I NEED A LOT OF HELP

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  • #23375

    Anthony Love
    Participant

    I’ve had many problems. The biggest one was with women possibly. I met a woman on a cruise and fell in love quickly. I had so many problems I almost killed myself when things went south. I setup a self-fulfilling prophecy and created a situation where I messed up purposely stalked her. I trashed my dad’s house. I found AI in the midst of my weed addiction to escape pain. I stole so much money from my Aunt. I even stole money to buy endgame.

    Going on 5 years later, everything is still very much the same. I need help! I have no idea what to do. Now, at least I have my own place and some income.

    Any advice?

     

     

    Some years ago, I came across AI.

    #23378

    Anthony Love
    Participant

    Is coaching still available?

    #23379

    You are definitely relying on her for your sense of certainty so when you don’t have it that’s when shit goes south because you were highly dependent on it, so why not get it from somewhere else ? Yes, it’s that simple

    #23380

    Anthony Love
    Participant

    I understand the certainty concept. I think I’m trapped because I can’t properly turn up the volume. It was one of the biggest aspects in END Game that I got stuck on. I can’t create my own certainty if my entire existence is based on getting whether I’m conscious or unconscious.

    • Lifting Weights = Doing – but its getting if the volume is low
    • Writing = Doing – but its getting if the volume is low
    • Eating Healthy = Doing- but its getting if the volume is low
    • Going Out = Doing- but its getting if the volume is low
    • Playing Basketball = Doing- but its getting if the volume is low

    You see, its nothing but a mascaraed. This is where I’m stuck. I should have created a topic for this. I’ve learned other techniques like asking myself and a lot of answers I receive are based on getting women. I tried again with another woman a year ago, but it occurred again even though I was doing all of the above.

    I guess I cant get passed getting. Any suggestions?

    #23382

    Miguel
    Participant

    Hey guys, I think we can help each other out as this is a concept I’ve had issues grasping and understanding as well. For me, turn up the volume means being fully aware and in-touch of how you currently feel and tuning in to your desires and following what you want to do, rather than what you think you should do.

    #23383

    Miguel
    Participant

    To go even further, I believe that the concept is in reference to the underlying motivations rather than the actions that we take. To answer your question @anthonylove: I think that it’s about getting in touch with that emotion you had previously with the woman you met (in a non-judgmental or critical manner and free from the possibility of self-harm) and allow yourself to fully embrace the underlying emotion, to discover what it is you truly desire. And, when you get to the point where you can’t help but take action from what the girl made you feel – then you take action. Essentially, embracing the Doing pathway and sourcing your ‘certainty’ independently (basically fuel for the soul). This is what the interpretation of turn up the volume means to me.

    Hope this helps!

    #23384

    Anthony Love
    Participant

    Thanks! To reply to your first answer, is it a feeling/sensations in your body or thoughts? I’ve been doing the body scan and other vehicles to get in my body rather than linger in my mind. I know that was a touched upon in End Game. The mind seems to be what you refer to when you say think. Is the body want?

    #23393

    Luke
    Participant

    I think the ‘turn up the volume’ concept is a bit confusing for people. I think a lot of people interpret it as a method of ‘getting’ what they want. As in: If I Turn Up the Volume enough, I’ll be more successful getting what I desire. If I just get in touch with what I truly want and THEN take action, I’ll get what I want.

    I think that’s a big misunderstanding of the idea.

    What will happen if you do that is, you’ll get in touch with what you desire and feel it more deeply- and then you’ll use the exact same ‘pathway’ to get that thing that you always use. Because you’ve used the same pathway, you’ll get the same results you’ve always gotten. That is, you’ll most likely fail to get what you want.

    And I think that’s the confusing part because in my understanding, that’s the purpose of the exercise.

    Many people seem to think that Turning Up the Volume is a way to get what they want. It’s not. Turning Up the Volume is a way of proving to yourself that if the pathway you’re currently using is ineffective, it will continue to be ineffective no matter how hard you try.

    You can dwell on your desire all day, and then go out and talk to women motivated by your desires. But if the pathway you’re using is all about gaining a feeling of acceptance from women (for example) then you’re going to come across as needy, clingy, desperate, even creepy or sleazy. I can tell you I’ve been there. If you think Turning Up the Volume is somehow going to make women like you, you’re just going to be frustrated and confused because you think it’s not working.

    Actually the exercise is working just fine. It’s your pathway that is the problem.

    So if you’ve tried turning up the volume and you find that it’s not improving the results you’re getting, you need to start looking deeper and asking “Why do I want these results in the first place?”. More specifically “What feeling do I think these results will give me? Why do I want that feeling? Is getting this person/thing the only way I can experience that feeling or are there other ways?”.

    Now you can’t do that if you’re still attached to a specific outcome- if you do, you’re just going to stay in the ‘Getting’ mindset. You’ll just use it as a way to eventually get what you want, rather than doing it because you actually want to know the answers and deal with your underlying core. You need to decide whether or not you want to actually deal with the difficult questions- Why do you get so attached to what a woman thinks of you? Why did you trash your Dad’s house? Why did you steal from your Aunt? Why are you using weed to self-medicate? Why are you still doing those kinds of things 5 years on? What are the feelings you’re seeking or running from beneath all those actions?

    If you want to deal with those deeper questions, and sort them out, then you may- with probably a lot of difficult work- be able to start improving your experience of your life so that YOU can actually have a good life regardless of whether you have a woman or not.

    But if you’re not ready for that, you can and will continue using the same pathway and getting the same results you’ve been getting until you get to the point that you realise you need to change, for your own sake. That’s the point of Turning Up the Volume.

    #23394

    Anthony Love
    Participant

    <div dir=”ltr”>Let me add a big correction. I’ve been sober for a long time. I relapsed twice, no where as bad as the first time. The second relapse was for self-reflection purposes.</div>
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    <div dir=”ltr”>Everything is similar in terms of Getting & Doing and Women. </div>
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    <div dir=”ltr”>My life changed after that.  I’m independent now with my own place.  I didn’t start taking End Game seriously until most of those issues were handled. I’ve been in therapy since then. Shit, I knew a lot of what you said before I read End Game; I’ve had self-awareness since I began my yoga practice. Fuck, I explained the entire concept today with someone at the gym and he said I explained it well enough to do a podcast. It was hard to make my life great living in a recovery house with a curfew.</div>
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    <div dir=”ltr”>I understand that it’s supposed to show my pathway isn’t working. I don’t know if what I am doing is another form of getting. That’s where I am. I understand that I must change my script. I’m doing the outline with the actions steps now.</div>
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    <div dir=”ltr”>It seems to me the entire concept behind End Game is self esteem. Don’t get something outside you to feel _______ when you can do _______ and feel ______ regardless of the results. Its like feeling like LeBron James regardless if you score 1 point.</div>
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    <div dir=”ltr”>I’m posting my script soon for review. It’s time to go all the way in now that I have more freedom than I’ve ever had in my life.</div>
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    <div dir=”ltr”>I’ve attracted  women at my job using End Game, but some of the needy feelings resurfaced. That’s why I asked if there is coaching. Something is still wrong and I’m unsure what it is. I ask myself a lot of those questions and I get getting answers mixed with doing answers. I always used sports writing to get. Now, I’ve been showing my work to people they say I can see you enjoyed writing this. I had a good time this weekend and wrote what you said in my self-reflection challenge about not needing a woman to enjoy life. People always say smile. I actually smiled all weekend. I approached a woman without the anxiety that might be linked to getting.  Even the adult woman aside me had a good time with me. She bought me a drink. I’m horrified that my script is the same and I repeat those actions that propelled me to lash out and go to jail amongst other places nobody including myself thought I would go.</div>
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    <div dir=”ltr”>That has always been my perception. I’ve told these things to my therapist and many people, but I’m still here. I’ve asked myself those questions you mentioned except for what feeling am I chasing.</div>
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    <div dir=”ltr”>I must not have change my script to determine what feeling I’m chasing and what actions I need to take to feel what I’m looking for.</div>
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    <div dir=”ltr”>I get attached to what women think (people for that matter) because I want to be understood. Example, I told my brother a mutual friend was selfish and not for me so I stopped hanging out with him. My brother yelled, like others typically do. He finally, understood me when he couldn’t get a gym to practice in to extend his basketball career. I don’t want to be yelled at over important issues because no on wants to listen. My cousins almost got hurt wrestling. I told their mom years before the incident, to tell them it was fake. I was called sinister. I see doom and like to explain things to help people or show other sides of myself. I don’t think I’m looking for validation, just someone to see me as I am. I tell one co worker about my journey. She belittles me and tells me to save money. Later, when she’s down, I get her to open up so she can let out her pain. She kept crying. I’ve been there. I don’t ant to go back. This is the only place where people seem to try to understand. Well maybe. I can’t give that much of a fuck what people think. I wore dirty shoes and pants with holes to work for a few months. People thought I was gay because I practiced yoga in the recovery house. People’s thinking bothers me. I asked I woman why did she like me, she said, “You don’t care what others think.” Sometimes I do, Sometimes I don’t. I guess I need t get better with that. More consistency.  When I struggled with depression at work, I was ostracized because I never talked. Only those who knew me understood. I had to deal with a lot of shit. Shit, the owner thought I wanted to fight him.</div>
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    <div dir=”ltr”>Thanks Luke! I will focus the feelings.</div>
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    <div dir=”ltr”>Thanks everyone.</div>
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    <div dir=”ltr”>Anthony Love</div>
     

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