There’s an interesting conversation on the forum that’s brought up a few great questions about self expression.
One of the guys involved has asked me to weigh in but instead of posting it there where most of you will miss it, I’m sharing it here.
The essence of the conversation is: what is self-expression and how do I do it?
I know there are quite a few guys who’ve read about the power of real and genuine self-expression and are wondering this same thing.
So this is my take on it:
I’ve read many different definitions on what self-expression is.
They range from proudly and unashamedly saying what’s on your mind to allowing your emotions to bubble up from underneath and flow uninhibited through your body to freely stating your deep desires.
And in my opinion, they’re all actually right, but only in a limited way.
Self-expression isn’t what you do, it’s how you do it.
You can express yourself proudly and unashamedly but block your emotional responses from being seen. This isn’t really self-expression because you’re only expressing a fraction of your self.
You can allow your emotions to bubble to the surface and flow freely through your body but not state exactly what you think. This isn’t really self-expression because you’re only expressing a fraction of your self.
You can share your desires openly but hold back the experiences that run beneath them and why they’re so important to you. This isn’t really self-expression because you’re only expressing a fraction of yourself.
This is why these definitions are only kind of right, but are still kind of wrong (in my opinion) – because they define what some who is expressive does, not how to do it.
So, what is pure self-expression?
Self-expression, in it’s purest form is simply: getting out of your own way.
It’s removing the filter that sits between your brain, your body, your face, your voice, and your mouth.
Self-expression isn’t developed by adding the new skill of saying things as they come to your mind. It’s developed by allowing the barriers and filters you’ve constructed to fall by the wayside so that what you’re really experiencing, comes to the surface.
Self-expression isn’t achieved by the addition of new skills, it’s achieved by the removal of old ones.
It’s allowing feelings to flow through your body as they arise. It’s allowing words to form on your tongue as they appear. It’s allowing expression to move through your face as they want. It’s allowing physical changes to happen in your body without trying to control them.
It’s allowing everything that exists inside you to exist inside you and then to flow outwards, just like you did when you were a child.
You’re born self-expressive. Your days being pushed around in the pram aren’t ruled by stoneface silence and rigid behaviour. You’re born free, you’re born real, you’re born open, you’re born expressive.
You don’t need to add anything on, you just need to get out of your own way and allow whatever is real to come out.
That’s being real at it’s finest. That’s pure self-expression.
So, if you want to be more self-expressive, stop trying to ‘do’ self-expression by adding skills, structures and rules to the way you live your life and allow your natural self to express outwardly into the world.
Let go of the rules, the structures, the techniques, the mindsets, and allow whatever it is inside you to come out.
That’s the secret to pure self-expression.
Now, where’s a common question that’s come up in the forum thread about this:
“What if my natural self-expression isn’t attractive?”
First of all, when almost everyone goes down the path of self-expression, they discover that there are parts of their self-expression that push women away.
This is totally natural and totally fine.
You’re not broken, you’re not inadequate, you’re not ‘shit’. You’re just human.
If you’ve been living your life behind a wall of holding back what you think, feel, and desire, then there’s going to be some part of you that feels disconnected, powerless, trapped, and alone and this will be expressed when you take on self-expression.
So what do you do with this?
Do you pretend it’s not there? Do you hide it? Do you mask it behind the PUA methodology of layers and rules and structures?
Well, you could. You could hide away behind lines and lies. You could try and fool gullible women with your charade, long enough to climb into your bed and fill the empty hole in your life.
But if you’re reading this blog, I’m guessing that this isn’t how you want to live your life. So, what’s the other alternative?
It’s simple: Deal with it.
If your natural expression is needy, then learn to connect with people so you don’t feel lonely any more.
If your natural expression is angry, find the core of that anger and deal with it so you can close that chapter of your life.
If your natural expression is powerlessness, start taking on the challenges in your life so you feel in control and strong.
If your natural expression is validation seeking, learn to find the validation you want through other avenues so you feel valuable.
Take control of your life.
Solve your own problems rather than relying on other people to fix them for you and remove the unattractive parts of your ‘self’. By doing that, you’ll be able to freely express yourself openly and simply whilst actually attracting confident, strong, beautiful, and in-demand women.
Find that beautiful, powerful, strong, confident Man inside and let him come out and attract the kind of people who appreciate you for how powerfully real you are.
I know which one sounds more incredible to me. What about you?
So there it is: the dummies guide to self-expression.
Get out of your own way, drop your barriers, and allow the real you to flow out. And as you’re doing it, if you find parts of your self-expression that you don’t want to be there, get in there a deal with them.
It’s as simple as that.
The ball is in your court and the power is in your hands. Get out there and get it done!