Eliminating your Limiting Beliefs part 3:
The Answer
NOTE: This post is a continuation of Eliminating Your Limiting Beliefs Part 1 and Part 2. If you haven’t already read those two sections, please read them now because this article builds on what’s in those posts.
NOTE: Throughout this article, I’m going to paint a picture of two very different ends of a spectrum. This is done simply for the purpose of highlighting the difference between these two mindsets. In my experience, most people fall somewhere in between the two ends of the spectrum and therefore, the differences are less pronounced, but I’ve painted the two ends of the spectrum to make this easier to understand.
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And here we have it… The solution.
You know what your limiting beliefs are. You know that they can be a platform for having ‘special’ fun with beautiful women and building an independently fulfilling and rewarding life.
But if you’re reading this, it means one thing: You’re not there yet.
You logically know that you can use your limiting beliefs to help you flirt and play and have fun with even the most intimidatingly beautiful women, but for some reason, you’re not.
There’s something in the way. There’s something holding you back.
There’s something making your feet stick to the ground when you try to approach and there’s something making your tongue feel fat and heavy when you try and talk.
So, what’s in your way? What’s stopping you from being free? What’s stopping you from laughing and playing and flirting?
What’s stopping you from being completely free around that cute girl in the jeans store?
What’s stopping you from flirting with the beautiful blonde that you always sit directly behind but haven’t had the balls to talk to?
What’s really preventing you from marching up to the promo girl you see at the train station once a week who ALWAYS looks so hot in those skin-tight pants and telling her that you want to take her out?
If it’s not your limiting beliefs about attracting women, what could it be?
This was the question I asked 100 times.
Some private clients were able to take their limiting beliefs and use them to build an incredible, exciting, empowered life, whilst others managed to get nowhere in twice the time. Some guys reached and exceeded their dreams without breaking a sweat and others floundered miserably whilst killing themselves for hours and hours a day.
I asked and looked and thought and debated and checked and failed and rechecked.
I tried and tested and pushed and challenged and discussed and practised and ate salmon.
I started on the outside – looking at knowledge and information.
That got me nowhere.
I dug a little deeper – looking at experiences and interpretations.
That was a little more useful.
I went even further – looking at focus, control and attention.
That’s when things got a little more interesting.
But it wasn’t till I started looking right through all the surface level information into the deep core of the issue that things started to make sense.
Surprising, really… But there it was, staring me in the face the whole time: One simple, but incredibly powerful idea.
It’s one element that has the power to not only help you have that hottie in the coffee store drooling just by the way you order your latte, despite your limiting beliefs (and dissolve them in the process), but also lets you be able to build the kind of life where you don’t care whether or not she does.
What is that core element?
Can you guess? No. It has nothing to do with fuzzy hats and rehearsed stories.
It’s not a new piece of information or knowledge. It’s not some new hand tapping routine.
It’s a specific perception of the world that allows a small group of guys to power forward, create the life they want, develop inner strength and fortitude, and become naturally attractive to women whilst others fail over and over again despite their incredible work ethic.
This perception is: I am the Creator.
Not in some kind of biblical sense, where you created the earth in 7 days. Not in some physical sense, where you try to claim that you created the buildings and trees and cats. Not even in some spiritual sense where you meditate on the idea that the physical world only exists to you as a perception to therefore you can consciously change the physical world through manifestation.
It’s far simpler than that.
The common trait that runs through every guy who’s able to consciously and powerfully move forward with his life and become confidently attractive to women, regardless of his limiting beliefs, views himself as the creator of his life.
He perceives:
– I create the situations I find myself in
– I create the outcomes that occur
– I create my experience in those situations
– I create my limitations
He doesn’t view himself as a victim of his reality, subject to the whims and forces of the great external environment. He perceives himself as the creator of his reality, consciously contributing to everything that he experiences.
When he lets anxiety get the better of him, he focuses on what he contributed and what he can do differently next time.
When he gets blown out, he focuses on what he contributed and what he can do differently next time.
When he gets put in the friend zone, he focuses on what he contributed and what he can do differently next time.
This perception is the opposite of the guy who can’t transform his life. He has a different perception.
His perception is: I am the Experiencer.
This is the opposite of the Creator.
He perceives:
– I find myself in unfortunate situations
– Outcomes happen that I have no control over
– Other people make me feel the way I feel
– I have actual limitations that aren’t my fault
He doesn’t feel empowered, he doesn’t feel strong, he doesn’t feel in control and he doesn’t feel like he can make a difference.
He experiences life as a roller-coaster with events, actions, and outcomes happening to him and he just has to try his hardest to deal with these as they come.
When he lets anxiety get the better of him, he focuses on which past experiences and people are responsible for his anxiety and how unfair it is that he has to deal with them.
When he gets blown out, he focuses on how rude the woman is and how wrong it is to treat people like that.
When he gets put in the friend zone, he focuses on the mixed signals he was getting sent and how it wasn’t his fault that he was led on.
This shift in perception might seem small and insignificant but it’s FAR from that.
Shifting your perception from Experiencer to Creator results in 4 significant changes in the way your limiting beliefs affect your life.
They are…
1. Who’s in control
As the experiencer focuses on what the external environment contributes in any situation/event/experience, he views himself as a victim of his reality. This view carries over into his relationship with his limiting beliefs.
As he feels as though he has no agency to control his life, he also views his limiting beliefs as being in control of him. They push him around, make him act in certain ways, and dictate his actions and experience of life.
This results in the belief that life is hard and I cannot do anything to change it.
The Creator has a different perception.
Because the Creator views himself as the creator of his experience of life, he also maintains that relationship with his limiting beliefs.
He acknowledges that whilst there are limiting beliefs that influence his life, he ultimately recognises that his actions are his choice and no-one and nothing control him. Whilst external elements impact upon his decisions, the only impact they have is the impact that he chooses to allow them to have.
This results in the belief that life is full of opportunities and all I have to do is decide which ones I want to take.
2. The solidity of limiting beliefs
As the Experiencer views himself as a victim of his reality, without acknowledging the role he plays, he views his experience of life as fact. Things happen to him and he has no ability to change them. The best he can ever hope to do is manage them when they appear.
This results in him perceiving his limiting beliefs as facts that cannot be changed or altered.
This is completely different for the Creator.
As the Creator views himself as the creator of his reality and experience of reality, he also views himself as being able to change and alter his reality. This perception carries over into his relationships with his limiting beliefs.
He recognises that his limiting beliefs are simply another element that he has created and so can recreate them in a different form.
3. Past Equals Future Focus vs. Past Informs Future Focus
As the Experiencer denies his contribution to the outcomes and experiences in his past, views them as happening to him and focuses solely on what other people contributed, he perceives that he has no control over these situations and they could happen to him again in any moment.
This perception carries over into his limiting beliefs.
He perceives that the events that happened in the past that led to the creation of his limiting beliefs will happen again in the future.
Thus he believes that the future will be a copy of the past.
This results in a belief that there’s no point in trying because nothing will change anyway.
This is different for the Creator.
As the Creator focuses on his contribution to the outcomes and experiences in his past, views them as creations of the way he engaged and related to the world, he perceives that he has complete control over these situations and can make sure they never happen again.
This perception carries over into his limiting beliefs.
He perceives that whether or not the events that happened in the past that led to the creation of his limiting beliefs is completely under his control.
Thus, whilst his past informs his future and can provide valuable learning lessons, it is not a reliable indicator of what will happen in the future.
This results in the belief that I can be anything I want and all I have to do is work out what I want to be.
4. The Nature of Happiness
As the Experiencer perceives that pain, frustration, and suffering are things that happen to him, he also perceives that happiness, fulfilment, and satisfaction are things that happen to him.
Instead of consciously working towards a happy and rewarding life, he sits around waiting for happiness to fall into his lap.
And because happiness, freedom, fulfilment, and a deep sense of personal satisfaction are only attainable by living your life in a way that generates these, the experiencer spends more of his life being frustrated and miserable.
This results in the belief that because he’s not happy and other people are, life is unfair and unjust.
The Creator is a different story.
As he perceives that pain, frustration, and suffering, are a result of the way he lives his life, he also perceives his happiness, fulfilment, and satisfaction as a byproduct of the way he lives his life.
Instead of sitting around, waiting for happiness to fall into his life, he’s constantly working towards building a rewarding and fulfilling future. This means that whilst not everything is rewarding and fulfilling all the time, he’s able to consciously create those experiences when he wants to through changing the way he lives his life.
This results in the belief that happiness can be experienced in any moment, as long as you choose to create it.
How does this all play out?
Because the Experiencer views frustration and pain as things that happen to him from the outside, he works a job/studies something that’s easy, safe, and doesn’t challenge him.
It doesn’t leave him feeling rewarded and fulfilled but at least it doesn’t cause him pain.
He spends his time hanging out with people that don’t inspire or challenge him as that’s too confronting and whilst they aren’t the most exciting people on the planet, at least he doesn’t have to worry about things going bad.
His free time is mostly spent on activities that allow him to escape from the frustration, dissatisfaction, and potential pain that the world causes him. This usually includes a combination of drinking/video games / TV and other mind-numbing activities. Sometimes, his free time is taken up with more empowered activities such as exercising, writing, or even leading groups, but all of these are still merely reactions to the external environment and attempts to control it rather than internally fulfilling activities.
And as you can guess, the Experiencer’s relationships with women are anything less than rewarding.
If he’s not able to overcome his limiting beliefs, he watches from the sidelines feeling isolated and alone.
If he is able to overcome them and actually end up in relationships (of any kind) with women, he spends his time with them feeling frustrated, isolated and alone.
The Creator’s life is different.
Because he is the conscious creator of his life and experiences the fulfilment and happiness that come with creating the experience of life he wants, he actively takes on challenging and difficult projects.
His work environment is often dynamic, interesting, challenging, and focussed on building something remarkable.
As he is an inspiring and motivational guy, he spends his time hanging out with other driven, powerful, and interesting people who challenge, intrigue and motivate him.
His free time is spent actively pursuing fulfilling, rewarding, and exciting adventures.
And because of his independently rewarding, fulfilling, and exciting life, his relationships with women also follow this same pattern.
Confident, strong, and in-demand women find him intriguing, exciting, and inspirational as he stands out from the crowd with his passion and enthusiasm for life.
He’s able to easily form empowered relationships with incredible women and choose the form that those relationships take due to the fact that he’s in high demand.
NOTE: Now obviously, and as I said at the start, this is just me painting a picture of two ends of a spectrum. There are MANY shades of grey (50, to be exact) in between these two ends of this spectrum and these ends are just given to demonstrate what is possible.
So who’s right?
If you’re anything like most guys, as you’re reading through this, you will have noticed a particular response:
“The Experiencer / Creator is deluded. He’s clearly wrong!”
You will identify more closely with one mindset or the other and it will seem obvious that the other is wrong.
If that was running through your head as you were reading, then rest assured, you’re right.
…And wrong at the same time.
“So who is right? Is it the Experiencer or Creator?”
To be honest, they both are. They are both 100% correct.
There are elements inside your control in any situation and things outside your control in any situation.
If you approach a woman and she yells “Get lost you creep!” then there are definitely elements that are outside your control. You can’t control how she perceives you, how she responds to you, and the experiences that she’s been through in the past that have influenced her.
At the same time, there are things you can control. You can control the fact that you approached her when she clearly wasn’t in a receptive mood, you can control what you said to her and how you acted, and you can control whether you receive her response with empathy (trying to understand where she’s coming from and why she’s responding so abruptly) or with anger (“You shouldn’t talk to people like that!”).
The elements that fall outside of your control that the Experiencer focuses on are definitely real and powerful.
The elements that fall inside your control that the Creator focuses on are definitely real and powerful.
The difference between the two guys isn’t what happens to them or who’s right or wrong. The difference is what they choose to focus on in any situation and therefore, how they perceive that situation, how they experience it, and how they perceive their capacity to change it.
What does this all mean for you?
The point of this long-winded explanation and description of two equally valid, but different perceptions of the world is simple.
If you’re not living a fun, rewarding, fulfilling life, despite your limiting beliefs, it has nothing to do with your current beliefs, the amount of information you have or what’s happened to you in your past.
It’s all because you are an Experiencer instead of a Creator.
You focus on what other people should be doing differently rather than what you could do differently.
You focus on things that have happened to you rather than the things you have done.
You focus on how unfair and unjust the world is rather than focussing on how unfairly and unjustly you’ve treated the world.
You focus on what the world around you contributed to your frustration, pain, suffering, and disappointment rather than focussing on what you contribute to any situation and working to eliminate it.
And that’s why your limiting beliefs are keeping you to a fraction of your true potential.
That’s why you still struggle with approach anxiety.
That’s why you still can’t express yourself sexually.
That’s why you still can’t flirt and play with beautiful women.
That’s why you get stuck in your head trying to overcome all the objections you think she’s going to raise when you approach her.
That’s why you still worry about what other people think about you.
That’s why you still fumble over your words.
This is why you still haven’t become strong, powerful, free, and naturally attractive. It’s got nothing to do with your limiting beliefs. It’s because of the underlying mindset you bring to your entire life.