in the womb up to the week eight mark is oestrogen. This is the key female hormone and is a growth promoting hormone. In a baby’s brain, it promotes the development of huge amounts of connections between the two hemispheres of the brain and channels development to the communication and emotional memory areas of the brain. In a female baby, this development continues all the way through their gestation period and continues to drive their development all the way through their life.”
“This isn’t the case in male babies. At the week eight mark, a huge shift happens. Oestrogen production is reduced dramatically and testosterone floods into the brain. This starts to produce huge changes. A lot of the connections between the two hemispheres are cut and instead of directing resources to the communication areas, they’re instead directed to the aggression and sex drive areas of the brain. These are the areas that drive competitiveness and action.”
“The difference between the two paths isn’t small. It’s huge. And it shapes the way females and males engage their world, right from birth.”
I could see that Steven understood, but his blank stare told me he was about to say something. “Okay, sure, this is all really cool information but how does it help me give her the certainty she’s looking for so I can be that guy?”
“The key point to keep in mind is that certainty is the perception that everything’s going to be okay. It’s not that everything is okay; it’s that as far as you can tell through the limited tools that you have available, that everything is going to be sweet. The reason I’m telling you all this is that this brain stuff, these inherent biological differences between males and females mean the dominant way that a female and male person develop their perception of certainty is different.”
His mind was working overtime. I much prefer for guys to work things out for themselves so I let him stew for a minute. “So you’re saying that the fact that the dominant area of a woman’s brain is the communication area and the dominant area of a man’s brain is the competitive area means that we get our perception of certainty from different places?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying. But before we go on, I have to mention one thing. After a baby is born, a whole raft of external factors come into play and shape how a person’s brain is structured and where they get their sense of certainty from, so we’re going to have to narrow this down. Now, obviously people don’t fit neatly into small classification boxes but for the sake of this example, I’m going to paint two ends of a very broad spectrum, and I want you to tell me whether you prefer women closer to one end or the other. Are you more attracted to career-driven women who’re really aggressive, really into football, like to get in fist fights, drink beer, and ride in bikie gangs, or are you into pretty, giggly, delicate, feminine women? Which end of the spectrum are the women you’re attracted to closer to?”
He looked cautiously around the cafe before he leaned forward and whispered, “Umm. Is this going on record?”
I leaned forward and did my best impersonation of an interrogating police officer “Yes. Whatever you say is going in your file–for life.”
“Oh,” he said, sitting back, upright in his chair. “Well, definitely not at either end but more towards the feminine side I guess.”
“Okay, good.” I said, smiling. “After birth, there are some women who strongly develop their masculine side by seeking their sense of certainty through taking action. As you’re allegedly not attracted to them, let’s continue talking about feminine women who rely more on their communication areas. The dominant way that a feminine woman develops her perceptions of the world, and therefore, her sense of certainty, is through communication.”
Yes, yes, I know. Too long; didn’t read…
But if you actually want to understand women, you need to read it. So go back up to the top and read it. Now that you’ve done that, can you see why women don’t make sense? Feminine women operate from a fundamentally different place than Masculine men.
- Masculine men rely on their ability to take action and make things happen to experience certainty
- Feminine women rely on communication to experience certainty
It might seem like a small difference but a difference in the basic and most fundamental way you engage life has significant ramifications for the rest of your life.
Here are a few examples of things that women do that seem completely foreign and pointless to most guys but make absolute sense to feminine women:
NOTE: There are always more examples that I’m sure you guys can come up with. If an example isn’t listed here, try applying the different mechanisms for certainty to that situation and see what you come up with.
NOTE: I’m going to focus on feminine women here because I’m making a basic assumption that you’re attracted to feminine women. If you’re looking for a Masculine woman to take care of you, then just flip this all around and use it to understand yourself more than her.
NOTE: I’ve taken most of these from the list you guys created here. There were a lot on there that weren’t actually feminine or masculine characteristics. They were characteristics of related to different pathways to certainty more than the mechanisms for certainty. I’ve left them out because they’re not relevant to this discussion but if you want to understand them more, you can learn about the different pathways to certainty in Endgame.
NOTE: I talk about Masculine and Feminine at two ends of a very broad spectrum. Like any spectrum, there are very few people who sit at either end of this spectrum. Most people sit somewhere inside the borders of the spectrum but most people lean at least a little to one side.
NOTE: Very few people are either ALWAYS Masculine or ALWAYS Feminine. People fluctuate throughout the month, week, day, hour, and even minute. But everyone has a ‘natural essence’ that is their default.
1. Why are women are indecisive???
To masculine Men, feminine Women seem indecisive. But, they’re not indecisive, they just have a different value system.
For a masculine Man, having a decision made and getting a job done allows them to experience more certainty.
For a feminine Woman, making sure that everyone is on board and likes the decision allows them to experience more certainty. Feminine people aren’t indecisive, they just don’t really care what decisions are made.
Their certainty isn’t based on what decision is made and the ramifications of that decision. Their certainty is based on what people think about that decision. They care more about everyone being looked after and happy than getting a job done.
Asking a feminine Woman to be decisive is the same as asking a masculine Man to have a conversation without reaching any conclusions.
2. How do women spend forever on the phone??
For a masculine Man, reaching a conclusion, whether it be through completing a job or making a decision allows them to experience more certainty.
This means that masculine Men like to get on the phone, discuss a topic, reach a conclusion, and get off.
For a feminine Woman, connecting and communicating with people allows them to experience more certainty. This means that feminine people like to get on the phone and connect and talk and laugh and cry, regardless of what’s being talked about.
Whilst this seems frustrating, confusing, and pointless for Masculine people (just in the way that a Masculine conversation seems confusing and pointless for feminine people), it’s the perfect way for feminine people to experience certainty and feel good.
Asking a feminine Woman to be quick and decisive on the phone is like telling a masculine guy that he needs to stay on the phone for 2 hours, regardless of if he has anything to talk about, for no particular reason.
3. Why do women need so many clothes??
For a masculine Man, the majority of an item of clothing’s value lies in it’s ability to help them complete a task. This could be feeling comfortable, playing sport, or finishing a job. Why? Because this is what allows them to feel more certain.
For feminine Women, clothes play a different role. If your certainty is based on people’s communication and the way you dress affects people’s communication, then clothing becomes a major factor in how certain you feel.
Having the right size heels to go with that long black dress is important. Having the latest brown boots from that important Italian fashion house so that your legs look great in that new black dress is important.
Whilst this seems ridiculous for a masculine Man, because having all these pairs of shoes doesn’t allow you to complete a task more efficiently, getting the right pieces of clothing is very important.
Asking a feminine Woman to select her clothes on a purely functional basis is like asking a masculine Man to sacrifice all practical functionality in his outfit, just to make sure other people approve of him.
4. Why do women stay with guys who don’t treat them right?
What kind of person do you think would make a woman feel more safe, secure, and certain?
a. A powerful, tough, and strong guy who says what he thinks, does what he wants, and is willing to stand up for what he believes in
b. A weak, insecure, needy guy who changes who he is to get peoples approval, doesn’t stand up for what he believes in, doesn’t have the balls to do what he wants, and hides behind excuses.
The answer is pretty obvious. But what about if guy ‘a’ also treated her badly? What if he slept with other women and put her down?
Sure, she’s obviously not going to experience as much certainty as if he was loving, caring, and nurturing but it’s still going to be far more than if she was with guy ‘b’.
For a Masculine person, staying with someone who treats you badly is a stupid and pointless decision. For a Feminine person, whilst it still seems stupid on the surface, there’s still a lot to be gained from being with someone who treats you badly.
5. Why do women need to be constantly reassured that everything is OK?
A masculine Man who is able to complete tasks and move towards his goals has constant evidence around him that says things are going to be ok. If he has a job, can earn money, has food and shelter and access to more provisions, and can take the actions he needs to take to move towards his desired destination, then he feels certain.
Because a feminine Women’s certainty is based off a source that is constantly shifting and changing (other peoples communication), they need constant reassuring.
They might feel certain when you hold her in your arms and tell her that everything’s going to be ok but then she might get a look from some random dude on the street that she interprets as creepy and that certainty is gone.
Then you might wrap your arms around her and she feels certain again until she catches a woman giving a ‘what the fuck are you wearing’ look at her outfit. All of a sudden, her certainty is gone again.
They need to be constantly reassured because their certainty has no rock-solid base and therefore, they need constant feedback to experience certainty. But on top of this, there’s also another factor that lays WAY outside her control that means feminine Women need to be constantly reassured.
Once a masculine Man passes through puberty, the hormone fluctuations he experiences on a month to month basis are pretty gradual and pretty insignificant. This is not the case for Women.
From the moment a Woman hits puberty to the moment she goes through menopause, her hormone levels fluctuate dramatically and completely independently of what’s going on in her life, what’s happening around her, and how she is currently feeling.
She could feel fine one day and a complete wreck the next without ANYTHING in her external environment or internal psyche changing, just because she’s further along in her menstrual cycle. Can you imagine what that would feel like? To wake up every day without any control over how you felt? If that was your everyday reality, would you want to be constantly reassured? I know I would.
6. Why do women test guys constantly?
For a masculine Man, constant testing is pointless. It’s just going over the same action, over and over again. It doesn’t help you move forward, it just keeps you stuck in the same place.
For a feminine Woman, constant testing is necessary. Feminine Women test because their sense of certainty is based on communication. Specifically, they test you because their sense of certainty when they’re with you is based on your communication.
If you appear to be strong and confident and communicate to her that everything is going to be ok, she experiences certainty. But it’s not enough to just experience certainty in calm and cool situations. If she’s going to experience real certainty, she has to see how you handle yourself under pressure.
If you stay the same confident, strong, directed guy under pressure, then she experiences more certainty. The tougher the challenges you’re able to withstand and still stay strong and confident, the more certainty she will experience.
Testing is a feminine Woman’s way to see how you handle yourself under pressure. It’s her way of seeing how you take on challenges. The reason Feminine Women test constantly is because it’s just another form of reassuring.
They’re testing because communication is constantly changing and so to experience certainty, they need constant feedback.
7. Why do women prefer bad boys?
A typical ‘bad boy’ is a masculine guy who not only naturally looks for certainty in action, but actually takes the action he needs to take to experience certainty.
He’s a guy on a journey, he’s going places, he’s doing exciting things, and his life is an adventure. He’s not sitting around waiting for things to be handed to him, he’s off on a mission.
He experiences certainty through his ability to take action and make a difference and he communicates that to women. He’s not waiting for a nice response and some polite validation to feel good about himself. He’s out there, living life, and experiencing the certainty he needs through taking action.
Because he experiences it, he’s able to effortlessly able to communicate it to women so they experience it as well.
8. Why don’t women like nice guys?
A typical nice guy is an inherently Masculine guy who’s biological programming dictates that the simplest and easiest way for him to experience certainty is through action, yet he doesn’t have the balls to take action.
Because he’s doesn’t take action but still craves certainty, he goes the other route and tries to experience certainty through communication.
He waits for polite smiles, social validation, the approval of his mates, and acceptance from people around him to experience certainty. This means that when he’s talking to women, he’s not able to communicate certainty because he doesn’t have it for himself.
You can’t give something you don’t have.
And not only does he not experience it for himself, he’s trying to experience it through women!
He is the definition of needy – he needs approval and validation to feel good about himself. This is why Feminine Women aren’t drawn to him – he has nothing to offer. All he’s doing is trying to get something from them.
9. Women are so sensitive???
Masculine Men base their certainty on their ability to take action and make a difference. Therefore, if they’re not able to take the action they want to or direct their own future in the way they want to, they feel frustrated and depressed.
Feminine Women don’t respond to a lack of ability to take action in the same way because they don’t base their certainty on it.
Their certainty is based on communication which means that their frustration, disappointment, and depression is based on the communication they receive.
This is why they’re so sensitive to communication – because it forms the basis of how they feel. Saying to Feminine Woman that she looks ugly in those pants is the same as preventing a Masculine Man from being able to build the shelter he needs to stay warm and dry. This is why feminine Women are sensitive.
10. Why do Women go to the bathroom in pairs?
To a masculine Man, going to the bathroom with a mate is not only weird (and a little homo-erotic), it’s counterproductive.
If you’ve got someone with you competing for the limited space necessary to complete the actions you need to take, then it’s going to take longer and just be more of a pain in the arse.
For feminine women, it makes perfect sense. Having someone with you who likes you, supports you, and wants to spend time with you, communicates to you that you’re valuable and everything is going to be ok.
You’re the opposite to a masculine Man, you experience MORE certainty by having someone with you, not less.
Asking a woman to go to the bathroom without taking one of her girlfriends is like asking a guy to go the bathroom with 5 of his mates when there’s only one toilet.
11. Why do Women depend on the opinions of their girlfriends?
The answer to this question is the same as ‘why are women so indecisive?’
Masculine Men base their sense of certainty on their ability to take action and make things happen. Therefore, making the right decision, regardless of who agrees, is the most important thing. Feminine Women base their sense of certainty on how people communicate with them.
Therefore, making sure everyone agrees with the decision they’ve made is the most important thing.
This is why Feminine Women depend on the opinions of their girlfriends so much – because they opinions of their girlfriends are far more important than the decision itself.
Asking a feminine Woman not to depend on the opinions of her girlfriends is like asking a masculine guy to do what 10 of his mates think, regardless of the logical ramifications of the decisions.
12. Why don’t Women approach Men?
A feminine Woman’s certainty is based on communication. That means rejection (ie. You communicating that she is not worthy) literally removes the very foundation that her certainty is based off.
It’s pulling the rug out from underneath her and letting her fall to rock bottom.
For a Feminine Woman, rejection is in the same ballpark of a Masculine Man losing the use of his arms.
If there was a better than even chance that you were going to lose your arms if you approached a woman, would you approach? That’s why women don’t approach.
13. Why don’t Women stay on topic in a conversation?
For a Masculine Man, talking through a topic and reaching a conclusion allows him to experience certainty.
He knows what’s going on and what needs to happen. For a Feminine Woman, reaching a conclusion isn’t important. She doesn’t experience more certainty by knowing the specific details of the functions of your car engine.
She experiences more certainty by having a long, beautiful, emotional conversation.
She experiences more certainty by feeling connected with the people she’s talking to.
Feminine Women don’t stay on topic because they don’t need to stay on topic to experience certainty. Asking a Feminine Woman to stay on topic is like asking a Masculine Man to start 10 different conversations and not resolve any of them.
NOTE: Just to reiterate a point I made at the start, there are very few people who are either completely Masculine or completely feminine, and even if they were, I don’t know anyone who stays Masculine and feminine all the time. People fluctuate depending on all kinds of different elements in their life.
You might have a very Masculine moment and find certainty solely through action. Then, after you’ve done that, you might slip into a Feminine moment and need to find certainty through communication.
I know that the day after I play football, I search for certainty in communication. I just feel so completely spent that communication seems like the only right way. That usually lasts for a day or so before I move back into my natural state which is certainty through action.
You might be the same, you might be completely different. Who knows. This article isn’t supposed to be a definitive guide on how you should live your life. Its purpose is just to illuminate the difference between Masculine and feminine people and why they are so different.
The reason that Feminine women don’t make sense to Masculine Men is that they have a basic, biological difference in the way they experience what they’re looking for in life.
This basic difference is the cause of the completely different way that masculine and feminine people engage in activities and is responsible for the confusion. It’s the reason why feminine women are so indecisive, why they spend so long on the phone, why they don’t approach Men, why they don’t stay on topic, why they care about the opinions of their girlfriends so much and why they like bad boys and why they don’t like nice guys. And this difference is also why all these things seem so pointless and confusing to masculine Guys.
That’s a very good question. The simple answer is: use it to your advantage.
Take it all and run with it. No, I’m not talking about finding ways to use women. I’m talking about finding ways to create the life you want.
This about it like this: When do you most enjoy time around women?
a. When they’re excited, happy, free, and sexy
b. When they’re lost, insecure, and doubt themselves
I’m guessing it’s the former. When are women the most excited, free, happy and sexual? When they feel safe, secure and certain.
Now that you know what you want in women (flirty, playful, sexual women), how to make women more like that (help them feel more certain), and how to give them what they need to be like that (through communication), start giving it to them.
Encourage her to spend lots of time talking with her girlfriends, don’t ask her to make decisions or validate her decisions when she does, develop your own internal strength so you ‘pass her tests’ without even realising you were being tested, initiate action so she doesn’t have to, open up and share things about yourself that she’s afraid to share so she doesn’t fear the rejection of doing so, etc…
Help her create a space where she feels loved, accepted, and beautiful and appreciates all the beautiful gifts that she gives you in return.
And watch EVERY problem you’ve ever faced with women just melt away.