The only thing more painful than living a life devoid of the deep connection of a passionate and committed relationship is tasting the sweet embrace and then having it ripped from your life, often accompanied by some meaningless platitudes about it not being you…
When that happens, you’re left with a hole and an even greater need to fill it. Some people turn to the warmth of friends, others, the excited, passionate lust of a stranger. But there’s very little that can fill that hole in the same way as the person who created it.
It can be done. Don’t listen to what other people say: you can bring them back into your life. It’s been done many times before and will be done many times again. You just have to know what you’re doing.
How To Get Your Ex Back in 5 Simple Steps
Straight off the bat, it’s important to understand that getting your ex back isn’t as simple as a quiet chat over two coffees and a slice of carrot cake in your favourite cafe. Getting your ex back is challenging, confronting, and will push you to your limits.
But, if you’re already the kind of person who’s comfortable with the foundations of the LifeOS philosophy and is ready to take control of your life, then I’m guessing you’re probably willing to push through with this one.
Step 1. Work out what kind of person your ex is attracted to
To get your ex back, they need to be attracted to you; that’s pretty obvious. So, the first step in getting your ex back is to work out what kind of person they’re actually attracted to.
Different kinds of people are attracted to different kinds of people at different times in their lives. So, what kind of person is your ex into? They were obviously into the kind of person you were when you met so who are they into now?
There are a few different ways you can do this:
1. Ask them
They may or may not be willing to talk to you but if you approach it gently and from the right place, they might open up. If they’re still interested in making this work, then they’ll definitely be keen to point you in the right direction.
2. Look at the people they’re seeing now
If they won’t tell you, let their actions tell you. What kind of people are they seeing now? A little social media stalking is usually the easiest way to do it, but if that fails, check in with any of their friends you’re still on speaking terms with. Failing that, head to a few venues you know they liked to frequent and accidentally bump into them. Yes, a little stalker-ish, but it’s for a good cause.
3. Think back over everything you did that turned them on
This one is a little easier than the others: what did you do that really turned them on? Not ‘Oh, that was lovely, thanks’, more of the ‘take me home, now. I’m ready’ kind of turn-on. What really pushed their buttons and got them worked up?
This will tell you more about their core desires than who they’re dating or what their friends tell you because it’s what actually produced the results. Regardless of what they think they want, this will tell you what they actually want.
Step 2. Work out if being that kind of person you want to be
Once you know what kind of person your ex is now attracted to, the next step in this process is working out if you want to be that kind of person. Are you willing to be that person? Is that something you’re driven to be? This could be the motivation you need to become the kind of person you’ve always dreamed of. But then again, it might not.
So, and this is an important question: do you want to be the kind of person they’re attracted to? Would you be happy if you lived that life?
The easy way to answer this question is: if you changed yourself to be the kind of person your ex is now attracted to and they decided not to be with you, would you still find that life rewarding and fulfilling?
If the answer is yes, then continue. If the answer is no, then it’s time to move on.
Step 3. Come up with a plan to become that person
Step one and two were all about identifying an endpoint. But getting to that endpoint by shooting in the dark will take you a long time. You need a plan. And a good one. It needs to cover the step by step process of personal transformation and help you negotiate the journey.
Don’t waste your time trying to include contingencies for every possible issue as the journey will be round about and up and down with many adventures you couldn’t possibly anticipate, but it will need to include a basic outline of the steps you’re going to take and the order you’ll take them in.
Step 4. Clear the slate
Now that you know where you’re going and how you’re getting there, it’s time to bring your ex in on it as well. Organise to meet them and lay it all out on the table. Tell them:
- That you take responsibility
- Where you went wrong
- That you still want to be with them
- What you’ve decided to do about it
- How you’re going to achieve that
Lay it all out there so they know what’s going on. It may be too late. They may have already moved on in their head and not want to give it a crack. It’s fine if they do – you’ve already decided that you want to become this new kind of person regardless of whether they want to be with you – so just let them know it’s happening. Just put them on notice so they know what’s happening.
Step 5. Ruthlessly and fully live that plan
This is the most important step. If you do everything else but don’t so this one, nothing will change.
Knowing what kind of person they’re attracted to is great. Having a plan to become that kind of person is even better. Telling her your plan is very beneficial. But there’s no way you will ever get your ex back unless you live this plan in every moment. Not just when you feel like it, not just when you think someone is watching, not just when you think the time is right — you have to live it all the time.
You have to live it right from the first second you wake up to the last second before you go to bed.
This is for three very good reasons:
1. Continual reinforcement
The patterns you’ve been living that were responsible for your ex leaving you are deep and automatic and probably have years of reinforcement behind them. It’s going to take conscious and continual dedication to transform them.
Not just a day, not just a week, but long-term commitment – probably for the number of years you’ve been practising the old patterns for.
2. It’s the way out of the hole
Getting your ex back is actually harder than attracting a new woman.
When you meet a new woman, you’re starting with a
You need to live your plan fully in every moment, even when you think she’s not looking, to show her that she can trust you again. You need to show her that you’re the kind of Man she can rely on through thick and thin to be that strong dependable rock for her. This will only happen when you’re able to live your life fully, freely, and openly in every moment.
I’m not going to try and pretend that this is simple. It takes dedication, commitment, focus, and planning. But, and I can guarantee you of this, this will be the most incredible journey you have EVER been on.
Yes, it is possible to get your ex back. You can have her once again.
It just takes 5 simple steps:
Step 1: Work out what kind of person they’re attracted to
Step 2: Decide if you want to be that kind of person
Step 3: Create an action plan to become that person
Step 4: Clear the slate
Step 5: Live you plan
It’s not going to be easy and it’s not going to be fast, but if you’re committed and dedicated, you can make this happen.