Not Leading: Biggest Dating/Relationship Mistakes Part Four

Women are attracted to MEN, not little girls posing as men. They want men who are leaders, not boys that look to others to take control of the steering wheel for them. They want a man to be the driver so they can sit back and relax in the passenger seat while they go on an adventure.

Women don’t have respect for today’s men but how can they. Today’s men have been emasculated and controlled into having no spine. Today’s man is more akin to a robot that has been programmed to wait for orders from it’s user. Because of this most men simply don’t know how to turn women on.

Being the leader is one department that most men lack in and it kills the attraction in the relationships and dating each time resulting in you spending lonely nights alone wishing she came back. There are several reasons why guy’s don’t lead:

1. They get so excited in a new relationship/new date that they forget to lead

It is very easy to get caught up in the emotions of a new relationship and completely forget what needs to be taken care of: leading her.

The girl is so used to being the one to make the decisions and call the shots that it has become second nature to her. She leads without thinking.

Typically the girl suggests something and you are so excited, happy or whatever that you just agree to it without thinking before acting. Before you know it you are off doing whatever she wants to do, even if you didn’t actually want to.

Two or three weeks pass and the high of being in a new relationship or dating begins to subside and she is now the one who is in control. This dynamic is established because you didn’t do what needed to be done and now it’s much tougher to reverse the roles.

After the high attraction, freshness and excitement of the beginning stages of a relationship begins to fade it will become apparent that she is the one calling the shots.

When this moment occurs the attraction she felt will begin to go down a sliding slop until it hits the bottom. The fun, exciting, loving, caring girl you knew when you first met will change into a bossy, controlling, nagging chore of a woman .

Solution: It is more than ok for a women to make a suggestion as to what you can do but you need to be the one making the final decision. To calmly make a decision instead of just reacting to her request I suggest you get into the habit of taking a deep breath and pausing before deciding what to do.

2. Fear of losing the girl if you take the lead

For most guys, they are shocked when a girl finds them attractive and is actually willing to spend time with them. They aren’t used to beautiful women being into them so they develop a huge fear of losing the woman. It’s similar to a homeless person finally getting fed and being paranoid of people trying to take his food.

They want to do everything right in order to not screw this up and go back to being lonely again. Ironically, them trying to do things right will cause the women to lose ALL attraction for them.

3. Not knowing how to lead

In the past there used to be training on how to lead and become a man. There was a right of passage that turns boys into men.

These things haven’t been around for generations so it’s unlikely that your father ever learned how to lead and become a man. In as much, he never taught you how to lead either.

How to Lead

THE ONLY PERSON YOU CAN EVER LEAD IS YOURSELF. This is very key to keep in mind when you developing the masculine leadership side of yourself.

When you try to get others to follow, you are basically asking them if it’s ok with them if you took control of the situation. You are essentially looking to them to let you lead.

When this happens THEY are the ones who are in the lead because at any time they can stop letting you lead and do their own thing.

A TRUE LEADER leads without needing any follows. He doesn’t mind if people go in the direction that HE CHOOSES but he DOESN’T NEED them to because he would do it anyways.

He knows what he wants in life and doesn’t care if people want to go down that direction. He doesn’t manipulate or control them into going where he wants to go, he simply goes WITHOUT PERMISSION from others.

A true leader goes without the approval of the pack. It takes courage and strength to push beyond group mentality because as humans we fear losing approval of others (it’s hardwired into us). Ironically, this type of leading will get people to follow you the most.

In order to properly lead you MUST first KNOW where you want to go in life. You must know what it is you want to accomplish. Without that knowledge it is doubtful you will ever get anywhere-you will end up wondering the sea without a port for an eternity.

Here is an exercise to develop leadership:

Next time you are in a group of people or with a friend and you want to cross the street or go into a store, DONT say anything and just do it. Don’t look back to see if they follow you, just keep walking.
If they don’t follow you become comfortable with the uneasiness that comes when you stray from the group.

Take this exercise and do it ALL of the time. When you are at a club and you want to dance, just go dance without asking anyone else or checking to see what everyone else is doing.

Apply the reverse as well. If a girl or your friends want you to go dancing with them but you don’t really want to, DON’T.

Leading Date/Relationship exercise

Tell your girlfriend or your date to close her eyes and hold your hand. Tell her that you will be leading her and that she needs to trust you. Then walk her around for a little while with her eyes closed. Just make sure she doesn’t trip on anything.

This will put you in the leadership role and her in the follower role. As well, it will build mass amounts of trust and attraction between the both of you.

First step is to know what you want and where to go. The second step is actually going in the direction you want regardless of what others think and what other people are doing.

For more on developing an idea of where you want to go in life, I suggest you check out my article: How to Find and Live Your Mission

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17 thoughts on “Not Leading: Biggest Dating/Relationship Mistakes Part Four”

  1. As an intelligent woman, I can tell you that sometimes – SOMETIMES it’s nice when a man takes the lead, but MOST of the time it’s preferred that a situation is EQUAL. We don’t need men to be the one to make final decisions. This is lol worthy.

    It’s about co-piloting. Women don’t need to be led, we don’t need to follow. It’s about the interchange of dominance. You should be able to lead when it’s your turn, but you can also afford to relax.

    If you start thinking that what women really want is a leader, you’re going to end up with weak women.

    • Sorry but I have to respectfully disagree ilsa key. Men were put on this earth to lead and be in control. It’s in their nature. Women are inherently submissive and are more receptive to dominance than anything else. Most women want a guy who can lead them, protect them, take care of them, etc. History proves this. You may feel differently and yes i’m aware that women are becoming more independent but you only make a small minority. Even strong women want a strong man to stand beside them. And as for these weak women as you put it, usually it takes a strong man to build them up. Women like a challenge and they like somebody that inspires them to be a better human being. In most cases, it is a man.

      Have a nice day

      • I have many expiriences where women want to have leader for a man. This is just the way the nature created women.
        Woman can say logically to herself that she is independent and doesn’t need a man to tell her what she needs to do, but deep down you will respond to something else completelly.
        Your instinct is to follow the lead of a man and this rises your attraction for him if you want it or not. Attraction is not a choice.
        This only won’t apply if you are a very masculine women, but still your core feminine will respond to a strong leading man. Nothing to do about that.

      • It’s not always a man that inspires a woman to grow everyone in her life has played a role. Women learn to lead by true leaders as discribed in this article. As time passes and new generations come in to play. How the last generation lead has no value it’s the new innovative generation that has to take the torch now. People have to understand like is a long learning journey and you have to learn to adapt survival of the fittest!

    • Isla, you’ve just been added to my list of quotes for inspiration. Thanks for revealing the man I can be through the eyes of a wise woman.

      Keep fighting the good fight.

    • I have many expiriences where women want to have leader for a man. This is just the way the nature created women.
      Woman can say logically to herself that she is independent and doesn’t need a man to tell her what she needs to do, but deep down you will respond to something else completelly.
      Your instinct is to follow the lead of a man and this rises your attraction for him if you want it or not. Attraction is not a choice.
      This only won’t apply if you are a very masculine women, but still your core feminine will respond to a strong leading man. Nothing to do about that.

  2. A woman will only allow herself to be lead by a man that knows her and has her best interest at heart. Most women will not be follow a selfish or foolish man that only leads to where he wants to go. A person that has been empowered by the team to lead will only lead the team where the team, not the man, wants to go. A relationship is a team thus if the journey is not the “teams” journey instead just one person’s journey … the rest of us will jump off at the first T(trouble) in the road! Men can also be lead by other men, does that make those men submissive? No … anyone can be lead if the fruits are beneficial … some people will even go to jail by following a corrupt leader in hopes of receiving the fruits. Just as women, men will also only be lead when the journey takes them to a point of destination they desire and has some benefit/fruit to them. If you think women are different based upon history when a women was not allowed to work and support herself, you are a fool. So men, please do lead but if you want the woman to follow you more than to the T in the road, the journey better have fruit for both not just for you and the fruit better be what both wants not what you assume the other wants (ie. you’d better know your woman). I have lead many things and I am a woman and I have seen women that are not deemed leaders lead many things too. So the hardwiring ideas is truly not scientific, one can banter it around as justification. Leadership is leadership which involves more than one … leadership of one is not leadership 🙂 especially in this context of a relationship. I have seen women who can not support themselves refuse to follow a dictator/selfish/foolish boyfriend/husband … the old days of you will go where I want and I don’t give two hoots what you want are gone … women won’t do that either … Haven’t you seen the divorces being initiated by women? For goodness sake. I will agree with the author that a women does not like a passive man who won’t assist with any of the planning or leading … that gets old fast, no one wants all the crud work to be dumped on them which leads to nagging. Leadership involves a shared journey of more than one! When it comes to women leading men … it is happening in the workplace so you know it can be done, culture will change over time how this is viewed. Some of the hardwiring ideas/notions are no more than cultural expectations of men that have been passed down from generation from generation … norms and expectations are changing fast. I know my mother lead the house yet allowed my father to look like the man of the house to save face and puff his chest to other men … hell my Dad had 8 kids which was also deemed a manly thing … boy how things have changed, 1.2 kids per couple. So if you want a relationship with another person … you’d better be in tune and be leading where the other wants to go or as the author suggest you can get used to crossing the road by yourself … you can lead yourself! I am currently dumping a man that is a dictator leader who has no notion of what I want only cares what he wants. I will connect my caboose to someone who at least leads for two. Times are changing.

    • I agree, woman should almost never be in the lead.

      Only case for that I can see is where a man is very feminine and a woman is very masculine, but I don’t even know if this type of relationship can even work. hmm

  3. Our marriage has stranded because he can’t lead. It’s very frustrating to be the leader as a woman, it’s so unromantic. Women want to be submissive, it’s in our nature. As long as the man lead and take care of his woman everything is in harmony. (I am not talking about men who are agressive and dominates women.)

    • Maybe women of your generation each relationship has their own dynamic style that works for them you don’t have to be a square peg in a round hole.

  4. What men need to do is lead women directly OUT of their life. There is no upside to being in a relationship with a woman. Cost always exceeds benefit. And you can’t win. You’re either “trying to dominate” her or your “too weak to lead”. They pick whichever one fits their complaint at the time.

    Don’t play the game, don’t let a woman infect your life. Choose freedom.

    • Pfft or you can make sensible suggestions not based off your fear of following your heart. A bit jaded are we? Maybe you have no game that’s why your telling the to be free. True relationships should not be codependent but a team and interdependent. Or if they choose they can be single nothing wrong with be single. You have to learn to engage you do it for work why not in your love life. If you don’t have someone to share life’s riches with what’s the point?

  5. What a bunch of misogynistic bullshit. Every person in a relationship can be the leader in different situations. The only problem is when no one leads when it would be necessary.

    This kind of reductionist Darwinian thinking is toxic and unhelpful. It’s also fucking embarrassing to read.


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