Porn , habits, values: series

This topic contains 1 reply, has 1 voice, and was last updated by  Anonymous 1 month ago.

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  • #22580

    Anonymous

    People figured out that right from days of “cave men” , men used to have a thing or two for visual stimulation . The walls of cave was carved with images depicting sex .But, it didnt stop there, the walls had images (carvings) related to bestiality too. so , it seems like its normal for men to find porn interesting.

    But, at what point does porn become a problem. Let me list out some points that comes to my mind.

    * The thing is , sometimes its the push “to pass the genes” that stir men to take action. When one watches porn and masturbates a lot to it, it kind of makes them tired and low. Plus, just like that, the food that many eat doesn’t nourish their body well. On top of this, if one keeps masturbating, and doesnt take the essential vitamins and minerals to support the body, they will slowly start feeling low. With less drive, one wont be that inspired to do things. So , this can be problematic.

    * sometimes, the world around you is not going to encourage you to create a life that is good for you. In such a scenario, one has to focus their energy initially on creating a good life for them. Initially there might be some boredom, lack of excitement and adventure in life, so, in such a state, one might start using things that gives them some excitement and so on. In such a situation, one might start using porn a lot and this can be problematic, because, many wish that they did something exciting and adventurous in their own life ,so, using porn as a tool at this point might not be in line with your vision of creating a life that is filled with adventure , love, health, and so on.

     

    lets say that you feel the desire to focus on things other than porn , now, you might  wonder where to begin. so, let me list some points:

    * try not to think of porn as ” something bad” that you have to overcome. Now, think about other things that you wanted to focus your energy on. for example, if you wished to have a good health or master running. then, do things that takes you there. Start focusing on things that will make your life wonderful day by day.

    * The desire to watch porn will be there and its not about making this desire go away. In the first place, know why exactly you wanted to stop or reduce your time spent on watching porn. after knowing why, just remind yourself the same.Sometimes, in life , its about “trading one desire for another desire“. Maybe you desired to master your mind and therefore, you felt the desire to reduce the time spent on porn. Maybe you desired to spend more time on studying , so, you desired to reduce watching porn/ reduce masturbating. In such a situation , its helpful to increase your awareness on why you wanted to stop doing something ,plus, simultaneously, increase your awareness on what positive things the new habit will add to your life.

    * You might feel as if you are an addict. But, know that , its just that, you found something interesting and exciting, so, you started using it a lot . And just like any other habit, you can start moving away from it if you wish to .

    • This topic was modified 1 month ago by  Leigh. Reason: Moved to the right forum and merged with other threads
    #22586

    Anonymous

    In the previous post I have mentioned that porn in itself isn’t problematic. It becomes problematic at certain points. Now, if you feel the desire to focus your energy less on porn/masturbation, then , lets see what happens during the transition phase.

    Let me talk about our imaginary characters A,H,Z,X,p

    To start with “A”.  somewhere, he felt the desire to not focus his energy on activities that weren’t contributing to his overall well-being. So, what happened in the end?, the thing is, his values have changed . He rewired his life on many levels. The way he treats people has changed, he became more concerned about the planet too.

    Now, take another example, i will give you set of names now, “H,Z,X”. All the three of them had couple of common events in their life. Initially, somewhere in their life, they felt that something wasnt right   , so they figured out what what matters to them ,then, they took steps to inculcate “what mattered to them ” in their life . On the “big picture level” it seems like their values have changed

    NOTE – For a moment, lets keep in mind that there are  “happy porn stars ” “ mindful porn producers” ” peaceful , joyful prostitutes ” ” satisfied consumers of porn, prostitutes

    Now, lets say that you felt the desire to change and didn’t know why. Well, the thing, is what you experience, depends on whether the action that you took is adding more “happiness or good feelings to your life” or “is adding more sadness or negative feelings to your life” on a long run .

    Now, if you want to understand more about why the “sadness” comes in , then, take a look into the following paragraph:

    Person “p” lives in a world , where, he will be provided food/ cash only if he is able to provide solution for some problems. Now, that’s a uncaring world, isnt it. Now, the interesting thing to note here is that, in a uncaring world, to a greater extent , not many were interested in helping/encouraging “p” to live a interesting , healthy life. Rather, many were interested in slaving p . P’s friends were going through the same situation and felt helpless. They all started feeling sad , wanted to feel loved , wanted to be cared for, but, nothing much changed . P and his friends were slaved and their life was not filled with good feelings. Mostly they went behind whatever gave them some excitement or happiness. They started playing video games for extreme lengths .They played for the whole day when there was a holiday. Now, there is nothing wrong with playing game , isn’t it. slowly , p got some prostitutes  during holiday. well, p did enjoy ,but, felt sad. He realised that he was sad , because, he was giving money which he earned with “sadness” to get a temporary pleasure which didn’t last longer ,plus, it didn’t add any lasting happiness to his sad life.plus, the pleasure was temporary , because, he didn’t have enough cash to buy a prostitute for everyday. For a moment , p thought about the world he lives in. He felt that it wasn’t fair that he has to pay so as to live/survive and that he has to pay to spend time with another human. so, P had two plans, he planned to make money in ways which weren’t extremely taxing , plus, since “P” valued being cared for , he planned to interact with humans based on how “caring” the interaction is.

    Now, what can we learn from life of “p”

    * we all seem to live in a world , where, not may corporates, governments, banks, etc are interested in our well being. Now, this indicates that we have to do something to help ourselves. It seems like even our friends are in the same harsh environment

    note: this might explain a bit of why some seem to desire to be loved and care for initially to a greater extent (which some call as neediness) . they desire that , because, their life is lacking these qualities(love,care,  excitement etc) due to a reason .

    * P was initially exchanging a tyre for a car . He gave money , which he earned by going to taxing jobs, and then, gave this money to buy some time with prostitute , but, the thing is, the ” love and attention” that he receives from prostitute will go away when he has no money. So, “p” realised that he values being cared for,so, he decides to form relationships based on how caring it is or how much value it adds to his well- being on a long run

    *P wished that the world cared, he wanted to be provided with food even if he isnt able to work, he wished that the prostitute loved him even if he has no money, here, the common thing that “p” desires is that he is “cared for”. In this way, one can identify what matters to them most.

    *if you wish to add more beauty to your life,  ask yourself “if the person/ anything that you are interacting with , makes you want to live life or makes you feel that life is great ” on a “ long run basis too !” 

    Now, if we look at all the lives,a, h, z, x, p ——– we can see that they became aware of what added more value to their life and what didn’t. plus, initially we all are like boats with full fuel and we tend to go to any land that is exciting and fun. so, we use our fuel to reach any exciting shore.  somewhere, we realise that our time on this planet is limited and we start thinking about what really matters to us and then, we might start focusing on those values that matter the most .

    so, during the transition phase, one thing that happens is , “the contemplation on what matters and what adds value to one’s well being

    Think about why you wanted to reduce porn use/ masturbation/visiting brothel/ excess eating or drinking/ ..to say, anything that you felt like stopping.

    If you aren’t sure about the reason ,but, just have a urge to stop , then , the reason can be in the following way too “i feel like taking care of myself and have the urge to stop habits which i feel are not adding much good vibes to my life”.

    More on contemplation and values, in next series.

    #22590

    Anonymous

    In the last post , I tried conveying how the transition phase involves ” figuring out values that matter”,plus,” understanding why you might want to reduce usage of porn”.

    In this post , lets see the importance of contemplation and its place in our journey on this planet.

    I feel that its important to see that you are not fighting against something bad known as porn , because, the desire will be there and , mostly you will still find the content of porn stimulating and attractive. I feel that its helpful to see that you are rather working on creating a life for yourself , its more interesting to view this whole process as a journey , where , you are being an active creator of your life and you are choosing what to keep and what to discard based on certain values .

    the Time we have on this planet is limited. since the time is limited, what kind of experience would you cherish more. what kind of experience or relationship brings “less/ no” regret.

    I value being “cared for“. So, I am rewiring my life , so that, my life is filled with it .

    Let me say what i would cherish/desire based on the respective value of my choice: My value is ” being cared for”

    * I would remember/cherish that person who held my hand with lots of care and affection for me ,plus, wouldn’t remember in a fond way/cherish that person in the porn or a prostitute or anyone for that case whose job was to please me as long as they were paid. 

    * I Would  desire to have more of conversations that matter to me and I would bond with someone who likes to be there for me.  Its actually a lot more satisfying to even spend an hour with someone who is actually interested in being there for me.

    * I would desire to be more open to share what i feel or what i have(caring for others) and i would be more open to ask for something when i need or desire it( caring for self )

    * I would wish to take care of my health , mind.

    In this contemplation part , think about what you wish your life was filled with and then, slowly do things that fills your life with it.

    now, after figuring out what you value , the rest is about reminder .

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by  Leigh.
    #22597

    Anonymous

    when you wake up everyday , what matters to you.

    The following is an example of what matters to me everyday

    * my day should be peaceful

    * my day should be filled with love, care

    etc

    So, what i try to do is, I try to come up with things that i can do by myself so as to full-fill my wishes. And then, I try to surround myself with people  who are caring, loving . etc

    You might wonder, why am i telling you to consider trying all this. The thing is, when you take active interest in your life, what happens is that , you are actively in a state of making choices for yourself ,so, this kind of active involvement from your end will help you stay conscious of what matters to you . Plus, when you are aware of what matters to you, it becomes a little bit easier to say “no” to things that doesn’t add much value to your life .

    So, right now, lets say that you wish to change a habit . In such a situation, it means that the current habit is actually not in line with some desire of yours. Right now, you can consider this situation in your life as a chance to “be there for yourself” in a world filled with institutions which are mostly not interested in helping you live a life that you desire

    Sometimes, this explains why some people change every aspect of their life when they try to deal with a habit that they want to change. The thing is, we mostly try to take active interest in our life when we feel that something is not right. so, when someone takes an active interest , they see that there is a lot of things that can be changed and therefore, they land up making changes to many aspects of their life .

    So, right now, when we take an active interest in our life, we become more aware of what matters/ is good for our life . So, when we choose to involve ourselves in our life everyday , it might be a bit easier to say “no” to habits that are not going to add much value.

    Some might feel not that inspired to make changes. So, in the following series , lets see what builds “inspiration/willingness”.

    #22598

    Anonymous

    so, when we are actively involved in helping ourselves everyday, the desire to be reminded to do something might reduce, because, since we are actively participating , we might already know what to do . This way of approaching life will take care of the “desire to be reminded part” ,plus, as days move on , we get to realise more about our desires and this might build some “clarity

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