I get quite a few emails from guys asking me to help them solve a problem.
What I’ve found is that most of the trouble they’re having finding a solution to their problem is that they don’t know what the real problem is.
Sometimes they think it’s their lack of dating advice or they don’t know how to attract women or they think their girlfriend is going to leave them for one of her male friends, but that’s not the core.
There are three quick questions that I always ask to help them get to the core of the issue.
I always go through these before we do ANY work on finding a solution. These questions are what I use to work out a person’s ‘script’.
1. How do you currently feel when x happens / in x situation?
2. How do you want to feel?
3. What are you currently doing to bridge the gap?
The core issue is never how you currently feel or how you want to feel.
Every barrier you face is created by how you’re trying to bridge that gap.
If you currently feel isolated and alone, you want to feel connected, and the pathway you’re currently following to bridge that gap is to change who you are to make people like you, then every barrier you face will be based around trying to make people like you.
You have to work out what kind of people they like and then attempt to demonstrate the characteristics and qualities that this kind of person has.
If you change the pathway to experiencing connection from this to one of openly sharing yourself and finding others who share those experiences, then the barriers you face will be based around trying to find people who have similar experiences.
You have to share yourself openly and find people who are willing to share themselves back.
The reason these questions are so powerful is that the core motivation behind any action/inaction/decision is a feeling. Every object or outcome is a means to an end. Feelings are the only ends in themselves.
By working on the level of feelings and experiences, you’re cutting through the unnecessary layers and getting to the core.
If you use these three questions to find a core barrier, all you then have to do is find a new pathway to experience what you’re looking for that will allow you to experience what you want more easily.
QUICK EXERCISE: Pick one area of your life that you’re currently dissatisfied with and analyse it through these three questions. Once you’ve worked out your script, then try and come up with a new pathway to experience what you’re looking for.
Share what you come up with in the comment below.