Vulnerable means to show yourself to others completely and utterly without holding back for fear of rejection or judgment. It means to say “here I am, flesh and bones. Here are my strengths, here are my weaknesses, here is where I stand-take it or leave it”
Despite what most dating “gurus” would say, it is very attractive to be vulnerable. The reason it doesn’t work for them is that they draw in low self-esteem women who only want guys who treat them badly – like the way they treat themselves.
In order for you to be vulnerable with someone, you must first be able to be completely honest with yourself.
With all the self-help, reprogrammed, affirmation driven minds out there in the dating community honesty tends to fall off to the wayside.
Every issue that comes to the surface is quickly repressed with an affirmation or two – it’s a positive way of telling yourself to shut up. Repression leads to many unhealthy behaviours.
*note: Affirmations aren’t bad in of themselves just the way most people use them for vulnerability to be an attractive quality there must be a couple things inline:
1. Love and accept every part of yourself
2. Not being needy and looking to see if it’s OK with her
3. Not being a victim to your vulnerable side
People will be OK with anything that you are ok with it and that includes the darker side of yourself. If you still judge yourself, they too will judge you too. They will pick up of on your fears, insecurity and judgments and pounce on them.
You must first go in and love and accept every part of yourself. Loving exactly what’s going inside of you doesn’t mean having the desire to change those things.
It’s not a self-help technique to try to improve because you are perfect already, you just need to realize it – “I’m perfect with all of my flaws, fears, doubts and insecurities” Ironically, loving yourself and not trying to improve them will cause you to improve the most.
Whenever you judge yourself for anything do the following:
1. Know that it’s only the ego that judges, not the true you beyond your mind
2. Say the following affirmation “I love and accept myself completely just the way I am”
“Not being needy and looking to see if it’s OK with her” Once you truly love and accept a part of yourself you no longer fear others judgments (good or bad) because you no longer judge yourself.
We only fear the judgments of others if we judge ourselves for it FIRST. Neediness in the area of being vulnerable will only come if we want external validation from someone else, a desire to be told that it’s OK to feel this way.
Accepting the way you are, doesn’t mean you become a victim to your flaws. You don’t sit there and complain about or fell victim to them – that’s not accepting them, that’s being a poor me (a person who takes little or no response-ability for their lives) Taking charge of life is what a man is and what attracts women to us. Becoming a victim to ANYTHING is going to kill the attraction.
Many, many, many people fear to be vulnerable to others and, as a result, hold back. Often when you are vulnerable with another person they see themselves in you and will react negatively and attack. They do this because they don’t like what they see in you because they don’t like it in themselves and judge very harshly. If this happens, just know that it is not about you and that you are truly loved.
Another reason people hold back from being vulnerable with each other is the fact that they don’t know how to own their own strength. Whenever we give our power away to others and take crap from them, it closes our hearts and causes us to pull back. It’s painful to be open with someone and have them take advantage or them treat us not so nicely.
We must get the yellow chakra down first (owning strength) before we can open our hearts. Think back to your first love and how much you gave your power away to them. You let them get away with things and it hurt pretty badly. In order to avoid not feel this pain again, we stop being vulnerable to people and close ourselves off. Often people think it’s because they loved too much that they got hurt. It wasn’t their heart that was the problem it was that they didn’t own their strength.
I don’t fear opening my heart up to people and becoming completely vulnerable with them. I don’t fear this because I know I won’t get taken advantage of because I don’t give my power away to other people. I can be as free as I want to and not worry because the second someone tries to play games with me I will put an end to it. I don’t end up feeling stupid afterwards and close my heart because I don’t take crap from people.
Letting go of the past and learning to own your strength in order to be vulnerable in life is the greatest thing you can do for yourself. Not being who you are on the inside is very lonely. Ironically the loneliness is the same loneliness that most everyone else suffers from. Let the walls come down and share the gift of you with everyone.