Women are attracted to MEN, not little girls posing as men. They want men who are leaders, not boys that look to others to take control of the steering wheel for them. They want a man to be the driver so they can sit back and relax in the passenger seat while they go on an adventure.
Women don’t have respect for today’s men but how can they. Today’s men have been emasculated and controlled into having no spine. Today’s man is more akin to a robot that has been programed to wait for orders from it’s user. Because of this most men simply don’t know how to turn women on.
Being the leader is one department that most men lack in and it kills the attraction in the relationships and dating each time. There are several reasons why guy’s don’t lead:
1. They get so excited in a new relationship/new date that they forget to lead
It is very easy to get caught up in the emotions of a new relationship and completely forget what needs to be taken care of: leading her.
The girl is so used to being the one to make the decisions and call the shots that it has become second nature to her. She leads without thinking.
Typically the girl suggests something and you are so excited, happy or whatever that you just agree to it without thinking before acting. Before you know it you are off doing whatever she wants to do, even if you didn’t actually want to.
Two or three weeks pass and the high of being in a new relationship or dating begins to subside and she is now the one who is in control. This dynamic is established because you didn’t do what needed to be done and now it’s much tougher to reverse the roles.
After the high attraction, freshness and excitement of the beginning stages of a relationship begins to fade it will become apparent that she is the one calling the shots.
When this moment occurs the attraction she felt will begin to go down a sliding slop until it hits the bottom. The fun, exciting, loving, caring girl you knew when you first met will change into a bossy, controlling, nagging chore of a woman .
Solution: It is more than ok for a women to make a suggestion as to what you can do but you need to be the one making the final decision. To calmly make a decision instead of just reacting to her request I suggest you get into the habit of taking a deep breath and pausing before deciding what to do.
2. Fear of losing the girl if you take the lead
For most guys, they are shocked when a girl finds them attractive and is actually willing to spend time with them. They aren’t used to beautiful women being into them so they develop a huge fear of losing the woman. It’s similar to a homeless person finally getting fed and being paranoid of people trying to take his food.
They want to do everything right in order to not screw this up and go back to being lonely again. Ironically, them trying to do things right will cause the women to lose ALL attraction for them.
3. Not knowing how to lead
In the past there used to be training on how to lead and become a man. There was a right of passage that turns boys into men.
These things haven’t been around for generations so it’s unlikely that your father ever learned how to lead and become a man. In as much, he never taught you how to lead either.
How to Lead
THE ONLY PERSON YOU CAN EVER LEAD IS YOURSELF. This is very key to keep in mind when you developing the masculine leadership side of yourself.
When you try to get others to follow, you are basically asking them if it’s ok with them if you took control of the situation. You are essentially looking to them to let you lead.
When this happens THEY are the ones who are in the lead because at any time they can stop letting you lead and do their own thing.
A TRUE LEADER leads without needing any follows. He doesn’t mind if people go in the direction that HE CHOOSES but he DOESN’T NEED them to because he would do it anyways.
He knows what he wants in life and doesn’t care if people want to go down that direction. He doesn’t manipulate or control them into going where he wants to go, he simply goes WITHOUT PERMISSION from others.
A true leader goes without the approval of the pack. It takes courage and strength to push beyond group mentality because as humans we fear losing approval of others (it’s hardwired into us). Ironically, this type of leading will get people to follow you the most.
In order to properly lead you MUST first KNOW where you want to go in life. You must know what it is you want to accomplish. Without that knowledge it is doubtful you will ever get anywhere-you will end up wondering the sea without a port for an eternity.
Here is an exercise to develop leadership:
Next time you are in a group of people or with a friend and you want to cross the street or go into a store, DONT say anything and just do it. Don’t look back to see if they follow you, just keep walking.
If they don’t follow you become comfortable with the uneasiness that comes when you stray from the group.
Take this exercise and do it ALL of the time. When you are at a club and you want to dance, just go dance without asking anyone else or checking to see what everyone else is doing.
Apply the reverse as well. If a girl or your friends want you to go dancing with them but you don’t really want to, DON’T.
Leading Date/Relationship exercise
Tell your girlfriend or your date to close her eyes and hold your hand. Tell her that you will be leading her and that she needs to trust you. Then walk her around for a little while with her eyes closed. Just make sure she doesn’t trip on anything.
This will put you in the leadership role and her in the follower role. As well, it will build mass amounts of trust and attraction between the both of you.
First step is to know what you want and where to go. The second step is actually going in the direction you want regardless of what others think and what other people are doing.
For more on developing an idea of where you want to go in life, I suggest you check out my article: How to Find and Live Your Mission
Subscribe to IGR newsletter on the right and learn how to get relationship and dating mastery in your inbox.