The hot blonde at your local bar doesn’t care how tough you had it in high school. The cute and bubbly brunette who pours your morning latte doesn’t give a shit about how intricate and detailed your vision of the perfect life is. The blue-eyed, red head that you pass on the way to the bus stop every morning doesn’t give a shit about the dedication and commitment you lived your life by yesterday.
There’s only one thing she cares about: What kind of Man are you being, right now?
Not last week. Not yesterday. Not even an hour ago. The only thing she cares about is: what version of yourself are you being, RIGHT NOW?
- Are you being the needy, approval seeking, dependent version of yourself or are you being the power, free, and independent version of yourself, in that very moment?
- Are you desperately sacrificing your personality to gain validation and acceptance or are you freely sharing the happiness and fulfilment that exists in abundance throughout your life?
That’s all that matters.
From the very second when you make eye contact and every second that passes between when you open your mouth and you part company again, that’s all that she knows about you and all that she cares about. She doesn’t care about the dating advice you read, the mission statement you’ve written, the vision board on your wall, the hours of study you’ve put into transforming your life, the hard work you dedicated to helping your mate last week.
‘Now’ is all that matters.
- When you first lock eyes across the top shelf in the book store, what kind of Man are you being?
- As you both reach of the same tomato in the supermarket, what kind of Man are you being?
- As you look up from your lunchtime special fried rice and see her strutting down the food court towards you, what kind of Man are you being?
- As you finally reach the front of the queue at the bar and the stunning blonde asks you what you want, what kind of Man are you being?
- As your Frisbee drifts back over your head and when you turn to chase it, almost run over the cute brunette in the jogging tights, what kind of Man are you being?
Your shit doesn’t matter. You haven’t ‘earned’ anything. She doesn’t care about your past – good or bad. All that matters is the very real and very present moment as your eyes first meet.
All that your past dictates is where you are now, not how you live your life from here.
You’re not needy because you didn’t have a lot of friends when you were a kid. You’re needy because in this present moment, you’re choosing to live your life in a way that makes you dependent on other peoples response to feel good about yourself.
You’re not shut down and restricted because when you were a kid, your Mum scolded you when you did what you wanted. You’re shut down and restricted because you’re choosing to still seek other peoples permission before you do what you want.
You’re not powerless because you were yelled at every time you tried to take control of your life. You’re powerless because you allow other people to dictate how you live your life.
It’s not your pasts fault. It’s not someone else fault. Every problem is created by how you choose to live your life, right now. Sure, your past informs the decision you make today but it still comes down to the decisions that you’re making in this very present moment.
Nothing in your past controls you. You’re the only one in control.
You’re the boss.
- Your parents didn’t let you express yourself creatively? Great. How are you living your life right now, in this present moment?
- Got picked last for the basketball team in high school? Great. How are you living your life right now, in this present moment?
- Your first girlfriend cheated on you and left you with trust issues? Great. How are you living your life right now, in this present moment?
- Been told you’re too short/Asian/inexperienced/old? Great. How are you living your life right now, in this present moment?
- Didn’t kiss a girl till you were 21? Great. How are you living your life right now, in this present moment?
- Your Dad ran off and you didn’t have a strong male role model in your life? Great. How are you living your life right now, in this present moment?
The only thing that matters is how you’re choosing to live your life in the present moment. The kind of Man you’re being in the present moment is the core that your power, confidence, and strength flows from. The kind of Man you’re being in the present moment is the core where your dependence, neediness, and clinginess flows from.
It’s got nothing to do with the opportunities you missed out on when you were 15. It’s got nothing to do with how many times your dad forgot to pick you up from soccer practice. All that matters is the kind of Man you’re being in moment that occurs between conscious awareness and departure.
If you’re not attracting the calibre of woman you desire, then it’s got nothing to do with your knowledge, your experience, your commitment, your purpose, your passion, your health, your history, your fashion, your anything. There’s only one thing.
If you’re going to start getting the results you want, this is what you have to change. Stop learning. Stop memorising. Stop debating. Stop considering. This is it. This is everything.
It’s doesn’t matter if you’re fulfilled, free, happy and open in the rest of your life if, in the very second you catch the first glimpse of her golden hair rustling in the wind, you get stuck in your head and try and work out how to seduce her. The only thing that matters is that very moment.
How to tell what kind of Man you’re being
In the split second, when you first notice a beautiful woman, what’s your immediate response?
- Get stuck in your head
- Try and work out what you should do
- Think back over all the information you’ve learned
- Start wondering what other people might think if you approach her
- Visualise all the bad things that could go wrong
- Feel attracted to her and allow those feelings to drive your action
If you answered anything other than ‘6’, you’re not being the kind of Man that confident, radiant, feminine women are drawn to. Sorry, but it’s how it works. If you’re being anything but real and experiencing the present moment, she’s always going to get a filtered and fake version of you.
- How is she supposed to trust a guy who puts on a show when she meets him for the first time?
- How is she supposed to feel any kind of connection with you when she never gets to see the real you?
- How is she supposed to differentiate you from every other fake guy she meets?
- How can she be excited to be around a guy who’s she has to mother like a small child?
Can you see why now?
How to change
“How do I change?” is a good question. A very good question. There’s a couple of different layers that are going on here.
First of all, you need to hit the core of the issue – Why are you being filtered and fake in the first place and how do you eliminate the problem?
Secondly, you need a practice to deal with the very present moment problem that occurs when you first see her.
There’s a very simple, little, practice you can use to help you deal with this.
Go out somewhere where you know there’s going to be beautiful women that are going to remain in that area for a while and simply allow yourself to feel attracted to them for 20 minutes. Don’t analyse the situation, don’t worry what other people are thinking, direct all your attention to noticing exactly what it’s like to experience attraction. Feel it flow through your body. Notice how it changes and moves. Let it take over your entire body so that it’s all you know.
That’s it. Nice and simple.
This works incredibly well because it starts the process of breaking the automatic association of seeing a beautiful woman and logically analysing the situation.
If you can do this successfully, then move onto the next stage – approaching whilst feeling attraction
If you can do this successfully, then move onto the next stage – talking whilst feeling attraction
If you can get this far, then you should be doing pretty good by now.
So, in summary, if you’re not attracting the women you want, stop blaming your past/lack of knowledge/lack of experience/age/ethnicity/political affiliation and ask yourself:
What kind of Man am I being in this present moment?
It’s all that matters. It’s all she cares about. Work with that. Change it around. And see just how much of a difference you can make.
24 thoughts on “She Doesn’t Care”
I have been blaming my lack of experience for still being a virgin and not having kissed a girl for a long,long time. But it all comes to this,doesn’t it? ‘How I’m choosing to live my life right now’
This was really insightful. Now, what am I’m gonna do with this insight?
Good question mate. What are YOU going to do?
Experience paradox. Greatest trick in the book.
So simple yet so effective.
cool post, i like to think I’ve made some strides. But at the end of the day, nothing changes without pushing boundaries and stepping out of your comfort zone. I just wonder sometimes, how can you really be 100% in the moment when that anxiety is just so strong, it feels like it can have a hold on you.
What if you were present with your anxiety? How would that change things?
I’ve always blamed my height as a major factor in my life. I’m short for a guy and somewhere along the line I equated that to being immature (essentially unworthy of a woman’s interest).
Silly I know, but you know how these things go ;P
It’s awesome that you can see it mate. The only thing your height determines is when you have to get help to get something off the top shelf. That’s it.
Once you see that it’s you, not your height that’s in the way, you’re able to start to make big changes.
Man… this actually really open my mind all this f*cking time I was wondering what the hot girl in my school would be thinking when I act like a p*ssy around her… I actually really care about the past and forgot the only time I should care the present… this is just amazing as always Leigh great article and by the way I always blame my ethnic been the problem… I’m Asian anyway this article just give me the drive to be the man I want to be in the f*cking present moment.
Awesome mate. Great to hear. You’re not the first guy to blame being Asian for his lack of success and I doubt you’ll be the last. The good thing is that you can see through it and start to make the changes you need.
I’m not 100% sure what you mean, I assume you mean if I just sat with the anxiety and accepted it were there? I would be more present and in the moment. But even if I were to act despite this anxiety, I’m sure it would show, and wouldn’t that give off the vibe that I was stuck in my head and just not a confident guy?
It could, but something else would happen. Your anxiety exists because you’re either focussing on what other people were thinking, what could possibly happen, or what’s happened in the past. By turning your attention towards the anxiety, you’re actually removing the very thing that’s causing your anxiety – focus on things other than the present moment.
Think of it as a waking, walking meditation.
What if she ignore me as I want to chat to her each time?
What if she does ignore you?
Tapping. I want to see tapping before you give up. I haven’t noticed you tapping.
Once you tap (talk as you tap and DON’T tap forever), come back to me with results. 😉
Useful as always…
Sorry for my ignorance…english is not my native language,so…what’s tapping?
Tap her on the shoulder (tap softly but firmly, not like knocking a door). It’s a good way to let her feel your touch during early conversation. When she gives her name, shake hands and transition into a hug or hand-kiss (kiss your own hand, not hers. And no limp handshakes allowed).
Hint: read her body language and feel the vibe first; if you’re totally stuck in your head just DO IT ANYWAY or else you will not develop your own awareness in this area.
Ohhh,thanks! I imagined it could be that when I went to look it up on the dictionary. Let’s tap
sure, that makes perfect sense. I have done that before and it has lowered my anxiety.
Ok, THIS is your best post ever.
I still keep worrying what OTHER people think hahaha, man, it’s so stupid, I care more what other people think than what the poor girl thinks. I did manage to do it once, and it was totally crazy (we’re talking changing seats in the middle of a bus ride crazy here) I can’t remember what I did to get that courage boost.
Hahaha… Glad you like it mate.
Dude, I think we need to get together in a local park, hold hands and talk about our innermost feelings. Get in touch with our inner children. Better still, get all the AI guys in on this, it’s totally deadset the best way to grow. A crying session afterwards is customary, along with a sandwich swapmeet by the biggest tree.
Well girls… It seems I am needy and I like that. Perhaps you think that i would change but I am out to fulfill my needs. Even if that means I need you to like me as i like you. Man you helped me realize that women don’t care about my needs as i would want to but you don;t help me make them care….