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Keep hearing "my boyfriend", even with women I'm not interested in.

This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Miguel 1 week, 4 days ago.

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  • #23302

    Vaom
    Participant

    Leigh, I was hoping you could answer this question (though am happy for anyone else to answer this question based on their own experience as well), because I wanted to know how often someone who has a lot of confidence and success with women hears them shoehorning the words “my boyfriend/husband/partner” into a conversation in the most obvious way when in an interaction with one. The reason I want to know is so I could know whether the reason it is happening to me a lot is because I’m completely doing something wrong and telegraphing some type of desperation towards them, or whether this is something that you always hear a lot regardless of how attractive you are.

    If it’s the former rather than the latter, I don’t understand how this is possible because this happens a huge amount of time with women I’m not interested in. On top of the fact that this indicates that these women who I’m interacting with are delusional and narcissistic (because they think I’m interested in them when I am not), does this indicate that there is just a general neediness to the way I come off that repels people and makes them presume the worst about me? This is happening even when I’m pretty sure I’m being myself so I don’t understand what is happening.

    (I just want to say that this doesn’t really bother me that much anymore – nowhere near as much as it used to. I’m more just asking because I want to know what this behaviour indicates about how I am coming off to women, or whether it doesn’t have anything to do with me at all).

    • This topic was modified 2 weeks, 3 days ago by  Vaom.
    • This topic was modified 2 weeks, 3 days ago by  Vaom.
    #23307

    Miguel
    Participant

    In my own experience, from the multiple amounts of interactions I’ve had: I’ve heard these words many times.

    For me, considering where I started to where I am now (and I’m still working on myself) many of my interactions involved women telling me they had partners because they could feel my desperation. Whether or not they actually had romantic partners, I wasn’t sure, but I know that I was projecting a lot of insecurity and a lot of desperation that even with women who were initially interested in me – they began to lose interest once they felt all I wanted was something and that I was heavily dependent on them for me to feel happy. It repelled them because they were looking for someone to make them feel the way they wanted.

    But, yeah… You hear those words all the time lol.

    I think what matters most is how you feel whenever women tell you that they have a boyfriend (especially from those you find incredibly attractive). I think it’s more important to look for those specific signs of how you feel vs. any external clue and attaching meaning to something like her non-verbal cues. For me, I feel incredibly in-control of my confidence (even with those I’m attracted to) when I’m focused on my internal cues (thoughts, feelings, actions.)

    Hope this helps mate!

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