5 Confronting Questions You Must Ask Yourself About Your Failures With Women

I’m going to make this easy for you.

You’re not being rejected because of your lack of knowledge or experience or your lack of knowledge of dating advice.

You didn’t get shot down because your routine stack wasn’t big enough or it was only the first approach of the day. She didn’t say ” Sorry, I have a boyfriend…” because you didn’t include enough DHV spikes in your opener or because you didn’t know how to transition to a natural conversation.

It’s something far simpler.

And if you’re not sure, here are 5 questions that will help you see EXACTLY why women are giving you the cold shoulder:

1. Can you calmly and confidently look a woman in the eye and say “Everything’s going to be Ok. I can take care of it all. You just be and do what you want and I’ll look after the rest” or are you waiting for a reassuring smile and a gentle hand on your arm before you feel this for yourself?

2. Are you able to freely and easily connect with people around you or do you have to wait for them to make you feel safe before you open up?

3. Do you bring excitement, passion, and life to the conversation or are you waiting for her to supply it?

4. Do you know what you want, where you’re going, and how you’re getting there so that your life is an adventure or are you trying to make her the adventure?

5. Do you thoroughly and completely enjoy your own company or do you need others to bring fun, happiness, and fulfilment to your world?

Go through each one and take some time to consider your answers carefully.

Don’t pick the one that makes you look good because there was this one time, about 5 years ago, when it was true. Skewing the truth to make yourself feel better isn’t going to help anyone.

Don’t pick the answer where you can find one or two examples where this is true, pick the answer where you struggle to find examples where it’s not true.

So, what are your answers and are you still surprised why women aren’t magnetically drawn to you?

March 26, 2019

38 responses on "5 Confronting Questions You Must Ask Yourself About Your Failures With Women"

  1. I want have lot of pymes,like 15… 😀 jajaja, just think in that makes me happy, and a band covers style like Travis… For now

  2. 1 – I don’t understand this one.

    2 – No, I only open up after I know people, though it depends, “know” might only take 1 second.

    3 – I can chat about things that interest me and even the most random shit for hours, no rehearsed bullshit.

    4 – I know what I’m doing with my life but I wouldn’t call it an adventure. She isn’t the adventure either.

    5 – Depends on the day you ask that question. Usually yes.

    • Another way to think of the first question is: Do you feel strong and confident regardless of how she responds to you and are you able to communicate that to her?

      And the third question isn’t about whether or not you have to remember stuff to talk about, it’s ‘Are you able to take her on an emotional journey when talking to her?’

      • 1 – No. Well, more specifically, I don’t really get down if she doesn’t respond well, but if she doesn’t respond well why am I talking to her? If you mean something more long term, like she getting mad at me for something after we know each other, no, it doesn’t affect me. I don’t know how to communicate that to her, interpretative dance?

        3 – What do you mean emotional journey? Can I talk enthusiastically about stuff? Sure. Can I talk in a less logical, more emotional way? Sure (“Oh you wouldn’t believe, it was such a thrill, I could feel my heart racing… blah blah”). Heck, can I do the whole NLP thing to make her feel precisely the emotions I want her to feel? I probably can, but I don’t want to.

        • Ok, it seems like you’re getting really stuck on the exact words rather than looking at what they’re asking you.

          I’ll put it on in plainer and more direct English and see is that works for you:
          1 – Do you need positive responses from women or anything else in your life to feel strong and confident or are you able to feel strong and confident, regardless of how the world responds to you?

          3 – Do you convey the passion, excitement, compassion, energy and depth you live your life with to women that you’re attracted to, through your open and natural expression, or do you talk logically and factually?

          I think the literal way you’ve tried to interpret these questions is a bit of a give away for this one but I’d be interested to hear your answers.

          • 1. No on my good days (most of the time). Yes on my bad days (which then turn to good days)

            3. I still have no idea what you’re talking about. Is there some kind of device to measure that?
            I talk like a normal person. Not factually or logically, not with excitement and energy.
            But both, with a a big side of humor. Not a robot, not a Ross Jeffries student either.

          • 3. If you still have no idea what I’m talking about then I’m going to guess it’s a no.

            Talking the same as a normal person is the easiest way to be blend into the background of normal people. The kinds of women that I’m guessing every guy reading this blog wants to be with is surrounded by normal people every day. She has plenty of normal people in her life and doesn’t need more.

            High quality, in demand women want more than that. They want excitement, strength, passion, determination, drive, and power. And if you’re just talking like a normal person, then they’re just going to pass you over like a normal person.

            Have you ever watched an authentically attractive man flirting with a woman?

            If you haven’t, I can tell you that it looks nothing like a ‘normal conversation’. They’re playing, dancing, moving back and forward and up and down. He’s taking her on an adventure and she’s engrossed by every minute of it.

            That’s what I’m talking about and that’s what you can’t measure.

            Does that make a bit more sense?

          • Yes, but the answer is semi-incorrect.

            Semi-incorrect because I’ve seen “attractive men” flirting with a woman (a relative of mine is what you might call a womanizer), his conversations are the usual garbage you might expect out of the jersey shore. And it works. Did he just choose to be a womanizer and practiced to become that way? Hahahaha, no. He became a pretty boy in his late teens, and, despite his low self-esteem, women just threw themselves at him (he lost his virginity to a hot milf that came on to him). He learned how easy it was to get what he wanted. He became super confident, which just snowballed.

            Then there’s the regular folk with girlfriends, I’ve also seen how they get women, and that is with pure luck (a combination of right circumstances, meeting the right people, going to the right places at the right time). They sure as hell don’t take them in an adventure.

            One of my friends, an athletic good looking guy, never had a girlfriend (what I’d call a victim of circumstance), didn’t really have much self-esteem when he was young. Recently he met a girl who was single through a friend. He now has a girlfriend.

            See the picture?

            The men you speak of are extremely rare. I think I saw one, once. What you’d call an extremely good looking guy. He’s that way due to circumstance too.

            Do I blame my circumstances then? Yes and no. I blame them in the sense that if they were different, my situation would be different of course, but that’s ultimately a useless piece of knowledge that doesn’t help me at all.

            I, instead, blame myself for giving in to social norms, like everyone else does, and for wanting more to be like everyone else than to be the extraordinary man I, and every other man, should be.

          • I do see your picture, but I think we’re talking about completely different things here.

            I’m not talking about an average guy, who can stumble blindly into an average relationship, with an average girl.

            I’m talking about being the top 1% of guys, who can actively choose who he has a relationship with, from a crop of extremely attractive women.

            I’m talking about being THE MAN.

            Do you need to be powerful, strong, confident, and able to give freely to people around you just to get laid and maybe fall into a relationship with an average girls?


            But if you’re going to become the kind Man that high quality women stare at from across the bar wondering why he’s not talking to them, then being average sure as shit ain’t going to cut it.

          • Then what is the answer Leigh? How do I “convey” what I’m supposed to convey to a woman, when I can’t even approach them?

            I’ve only seen 1 guy ever approach a girl in the middle of the street!

            … It was me! I managed to do it once, and it ended exactly how I expected it to end. If I was finally breaking my limiting beliefs, that gave them a nice and shinny brand new diamond encrusted titanium coating.

            Not to mention the other times I managed to do it in lower pressure environments (clubs, after the girl makes some comment, parties). Always the same thing, even though I wasn’t really feeling nervous (I don’t really have approach anxiety anymore, it’s different)…

            If I have the belief that approaching out of nowhere is weird, if I get the courage to finally test that belief and all I get is confirmation… What if all around me all I see is that others don’t need to do it. What do I do? Tell me Leigh. Do I keep trying again? Getting more confirmation and only making it worse? Do I stop trying to fly and learn to walk instead like the rest? I’d be ok with that, I’d much rather have a nice cute girl than some super hot babe with her head in the clouds.

            But I can’t even do that.

            And don’t you give me that “Getting vs Doing” bullshit. I’ve read Endgame and all the posts about it. I already know all there is to know about it. Pretty much everywhere else in my life I’m in Doing.

            I don’t feel the need to get anything, I don’t care about iShits and fancy cars, I don’t care about making lots of money, I don’t care about having some trophy girl to show off to my friends. I have a good job with good pay and no fixed schedule, tons of great friends, I’m involved in cool projects, and will finally get out of the parents house next year. As far as I’m concerned that’s all I need out of life, doing cool shit all the time, not worrying about surviving, and having freedom.

            There’s only 1 thing I feel jealous when I see it, and that’s couples. Why can’t I have that? It’s not even being jealous of them having it, it’s being jealous of the to get it.

            What’s wrong with me? Why am I not even NORMAL.

            What’s the answer Leigh? Meditation? I already know myself better than God would if I believed him. Forcing myself to break my limits? Has only done the opposite. Being open with my friends about it? The ones who have don’t understand, the others are even worse than me. NLP, EFT, Hypnosis, Chakra Realignment? They only seem to work if you believe in them, which I don’t. Focusing on the rest my life instead of this?

            Been doing that all these long 22 years.

            So what is it Leigh? How do I become the kind of man women drool over when I can’t even be the man they take when they can’t get anything else?

          • Thanks for opening up and being so honest. It takes balls to be able to do that.

            To be honest, the answer to your question could be any number of different things but I would start with this: how do you feel when you’re talking to women you’re attracted to?

            And how do you think that makes them feel?

            If they’re getting even a hint of the depth of frustration, disappointment and despondency that seem evident in this post, then I’m guessing that it’s not going to be a positive expereince for anyone.

            But, that’s just a guess. There’s so much more here to dig into.

          • I’m sorry Leigh but I can’t reply directly to your post, I think the site reached the reply depth limit.

            How do I and how do they feel? Well, it depends.

            Like I said, I find approaching out of nowhere in the middle of the street pretty weird. So I feel weird, and I suppose they feel weird too (whether that is because I feel weird or they too think it’s weird is not a discussion I want to get into).

            As far as them getting even a hint of what just came out, I don’t know. I don’t hate women at all, I don’t blame them for my problems. I might show that I don’t feel very confident, but that doesn’t seem to affect other guys. I joke around a lot, I’m not a gloomy guy.

            Heck, the one woman I ever really hated, was the only woman I’ve ever been sure wanted my cock…

            Unfortunately, I’ve never been able to approach any of the girls I’ve felt 100% massive attraction with. I suspect some of them actually felt it back too (you know the signs). It’s not that I feel frightened of beautiful women, I don’t, it’s the same for all.

            If I can’t be normal, how can I break these chains? For good. How can I not care whether her friends are there, whether my friends are there, whether my family is there, whether it’ll be posted all over facebook how big of a loser I am, and just go up to her with a smile on my face and tell her how beautiful she looks?

            The day you can truly answer me this, is the day you can erase all the posts here in A.I. and replace them with only one.

          • There’s two parts to your question here: How do I approach with these ‘chains’? And how can I do it with a smile on my face?

            I’ll take them one at a time. The answer to the first question is simple: Stop waiting for the chains to disappear.

            This article explains what I’m talking about: http://www.attractioninstitute.org/finding-complete-freedom-with-women
            So does this one: http://www.attractioninstitute.org/fake-boobs-steroids-and-the-giant-dancing-lizard

            The answer to the second is simple as well: Because you’re trying to get something from them.

            This article explains a bit about that: http://www.attractioninstitute.org/how-to-stop-worrying-what-other-people-think-in-2-simple-steps

          • Dude, this is a really really long thread. I’m going to interject here and say that the more you WANT a relationship, the less chance you have of GETTING one. Once you’re in, the less you WANT it. When things start slipping, you naturally WANT to cling. Women are the same way, some people just view them as necessary evils.

            In pretty much every relationship I’ve had, I’ve wound up not really wanting a girlfriend or looking for one, but I just tended to “hang out” and one took my fancy (in all fairness, my current girlfriend was one of several) and a relationship developed from that. This is a Creating mentality, without the need to DO all these things in order to achieve something. I’m just a little jealous that I haven’t reached this level in any other areas of my life (stupid PUA, stupid AI ;-)). If you have, then that’s great!!

          • The answer I expected but not the one I needed. I already read all of those.

          • And maybe there is your issue. Reading is never enough. What have you done with this knowledge? How are you using it? What actions have you taken? What’s your plan moving forward and how is it working for you?

            Knowledge is never enough. First, you need the self awareness to understand what problems you’re really facing, then you need to work out how your knowledge applies to those situations, then you need to work out how you can use that knowledge to transform your barriers, then you need to take action.

            How many of those steps have you taken?

          • The knowledge doesn’t help me because it’s telling me the solution to my problem (which is being unable to approach), is choosing to approach.

            What actions have I taken? I have done so much self-inquiry I understand my problem perfectly. I’ve shifted my focus so much I don’t even know what approach anxiety is anymore. I’ve created so much sexual tension in the presence of women I’ve had married women take their rings of in front of me. I stopped looking at porn (though I still masturbate, apparently doing that without porn can actually be beneficial, and makes breaking the porn addiction way easier). I’ve even managed to start a conversation with a women out of nowhere in the street once.
            Nothing fixed my problem.

            My plan on moving forward is absolutely nothing. Maybe therapy.

          • Before we get any further into this, I want you to have a look back at the answers you wrote initially to these questions and consider, given the information you’ve shared here, whether or not they still accurately reflect your situation.

            And if they don’t, what answers do accurately reflect your situation.

          • Yes, they do.

            But since this is a huge ass thread, I’ll try to simplify as best as I can.

            1. I have very bad luck when it comes to my life circumstances (when it comes to women) compared to people I know.

            2. I find approaching a random girl in the middle of the street extremely awkward and “wrong”.

            3. Being “normal” is almost a prime directive to me. I’ve done enough self-inquiry to know why that is so, but that knowledge doesn’t help me.

            4. I have practiced meditation and shifting focus, I can stop and feel my body and my attraction for a women to the point that they seem to feel something too. This did not help me to approach at all.

            5. I’ve managed to do an approach once (it was kind of a special case since I saw the girl all the time, and she passed by my college). I had the expected result, which only strengthened my “chains” so to speak.

            6. I don’t know how to “convey” anything. Do you mean the sexual tension? I don’t how that’s anywhere close to conveying what you mentioned in this post. If you think that simply feeling some way is conveying, don’t talk about conveying, I had acting classes and you’re confusing me with the term.

            7. I’ve read pretty much everything on this site, and tried to apply it as much as possible. Always stuck at the “to approach, you need to approach” part. Starting a conversation more specifically, I can make eye contact and walk easily.

            8. I feel a lot of jealousy whenever I see couples.

            9. What I feel isn’t approach anxiety (I managed to pretty much erase this one), it’s a totally different feeling. I have no point of reference only that it feels “wrong”. I have the same problem with men, I could see some random dude with a Metallica shirt (plenty of conversation starters), couldn’t “approach” either.

            Does this explain it better?

          • It does explain it better but I was asking about the first 5 questions I asked you. After going through this conversation, have your answers to those 5 questions changed and if so, what are they?

          • You said you did a lot of things to chance, meditations etc. But when you were doing that deep down all you Wanted was getting from woman. Maybe on the surface you told yourself or it appeared as you were doing those things for yourself you actually did them to get more from woman and see those things as a way to get better. And that is the very problem. There is a hole in your life. You thing you need woman in order to fill that but this deprecy what drives woman away. They sense it, they are ment to do so. You must first Break free. You must give up on every woman to make you feel good. You must jump off that fucking Cliff. I know that its scary. It scared the shit out of me but then when you Finally Show yourself that they are not a neccerity to be happy but rather people, living, breathing and feeling people, to share your life and happiness with. Its hard I know I was there before but it is what must be done. And I know you have one of your friends friend that does incrediable shit without this Stuff but thats him and this is you. If the Otherone does not Work for you try a new one. This is life there is not one way to Live it. Just find the one working for you!

  3. Great short article.

    1. I’m getting there.
    2. I started doing this once I got into customer service.
    (Everyone who wants to talk to girl’s better should get into customer service.)
    3. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can’t depending on my purpose of the interaction. I’m working on this thou.
    4. This is the one I’m having huge issues with. Once I get this down, I’ll be on my way to huge success.
    5. I’m an independent guy. A natural loner. Always have been. I love and enjoy myself. I have friends but a lot of times, I like to go to bars alone.

  4. I’ve found that the opinions of those I’m closest to (family, close friends, girlfriend) seem to affect me WAY more than random strangers. For example:

    – The other day I had a jealous thought about my girlfriend, then realised it was completely illogical since I often talk to other women when she’s around (just talking, no excess physicality)

    – I had a good friend tell me he didn’t like my behaviour and while I wasn’t angry, I felt somewhat guilty and remorseful, thinking about it for 2-3 days afterward.

    – I’ve had fights with both parents over the past two weeks over very trivial issues. Normally these would be simple disagreements with the emotional knob at about a 3, although I’d unintentionally turned it up to an 8 which caused them to denigrate into fights. It now makes me feel guilty for not seeing them often enough and being very “caught up” in my own work and development that I don’t even want to discuss this kind of stuff with them.

    Yup, I’m very different to most of the other dudes around, and I like it. I get told a lot by people I barely know that I should “act more normal” and it just rolls off of me. Such bliss!

  5. ‘Someone’ above seems to be struggling with the subtlety of what’s going on here. I’m not yet exactly in the place where I want to be but I deal with this stuff constantly and I believe I’m making progress in my understanding so here’s what I think is going on, I hope this helps (and I’m curious to see what Leigh makes of it if he reads it).

    End Game covers 3 ideas:
    1. You can try GET happiness from things outside yourself.
    2. You can get happiness from inside yourself by DOING what you love and loving what you do.
    3. You then become so strong in your internal joy that you become a source of happiness for others, i.e. you CREATE a good experience/interaction for them.

    The problem with End Game is it doesn’t deal with step 2 well enough and that’s leaving people confused. How do you get happiness from inside yourself?

    You CHOOSE to have it!

    If you’re relying on what you’re doing to make you happy, you’re still in a ‘getting’ state of mind and therein lies a problematic subtlety.

    It doesn’t matter how much you love what you’re doing, if you aren’t insisting on a positive mindset, you’re just waiting for that experience to tell you to feel something. That’s why there are posts on AI where some guy says he tried to go do something he thought he might love but didn’t feel something and so gave up. He thought he was in step 2 because he was ‘doing’ something but really he was still waiting to ‘get’ something from the experience.

    So as we can see, all this business about ‘getting’ and ‘doing’ is quite subtle and can end up being confusing. Let me give it to you as directly as possible.

    You have to take RESPONSIBILITY for how you feel! Are you responsible for social norms being imposed on you or being treated badly by people/women or unfortunate circumstances? Hell no! But, can you say right here and now that you can simply CHOOSE to feel good? Most people would say no. But the answer is, in fact, yes. It’s an act of will. It might take time to do it consistently but once you retrain your brain it becomes second nature.

    When you hold yourself responsible for your current mindset/emotional state, you’re taking responsibility for yourself.

    ‘Someone’ above claims he’s done so because he doesn’t care about money or cars and he does what he loves. But he’s wrong. He’s getting confused with the subtlety of ‘getting’ and ‘doing’.

    For example, he says he had the belief that approaching women is weird so he tried to approach a woman and it felt weird and therefore had confirmation of his beliefs. But that’s completely the wrong approach. Looking at what he’s doing… he’s saying he went to a woman and asked that woman and the circumstances of their interaction to tell him it wasn’t weird. That’s not taking responsibility.

    What he should have done is DECIDE it isn’t weird and then approach the woman. Yes, the interaction would still have been weird at first but because he DECIDED/CHOSE to have a viewpoint, he could then go into the next conversation having learned from the last conversation and set about finding a way to not feel weird. It might take 10 conversations, it might take 1000, but eventually he’ll create a world where he doesn’t feel weird.

    But ‘Someone’ hasn’t done that. He’s completely submitted his mind to women and experiences and then convinced himself he’s not trying to get something from outside himself just because he enjoys doing some things.

    Let’s consider step 3 now. What you feel when you speak to a woman is what you’re offering her. If you don’t FEEL joy and warmth, you won’t exude joy or warmth. You have to feel warmth to warm a person up. What you feel matters immensely. Why do you think Leigh keeps asking what you feel when you do these things?

    You might not feel warmth and power and presence with a woman when you’re speaking to her but let me ask you this: do you have an image in your head of what that would feel and look like if you did?

    I hope you do because that image is your guide. It’s what you need to look at and strive toward regardless of what your interactions with woman feel like.

    I still feel anxiety when I approach a woman but I’ve learned it’s because of my own thought patterns. I now strive to avoid all negativity at ALL TIMES no matter how benign and harmless it might seem because it’s not benign and it’s not harmless. I’m determined to become light hearted and warm and optimistic in all I do because that’s the only way I’m going to become the man I see in my head and have woman feel something awesome around me.

    You become the source of the interaction’s energy.
    You LEAD the interaction rather than waiting to be lead.

    So there you have it. Plain as day. What do you feel? What do you want to feel? Who are you? Who do you want to be? These are the same questions that come up again and again in AI.

    Read those 5 questions again and see if you’re really taking responsibility for yourself and if you’re really leading. Personally I don’t want to keep relying on luck. Luck got me one girlfriend for four months through all of my 20’s. Luck is not enough.

    Here are my answers to the five questions:

    1. I can see in my head the version of myself that is rock solid and confident around woman. I don’t just see him, I can feel him. It’s my aim to become him but it STARTS with how I FEEL. Right now I’m aiming to be positive at all times.
    2. I’m the kind of person that’s always closed off and never opens up even when people take an interest. I’ve been the kind of person that passes everyone by and disappears without a trace. I WANT to be the guy that takes an interest in others and feels comfortable learning about them and being enthusiastic about them. When I do this, conversations flow more easily. My personal mission is to start conversations with as many random strangers as possible. I don’t want to feel disconnected from the human race anymore and I don’t need an invitation to rejoin it.
    3. This has been a big problem for me. My experiences have taught my emotions to shut down around other people. No feelings means no connection. I now aim to feel something around others and more importantly to EXPRESS those feelings regardless of their reaction. It’s not about them approving of me, it’s about me feeling comfortable to me regardless of how I’m received.
    4. I’m just now figuring out my career path and when it takes off and I have more money (a means to an end) I’ll be living a life I enjoy. I’ll be able to invite women along my journey and share with them the warmth and joy and happiness I naturally (aim to) have all the time.
    5. I used to see myself as having absolutely nothing good to offer a woman and I was right. I was waiting for her to tell me who to be and that it’s ok to feel something. I’ve actually apologized to women for being attracted to them even when they were attracted to me. What a turn off that must have been. But as I increase my own happiness, I actually start to like myself and no longer feel surprised or apprehensive about attracting a woman.

    These are the things I’m growing in. I’m looking forward to where I’ll be in even a year never mind TEN years.

    I used a lot of words up there and I could go on and on talking and talking but it’ll all be about the same thing; the inside of you. Fat people fail to lose fat because they think food is their problem; they don’t address their thinking and feeling about food. Lonely guys thing approaching and speaking and women’s reactions are their problem; they don’t address their own feelings in their own lives. No one can make you get this revelation, but once you do it’s very powerful and liberating. I suggest you read the books

    Embracing Your Inner Critic by Hal Stone
    Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life by Steven C. Hays
    The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane

    Let me end this as simply as possible.

    Taking a woman on a ‘journey’ means leading the interaction.
    Leading the interaction means feeling something.
    What you feel matters!
    Take responsibility for your own feelings in every part of your life. DON’T TEST OR CONFIRM ANYTHING!!! Just decide what you want.

    My iPhone lock screen displays the message “What do you FEEL right now in this very moment?” I see it every time I use my phone.

    So, what do you feel and what do you want to feel?

    • … I’m at a loss for words.

      Thank you.

    • I used your idea of using the image on my lock screen.

      There are two things I’ve noticed.
      1) There is something empowering about being asked how I’m feeling and knowing I can be bluntly honest.
      2) Being asked this question by myself not just when I’m upset but when I’m feeling one of many other emotions helps me identify newer emotions and lesser ones that I might not otherwise acknowledge.

      Not only does this help me validate myself but it’s also kind of fun because sometimes I’m feeling weird (wacky) or excited but am too excited to normally take the time to be mindful.

      So, thanks for sharing this.

    • I have to say, this is really inspiring. Thank you so much! I now see the error in my ways. I have become much more confident, much more open since i have read Endgame, but i still feel like I a living in socities norns, and that approaching in daylight is “wrong”.
      But now I think i understand; socities norms don’t matter because I make my own experience of life. Who cares if other people think it’s weird? I’ll just do it anyway, because i don’t want it to be weird in my world, and so it WON’T be.
      Therefore, I have changed my lock screen message to:
      Man Up (which has beenmy motto for a while now. It just sums up everythi g for me, I don’t know why but once i tell myself that phrase, i gain a HUGE confidence boost, mixed with honesty, openness, and a sense of direction).
      And, I have also added the phrase “create the world you want to live in”, your post here being the inspiration.
      Thank you.

  6. 1. I don’t really know, sometimes I can others I can’t I suppose.

    2. I don’t really know. I think they have to accept me first.

    3. I don’t really know. I do with friends, that much is for sure.

    4. I don’t really know. I do have dreams, I do have a direction in life, I do know what I want to create, but how to get there is different, and I still let my family control me too much.

    5. I don’t really know. I’ve always been a somewhat of a loner, but if I lost all my friends I’d be miserable.

  7. Hey Someone,

    I got your email and I’m happy to chat. Contact me at clinton4@hotmail.co.uk and I’ll give you my gtalk details there.

    I’m glad my post helped, I wasn’t sure it would. I might make it a post on the main forums to see if it’ll help others.

  8. 1) I’m guilty of this one most of the time

    2) I’m guilty of this one most of the time

    3) I’m guilty of this one most of the time

    4) I’m partially guilty of this one. I live my life and I’m happy with it but when it comes to approaching, I have the tendency to throw everything out of the window

    5) I’m proud to say, I’m innocent of this one. I love being by myself bitcheees!!!

  9. Each of these questions, if answered honestly, will reveal a lot about the man who answers, and why his success with women, or lack of it, is what it is.

    1. Being able to look someone in the eye and say confidently that everything is going to be ok, shows not only how confident you are in yourself, but that whatever happens, you can deal with it and get passed it. You don’t let things keep you down and can keep going when the going gets tough. Persistence.

    2. Being able to connect with people easily shows an understanding of people and why they do what they do. Without this understanding of people, a man is unsure of their intentions and thus isn’t able to connect with them easily.

    3. Bringing excitement and passion into your conversations with a woman shows how aware you are and that you have a curiosity about life. More than that, it shows that you’re a fun and interesting person to be around.

    4. Women love a man who knows what he wants and is working hard to get there. IMO this should probably be at the top of the list. When you have a purpose and are working on it, success with women tends to take care of itself.

    5. Being able to enjoy your own company shows that you don’t need external factors or other people to be happy. Being able to be independently happy shows that you don’t need to depend on anyone else for it.

    Great post!

  10. I am certainly NOT the best person to talk about this, but I just got back from Thailand where I was suddenly in demand and someone whom women
    wanted to approach. Maybe the 50% divorce rate that we have here means that our dating/courting practices just do not work.

  11. If you fail with women it’s generally not your fault.

    You have just not offered her enough value.

    This is especially true in the states. Where truly beautiful women are in short supply and available and generally attractive men are plentiful.

    In my experience, most women would rather use their sexuality to steal what they consider a good catch away from another woman. Rather than attempt to build a life with a man that is available but lacks status, resources, etc..

    There are exceptions to the rule. Most of them will not be what most men consider attractive. Unless they are from a different part of the world.

  12. No. 1 is a bit ambiguous & I am not sure what it means. Can I say it’ll all be okay, etc? I don’t know, (which probably means no, but) is this in a pickup/sexual advance situation?

    If so, then no because I would prefer verbal confirmation before passing a certain point. It’s way too easy for a girl to get with a guy, regret it, then tell their parents, law enforcement, or boyfriend they didn’t tell you about; that you made unwanted advances on them. Then I can have some idiot trying to fight me, drama in my life, or worse end up in court or jail. All because they cheated with me & didn’t want to admit it. Or perhaps they don’t want to admit what they did to friends & family.

    Too much risk & not enough reward. Sex & conquest is great but it’s not worth all that. Unless I am missing something. Now, can I say “it’ll all be okay”, etc. in a non-sexual, professional, or practical sense? Probably not because I don’t have much money, resources, connections, etc. I am very capable but at this current moment, if my significant other or if a woman is in crisis & came to me, there’s not much I could do other than provide comfort, transportation, safety, etc.

    I love this site & will likely get the book. Everything has been crystal clear so far except that one aspect of this article. The first question to ask oneself sort of confuses me. I feel like it is a bit vague, lacks context, and potentially a clear direction. But more likely than not I am missing the point or looked over a key piece of info so I figured I would try to resolve that.


  13. I had similar problems as Someone in the comments thread, and after 10 years of unsuccessful relationships and trying to approach women, I switched to prostitutes. That didnt solve all problems of course but now I’m much more content and satisfied with life knowing I can have sex whenever I like. Sex was one of the 2 things I wanted from women, the other was intimacy/closeness. I love animals (non sexual way) so I can get my intimacy with animals. I’m the loner type of guy and I’m mostly satisfied with my own company.

    I’m aware this advice might not be suitable for majority of the readers as I’ve got major emotional problems (self diagnosed myself with borderline disorder).

  14. Those are five tough questions to ask yourself, if most guys answer honestly we probably won’t like the answer.

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