In the last article I wrote on ‘How To Avoid Rejection’, Leir brought up a great point:
It’s one thing to recognise that you can never guarantee that women won’t reject you, but how do you get to a point where you don’t care whether or not she says ‘Sorry, but I don’t like you in that way…?”
To help you become the kind of guy who can approach a women and tell her just how hot she looks in those pants, without being phased if she doesn’t feel the same, I’ve put together a simple ‘How To’ guide.
So, without further ado:
How To Stop Worrying What Other People Think
In 2 Simple Steps
Step 1: Eliminate the Underlying Cause
It’s simple: There’s a reason you care what other people think.
I could give you all the tricks and techniques in the world to pretend like you don’t care what other people think of you, but until you deal with this underlying cause, they’ll all be a waste of time.
It might be social conditioning or reinforced habit for a TINY minority of guys (if so, skip to Step 2: Break The Habit), but for the other 99%, there’s an underlying cause for why you care what other people think.
– You want something from them.
– You NEED something from them.
You care what other people think because they have something you want.
Their opinions matter to you because it has the power to determine success or failure.
“No they don’t! I have everything I could ever want. I don’t want anything from them!”
Yes you do.
It might not be obvious on the surface, but it’s there. Trust me.
This quick exercise will show you EXACTLY what you want:
Imagine standing on a street corner in the warm, afternoon sun. You’re casually wandering past the stores, stopping to check out anything that catches your eye.
As you continue your stroll, suddenly you see her.
First of all, you catch a glimpse of the golden wisps of hair as they flick out from behind the old Man with the bushy, grey moustache.
Then, the slender line of her arm appears as if floating on a bed of afternoon sun rays. Her golden skin, glowing as she effortlessly floats towards you.
You can feel it inside you.
That attraction. That magnetic pull.
It’s like there’s a harpoon skewering you through the chest and dragging your bodies towards each other.
You surrender to that primal urge and your eyes meet.
She’s two meters away when the first words escape your lips… “Hi…”
She smiles. The world seems to stop.
The next 10 minutes are a blur and all you’re sure of is her number is in your phone and she’s turned around twice since she walked away to make sure you’re still looking.
As she rounds the corner and disappears from view, you take a second to lift your head and survey the people around you.
They’re all looking. They’re all smiling.
A middle-aged couple nod their head in approval. An old lady with blue hair squeezes the hand of her husband and almost has to wipe a tear away.
One teenage guy in a blue singlet and board shorts even comes up to shake your hand.
They’re all impressed. Even you’re impressed.
Now, the most important question: As you survey the crowds adoring looks, how do you feel?
Don’t just say ‘good’ or ‘happy’. That doesn’t help anyone. They’re far too boring and non-specific.
Be detailed. Be specific.
Try any of these out to see how they work for you:
Which one(s) is it for you?
Whatever it is, that feeling is what you want. That’s what other people have that you desire. That’s why you care what other people think.
You’re looking for that sensation. You crave that experience. And at the moment, you’re trying to get it from other people.
“Great, but what now?”
You care what other people think because they have something you want.
The way to stop caring what other people think about you is to get what you’re looking for, regardless of what they think of you.
If you discovered that the reason you care what other people think was because you desired to feel powerful, then to stop caring what other people think, you’d have to find your experience of power through a different pathway.
What if you found that feeling of power through doing what you wanted, regardless of what people thought of you?
How would that change your approach anxiety?
What if you found your feeling of power through saying what you think, regardless of how many people think it’s not socially acceptable?
How would that change your problems with sexual expression?
If you were able to experience what you wanted, regardless of the outcome of your actions, how much easier would it be to walk up to that cute brunette at the clothing store who insists on wearing those low cut singlets and telling her how sexy you think she is?
Do you think you’d be stuck in your head, worrying about what other people think of you?
Do you think you’d be frozen with anxiety, stressing over whether or not she’s going to reject you?
And if you were able to get out of your head and eliminate that anxiety, how much smoother do you think you would be?
Think about it.
When you can experience what you want, regardless of what other people think of you, then you’re going to stop caring what they think because they don’t have anything you want.
You’ll be internally fulfilled and have the freedom that comes with that internal fulfillment.
Step 2: Break the Habit
Eliminating the cause will rock your world.
If you can nail that part, then 99% of the anxiety and stress that come from worrying about what other people think will vanish.
There’s still the old matter of your habits.
If you’ve been reinforcing the skill of getting stuck in your head analysing the external environment every time you see a beautiful woman, particularly what other people are thinking, then it can hang around long after the underlying cause is gone.
So, once you’ve gotten rid of the underlying cause, you might need to deal with this skill of analysing what other people are thinking and what could happen if she rejects you.
Here’s how you do it:
Think back to the last time you approached a woman when you were totally in the zone.
I don’t care if you were on drugs or drunk or just having a great night – cast your mind back to that moment.
When you approached her/spoke to her/flirted with her/escalated with her, where was your attention focused?
Was it on how she looked/smelt/made you feel or was it on the people around her/the external environment/the rules you read in the latest pickup manual?
Now, contrast this with the last time you tried to approach but got frozen with anxiety.
Where were you focussing then?
Can you see a difference?
Can you see what makes some approaches easy and fun and others difficult and stressful?
Yes, it’s that simple.
It’s your focus.
Breaking the habit of worrying about what other people are thinking simply involves taking conscious control of your focus.
When you focus on what other people could be thinking of you or projecting into the future and stressing over potential rejection, you cause anxiety, stress, and misery.
When you focus on the sexy curves that roll out from under her tight fitting t-shirt, you experience attraction and raw, primal masculinity.
Instead of focussing on what people COULD think about you IF she isn’t interested in having your sweaty hands all over her naked body, bring your attention to what really matters – her smooth skin, her beautiful hair, her enchanting smile, her dazzling eyes, the way her hips sway when she walks.
Lock on to those like a laser beam and let all the other useless thoughts and mental pictures sit in the back of the classroom like naughty school children.
If the only thing that was running through your body as you confidently walked towards that enchanting blonde with the green eyes who stands on your train platform every morning were those intense feelings of attraction, how much time would you have to spend battling approach anxiety brought on by worrying about what other people were thinking, and how real, authentic, and powerful do you think your approach would be?
Think about it.
Take control of your focus, destroy the habit.
There are many little elements that go into whether or not you have laser focus or you’re a scatterbrain, but the simplest way to deal with the majority of them is through Meditation.
Spending 15 minutes, every morning, for two weeks, will make more of a significant difference to your life than reading every book you could find on self-improvement, every day, for a year.
If you’ve never done it before, jump onto Youtube and search for Guided Meditation. It’ll take the pressure out of trying to get it right when you have no idea what you’re doing.
When you eliminate the underlying cause and can then take conscious control of your focus, you’ll never get stuck worrying about what other people are thinking.
You won’t have a secret weapon to make people like you, you simply won’t care whether or not they approve of you.
You’ll be strong, powerful, and independent, and won’t have neediness and clinginess destroying your chances before you’ve even opened your mouth.
You’ll be free to talk to whoever you want, whenever you want, regardless of who approves or disapproves.