5 Innocent Words That Give Away The ‘Truth’

In my nearly 7 years of coaching, I’ve learned to pick up on subtle clues that gives away what’s REALLY going on behind the scenes, despite what a guy might think.

There are obvious body language traits and facial expressions which are simple to see, but given that most of my coaching work is done through Skype and email, it’s meant that I’ve needed to be able to pick up these signals through language.

Over the years, I’ve refined it down to 5 words that I look for in the way a guy speaks that give away that he’s still in ‘Getting’ and will continue to suffer through all the barriers that come from ‘Getting’ until the issue is fixed.

The funny thing is that most guys aren’t aware of this. They think they’re on the ‘Doing’ path, powering ahead, and can’t understand why they’re still keep getting rejected and feeling terrible about it. Little do they know…

To save you having to jump on a private coaching call to figure out where you are and what’s going on beneath the layers, I’ve put together the 5 most powerful words I listen for so you can diagnose where you are for yourself.

5 Words That Give Away That You’re Still ‘Getting’

These 5 words are presented in no particular order and are all very related. Mostly by the fact that they represent one of the indicators of the ‘Getting’ pathway.

As you’re reading through this, think about either the kind of language you use, or the kind of thoughts that run through your head but you never say out aloud, and see where you might fall.

1. Can’t

‘Can’t’ is a BIG indicator.

“I can’t approach…”
“I can’t meditate…”
“I can’t express my sexual desires…”

The word ‘can’t’ indicates that you believe there’s something other than the decisions you makes, that controls your actions.

You ‘can’t’ approach because other people’s opinions dictate how he lives his life.

You ‘can’t’ meditate because you believe your mental chatter and habits dictate the actions you take.

You ‘can’t’ express your sexual desires because your past experiences control your actions.

You ‘can’t’ live your life on your terms because external elements dictate how and what you do with your life and all you can do is work within the confines that have been set for you.

So what word would you use if you were in ‘Doing’?

If you’re in ‘Doing’, you’d uses: Don’t.

“I don’t approach.”
“I don’t meditate.”
“I don’t express my desires.”

‘Don’t’ indicates that you are making an active choice over the actions you take as your life isn’t controlled by the external environment. You are an active agent that dictates how and when you do what you want to do. You are an empowered Man.

2. Try

Try is another fun one.

“I’ll try to approach…”
“I’ll try to express myself…”
“I’ll try to be more focussed…”

In a similar vein to ‘can’t’, ‘try’ indicates that you believe that there is something other than the decisions you make that controls your actions.

You will only ‘try’ if you believe that something could stop you. And you’re only going to think that something could stop you if you allow external elements to dictate how you live you life.

So what word would you use if you were in ‘Doing’?

You would use the word: Will.

“I will approach.”
“I will express myself.”
“I will be more focussed.”

‘Will’ demonstrates the belief that you are the only person who controls your actions and you can so choose what you do.

Your life isn’t dictated by other peoples whims and desires and drives and opinions. It’s dictated by your vision and your decisions.

NOTE: This obviously only applies to taking action, not creating outcomes. You are only in control of what you do, not how other people respond to your actions.

3. Should

I hear this one more than any other.

“I should be more assertive…”
“I should be approaching more…”
“I should be tell her how I feel…”

‘Should’ is another indicator that you are in ‘Getting’. It shows that you’re living your life by a set of rules and ideas rather than finding out what you really want and taking action.

If you’re using the word ‘Should’, it shows that you’re using ideas and concepts, from AI or any other source, as rules for how to live your life rather than discovering your vision of the life you want and following that.

What word would you use if you were in ‘Doing’?

You would use the word: Want

“I want to be more assertive.”
“I want to be approaching more.”
“I want to tell her how I feel.”

‘Want’ indicates that instead of relying on other peoples perceptions and visions for how you should live your life, you’re in touch with your desires and drives. Your life isn’t governed by rules, it’s governed by desires.

4. Truth / Fact

This is another very common word, especially from guys who’re very deeply ingrained in the Seduction Community.

“Women are only attracted to Alpha Males, that’s the truth.”
“The truth is that I’m too short to attract women.”
“It’s a known fact that women are only attracted to money”

‘Truth’ or ‘Fact’ are another, less obvious indicator that you’re in ‘Getting’.

When you use the word ‘Truth’, it indicates that you believes the world is a set way. It’s a fixed object that you have to navigate your way around. There is no room for flexibility or personal interpretation.

This includes your emotional responses to events that happen and the personal limitations you place on yourself.

It indicates that he believes that things happen to you and you’re not able to create the life you want because life is a fixed entity.

What word would you use if you were in ‘Doing’?

You would use either: “In my perception…” or “According to what I currently know…”

Either one indicates that you’re aware that the world, and your perceived limitations, only exist as a product of your perception and your body of evidence and they can change at any point in time.

They indicate that you believe your perceptions aren’t in control of you, you’re in control of his perceptions and can actively create the life you wants.

NOTE: This obviously only applies to personal perceptions rather than scientific fact.

“That cupboard is brown” is a statement of fact and can in no circumstances be proven incorrect.
“That cupboard is too brown” is a personal opinion and is subject to individual interpretation.

NOTE 2: I really don’t want to get into an argument about subjective vs. objective reality here. If you want to dig into this, please start a thread on the forum and we can debate it there.

5. Fair

This is a BIG one.

“It’s not fair that I was born this short…”
“It’s not fair that I’m Asian…”
“It’s not fair that I was raised without a father…”

‘Fair’ indicates that you believe that there are things in life that should be given to you, rather than you having to work for things in life.

It indicates that you believe life is hard work and frustrating and that other people are responsible for making his life easier for you rather than you having to take action and be responsible for your quality of life.

What word would you use if you were in ‘Doing’?

You would use the word:

That’s right. It’s not a typo. There is actually no word that you would use.

When you’re in ‘Doing’, you don’t talk about things being fair or unfair. You don’t complain about how you missed out or that people don’t give you things. You just get on with living you life.

You looks at where you are, where you wants to be, what you need to do to bridge the gap, and you takes action. That’s it.

So how do you fix this?

There are some self-help people out there who say you should just change your words. You should stop using the disempowering ‘Should’ and ‘Try’ and ‘Fair’ and start replacing them with ‘Want’ and ‘Will’ and …….

I disagree.

As you can see, the words you’re using are a window into what’s happening deeper. They’re not the cause of your problems, just an indicator that an issue exists. Saying you should just change the words you’re using to change from ‘Getting’ to ‘Doing’ is like saying that just wash the blood off your leg to fix the bullet wound.

It’s treating the symptoms, not the cause.

If you want to deal with the real issue, you need to dig to the core.

So how do you do that?

The reason you’re following one pathway or another is because of who you believe is responsible for your life, how you live it, and how you experience it. This is what has to change. This is the core. And until it changes, you’ll keep running into the same barriers. There are a few steps to this.

The First Step

The first step in changing this is getting a logical understanding of the different ways you can see and experience the world and who’s really in control.

Unless you can see what’s going on in its entirety, then when you try and fix the issue, you’re going to miss parts.

This takes quite a bit of theoretical understanding and personal awareness. It’s not just a matter of reading a few paragraphs and your life will change, there are subtle intricacies that you need to get before this will make sure.

The Second Step

The second step is taking that information and applying it to the problems, barriers and challenges you face in your life. This is the harder part because it requires a deep level of self-awareness and honesty, which can be scary.

If you want to try taking this on by yourself, the way you do it is by looking at the issues you’ve faced, what you contributed – your drives, motivations, and focus – and how they all contributed to the outcome (both in terms of actions and experience).

Yes, this is a piss poor explanation, but that’s because this process takes more than just reading a few paragraphs on a blog post.

Discovering just how you’re creating your experience of life and what you have to do to change it takes time, understanding, and a level of self-awareness that doesn’t just happen overnight.

That’s why the shortest AI coaching program is 7 days long and the longest is over 3 months.

In Conclusion…

The words you use are a window deeper into how you live your life and what’s really going on beneath the layers.

They can show you just how you live your life, what’s really meaningful to you, and most importantly, which pathway you’re really following (despite what you tell yourself).

So, which words are you using and what do they say about how you live your life?

Share your words below.


Getting: The underlying mindset that the world is resopnsible for how I live my life and how I feel and in order to feel strong, confident, and certain about my life, I need to ‘get’ things from the world around me.

Doing: The underlying mindset that I am resopnsibile for how I live my life and how I feel and in order to feel strong, confident, and certainty about my life, I need to ‘do’ things and take action, regardless of how the world resopnds to me.


5 thoughts on “5 Innocent Words That Give Away The ‘Truth’”

  1. Hey Logun
    The word that I use the most is should.I read some blog articles and tried to use them as a kind of guide.
    How I should live my life
    How should I act
    How should I approach

    I’ve read the Endgame and now I have a clearer vision of doing and getting.

    But I still try to keep reminding myself of what I read to do what I want to do.

  2. I had a great teacher once, who shot down “but that’s not fair” with the same thing every time.

    “Life’s unfair, then you die”.

    I’ve lived by that mantra for 10 years, and now in my role as a teacher use all of these. Though I still state truths and facts a bit too often both in my own life and when instructing others (I do try to BLOW the “truths” and “facts” that others have conjured though).

    Also, do you have any more information/applications of bridging the gap between Doing and Creating. This is what’s causing conflict for me at the moment.

  3. Hello mate!
    Nice article. The big ones for me are ‘can’t’, ‘should’ and ‘try’. But as the Finnish ‘mushprofessor’ (a guy who helps people to lose weight by helping them eating more freely and healthy) said that if people use these kind of words it indicates that they actually has all the motivation to do the actions but self-help authors and coaches are the ones who should give them tools that helps those guys to get where they want to go.

  4. Apparently none of your clients are 50+ cult leaders (who do remember the Camelot/Kennedy-Johnson-Nixon era from close proximity. Ring-a-ding-ding for that New Frontier). But we do get some mileage from “don’t” and “won’t”.

  5. Hi

    This article gives an imaginative skeleton of both the thinking patterns- getting and doing. It gives an idea of the vast difference between the patterns.

    At many different areas, I can find myself using these words.

    So, I can now catch myself everytime I am slipping into getting.
    Then, with the help of the doing words, I can get the direction in which I should figure out what actions I need to take to fulfill my desires.


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